


All's Fair In Love And War

by celynBrum (Celyn_Brum)



Series: Alternian Nation [3]
Category: Alien Nation, Homestuck
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternian Nation, Betrayal, Crime, Culture Shock, Drama, Kidnapping, Multi, Mystery, Other, Sadistic Choice, Trolls on Earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 135,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celyn_Brum/pseuds/celynBrum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ringmaster might be gone, but LA is still full of dangers for the refugees of an alien race. As some struggle to start new lives, others fight to forge a future for everyone. When the one person who can't fight for herself is in danger, it falls to her friends to decide: who will be a hero, and who will need saving?</p><p>And more importantly, can they be saved at all?<br/>___<br/><em>You don't have to know Alien Nation at all to read, understand or enjoy this fic! You should probably read Home Is Where The Heart Is first, though.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ==> Be The Worried Wife

### PROLOGUE ==> Be The Worried Wife

It was bright in the hospital. White strip lights wiped away the darkness with clinical efficiency and ensured that no matter what the hour, the corridors remained harshly, eternally illuminated. The sounds of the work of healing were omnipresent; the air in every room and corner and closet was filled with the insistent chime of electronic alarms, the buzz of the PA system, the rush of feet and the never-ending roar of voices. The noise spread through every corner of the building, accompanied by the frenzied rush of doctors and nurses and emotional people who had found themselves in the orbit of sickness or injury at three o'clock in the morning.

It seeped through the doors of the small lounge where exhausted medical staff slumped on cheap couches and chairs, downing vending-machine coffee as a substitute for food and rest. Some flicked through papers or charts, while others curled up in corners and snatched precious minutes of real unconsciousness during their break. Only a few had the energy or time to watch the old CRT TV that flickered in the corner, late-night reruns of shows that were schlock the first time around playing to overtired eyes. Currently it was showing a borderline hysterical “documentary” that had been popular on the rounds of late-night repeats ever since the recent Night of Blood scandal. It had been made shortly after the aliens' arrival on Earth, on a virtually nonexistent budget, and it consisted mostly of comparing the Alternians to a variety of more mythical trolls with hints of dire consequences to come.

One nurse, a young man with shadows under his eyes and dark stubble that spoke more to lack of time to shave than any kind of fashion statement, snorted derisively at the show. “Jesus Christ, who agreed to produce this shit?” He looked over at his colleague, a middle-aged woman with silver-streaked brown hair that was escaping from a tight bun after a hectic shift. “Can you believe this crap?”

After a moment's hesitation, the woman shrugged. The thin age lines on her face were deep but kindly, a lifetime of smiles etched into her skin currently belied by her clear exhaustion and the slight shaking of her hands as she twisted the wedding band on her finger. The young man noted the unusual tension in her bearing and frowned.

“Are you alright, Maria?” he asked, the TV forgotten in his concern. “You've been kind of out of it all night. Is there some sort of problem at home?”

Maria shook her head. “No, it's nothing,” she said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Her younger workmate raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“The fuck it is,” he said calmly. “I don't think I've ever seen you this wound up before, even when we have a gangland battle or a psionic patient.” A few people nearby winced at his words. Of all the recent changes caused by the sudden presence of nonhuman sophonts on Earth, the fact that they now had a standard code for “psychic alien freaking out and causing chaos” was one of the most memorable. It wasn't even like they could ship them somewhere else- no other hospital in the world was qualified to take Alternians.

The older woman sighed and let her face fall back into concerned sadness. “Then, it's nothing you need to worry about,” she amended, rubbing one hand across her eyes tiredly. “You're right, something did come up, but it should all be sorted out by tomorrow.”

The younger nurse looked at her in assessment, but he'd only been working at the hospital for a little over a year while Maria had decades of experience to draw on. Besides, she had always been like a mother to the younger staff, treating them with the same practical affection as she used on her own four adult children. If she said she had it under control, he trusted her. It didn't mean he wasn't worried.

“You should try and get some sleep while it's still fairly quiet,” he suggested. “And if you have any problems, anything at all, you know that we'd all help you in a heartbeat.”

Maria smiled at him, a genuine expression this time. “Thank you,” she said, then her eyes flickered past him to the clock on the wall and the happiness on her face faded. “Actually, I have to go and see to a patient now. See you later?”

The male nurse nodded and waved her off with a casual gesture, attention already returning to the terrible documentary as Maria stepped out through the doors of the staff lounge into the crowded corridors of the hospital. She walked quickly and with purpose, the bustle of the hospital parting around her and not noticing her passage as she moved away from the main wards and thoroughfares, up to the quieter floors where long-term patients slept quietly.

After a few more turns she arrived at a set of double doors that demanded an ID to access. It was the work of moments to lift the card around her neck and swipe it past the electronic scanner; the small box bleeped innocuously and the red light flashed to bright green. With a quick glance over her shoulder to check that she was unobserved, Maria dropped the card and pushed the door open, stepping through into the darkened corridor beyond. Her movement activated a sensor and as one the flat lights built into the ceiling flickered into life, illuminating a narrow hallway kept empty and isolated to leave the occupants of the adjoining rooms undisturbed.

Not that any of the patients on this corridor would find disturbance in the distant bustle that washed around them like a whisper. They were all part of the same experimental treatment program, the prerequisites for their presence ensuring that if any of them could perceive their surroundings they could not communicate the fact. Isolated and enclosed by the soft hum and beep of life support, the patients slept in apparent peace, each locked in the grip of a seemingly permanent coma. Maria had heard that there had been promising results from the program already, but she tried not to think of that. Easier now to believe that these people were dead in all but the most final of definitions, that their lives would never be restored or resumed. Easier to tell herself that she was only doing what she had to do when she also convinced herself that nobody was going to be hurt through her actions.

At the far end of the hallway was a narrow metal door that led to the stairs. From the other side it was locked, impossible to open without an ID card for security reasons. From this side, a metal bar allowed for egress, and illuminated signs alerted anyone in the vicinity to the existence of a fire exit. Maria walked up to the door and for a moment hesitated, chewing nervously on her lip. Then the thumb of her left hand stroked her wedding ring, and in a sudden burst of movement she grabbed the bar and pushed the door open.

Cold air rushed in from the dimly-lit stairwell, and with it came four figures. They wore nondescript clothes, jeans and dark sweaters that would draw no comment on the street- save for the fact that the the wearers were Alternian, and their clothes lacked the usual distinctive caste symbols. Maria, used to dealing calmly with anyone who came through the doors of the hospital, nevertheless shrunk back as the leader approached her. The intruder was a young woman with dazzling teal eyes, sharp features, and a set of horns that looped in towards each other before arcing outwards. Her companions, three Alternian men barely out of their teens, had eyes that glittered green and jade and muscles tight as cords in their limbs. They spread out to watch the entrance as their leader backed the nurse into a wall and leaned in towards her. Black lips split into a fanged grin.

“You kept us waiting,” the troll said. She was lying. Maria had been careful to be on time, so very careful, because from the moment they had first contacted her these people had held all the power. For that exact same reason she stayed silent now, lowering her eyes in a sign of submission that seemed to satisfy the teal-blood.

“Show us,” the troll ordered as she backed off. The nurse stumbled away from the wall and walked hesitantly to the middle door on the left, fearfully watching the trolls as she stumbled over her own feet and narrowly caught herself with a hand slapped against the wall. She bit back a cry of surprise and pain as the teal-blood narrowed her eyes, instead fumbling for her card once again. Most of the rooms on this corridor were unlocked, but this one was a special case. Tomorrow they would look at the logs and see who had opened the doors, learn that it was Maria who had helped the intruders. Tonight, there was only the glittering stare of overlarge alien eyes, and a threat that no longer had to be spoken. Maria swiped the card across the lock, which beeped and changed to a green light as if nothing was amiss.

The trolls behind her made no move to open the door, so Maria turned the handle and stepped into the darkened room. The lights in here were not automatic, and the slight figure on the bed was lit only by the thin strip of illumination from the doorway and the faint glow of the screens of the monitoring equipment. As the four intruders filtered into the room behind her, the nurse walked over to the bedside and flicked on the warm orange lamp. The light illuminated the gray-skinned girl in her mid-teens who lay silently on the hospital bed, large horns shaped like a ram's curling out of the mass of thick black hair that framed her square face. She could have been pretty in a homey sort of way, if it hadn't been for the unhealthy pallor on her gray skin and the dark, sunken hollows around her cheeks and eyes. She looked almost dead, an impression barely dispelled by the soft rise and fall of her chest.

The teal-blood walked up behind Maria and regarded the girl impassively. “Do you have the equipment?” she asked. The nurse nodded, mouth dry.

“I... I moved it up here earlier today,” she answered. Then, her mouth driven by a lifetime working to help heal the sick and injured, she added; “but it's still dangerous. I can't teach you to use it in a few minutes and if you get it wrong you could kill her...”

The teal-blood waved a hand dismissively. “I already know how to use the equipment, and what happens to her is not your concern." She turned to look at Maria, cold irises staring through the human woman's own soft, brown, human eyes. "What happens to your matesprit, on the other hand, is entirely down to you. Personally, I'd advise not wasting any more of our precious time. My associates are waiting, and their tempers are short.”

Maria swallowed and reluctantly walked over to the broom closet in the corner, opening it to reveal a folded gurney and portable life-support equipment. The jade-blood came over to help her pull the items out, and Maria flinched back as their fingers brushed together. The troll, burly for his naturally slim species, sneered menacingly at her and slung the wheeled bed over to rest by the unconscious patient one-handed. Maria recovered in time to wheel the sensitive equipment over herself, not trusting the thuggish intruders to avoid damaging it. Not that her caution would mean anything when they left the hospital. She felt something hot and wet on her face and realized that she was crying. Her tears didn't go unnoticed; within a few seconds the teal-blood was right in front of her, noses almost touching, and a gentle finger stroked down her face.

“Shh,” the troll woman soothed, running her free hand down Maria's cheek even as she looked fascinated at the clear fluid and thoughtfully lapped the teardrops off her own claws. “It'll all be over soon, and you'll be back with your husband. That's the English word for a human male matesprit, isn't it?”

Maria nodded, although after months of experience working with the new species she was fairly sure there were subtle differences between the apparently equivalent human and troll romantic entanglements. True or not, she wasn't particularly inclined to contradict the teal-blood. “I- I'll need some help to move her across,” she whispered. The teal-blood nodded and barked some orders in guttural Alternian; again the jade-blood moved, this time to stand at the foot of the bed and watch Maria attentively. The nurse edged forward to the side of the teenage patient. Gently she smoothed the troll girl's hair out of her face, silently apologizing with a needless act of care.

“Get on with it,” the teal-blood sighed, sounding bored. Maria took a deep breath to steady her hands and reached out for the mobile equipment. Fortunately the treatment the girl had been undergoing had brought her to the point where she didn't need intensive life support; that fact alone gave her a chance of surviving as the terrified nurse swiftly and surely detached her from the monitors and drip, switching off the various alarms and alerts as she went and attaching the patient to her new support equipment as neatly as she could. When she was done, Maria nodded to the jade-blood, and he grabbed the girl's feet while the nurse took her head. Between them they moved her onto the gurney, settling her safely down. Meanwhile one of the two green-bloods had pulled a small pile of cloth out of the closet and had started to change into the hospital scrubs that Maria had hidden there earlier. There was no way to get a coma patient safely down the stairs, which was why the intruders weren't planning to attempt it. There were a few troll orderlies about the hospital; the disguise was by no means ideal, but it should give them a small extra layer of protection as they left via elevator.

As the four of them changed, Maria looked away. As she turned her eyes fell on the little table beside the hospital bed. In addition to the clock and the light and the box of tissues, there was a small sculpture made of twisted wire. Two spindly figures embraced fondly; on one it was hard to tell the species, but on the other the metal twisted out into curling horns that were clearly meant to match the ones the unconscious girl had. Underneath the sculpture- which for all its crudeness must still have taken a long time to create- a small folded card, half blue and half red, held a message written in angular Alternian runes. Maria was by no means an expert in the alphabet or the language, but there were certain phrases she had seen often enough to know the meaning.

This one said: _I miss you._

Once again her thumb stroked her wedding ring, tears springing to her eyes, but this time she wasn't thinking about her own family. She was thinking about the thin troll boy with bicolored eyes and four tiny horns and a foul temper, who came and sat by this bedside and ate from the vending machines and had to be woken up and gently escorted out of the hospital every time he came to visit. Rumor had it that he was the reason this patient was so important, and the story was that he had crossed the stars themselves to save her. To Maria, he reminded her so much of some of the boys she knew- her own sons, her nephews, her neighbors' children- that however afraid she was for her husband, she suddenly knew that someone would be just as terrified for this girl.

“Come on,” the teal-blood said, and Maria turned. She would not be part of this. She should never have been part of this. Her husband was a good man, he would understand. If she stood up to these people, then she could stop them. They would be arrested, her husband rescued, the girl safe. All she had to do was be brave.

“No,” she said, defiance in her tear-stained eyes.

“Oh,” the teal-blood replied. She looked vaguely puzzled as she stepped closer. Maria stood her ground, the rapid flutter of her heart giving her nothing but strength. “Is that your final answer?” the troll asked mildly.

Silent but certain, Maria nodded. With a heavy sigh, the teal-blood reached out and placed a hand either side of the nurse's face. Then, with a single quick motion, she snapped the woman's neck and let her body drop in a limp heap to the floor, snatching the ID card from the human as she fell.

“What a mess,” she said in Alternian, sounding slightly irritated. “Is the girl secure?”

Her henchmen nodded, and the teal-blood stepped over the body of the nurse to place a neatly folded paper note on the bed. “Let's go.”

She led the way out of the room, the two green-bloods pushing the gurney in her wake. The jade-blood lingered a moment longer, looking around the room before flicking the light switch and plunging the room back into shadow. The door swung shut behind them, leaving behind the dead staring eyes of the nurse and a bed occupied only by a note, written in the regular, spiky handwriting common to Alternians using the Latin alphabet.

_We have your friend._

_If you want to see her alive again, bring a bag containing five hundred thousand US dollars in unmarked bills to the center of Fremont Park at 3pm on the 31st of October. Send a single representative to carry the bag. Do not contact the police. Do not attempt to double cross us. If any of our instructions are disobeyed we will kill her._

_Aradia Megido's life is in your hands._

_WE WILL BE WATCHING._


	2. ==> Be The Faithful Friend

### CHAPTER ONE ==> Be The Faithful Friend

Tavros Nitram was used to being ignored. In fact, strange though it probably was, he actually sort of liked it. People who weren't paying attention to him were people who weren't mocking him, judging him, threatening him or pushing him around. A safe home with a loving family wasn't enough to erase a lifetime surrounded by danger, and normally he just felt better being away from the center of attention.

Right now, though, watching the flood of people in the hospital lobby as they waited for news from the police, it was hard not to feel a little lost. As soon as the thought cropped up Tavros felt bad for having it. The moment Dad had heard what happened, he had called the school to get Tavros out of classes, and although it wasn't even the stocky detective's case he was right now over the other side of the room talking to a uniformed cop to try and learn more. But between Tavros and his human father was a crowd, all noisily expressing their own fears and worries, and the troll boy didn't have the courage to do anything more than shrink down into his wheelchair and try to fade into the wall behind him. He recognized most of the other people vaguely from the summer, but the only one he really knew was the twin-horned mutant screaming obscenities and psionically hurling everything that he wasn't quickly disarmed of. He'd met Sollux a few times back on Alternia too, but the sullen yellow-blood had been short-tempered and unpredictable even then and Tavros had been too worried about upsetting him to really be friendly at all. He'd only kept trying because Aradia had cared about them both so much.

Thinking about Aradia made his blood-pusher tighten uncomfortably. Ever since they were wigglers she had been one of the few people who had ever listened to him and made him feel like he could just be himself around her. And then he'd been hurt because he was too weak and stupid to stand up for himself properly, and by the time he came round from several weeks of dozing in a recuperacoon, head fuzzy from slime and painkillers, she'd been gone. Sollux had told him what happened, in a sort of terse, merciless way, and declined any help in looking after her.

Tavros had been too afraid to insist and the next he heard from Sollux was almost half a sweep later, inviting him to escape Alternia altogether. He hadn't even known Aradia was on Earth until a couple of months ago, and the knowledge that the friend he had thought was dead was not only alive, but recovering, had filled him with so much hope and joy that it almost overcame the shame he had felt for abandoning her in the first place.

And now she was missing. Kidnapped. If the idea chilled Tavros to the core, he could only imagine how it felt for Sollux, who had been caring for her all this time. Although the yellow-blood's friends seemed to have calmed him down a little now, he was still obviously upset, and Tavros sort of wished he was confident enough to go over there and talk to the guy crackling with red and blue fire. Also he kind of wanted his Dad to come back and give him a hug, but obviously that was a thing that couldn't happen because his Dad had important questions to ask for Tavros' benefit and also Tavros was probably too old for hugs in public anyway.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone settled onto the seat next to him, their presence announced by a rustle of cloth and the scent of perfume before he even turned his head to look at the troll. She smiled at him with neat little fangs and almond-shaped eyes that were just starting to fill in jade. Tavros blushed coppery brown and ducked his head, not sure what to do when faced with one of the most important trolls on the planet.

“Uhm,” he said, trying frantically to think what to say to the calming voice that had guided a quarter of a million young trolls on their desperate journey across unknown space. The Mediator- she had told him her name but he couldn't quite bring himself to use it- didn't seem upset by his hesitation, or at the very least didn't show it if she was. Instead she folded her hands neatly in her lap and let her sad smile fade away slightly.

“It is Tavros, correct?” she asked in English, her Alternian accent barely even distinguishable. He nodded wordlessly, and she sighed.

“I can assure you that I do not bite,” she said softly. “However much I may enjoy Rainbow Drinker stories.” His lip twitched in an involuntary smile at the joke, but it seemed to please the jade-blood. “Please. I am Rose's adoptive sister and you are a friend of her biological brother, which I believe makes us human family.”

Tavros couldn't help smiling at that. “That is, um, one way to put it, that might, uh, not be completely accurate, but that is okay, really.”

“Really?” the Mediator said, raising a single quizzical eyebrow. “I myself have terrible trouble trying to understand the interplay of human familial relationships. Perhaps you could explain it to me?”

For a moment Tavros was doubtful- she had to be mocking him, there was no way she would know less than he did. The look on her face said differently though, genuine curiosity and interest shining through. And from what he remembered from their brief meeting earlier in the summer, she had been really a nice person if maybe a little intimidating, so she probably wasn't trying to laugh at him.

“It's not, all that complicated,” he said haltingly, wishing that his English wasn't so hesitant. “I mean, um, you just sort of have to think of parents, like, they are a sort of lusus, but also, er, like ancestors are, for highbloods.”

“But there are two of them,” the Mediator- Kanaya- said. Tavros shrugged.

“Not always? And sometimes, they are not very good at it.” He shook his head. “That is not a thing, um, that I am really, very clear on. Except that also, when human parents adopt a child, then that is like, er, the new child being their child, uh, or it should be.” He picked nervously at the arm of his wheelchair. “My human parents, are, um, good parents, I think.”

Kanaya nodded. “You have siblings too, correct?”

“Yes,” Tavros said. “They are called, um, Emily, and also Buck.” He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Siblings are more complicated. With Emily it is, um, like a conciliatory quadrant, except not, but Buck does not, er, really seem to like me much. But what it is not, is, um, the same thing, as being friends. Or _hatefriends.”_ He chewed his lip a little after adding the Alternian word with all its connotations of rivalry and mutual tolerable dislike.

Kanaya nodded. “My own observations have also been confusing,” she said. “But the Lalonde-Strider family is quite unusual, I believe.” She paused and Tavros looked away from her, noticing that across the room the Heiress seemed almost frantic trying to calm Sollux. It was strange to see a seadweller showing such clear pity for a yellow-blood, but he supposed she had to be an unusual person to have come up with the plan to leave Alternia in the first place.

“What was she like?” asked Kanaya.

Tavros couldn't help flinching slightly as his attention snapped back to his companion. It was unnerving to have someone focused so fully on him. “Uhh...”

To his amazement, the girl dropped her eyes to avoid his gaze. “Sollux doesn't talk about her,” she said softly. “We used to try asking, but he wouldn't answer.”

Tavros didn't have to ask who the jade-blood meant, and it was no struggle to find the words. Not when they'd been buried inside him for so long, wanting to come out and be heard. “She was fun,” he told Kanaya, twisting his fingers in his lap. “And, er, really confident. Which was a thing, which I really liked, um, because also she was, er, rust-blooded. So if she was, brave, uh, it felt like a thing, which I could be, as well?”

“She sounds like she was full of life,” Kanaya said. Tavros nodded, feeling the corners of his eyes prickle.

“She, she really was,” he agreed. “Which was, a bit odd, because also she liked, death. Not, um, killing,” he added hastily. “Just, dead things? And old things. Um, she used to dig, for, er, ruins, and also bones. And go, exploring, which is probably why she enjoyed, to FLARP, which is how we met.” Wet, heavy tears spilled over and left brown tracks down his cheeks. “I, it, she, after my accident, she shouldn't have, but, she, she was my best friend, um, and I, I was too hurt, I couldn't, stop her, I didn't even, know, that it was a thing, she was planning, but I should have. It was, um, exactly what, she had to do, because, of the person she was.”

“Then I regret that I have never had the opportunity to meet her.”

Tavros looked round and was amazed to see sympathetic tears glittering in Kanaya's eyes. If she had been human, he thought she might have tried to reassure him physically- put an arm around him, or a hand on his shoulder. He was glad she wasn't human; he didn't know her well enough to stand that right now.

“Have you ever talked to Sollux about this?” she asked. Tavros shook his head, and the jade-blood got to her feet with a small sigh. “You should consider it, both of you. This isn't Alternia.” She paused to glance over at the now mellow psionic, who was draped over Feferi in an exhausted hug. “It isn't a sign of weakness to take time to mourn.”

Tavros didn't stop her as she walked away, passing his Dad as the detective returned from his fact-finding mission. The human looked worried as he drew close and saw Tavros' tears; the worry turned to concern as the boy lurched forward in his wheelchair to grab the man's waist, claws burying deep in the fabric of his jacket. George Francisco sat down carefully next to Tavros, reaching out to pull his son closer and rubbing a soothing hand along his back as the young troll sobbed. He didn't ask what the problem was, for which Tavros was more than grateful. His guardian's arms were large and strong and so, so safe.

Tinkerbull had never held him like this. Tinkerbull couldn't; the tiny lusus had been more than tough enough to withstand being clutched to Tavros' chest, and he had never failed to show affection through rubbed cheeks and gentle headbutts, but he'd never been able to offer physical protection like most lusii could. Tavros had always defended him, not the other way around.

He missed Tinkerbull. He missed Aradia. He missed his hive and he missed his life and it was stupid, because he was better off here. Even if he'd never been crippled, his life among his own people would have been short and brutal; at best he might have made it to the cavalreapers, become an ordinary solder in one of the regiments until he died pointlessly like the cannon fodder he was hatched to be. More likely he would have become a slave, or even a highblood's pet, to avoid being culled as a weakling. Yet despite all that, he still sometimes wished things could go back to how they were when he was a wiggler, playing at being a hero and dreaming of being one for real.

He couldn't let George and Susan find out. They had taken him in, become his parents, fought to keep him safe and win him a real future on this alien world. How could he tell them that even though Earth was better for him in every possible way, he still wasn't completely happy here? Tavros pulled himself closer to his human Dad, leaning awkwardly over the arm of his wheelchair as he rested one horn on the man's shoulder, and felt like a traitor as he cried and cried and cried.

Part of him believed he would stay there forever, just cuddling and letting the tears come out, but in practice it wasn't too long before his nose was too stuffed up to breathe through and he had to break away to get some air. As he snuffled and hiccuped like a slime-drenched grub, his Dad produced a pack of tissues from an inside pocket and wordlessly passed him one. Tavros blew his nose noisily, and despite the involuntary shivers and sobs still forcing their way out shook his head when the man offered an arm for another hug. Sitting back had let him see the rest of the room again, along with all the people in it, and it was enough to make him self-conscious.

Deep breaths and claws digging into the arm of his wheelchair helped to push the mess of emotions safely back. Tavros could feel George watching, his Dad anxious and wanting to say or do something to make it all better. Across the room, Sollux looked up from the Heiress' shoulder, face streaked with muddy yellow as Tavros' was with brown. They shared a look, brown-flecked gray eyes meeting brilliant red and blue. It wasn't exactly camaraderie, not as the people of this world would understand it. More a mutual understanding that neither of them wanted to remember being seen this way, and a silent agreement that _it didn't happen._

Nobody else was looking, and after a moment Sollux let his head fall. Tavros silently reached out and took his father's hand, taking care not to break the delicate brown skin with his claws. He received a comforting squeeze for his efforts.

“Feeling better?” George asked, and Tavros nodded wordlessly. He was, for now. Maybe even for a long while yet.

“C-can you, is it okay, to, um, tell me, about what is happening,” he asked, twisting the used tissue in his free hand. His Dad reached over to brush a few stray hairs out of his face, smoothing them back into his mohawk.

“It doesn't look promising,” he said, and although Tavros' heart sank he was glad for both the honesty and the gentle tone in which it was delivered. “The kidnappers left a ransom note, but they also killed the nurse who helped them get in.”

“Good,” said Tavros, meaning it with a spike of bitter vengeance. His father frowned for a moment, let out a small sigh.

“Not good. Too many abductions end with the victim being killed anyway; the fact that these people have proven themselves willing to, ah, dispose of someone who is no longer any use to them is a bad sign.” He broke off to run a hand through Tavros' hair again, and not for the first time the boy wondered at how safe he felt with this man he had known for less than a year. He trusted George and Susan, felt protected rather than threatened when they held him or kissed his cheek or put their hands close to his hornbeds to stroke his head. It made him feel even worse about missing Tinkerbull, about leaving his lusus behind to fend for himself, but it also healed that same ache.

“So, what, um, is the thing, that everyone is going, to do?” he asked, looking up into the alien eyes of his father. The man's lips narrowed in thought, thumb running gently along Tavros' hand in a gesture of reassurance.

“Well, the ransom demand is clearly aimed at Mr Captor and his family, so the department will be focusing their attention with them. Coming up with the money will drastically increase the chances of Aradia surviving, as will getting a professional negotiator to handle the arrangements.”

Tavros bit at the already sore spot on his mouth. “But, er, what if, she is not... I mean, if she is already...”

“Unlikely,” George said, without an instant of hesitation. “These people are brutal, not amateurish. They'll keep her alive in case they need proof of life. The most dangerous time is after they get what they want, or if they suspect they won't; our job now is to make sure that Aradia survives and is retrieved safely. If we can capture the kidnappers, that would obviously be better, but we won't take undue risks to achieve it.” He squeezed Tavros' hand gently. “There's a chance the kidnappers might call us. If that happens, I'll take care of it. Okay?”

Tavros nodded, not feeling particularly reassured despite the small swelling of pride he felt at being trusted with the truth. It wasn't the first time he'd felt useless, unable to help someone he cared about or protect them from danger, and he hadn't liked it any of the other times either. His attention drifted back across the room, to where Sollux and Feferi had sat down on the bench next to Doctor Lalonde and Kanaya; the human woman had her cellphone at her ear and was talking. Trollish hearing was more sensitive than human. Tavros closed his eyes to listen in, the task made slightly easier by the older Lalonde's complete disregard for the volume she spoke at.

“... yeah, right, but wha's more import'nt here? Lives or filthy lur... lick... lucre?” she was saying, free arm waving in vague emphasis. “I mean, fuck it, just dump the stocks, amirite babe?”

Tavros' eyes flew open and stared in astonishment as the human woman started to calmly negotiate how she could break down her finances to liquidate a cash ransom. It hardly seemed real, and not just because of the huge sums of money involved. Who would pay to get someone back, unless that someone was a quadrant of theirs? Because people don't go out of their way to help each other like that, they don't, they just...

He remembered Dave, leaning back in a cafeteria chair like it was his couch, explaining that there was no way he could have waited and done nothing with his best bro in the hands of a murderer.

He remembered Terezi, teeth flashing in a broad grin as she described how she and Karkat had tracked down the Midnight Crew and faced up to the infamous Spades Slick to prove another troll, practically a stranger to her, innocent.

He remembered Aradia, lying broken and still in a human hospital, the price of vengeance enacted gladly on his behalf- on behalf of a friend who couldn't stand up for himself.

“I'm, just, going to tell, Terezi and Dave, about what is happening,” Tavros told George, pulling his phone out from down the side of his chair where he'd stuffed it with a bundle of other stuff. His human father nodded and briefly rested a hand on his shoulder as he stood to interrogate the uniformed cops again, leaving Tavros alone with his Pesterchum app. The boy sighed and opened a new conversation: he knew what he had to do, but hopefully Terezi could help him with the how.

–- adiosToreador [AT] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 14:23 –-   
AT: uM, HELLO, tEREZI,

The response was faster than he would have expected, considering that his friends would still be at school and probably in class.

GC: T4VROS! F1N4LLY!   
GC: W3 H4V3 B33N WORRY1NG OURS3LV3S S1CK 4BOUT YOU H3R3   
GC: 1T W4S 3XTR3M3LY 1NCONS1D3R4T3 OF YOU NOT TO L3T US KNOW WH4T W4S GO1NG ON   
GC: >:[

Tavros was glad his friend wasn't able to smell the way he flushed with embarrassment over Pesterchum.

AT: oH, i AM SORRY, ABOUT THAT,   
AT: i DID NOT MEAN, TO MAKE YOU WORRIED, ABOUT WHAT i MIGHT BE DOING,   
AT: iT HAS JUST BEEN, UM,   
AT: tHAT IS, i DIDN'T THINK,,,

He'd been too worried about Aradia for that.

GC: NO, YOU D1D NOT >:[   
GC: H3R3   
gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent adiosToreador [AT] an invitation to memo on board yo where the fuck did tav go

Tavros clicked on the link; the chat window vanished behind lines of red and teal text, his friends' previous conversation stretching back over the top of the screen. Dave was in mid-ramble already, new lines popping out at the speed of touch-typed thought when Tavros joined the board.

adiosToreador [AT] responded to memo   
TG: like hes some sort of fucking international man of mystery   
TG: about to parachute in through the ceiling and give us a box of chocolates and   
TG: oh hey tav we were just talking about you   
AT: yES, i UNDERSTAND, THAT YOU HAVE BEEN, WORRIED, ABOUT ME,   
AT: aND i AM SORRY, THAT THIS HAPPENED, TO BE, THE CASE,

He held his breath for a moment; Dave was unpredictable, even for a human, and although he would probably play it as though everything were completely chill there were plenty of ways for him to do that.

TG: no way man its cool   
TG: your cop dad just came and pulled you out of school without any explanation   
TG: all serious and wearing his shit someone died today face   
TG: no texts or calls or anything from you   
TG: we werent freaking the fuck out in the slightest

Sarcasm from Dave was remarkably sincere. Tavros let out the breath he'd been holding in; his friend was curious and worried, not mad at him. Pesterchum peeped again as Terezi chimed in.

GC: H3 H4S B33N L1K3 TH1S 4LL D4Y   
TG: lies and slander   
GC: 1F H3 W4SNT 4 P4STY HUM4N 4L13N 1 WOULD 4LMOST TH1NK 1T W4S ROM4NT1C   
GC: 1F YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N   
GC: >:]   
GC: > :]   
GC: >:]   
GC: > :]

Tavros couldn't help the grin that started to spread as he saw them banter. It made him feel that all was right with the world when Terezi and Dave needed him as scorekeeper- sometimes he thought that maybe he might even be a little ashen for them, but they never swung black enough to need it. He was more like an audience than an auspice. But they had still been worrying about him, so he decided that an apology was certainly a thing he should be doing.

AT: uHM, i AM SORRY, THEN, REALLY,   
AT: bUT IT HAS BEEN, A VERY, CONFUSING SORT, OF DAY,   
TG: yeah same here   
TG: shit with kudret really hit the fan today   
TG: we had shit spraying all over everywhere like the sprinkler system got taken over by cows with nasty diarrhea and a serious grudge over our steaks and shakes addiction   
GC: COOLK1D ST4RT3D 4 FOODF1GHT 1N TH3 C4F3T3R14

Oh. That was actually fairly big news; the yellow-blood had been trying to kick off a rivalry with Dave ever since Tavros' human friend had transferred to the school. Tavros wasn't really sure if Dave was interested or just being ironic- usually with a human he would have guessed the latter, but both Strider brothers were actually kind of unusual by human standards, so it was hard to tell.

TG: and now i am officially one screwup away from expulsion from this hole of an educational establishment   
TG: also i need a legally designated cockblocker quadrant stat or that shitty psychic fuckface is gonna expect me to actually fuck his face   
TG: or just swallow up his gross yellow tentabulge or whatever in the boys bathroom   
TG: because apparently ive been blackflirting with him for months and nobody thought to mention it   
GC: W3 THOUGHT YOU KN3W!   
TG: why the fuck would i know how to hateflirt with an alien dude let alone do it on purpose

Okay, ignorance, that was another possibility, and what had actually happened. Tavros rapidly reviewed months of Dave deliberately driving Kudret up the wall and possibly also right across the ceiling, for what were now apparently totally innocent and platonic reasons, and came to the conclusion that humans were just _weird._

AT: uM, i AM SORRY dAVE, BUT, IT REALLY DID, LOOK LIKE YOU WERE INTERESTED,   
AT: dID HE, CONFESS TO YOU, THEN?   
TG: if by confess you mean hold me down on the cafeteria floor during world war three and attempt to initiate sloppy makeouts   
TG: then yes   
AT: wHAT, DID YOU DO?   
GC: H3 SM4CK3D MR B4N4N4 SMOOTH13 1N TH3 H34D W1TH 4 TR4Y 4ND 4BSCOND3D >;]

Tavros winced. As black solicitations went, by this stage that was definitely a flirtatious move.

AT: uH,,, WOW,   
TG: yes thanks im aware that this did not exactly extinguish kuddies flaming passion for strider cock so much as pour kerosine on it   
TG: right now im more concerned with the dirty looks im getting from the bigoted fucks who used to be the football team   
TG: i am fairly sure theyre gonna try and kick my ass for being a massive flaming fag   
TG: in lieu of dicking on the greenbloods that made their roid muscles obsolete

The brown-blood imagined the gang of muscular, aggressive humans whose slipping dominant status had been accompanied by increasingly violent attempts to reinforce their social power, and swallowed.

AT: tHAT, SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE, A BAD THING, TO HAPPEN,

Dave was tough, but Tavros really didn't want to think what that many opponents could do if they ganged up on his friend.

GC: W41T!   
GC: D1D CHOCOL4T3 SYRUP H3R3 JUST D1STR4CT US FROM THE 1SSU3 4T H4ND   
TG: you know i think he fucking did   
GC: >:O

With a jolt Tavros realized that for a few minutes, he had forgotten all about Aradia. It had been so easy to get lost in his friends' chatter; he chewed on his lip as he tried to think of what to say, typing to buy time.

AT: aCTUALLY, i THINK THAT A MORE ACCURATE THING TO SAY, WOULD BE THAT YOU DISTRACTED YOURSELVES,   
AT: aND i WAS ALSO, AT THE SAME TIME, DISTRACTED BY YOU,   
TG: whatever its time to spill now   
TG: what the fuck happened tav

He had no idea how to explain that. He needed a chance to think about what he was going to say, needed to work out how to explain what he wanted and that he owed her this. What he had was now, and the truth.

AT: oH, UM, THAT, THAT IS,   
AT: aRADIA

He stopped, not sure how to express everything that was going on, and stared blankly at the screen until Terezi realized he needed another push- the prompt sort, not the over a cliff sort, because Terezi wasn't the sort of person who would do that unless he really deserved it...

GC: T4VROS? IS SHE OK4Y?

And now Tavros knew exactly what to say, the words coming out of him simple and easy. All the desolation and loss in a single short sentence.

AT: sHE'S, GONE,

The answer was immediate and surprisingly sympathetic.

TG: oh shit man   
TG: that sucks like paris hiltons vacuum cleaner   
TG: did something go wrong with the treatment??

Tavros shook his head, useless over Pesterchum, as he hurried to clarify and explain to his friends.

AT: nO, i MEAN SHE'S GONE, BECAUSE, SOME PEOPLE, UM, KIDNAPPED HER,   
AT: aND, THAT IS REALLY, ALL THERE IS TO THE MATTER,   
TG: ...    
TG: holy fuck   
GC: 1 4SSUM3 TH4T TH3 POL1C3 4R3 M4K1NG 4RR4NG3M3NTS W1TH OUR 3ST33M3D L34D3RSH1P   
AT: yES, THAT IS A THING THAT IS, UM, HAPPENING,   
TG: so thats good right   
TG: the lalonde branch of the family are rolling in it and harleys got more money than hugh heffner got bitches   
TG: theyll get her back safe

There wasn't going to be a better opening than that. Tavros took a deep breath, and looked up to check that nobody was going to see what he was about to type. Apart from Terezi and Dave, obviously. He was still alone, and all attentions were focused on the other side of the room where Sollux seemed to be having some sort of argument with Kanaya. Tavros wasn't really sure what that was about; he'd missed the start and with the way the psionic was now, it could be anything that set him off. Sounded like something about the past tense with regard to Aradia. At any rate, nobody was looking his way; it was now or never.

AT: aBOUT THAT, i THINK, ER, THAT MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER, TO BE MORE SURE,   
AT: aS THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HER, SEEM TO BE, PARTICULARLY, UM, VICIOUS?   
AT: aND i WAS THINKING, THAT WHAT i REALLY WANT TO DO, ABOUT THIS, IS MAYBE RESCUE HER,   
AT: aND YOU BOTH, ER, HAVE SOMETHING, THAT MIGHT BE CONSIDERED AS EXPERIENCE, IN THESE MATTERS,   
AT: sO MAYBE WE COULD, UM,,,   
AT: DO THAT?

On the other side of the room Sollux, shoving his hands into his pockets, turned and slouched off towards the main doors of the hospital. After a moment's conference with the others, Feferi followed him out. Tavros watched her go, Pesterchum beeping as the doors swung shut behind the Heiress.

GC: T4VROS, DO3S MY TONGU3 D3C13V3 M3, OR D1D YOU JUST 4SK US TO 3NG4G3 1N 4N 1LL1C1T M1SS1ON W1TH YOU TO F1ND 4ND R3TR13V3 YOUR M1SS1NG COHORT?   
AT: tHAT IS, ER, ABOUT THE SHAPE OF, THE THING, WHICH i AM ASKING,   
AT: sO i WILL SAY, YES?

There was another pause, and Tavros could imagine Terezi and Dave looking at each other from opposite sides of the classroom- or one looking and one sniffing, he guessed. He'd seen them communicate that way often enough in the past: Terezi was more than willing to express herself though gestures, and Dave didn't need to move for her to read his motives.

The reply came faster than the last, but Tavros still had time to feel nervous about the outcome before the familiar red and teal text returned.

TG: okay im in   
TG: where do i sign up   
GC: SO QU1CKLY, COOLK1D?   
TG: well yeah this is tavs sleeping beauty were talking about   
TG: and you fucking know that us striders gotta be prince charming   
TG: cant leave a fair damsel in distress rezi thats how you lose all your knightly swag   
TG: and even if the coma chick doesnt count tavs a full time damsel anyway

A brief flash of annoyance accompanied the surge of relief in Tavros' blood-pusher.

AT: oKAY, i THINK, THAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID, WAS MEANT TO BE TEASING, IN PERHAPS, A FRIENDLY WAY,   
AT: bUT i AM NOT, AT THE MOMENT, HAVING A GOOD DAY,   
AT: sO IT WOULD BE NICE, IF MAYBE, UM, THAT WAS NOT A THING, YOU DID,

No, wait, what was he doing, he needed Dave's help, he couldn't afford to make him mad...

TG: whatever dude i said id help   
TG: no need to get your lacy panties in a twist   
GC: 1 W1LL 4LSO OFF3R MY H3LP   
GC: (1F NOT MY P4NT13S)   
GC: SOM3ON3 N33DS TO K33P 4N 3Y3 ON TH1S RUCKUS TO M4K3 SUR3 NOTH1NG 1RR3SPONS1BL3 4ND 3XC3SS1V3LY D4NG3ROUS 1S DON3   
TG: you got anyone in mind for that job??   
TG: cos if were relying on you to keep us sane then we are all going to end up in nice padded rooms between scarecrow and the joker by next week   
GC: >:]   
GC: TO B3G1N W1TH W3 W1LL N33D 4 PL4N   
GC: FORTUN4T3LY 1 4LR34DY H4V3 SOM3 1D34S >:]

Tavros let out the breath he had been holding. His friends were with him. Aradia was still in danger, and he was pretty sure this was not a plan that George or Susan would approve of, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. Whatever needed doing, he was going to try, because this wasn't Alternia, and on this planet he wasn't going to abandon anyone.

TG: then fire away dude   
TG: im all ready to jizz my pants over this sicknasty master plan   
AT: oKAY, i THINK, THAT i WOULD ALSO, UM, QUITE LIKE TO HEAR IT, IF THAT IS A THING, THAT IS OKAY, WITH YOU,   
GC: W3LL 1 WOULDN'T C4LL 1T 4 M4ST3R PL4N JUST Y3T   
GC: BUT TO B3G1N W1TH   
GC: DO 31TH3R OF YOU ST1LL T4LK TO 3QU1US OR N3P3T4?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND SO IT BEGINS!!! I am so excited to finally be posting this! It's only taken me a bloody year to write! Ahem...
> 
> So, for anyone who doesn't know me, I am Celyn Brum, this is the second full story in the Alternian Nation series, now get your arse back there and read the _first_ full story in the Alternian Nation series before you spoiler the crap out of yourself. ;) Otherwise, basics here are that I have this story all written in advance so I can pretty much guarantee that it will update every Wednesday until it's finished. Barring disaster like *whispers* _no internet._
> 
> Updates on my writing happen on my [Tumblr](http://celynbrum.tumblr.com/), along with me reblogging anything I find fun/interesting/infuriating/cute/clever/awesome/astounding... you get the idea. I'll probably ramble in this space too, though, just like I'm doing here.
> 
> WELCOME BACK ABOARD THE FFS _KRAKEN_! WE'RE GOIN' A-HUNTING! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!


	3. ==> Be The Sorrowful Savant

### CHAPTER TWO ==> Be The Sorrowful Savant

Sollux Captor had never had to hide how he felt about anything before he arrived on Earth. Or more accurately, he had never felt the need to; as a lowblood mutant with a vitally useful psionic power, his future was the same no matter what he said or did. He could bow and scrape at the feet of every highblood in the empire, or he could set their hives on fire and spit in the eye of the Imperial Drones- when the time came the Empire plugged people like him into pilot rigs, to spend the rest of their wretched existence acting as a cross between a spaceship battery and an autopilot. When Feferi had first approached him bringing with her hope of escape, the only question in his mind had been whether she planned to use him up the same way, but truth be told he would probably have risked it even if it hadn't been for Aradia.

That lack of practice was a problem now, because the thought of his childhood matesprit hurt and on top of the constant, unceasing cacophony of the dying minds in the hospital it was all he could do not to claw up anything and everyone within reach. When Kanaya snapped at him, he had known that enough was enough. He couldn't stand being around other people for one more instant. Already he could feel the psionic sparks beginning to heat up around his horns, which meant it was only a matter of time before something extremely visible happened.

He knew that Feferi was following him before he even left the hospital building, but he ignored her entirely until he had stormed around the corner away from the ambulances and the rush of people. It took a few more twists and turns before he found a spot where he could slump against the wall, unseen between two stinking dumpsters. His head was buried in his hands, so he didn't see Feferi's approach. He smelled her, though, a familiar waft of delicate floral perfume applied over sea-salt and a slight fishy scent. Sollux barely reacted at all when cool, strong fingers reached up and brushed gently along his cheek.

“Fuck off,” he muttered.

“No,” Feferi replied, and then he was falling forwards, landing in a tight, enveloping hug that was safely out of eyesight and earshot of anyone, human or troll. It even managed to mute some of the psychic voices, although this close to a densely packed congregation of sick and injured people there was nothing that was going to make that anything like tolerable.

“Oh, Sollux, I am ray-ly sorry,” Feferi whispered. “I swear that if there's anything I clam do to make this better, I won't even hesitate! If you want to go home...”

Sollux groaned and pushed away from her, slumping back against the wall. “Thure, I'll jutht walk right out of here and go thit around worrying at home inthtead. I can even thtart panicking mythelf thilly about you, too, thinthe you're apparently thtupid enough to wander off without any bodyguardth in a plathe where one perthon already got abducted...”

Feferi sighed and stepped forward, turning to lean on the wall next to him. “Okay, so this might be a little dumb,” she admitted. “But Sollux, you're doing the exact same thing! Besides, Aradia was unconscious when she was codnapped. I'll be just fin.”

“Yeth, becauthe you thaying that that fillth me with confidenthe. Ith it your mithion in life to get me to agree with ED?”

Feferi giggled and rocked briefly against him. “Maaaybe.”

“Fuck that thit, I don't want you ath an authpithe,” Sollux replied. “FF, I might not be good at the fathe to fathe politicth, but I know we've got to keep you thafe. Without you to thpeak for uth, we're completely thcrewed, and that'th not jutht me being pethimithtic. We don't have time to fuck anything up. What I'm feeling jutht ithn't important right now.”

“That's not true!” Feferi said, tyrian-flecked eyes widening in shock. “Sollux, you know I coral cope without you!” She grabbed his hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “Please, you know you can tell me how you're eeling any time.”

Sollux sighed and turned his head, let his face fall onto Feferi's shoulder. “I jutht... fuck, thith ith hard. Like when KK wath in trouble, only thith time I can't find anything, any way to help and I jutht, I feel tho fucking utheleth...”

“You are not!” Feferi assured him, twisting round to press their foreheads together. “You're not. I oysterly don't think I could do it at eel without you and I feel awful, having all these other things to do when Aradia's in danger!” She waved a hand around in the air, vaguely encompassing the concepts of politics and media and the future of all trollkind on Earth in one expansive gesture. “If you ever need me, I'll come up with an excuse. Just say the word!”

Sollux shook his head, moving hers with it. “No, I can't athk that. You hate lying, and it would kill you to thtop fighting for uth.” He looked at Feferi, tall and wide-eyed and absolutely beautiful, and smiled as he pushed a stray lock of hair back behind her tiara. “You thoud get back in there where it'th thafe. Help KN and RX thort thith meth out, because fuck knowth I'm utheleth.”

Feferi twisted her head to kiss him gently on the cheek. “Escort me back?” she asked, and after a moment Sollux nodded and took her arm. The pair of them were still leaning on each other as they walked back round, but nobody gave them more than a casual glance. Everyone had their own problems, Sollux supposed. As they stepped back in through the main doors the roaring in his thinkpan grew louder again. He pressed his nose affectionately into Feferi's cheek, then stepped away from her.

“I jutht need to uthe the load gaper,” he lied, taking a few steps down a quiet side corridor.

Feferi smiled sadly at him, not fooled for a moment. “Take as long as you need,” she said. Her hand trailed down his arm and caught in his for a moment as she left, heading back towards the small quadrangle of seats and old magazines where they had left their friends and family. Sollux headed a few paces down the corridor and waited until she was gone. Then with a heavy sigh he slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He bowed his head forwards, resting it on his knees.

He knew he should follow her, but, well, what was the point? Feferi was the Heiress, Kanaya the Mediator. Him? He was the Helmsman, and no matter how much respect it was said with the title meant a thing to be used and directed and cast aside rather than a living, breathing person. The ones who used it kindly respected his sacrifice, maybe even his courage or his strength. Yet for all that he was one of the three “leaders” of the Alternians on Earth, the simple truth of the matter was that Supreme High Douchebag Eridan Ampora had done more actual leading than he had. Feferi might claim that she needed him, but in the end the only people who had really relied on him were Aradia and Karkat, and he'd let them both down. He was a failure, a leftover, a redundant piece of equipment that had been rendered useless the moment they crashed on Earth, and it would be better if he just stayed out of everyone's way.

“Is something the matter?”

The voice wasn't in his thoughts, and Sollux's head shot up to see a stranger looking at him from the other side of the corridor. Her voice sounded concerned, but the way she leaned against the wall said different; Sollux could see the amusement in her teal eyes. He snarled, psionics flashing as he psychically grabbed her and pinned her to the wall.

“Who the fuck are you?” he demanded, advancing on the older troll. She widened her eyes in apparent panic.

“I'm hospital security!” she exclaimed, nodding to the radio and ID that were clipped onto her belt. Sollux looked closer; she was wearing the same uniform as the guards he had seen around the place, but there was something off about her, something not quite right. He scowled as he realized what it was.

“Bullthit,” he said flatly. “Your radio'th the wrong make and your thecurity ID ith the wrong color, dumbath.”

The woman smirked at him. “Got me in here though, didn't it?” she pointed out. Sollux, about to remind her that she was in no position to be smug, stopped when he felt a strange prickle running up his neck.

“What the...” he began, before his jaw suddenly locked up. The red and blue glow of his psionics died away, the teal-blood rubbing her wrists thoughtfully as her own power crawled across Sollux's skin in electric crackles of aquamarine energy that paralyzed his limbs and left him trapped in his own frozen body.

“That's better,” the teal-blood said with a smile, walking slowly around him and studying him from every angle. “Now, let's talk, shall we?”

Sollux followed her as best as he could with his eyes, fighting desperately to break out from her control. It was no use. Whatever her power was, it was more physical control than mental; his own obscene psionic gift left him utterly vulnerable to the abilities of others around half the time anyway, and physically he'd never bothered to develop any strength at all. From the look on her face this bitch knew it as well as he did. He wasn't moving until she let him.

“You're pretty close to the Heiress, aren't you?” the teal-blood said, relaxing against the wall he had so recently had her pinned to. “Virtually in a red quadrant, I'd say.”

Sollux glared at her wordlessly, and she chuckled, papping his cheek in a sort of sick parody of pale comfort.

“She trusts you,” his captor said, and it wasn't a question. “More than she trusts anyone else. But what about you? Surely there couldn't be anything or anyone you care about more than your precious, beloved leader?” Wicked smile spreading, she reached into an inside pocket and fished out a small photograph, holding it up so that Sollux could see.

His blood-pusher nearly froze as solid as his limbs when he saw Aradia, lying on a strange bed with a copy of that day's newspaper laid carefully across her. Frantically he scanned the picture for clues, any hint at all as to where she might be, but before he could take in anything the image was snatched away and the teal-blood was waving an admonishing finger in its place.

“Naughty, naughty,” she said happily. “Can't have you finding her yet, can we?” She tucked the photo back into her pocket and looked into the distance. “Now, I know what you're thinking: but surely the kidnappers wanted money! And I suppose we did leave that message, didn't we?”

Suddenly she was up close, face right next to his, eyes narrowed to slits. “Now what would you all have thought if we hadn't left a ransom demand, hmm?”

Oh. _Oh._ And however frightened Sollux had been before, now he was flat-out terrified, because he was starting to get a feel for where this was going and this was all his fault because he'd been wishing there was something he could do to protect Aradia and now it was starting to look like maybe there was.

The teal-blood had been watching him closely, and she seemed to follow what he was thinking because she stepped back with a smile. “Starting to get it, are you? We're not interested in money. We're interested in power, which in this case means the Heiress. The best way to her is through you, and the best way to you- well, I think you can guess that part yourself.”

 _Oh great mother grub, oh fuck, not again please not again please fuck no..._ Sollux threw himself against the psionic power that held him still, silently screamed and beat against the walls of his mind and slid helplessly off the strength of the psychic barricade keeping him in. The teal-blood wandered closer and thoughtfully brushed a finger across his face, scrutinizing the mustard-yellow sweat that she collected with the motion.

“Of course, it's not without risk,” she said idly, flicking the droplets away with a careless motion. “You could decide you prefer your seadweller princess to your sleeping beauty. But I don't think you will. After all, you've never liked highbloods, have you? Of course you haven't, how could you after everything we've done to you and your kind.” She tilted her head and gave him a look filled with false sympathy. “And you know, however nice she is, Feferi is still a seadweller. Do you really think she would have ever given you the time of day if she hadn't needed you to fly her ship? The fact that she pities you doesn't mean she'll ever really see you as an equal.”

He didn't believe her. Not really. Feferi wasn't like that, she never would be, he knew that. But it was hard to remember because the voice of the teal-blood, low and soothing and so very, very sweet, was saying exactly the same things he said to himself when he was in depressive phases. Which meant that actually part of him did believe her, and what with everything that had been happening it was the part that was hovering close to the surface. He fought it back down and glared at her, wishing his psionics would work, desperate to crush her and batter her and tear her apart with the strength of his mind.

“Then again, we have Aradia,” the teal-blood continued, not oblivious to but instead amused by his inner fury. “She's a peasant, like you; in fact, it's impossible to get more low-blooded than she is without leaving the hemospectrum altogether. How much have you already given up to keep her safe? Are you really going to throw all that away? Let's face it, Feferi is surrounded by people who want to protect her. Nobody would care about Aradia at all if it wasn't for you. And from what I hear, she's even started to get better lately. Honestly, I would be shocked if you abandoned her now, especially into the hands of the monsters who would abduct a coma patient and kill a nurse!”

Sollux tried to hiss at her and produced an odd gurgling noise instead. The teal-blood laughed and with a small flourish produced a cellphone from an inner pocket, tucking it into his frozen hand.

“This is for us to contact you,” she said, stepping back to admire her handiwork. “If we so much as suspect you're trying to trace the call, we'll kill Aradia. When we call, you pick up promptly, or we kill Aradia. When we order you to do something, you do it, or we kill Aradia. And if you tell anyone about our little arrangement- guess what? We kill Aradia.” She paused and waved a hand dismissively. “Of course, for minor infractions we might just cut pieces off, but you get the idea. If you're not keen on the arrangement, just let Feferi know about our little chat here, and we'll abort the operation.” She grinned at him, eyes narrow. “Guess what that means.”

Sollux tracked her with his eyes as she turned and started to walk away, throwing up a single hand in a nonchalant wave as she went. “It was nice to meet you, _Helmsman,”_ she called, the title sounding like the mockery it was when she spoke it.

When the teal-blood's power lost its grip several minutes later it did so suddenly; Sollux's tortured muscles went from frozen in place to utterly limp in less than a second, and his undignified collapse to the ground was accompanied by a crackling discharge of his own psionic energy that he narrowly managed to divert from breaking a window. Panting and weak and feeling fragile all over, the yellow-blood dragged himself over to the wall and slumped against it, shoulders shaking as he buried his face in his hands, only to pull his head back a moment later and stare blankly at the phone the teal-blood had left him. The shaking spread across his whole body and suddenly he felt deeply, hideously nauseous. He wanted to be sick, but some leftover neurons got together and pointed out that he couldn't do that in a public space without raising some awkward questions. With his free hand on the wall to steady himself, Sollux made his way unevenly down the hall until he caught sight of a public ablution chamber up ahead. He didn't even bother closing the door as he stumbled into one of the cubicles, sticking his head over the load gaper and retching. When nothing but yellow dribble came out he impatiently pressed his hands into his digestion sac and heaved them up, wishing he had a human gag reflex to make it easier. The motion pushed bitter bile up his throat until his reflexes finally caught on and voided the contents of his stomach into the bowl.

Vomiting made him feel a little better, but not much. Sollux slumped back against the flimsy wall of the cubicle, yellow tears streaming down his face and small blue and red sparks crawling over every nearby surface. The sight made him think of the teal-blood's paralysis power and he quickly shut his eyes, rocking his head back and turning his face up to the ceiling.

The kidnapper hadn't known- or hadn't mentioned knowing- how Aradia had been injured in the first place. In some ways her violation hadn't been as bad as Vriska's; not being able to move at all hadn't been nearly so terrifying as having an alien intellect inside his mind, controlling his body and his powers and his thoughts like a puppet. And yet, for all the fear and the shame and the guilt over what had happened to Aradia, he had at least had the comfort of knowing that it hadn't been his choice. That someone else had used him and forced him to hurt the person he cared for most, and that realistically speaking there was no way he could have fought back or pushed her out of his head. Just knowing that he had no power to stop it, though scant comfort, was something he could hold onto during the bad times.

But this- what the fuck was he supposed to do? Whatever they asked of him, it was bound to hurt Feferi somehow, but if he didn't do it then Aradia would suffer. The fucking bulgelickers didn't even have the decency to take his choice away; no, on the contrary, they wanted him to choose. And the worst part, the most horrendous and twisted thing of all, was that they had already known what choice he was going to make and why.

Sollux opened his eyes and slowly pulled himself upright, staggering out of the cubicle and across the room to lean over the one of the basins and stare at his reflection in the cracked institutional mirror. He looked a complete mess. Maybe he should go back looking like this, let them see that something was wrong. He didn't have to tell them anything if they worked it out themselves, right?

Wrong. This wasn't a logic puzzle. If he did anything to mess up these people's plans, they would hurt or kill Aradia, and it would be his fault. Staring at his own reflection, Sollux slipped the new cellphone into his pocket then turned on the tap. He didn't wait for the water to warm up, rinsing his hands under the flow then ducking to scrub his face a little cleaner.

When he straightened up again, Aradia was in the mirror.

With a yelp he whirled around, only to see the line of empty cubicles behind him. He turned back, studied the reflection of the space just behind him where she had seemed to be. He was alone, which made perfect sense. Aradia wasn't here, she wasn't awake, and besides all that the image had been wrong anyway. The girl he had thought he had seen had been just that- a girl, only about four sweeps old. Her eyes would have been wiggler gray if they hadn't been white and blank and featureless.

He was just imagining things. It was probably perfectly normal for people in his situation, and if it wasn't then he sure as fuck didn't want to dwell on it. Rose would have a fucking field day with this if she found out. Taking a deep breath to steady his shaking nerves, Sollux finished washing up and gave himself one last check-over in the mirror. He looked about as good as he was going to get.

His legs still felt weak and floppy, but they supported him at least as he walked back to where his friends were waiting. He paused for a moment, watching them gathered in a small knot around the benches, as he gathered his thoughts. Was he really going to do this?

Yes. Yes he was.

The next few hours passed in a numb blur. He managed to mutter a goodbye to Tavros before the brown-blood left with his detective father, and felt like a complete piece of shit when the other troll smiled and told him to try and trust that it would work out. Every time Feferi touched him- holding his hand, stroking his hair, nuzzling his cheek- he had to force himself to respond normally instead of freaking out and pushing her away. He thought she could tell that something was wrong, but that only made her try harder. Sollux could see it, every emotion in her blood-pusher written plain across her face. She was beautiful and open and honest and kind and gentle and Sollux pitied her so much that it hurt. He hoped that when this was over she wouldn't know he was the one who betrayed her, but the chances of that seemed pretty slim.

 _It's for AA,_ he reminded himself. It was enough to make him feel nauseous all over again, but this time he just edged closer to Feferi until their arms were touching from shoulder to wrist, and leeched comfort from her like a Rainbow Drinker from one of Kanaya's shitty novels would leech blood.

There was a lot of organization and discussion to be done with the police, about drop-offs and tracing calls and the importance of keeping your head in hostage situations. By the time they got in a car to return to Derse Mansion, the sun was already setting in a blaze of orange glory on the western horizon. Sollux stared blankly out of the window as they sped through the city streets, eyes fixed on the alien sky. Normally he would appreciate the duality of the lone silver moon rising as the sun fell, but tonight he was too preoccupied. He wasn't the only one. Kanaya chewed her lip as she stared at the scenery flashing by, and Feferi curled up on her seat and wrapped herself around Sollux. Her head resting on his shoulder was a sign of trust and caring that made him want to feel, if not better, then at least not alone. Except all it made him feel was sick. He couldn't even bring himself to put an arm around Feferi; it was sheer dumb luck that she seemed to be taking how tense and silent he was being as a sign of his worry over Aradia. Which was, he supposed, technically true.

Fucked up as it was, he actually wanted the kidnappers to call and give him an order. Something. At least then he would know how bad it was, what he had to feel guilty about. He hated being stuck in this limbo, feeling like he had betrayed Feferi already without even knowing what unforgivable thing he was supposed to have done. Would she know it was him, afterward? Would he be able to live with it? Oh, fuck, what would he do if she hated him? And speaking of hate, for that matter, what would happen to his relationship with Eridan? His kismesis adored Feferi; the thought of the arrogant seadweller's intense caliginous hatred turning platonic and vengeful made Sollux suppress a slight sob, which in turn caused Feferi look up at him in concern.

“It'll be okay,” she promised with a soft glub, tyrian-flecked eyes wide and pitiful. It was too much. Sollux growled and pushed her off his arm.

“Thtop futhing over me!” he yelled, pulling back away from her as Kanaya's head snapped around. “Jutht fucking leave me alone!”

Feferi stared at him, wounded, and out of the corner of his eye he could make out Kanaya looking between them in shock. Furious, he tucked himself into the corner of the car and glowered at them both. After a moment Feferi started to crawl forwards, reaching out a hand dripping with golden jewelery towards him in a gesture of forgiveness and compassion.

Sollux hissed at her. “What are you, deaf? I thaid fuck off!”

Feferi halted again, confusion warring with distress, and with narrowing eyes Kanaya leaned forwards to beckon the Heiress over to her side of the car. Sollux watched Feferi go, and the wary glance she gave him hurt as much as he would have expected and yet somehow far more. He curled in on himself, hugging his bony knees as a piss-poor substitute for her as he glared out of the car window.

Derse Mansion was darker than the surrounding houses, but Sollux had no trouble making out the neatly-trimmed garden in the moonlight as they drove through the main gates and towards the house. He stared numbly at the alien landscape until they pulled away from the trees and arrived in the main driveway. When the car stopped Kanaya politely held the door for Feferi, glaring at Sollux before following the Heiress up to the house. Sollux took a moment to take a deep breath which did absolutely nothing, before he made his own way to the front door. It was ajar, and he didn't bother to close it properly when he went through. They had gates and security guards, and besides, the only one of them who couldn't adequately defend herself was already missing. No, not missing. Taken.

The others were scattered around the living room, with the notable exception of Grandpa Harley. Sollux paused uncertainly in the door while Roxy staggered past and grabbed the phone with one hand and a bottle of something amber with the other. The psionic boy charitably chose to assume that his adoptive human lusus was planning further communication with the cops rather than going to collapse in a drunken heap somewhere, and walked straight past the subdued gathering towards the stairs. Perhaps a few hours of coding would help him forget the mess he was in for a while.

“Sollux!”

He looked round on instinct as Jade called to him, and glared at the human girl who lay on the floor by the fireplace with her laptop and Bec.

“What?” he snapped, folding his arms. Jade returned his angry frown.

“I was just going to ask how you were holding up!” she said, before turning back to her computer. Sollux could make out the Pesterchum interface, but not the text.

“What, doethen't your thtupid Grandpa want to thay he'th thinking of uth from the other thide of the world or thomething?” he asked. Jade huffed at him in response.

“Don't fuckin' talk to her like that!” Eridan said with a growl, straightening up from where he'd been lounging- actually fucking _lounging-_ on one of the couches. “And for your information, piss-blood, she's not talkin' to Gramps. She's talkin' to the other fuckin' lowblood moron cause a how you been treatin' him like shit.”

Oh yeah. Tavros. Maybe there was someone who wouldn't hate him after all- except Sollux had the uncomfortable feeling that the shy troll might, in his situation, have shown a little more backbone. Which meant he was actually less courageous than Tavros right now. Still, it was a good thing Jade was covering for him; Tavros wouldn't have to wonder what happened when Sollux got himself killed or arrested or worse.

“Whatever,” he said, and turning his back on the room he started to stomp upstairs, ignoring the sudden outbreak of chatter behind him as Eridan protested being so completely ignored. Seriously, he had become such a fucking prima donna since their kismessitude went public and Roxy house-ruled "no mackin' where I gotsta be brekkin it up"- normally Sollux would have been too furious to code and would have gone back for a proper fight with his rival, but at the moment he was just too exhausted to even consider it.

He stepped into his respite block with a sigh of relief. Like the rooms he picked out in every house they stayed in over the last year and a half, he had transformed it into a small, dark space dedicated to having to move around as little as physically possible. He hadn't felt the need to bother with a double bed or more storage than a single chest of drawers, and his attitude to tidying showed in the heaps of clothes that stood like small islands amongst the sea of cables that criss-crossed the carpet. By now this setup was the best one he had in all the Lalonde-Harley houses, probably even among the best on Earth, although it had nothing on the old apiculture mainframe he'd kept back on Alternia.

He slumped bonelessly into the wheeled chair by the desk, the impact causing it to drift a couple of inches before it stopped against a discarded shoe. The computer wasn't switched off- he hardly ever bothered to switch it off, Roxy sometimes joked about getting extra generators installed just to keep up with his power usage- so he woke it up with a click of the mouse and opened his latest coding project. In the event that he actually managed to finish it, the program would hack into various communications satellites and the SETI centers, then monitor the available data and warn him at the first hint of an approaching Alternian vessel. If there was one thing Sollux had learned in life, it was to keep an eye out for the universe getting ready to screw him again. He sure as fuck wasn't naïve enough to think that her Imperious Condescension had just shrugged her shoulders and forgotten about them absconding from her Empire.

All of which only made it all the more depressing to open up the file and see what looked like several thousand lines of randomly spewed alphanumerical characters all over his screen. He groaned as he scrolled through his work; what the fuck had he been thinking? He vaguely remembered staying up for three days and nights straight working on it, which might explain why his formatting was all to hell and he hadn't commented on _anything._ Shit, he couldn't even _read_ this, let alone debug it.

His face hit the desk with a despairing thud. Useless, useless, useless. He should just do everyone a favor and cull himself already. Fuck knows it would be a way out of his nightmare of a dilemma. Sollux's eyes burned as he realized that he'd come full circle back to the problem he was trying to forget in the first place; obviously he wasn't succeeding very well. He needed to do something, talk to someone, anything to get this weight off his chest.

Sollux raised his head, which seemed suddenly heavy, to watch the screen as he opened Pesterchum and tried to contact the only friend he could think of that wasn't currently downstairs.

–- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 20:37 –-   
TA: kk ii need two talk two you   
TA: kk   
TA: kk 2eriiou2ly   
TA: oh fuck you   
–- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 20:39 –-

Sollux furiously pushed himself away from the desk, spinning a little in his chair. Fuck Karkat! That asshole could fucking choke on a diseased bulge as far as Sollux cared. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What was he going to do? He needed someone to talk to, someone who could help him, someone who could give him advice on dealing with kidnappers and blackmailers and crooks...

Oh, yeah, of course.

–- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 20:42 –-   
TA: tz   
TA: come on an2wer already   
TA: ii need two a2k you 2omethiing   
GC: W3LL H3LLO TH3R3 H3LMSM4N >:]   
TA: oh fuck no   
TA: dont you dare fucking call me that   
TA: not today   
GC: 1TS ONLY 4 JOK3 SOLLUX >:[   
TA: yeah well iit ii2nt funny   
TA: ii am on my la2t fucking nerve here   
TA: no 2cratch that   
TA: ii am freakiing the fuck out   
GC: B3C4US3 OF 4R4D14   
TA: ye2   
TA: no   
TA: fuck   
TA: thii2 wa2 a really really 2tupiid iidea   
TA: ii 2hould go   
GC: SOLLUX, YOU C4M3 LOOK1NG FOR H3LP   
GC: 4T L34ST T3LL M3 WHY!! >:O   
TA: you cant   
TA: ii cant   
TA: 2hiit ii 2houldnt even be 2ayiing thii2 much   
TA: ii have two go   
GC: SOLLUX W41T!!   
–- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 20:48 –-

Sollux stared at the screen, shaking as badly as he had after his earlier confrontation with a different teal bitch, normally coherent parts of his think-pan gibbering in terror. What the fuck had he been thinking, talking to Terezi? Shit, had he said too much? If she worked out the truth- if she worked out anything- then Aradia would suffer for it and it would be his fault, his fucking fault because he couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut like the nice psychotic maniac told him to.

Slowly his panic subsided, leaving him staring dumbly at the Pesterchum window. He knew he should close it, remove the nearly overwhelming temptation to spill his guts to someone, but instead he found himself opening his chumroll and looking at a handle that had always been there but had never really become familiar.

Whatever. The guy was too fucking dumb to figure anything out anyway, unless Sollux just blurted it out, and even then he could probably talk his way out of it. With a sigh that could have been resignation or relief, Sollux clicked to message the one person who had the faintest ghost of a chance of understanding what the fuck he was feeling.

–- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering adiosToreador [AT] at 20:55 –-   
TA: hii tv   
AT: oH, HI, sOLLUX,   
AT: tEREZI, WAS, UH, JUST SAYING,   
AT: hOW YOU SEEMED, TO MAYBE BE, UPSET, BY SOMETHING?   
AT: i MEAN, MORE THAN, THE OBVIOUS,   
TA: oh fuck   
TA: ii forgot that you two practiically liive together   
TA: look just dont tell her iit2 me okay   
AT: rIGHT,   
AT: uM, ABOUT THAT, THAT WOULD BE,   
AT: i ALREADY, ER, TOLD HER, JUST NOW, WHEN YOU SAID, HELLO,   
TA: oh fucking 2hiit   
TA: ii forgot what a u2ele22 wiiggler you are   
TA: why am ii even fuckiing bothering with you   
AT: wELL, UH, i THINK THAT, PERHAPS, YOU ARE WORRIED,   
AT: aBOUT aRADIA,   
AT: aND MAYBE, UM, YOU WANTED TO TALK, ABOUT THAT?   
AT: bECAUSE, ER, i ACTUALLY, KNEW HER, AND ALSO, SHE WAS MY, UM, BEST FRIEND,   
AT: yOU KNOW, WHEN SHE WAS, UM, AWAKE AND STUFF,   
AT: aND i GUESS, tEREZI KNEW HER TOO?   
AT: uM, A BIT, ANYWAY,   
AT: bUT MOSTLY IT IS, PROBABLY QUITE HARD,   
AT: tO HAVE, TO TRY AND TALK, TO PEOPLE, WHO NEVER REALLY, KNEW HER?   
AT: sO, i'M LISTENING, UM, i GUESS,   
TA: ...   
TA: iim 2orry   
AT: fOR WHAT?   
TA: hurtiing her   
AT: yOU DIDN'T, UM, HURT HER,   
AT: tHAT, WAS VRISKA,   
TA: iit feel2 liike iit wa2 me   
TA: ii feel liike iim cur2ed   
TA: liike iim fucking doomed to de2troy everyone ii care about   
AT: i DON'T THINK, THAT IS A THING, WHICH IS TRUE,   
TA: then why doe2 iit keep happeniing   
TA: fiir2t aa   
TA: then kk   
TA: and now

Sollux abruptly froze, unable to finish. What the fuck was he thinking? If he told Tavros, Terezi would find out, and then... he didn't want to think about “and then”. This was a mistake, fuck, what was he going to do...?

His panic was interrupted by the chime of Tavros replying to his half-finished thought.

AT: uM, i DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT,   
AT: bUT YOU HAVEN'T, UM, TYPED ANYTHING, FOR A WHILE, NOW?   
AT: aND ALSO i AM, ER, SORT OF, WORRIED,   
AT: aBOUT WHO YOU MIGHT, MAYBE, HAVE BEEN GOING, TO SAY,,,   
TA: iit2 nothiing   
TA: forget ii 2aiid anythiing   
AT: oKAY?   
TA: tv   
AT: yES?   
TA: iif 2omethiing happened to me   
TA: you would look out for aa   
TA: wouldnt you   
AT: uM, i HOPE, THAT SOMETHING, DOESN'T HAPPEN,   
AT: bUT IF IT DID, THEN THAT WOULD BE, A THING, THAT I WOULD DO,   
TA: thank2   
TA: iit2 been good   
TA: talkiing two you   
TA: and iim 2orry   
AT: eR, tEREZI SAYS, i SHOULD ASK YOU, TO TELL ME, WHAT'S WRONG,   
–- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT] at 21:13 –-

Sollux got out of his chair and walked across the room, falling face-first onto his bed and grabbing the pillow one-handed. The bedding was still neat, although right now he couldn't remember if that was because he hadn't slept on it yet or because Roxy liked to break into his room and make his bed for him. Truth be told, he was probably going to miss her when this was over. She was caring and sort of interesting and definitely smarter than his last lusus. Not that it was difficult to be smarter than that idiot bicyclops had been. Fuck, Sollux missed that big lug. He wouldn't be any help at all in this situation, but it would have been nice to be able to curl up against him. He had always felt safe there. Protected. Loved.

Instead, Sollux tugged the pillow close to his chest and wrapped himself around it, clinging to the scant comfort it provided and wishing he wasn't alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who is interested, the reason trolls in this AU have no gag reflex is because after much contemplation of bizarre alien biology, I decided that their teeth are simply not suited for chewing. Which means they must be swallowing things in much larger chunks than humans typically do. From there it was a natural step for me to imagine them having jaws that aren't fused at the front and which can unhinge much like a snake's, allowing them to swallow some pretty big stuff without choking and ensuring that a gag reflex is only going to get in the way.
> 
> I also worked out that for the good of interspecies relations it is imperative that trolls do not attempt to eat anything larger than their head and that humans should refrain from pinwheeling their arms, because that shit is freaky as fuck to an entirely non-brachiating species.


	4. ==> Be The Perky Palhoncho

### CHAPTER THREE ==> Be The Perky Palhoncho

John Egbert woke to the sound of an insistent klaxon, a happy rescue from the clutches of another night's twisted and terrifying dreams. It was still sudden for a worn-out teenager, and John grumbled incoherently into his pillow, flailing blindly with one hand. He bashed at the clutter beside his bed until the noise stopped with an embarrassed peep. A few minutes later, it resumed with all the vengeance an activated sleep function can summon; groaning, John pulled himself up in a shambolic tangle of bed-hair and Ghostbuster pajamas. It wasn't until he had found his glasses and drunk half a miraculously untoppled tumbler of water that he remembered what today was.

Bare feet pounded on carpet as John raced downstairs and threw open the door that had once led to his father's study. The room had changed utterly from the sombre work-space it had once been, the old furnishings being squeezed into the living room and his father's bedroom to make room for the new occupants. Now there were heavy curtains over the window and two raised beds stood on opposite sides of the room, each housing a small desk and a shelf unit underneath. The walls were painted stark black, indigo and red- the results of an enthusiastic amateur redecorating effort.

In the dead center of the gloomy room, caught between the careless mess of the indigo half and the spartan bareness of the red side, was a pile of bedding and beanbags in the same three colors as the rest of the room. Buried in the middle of the comforters and pillows, next to the remains of a thankfully cheap alarm clock, John could just make out two huddled figures. Then Karkat's head rose out of the heap, and scant moments later a pillow slammed into the wall by John's head.

“What the fuck, Egbert?” yelled Karkat, near-levitating into a wary crouch on the pile. “What are you even doing in here? Isn't one shitpanned cullbaiting joke of a roommate enough for me to deal with?”

“Just waking you up for school!” John said, dodging a second pillow. After the last couple of months of this he was probably going to be the absolute best at dodgeball. He couldn't suppress a grin at the thought- that would sure surprise everyone in gym class!

“Oh, shit!” Karkat's eyes widened and he reached over to gingerly pat his moirail's shoulder. “Gamzee. Gamzee. Wake up, nookstain, we've got shit to do today.” Gamzee muttered and rolled over, burying his face a little deeper into the pile. Karkat frowned and started to yank off the various layers of blanket and cushion that covered the indigo-blood. “Come on, you tentsquatting fucktard!”

“Already all up and awake, bro,” Gamzee replied languidly, eyes still closed. “I'm good to go.”

“You're in your fucking sleep clothes,” Karkat snapped, before looking back round at John. “Why in the name of every useless, sadistic pretender to the rank of divinity on both our planets are you still in here? GET THE FUCK OUT!”

John practically danced out of the room, giggling as he raced for the kitchen. Waking up the trolls was a game that was never going to get old. Dad still wasn't up and about, so John dug out a pack of lucky charms and the milk from the fridge and poured himself some cereal. Only a year or two ago he would have had trouble reaching the overhead cupboards, but at fifteen John was a lanky weed. Gamzee was taller, but Gamzee was an indigo-blood and thanks to his horns was already having serious trouble with overhead clearance in too many buildings. It was a really good thing that the Egbert house didn't have low ceilings; the roof inside the car had gained a few tears already.

He'd not been sat down long before the other two joined him, Karkat tugging self-consciously at the brand new turtleneck he wore and picking at the brilliant red symbol emblazoned on it with his clawtips. John figured that the guy could probably use some distracting before his head exploded, and grinned at his new troll brothers in a way so sunny it was guaranteed to annoy Karkat into not worrying or your money back.

“Looking good, Karkitty!” he said, and snorted milk down his nose when the stocky alien gave him a death glare.

“Fuck you,” Karkat said, passing John and heading straight to the cabinets to dig out Gamzee's pills. The indigo-blood, his face now fully painted and his scars hardly visible at all, studiously poured out two more bowls of cereal before completely drowning them in milk. John watched Gamzee examine the half-inch or so left in the bottle, then pulled a face when the troll drank it and dropped the empty in the trash. Maybe it saved dirtying a glass, but Dad always said that good table manners cost nothing.

“Okay, so we need to talk,” Karkat said, ramming the pill box down in front of his moirail and grabbing his bowl. “About what we are and are not saying to your fellow retards in the foreseeable future.”

John looked up, feeling the house grow a little darker and colder as the memories rose like ghastly specters in his head. “I know.” He set his empty bowl down on the table and stared fixedly at it, avoiding Karkat and Gamzee's eyes. “I... I don't really want people to find out, about, well, you know...”

“About how your genetic ancestor is an insane murderous psychopath?” Karkat finished for him. The bluntness hurt; John's eyes flicked up and he glared at his new adoptive bro. Karkat, unaffected by this, waved his spoon emphatically. “Look, I get it, okay? I for one would rather not have it spread about that I'm on fucking probation or why, and we don't tell anyone why Gamzee's on pills either unless we have to, got it?”

John's face smoothed as the darkness receded. He nodded slowly. “So, we just keep quiet? What happened in LA, stays in LA?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Karkat agreed, stabbing viciously at the contents of his bowl with the spoon. “We're not a barely-medicated shithive maggot-farmer and a budding young felon, you're a totally normal Egbert with all the pan-blasting levels of banality that implies, and none of it actually happened.”

“I don't think you guys are that bad!” John said, smiling and cheerful once again. “But I agree anyway. Nobody's going to hear anything from me.”

Karkat glared at him a moment longer, then nodded and turned to his moirail. “Gamzee?”

The indigo-blood shrugged. “Shit, I ain't got no kind of problem with that. Be good to leave them nasty motherfucking happenings out in the past where they're all up and belonging.”

“So we've got a deal,” Karkat said. The others nodded just as the older Egbert walked into the kitchen.

“What deal's this?” Dad asked, the hint of a smile on his freshly shaven features.

“Oh, I was just promising to show them around town later,” John lied blithely. His father patted him on the shoulder.

“Good idea, son,” he agreed. “That should help them settle in no time!”

Karkat rolled his eyes as Egbert senior joined them, but no more was said on the matter. Breakfast was an energetic affair, and as John showed Gamzee how Poptarts worked for the millionth time- the indigo-blood still insisted the toaster was made of miracles, a declaration which made Karkat theatrically slam his head into the table every single time- the human boy couldn't help feeling like everything was going to work out fine. Sure, they were gray and had horns and were from a whole other world, but Karkat and Gamzee were just so normal. Or, not really normal, but not weird and outer-spacey either. And they were already enrolled so there wasn't anything that could happen to stop them from going to school with John, which didn't stop him from feeling seriously nervous because it was actually the trolls' first day of public education in almost a year. Also, they were aliens.

Okay, maybe he was a little jittery about the fact that he was definitely going to school with two space aliens. The butterflies in his stomach didn't go away, even after they had left the house and started piling into the car. John took the passenger seat and Gamzee stretched out in the back with his head on Karkat's lap. Dad had originally fretted about the lack of seatbelt, but it was the only way the tall troll's horns would fit at all, and as everyone who knew anything about Alternian physiology had pointed out if the car did crash then Gamzee could probably take more physical punishment than the vehicle. John watched the rearview mirror, spying on Karkat as the mutant scowled out of the car window. The houses on Fir Drive were all built identical; compact white boxes glowing pale gold in the early morning sun, row after row after row of inoffensive repeated architecture with cheerful lawns and bright splashes of individual color in the form of outdoor ornaments and living-room curtains. Karkat glared at them as if they had all personally offended him, but Gamzee had crooked his neck at an odd angle to gawp at the passing scenery.

“Motherfucking miracles,” he whispered appreciatively. Karkat growled and slumped further down in his seat.

“What? What's so fucking brilliant about it?” he snapped, waving an arm expressively towards the shifting view out the window. “It's just a bunch of completely unimaginative tert hive-stems...”

“Language, Karkat,” Dad said. John grinned as Karkat scowled and muttered an apology. Trying to get the pair of them to stop swearing altogether had pretty much been a lost cause from the start, but however tolerant he was willing to be of their foul mouths Dad had insisted that racial slurs had no place under his roof. So far Gamzee was doing a much better job than Karkat- or John, for that matter, who had picked up more than a few bad habits in LA and had brought them out for an airing once or twice. The tall indigo-blood was also doing better at speaking in English all the time, and was even fairly fluent at reading it as long as he had time to sound the words out. Karkat was having a harder time letting go of his ingrained behavior. Sometimes John wondered if it had been so long since he had a home that the mutant troll didn't know how to act in one any more.

The school was a half-hour drive away, not too far from the center of town. It was a long square bracket with yellow walls and a black roof, the two wings enclosing a decent-sized car park as well as several cloisters and some green space. John started to bounce excitedly in his seat as they drew closer, but his anticipation turned to puzzlement as he saw the unusually large crowd of adults around the school entrance, carrying placards that were unreadable at this distance.

“Oh, no,” his Dad muttered, and John was about to ask him what was going on when a dark-haired woman in a businesslike blouse and skirt, remarkable only because she was standing on the back of a truck, addressed the crowd through a megaphone.

“Yes, I'm a purist, and I'm proud of it! These damn trolls were bred to be killers, and that's all they'll ever be!”

As her words sunk in, John felt all the nervous excitement he had been feeling turn into something considerably more cold and sickening. He glanced over to the back seat and saw the two Alternians holding hands so tightly that their blood colors showed on their knuckles. He couldn't believe he hadn't even considered this possibility. He was the worst brofriend ever for making them go through this, it was him.

“What's going to happen when they start breeding?” the purist woman was demanding, her free hand reaching out to the crowd- to the mob- for support. “They're like any other insects- their queen will lay hundreds and thousands of eggs at once! And what's going to happen when they hatch into grubs? Pretty soon there won't be any room for the rest of us! We don't need any more damned aliens! We shouldn't let them into our schools. This has always been a good school, we've got to keep it that way! We don't want their kind here!”

“They've got a _right_ to go to school!” yelled a voice from the mass of adults, and John felt his heart lift a little. Not everyone was against them, at least.

“There are schools in LA,” the purist woman said stonily, the crowd murmuring agreement.

“They don't live there any more!” the unknown man insisted, and John felt like he wanted to hug the guy. The rear-view mirror showed Karkat gnawing at his lip and scowling more deeply than he had in weeks, while Gamzee had stiffened into a tense line of pent-up panic.

“Then let them move back,” the purist woman replied, unaware or uncaring of her alien audience. She paused for a moment as the crowd cheered, then continued with a look of triumph on her face. “They're unnatural. They're already taking too much taxpayer money- our money! If we let them in here now there'll be a hundred more just waiting!”

John wondered how such a normal, motherly-looking woman could say such awful things. Next to him, his Dad was gripping the steering wheel so tight that the plastic was starting to buckle under his prodigious mangrit.

A second woman, red-haired but just as seemingly average as the first, took the megaphone. “We don't want them mixing with our kids; the Quarantine wasn't long enough. The ACLU got them released too soon! How do we know they're really safe?”

“I SAY WE RUN THEM BACK TO TROLLTOWN!” the first woman yelled, the mob howling their bloodthirsty agreement.

John was barely aware of his father moving until the car door slammed, the sound echoing across the school court. Silence fell over the crowd as the smartly-dressed man stalked towards them.

“Excuse me, madam, but why exactly should we stop there?” John's dad was utterly polite, his voice level and mildly curious as he approached the makeshift stage. “Why don't we just kill them? Teach them a lesson, keep them in their place, keep America _pure?”_

The crowd cheered and whooped, and John could see the flash of consternation and fear pass over Karkat's face as their shared guardian did a slow turn to take in his entire audience.

“Yes, that's right!” he exclaimed, smiling wolfishly. “Why, we don't even need to mark them with special symbols to recognize them, do we? Just look at them- they already stand out so much better than any of the usual _human_ minorities!”

This time the proclamation was met with silence, but Mr Egbert didn't stop. If anything he seemed even more excited as he grinned at the crowd, nodding in satisfaction as he spoke. “Yes, this really should be a piece of cake,” he said, starting to stroll back towards the car. “We should get a large number of us together, make ourselves a uniform- maybe some white pointy hoods, or a nice swastika armband? Won't that make it seem official when we start stringing them up! We can start with these two right here...”

He leaned over and winked at the boys in the car, opening the door with one hand and beckoning them out with the other. Both trolls cast a glance at John, who grinned broadly and gave them a reassuring thumbs up. It was enough for Gamzee; the tall troll wriggled forward out of the car. Karkat hissed, and glared at his guardian as he followed his moirail.

“I swear on all my future quadrants, Egbert, if this is some sort of trick...”

“It is, but not for you,” Dad whispered, before taking a troll in each hand and turning back to the uncertain mob. “Never mind that they fled their home in fear for their lives!” he declared loudly, in the same stern tones he had always used to chide John. “Just because they came to America to find sanctuary and start new lives safe from persecution, doesn't mean we could have anything in common with them! They're not really people, after all, and if they start thinking that maybe they are then we can always beat it out of them!” He paused to glare at the silent crowd, staring at individual faces until they turned away. “Discourage them enough, they'll give up. So what if one of them might have discovered the cure for cancer someday? They're not civilized like us!” 

John jumped out of the car to follow as his Dad strode forward, dragging two bemused Alternians along until all four of them were standing just in front of the main doors, opposite the truck that had once stood as center stage. Stunned faces stared as the man looked fiercely around the gathered throng. “So why don't we just cut to the chase and start _culling_ them now, hmm? Come on, someone in this group must know where to get some rope, or a gun.” He tapped an impatient foot. “Hurry up, now, I'd like to get my mob justice sorted before lunchtime. How about you, Ms Purist? I _know_ you're just raring to get rid of these boys! Surely you can help a man out!”

The purist woman returned his glare in silence, and John's father snorted. “What, nothing? Well, it's rather messy, but I suppose we could have a go at beating them to death.” He half-turned towards Karkat, and with all eyes looking their way John didn't think anyone missed the fraction of a heartbeat when both trolls flinched.

“No!” All eyes turned to the red-haired purist woman, who was visibly shaking. “We don't want them dead, we just want them back where they belong.”

“They belong _here,”_ Mr Egbert bellowed, putting his arms around Karkat and Gamzee's shoulders and pulling the two of them close. His expression softened as he looked at the nearest members of the crowd. “Aren't you ashamed of yourselves?” he asked quietly, voice carrying across the hush. “Don't you think enough is enough?”

“I quite agree,” said a voice behind him, and John turned to see the school principal emerging from just behind him, three other teachers at her back. Ms Chen frowned at the assembled mass before her. “Which would be why I, and the school board, made the decision to accept these new students.” She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes in the fearsome glare known only to career educators. “If I see anyone still out here in three minutes I will call the police, and have you all arrested for violating the civil rights act of nineteen sixty-four. I'm starting my watch now!”

John was taken aback by the cheering as the three of them walked into the building. He glanced back over his shoulder as he walked in, and saw his Dad mouthing _I'm proud of you, son._ John rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop the grin that was stretching across his face. It seemed completely backwards to him, because right now his heart felt so big he thought it might burst out of his chest like a xenomorph. Wow, was this how his dad felt all the time? Judging by the wide-eyed stare on Karkat's face and Gamzee's ridiculous grin, he wasn't the only one who had been left stunned.

The encounter with the protest had left them running slightly late, and the pale, institutional corridors were empty. Since there wasn't anyone about to see, John decided to celebrate by boogieing down the hall in the cheesiest way possible. Gamzee laughed and joined in while Karkat stared at them both, mouth working silently around incoherence; John beckoned to his grumpy troll buddy at the intersection, beside a board covered in highly official handwritten notices.

“Come on,” he said, trying not to burst into giggles as Gamzee did some sort of weird troll beat-boxing and bobbed his head in time to the rhythm- an impressive sight with all his hair bouncing, too. “Homeroom's this way. Don't you want to make some new friends?”

Karkat's glare intensified and he kept storming on at a steady pace, almost passing them before it struck John that he wasn't planning to stop. "Let me make this absolutely clear to you, Egbert, since your juvenile mammalian brain seems to lack the thinking capacity of a wet dishrag," said Karkat, his eyes fixed on the ground ahead and entirely missing John skipped along beside him and Gamzee slinking along the other wall. "Unlike you and the rotpanned idiot you are in cahoots with, there, I have no expectation whatsoever of befriending the vast majority of your classmates, if any at all." He jabbed a thumb over at his moirail. "This clown-faced idiot has permanently filled my own personal quota for slack-jawed morons and if I have to tolerate one more mentally deficient bulgelicker in my life I will do an acrobatic fucking backflip off the handle into your proverbial human shit creek, where there will be no paddles because I will be using them to beat retarded fuckwads to death, before drowning myself in the aforementioned river of excrement.”

"Oh, come on, Karkat, it won't be that bad!" John said cheerily, doing his best to completely ignore the growing feeling that actually it might well be. He hadn't been expecting the protest, after all, and it wasn't like he had the best history of getting on smoothly with his classmates. Then again, Tyler had stopped trying to beat him up after the itching powder prank. Totally worth the suspension to see the entire football team rolling around the pitch like bowling pins, and not even Dad had been able to figure out how he'd pulled it off. John caught sight of Gamzee out of the corner of his eye and grinned; if anyone wanted to mess with his troll brothers, then they would have to deal with his prankster's gambit first.

The next turn brought them to the classroom, and John burst through the door before anyone had time to get cold feet or think of more lengthy ways to say "you're a fucking idiot" in English.

“Hello, John, it's good to see that you're finally back from...” Mr Hackett began, but the teacher came to an abrupt halt as first Karkat and then Gamzee, ducking to fit his horns under the doorframe, followed John into the room. Silence blossomed; John snickered as Gamzee nearly crashed headlong into the back of his suddenly stationary moirail at the sight of a whole room gawping at the two trolls. John saw a ball of paper drop to the floor as Tyler froze mid-game, his girlfriend on the next seat over looking up from the picture she had been sharing with her friend to stare wide-eyed. In the back, Haley and Kieran stopped carving skulls or whatever into their desks and leaned over each other to get a better view, and next to them a girl John didn't know but vaguely remembered as being in the year above him before summer dropped her cellphone and sat up straight as a rod, her mouth falling open. All across the classroom people fell silent, whatever they had been talking about only moments before forgotten as a deep, gaping hush filled the room.

“You... must be the new students,” said Mr Hackett, rallying magnificently. John had to suppress more laughter at the sight of his middle-aged, almost compulsively neat homeroom teacher gripping his desk for support and staring bug-eyed. “Gamzee and Karkat, correct?”

“That's right!” John answered for them, beaming at the teacher like the whole room hadn't just been rendered speechless. The man slowly sank down onto his chair and nodded.

“Okay, John, get to your seat. Ah, Gamzee, Karkat, perhaps you'd like to introduce yourselves?”

John's seat was as usual near the front of the room, where teachers insisted they could "keep an eye on him". For once he didn't mind because it meant he had a stagefront seat when Gamzee beat Karkat to the punch and draped an arm around his moirail's shoulders. “Sure would!” he told the teacher proudly, before turning to face the still-stunned student body. “Hey, motherfuckers,” he said, grinning. “I'm Gamzee, and this here's my best friend Karkat. We're all up and living with John and his Dad, and we're all gonna be going to school with you, which we are wicked fucking excited about, and if we could all up and be friends and shit that would be the motherfucking bitchtits. Right, Karbro?”

John giggled, partly because the glare Karkat flashed at Gamzee was hilarious and partly because Gamzee had clearly been making an effort and had only sworn three times but Mr Hackett still looked constipated. Either someone had given him warning or he was still in shock because space aliens; usually he would already be giving detention to a student using that kind of language!

Karkat didn't seem much happier than the teacher. His scowl switched from Gamzee to sweep across the room, and if anything it grew deeper as it went.

"For fuck's sake," he growled, his accent showing stronger than John had heard it in weeks. "No, we're not human. Well done for noticing; I'm sure your ancestor-lusii would all be very proud of you. Now get the fuck over it already, or at least learn to stare with some subtlety, because I would like at least some tattered fragments of my sanity to survive the loathsome discomfort of your company.”

The class continued to watch, speechless, as Karkat stamped over to the nearest empty desk- next to John's- and flung himself down into it. He folded his arms and glared a challenge at anyone who looked his way, and John could have sworn he heard someone cough-mutter "drama queen" from the back of the class. Gamzee shrugged and scratched behind an ear.

“He's kind of a grouchy motherfucker,” he explained sheepishly, before walking over and sliding into the only other empty seat in the room, behind his moirail. Mr Hackett took the floor again, one hand still resting on his desk, and started to talk quickly before the faint buzz of voices in the classroom could rise to a crescendo.

"Right, well, I'm sure we're all glad to have John back from his extended break, and I hope you'll all join me in welcoming our new students to Maple Valley High once they've had a chance to get settled in. Now, ah, I have here a note from the Principal asking me to remind all students that running in the hallways is strictly forbidden. I don't care if you are late to class or the hall seems empty..."

John zoned out, ignoring the announcements in favor of pulling faces at Gamzee. The troll reciprocated in kind, touching the tip of his crazy long tongue to his nose, and between that and Karkat rolling his eyes at the pair of them John was fairly sure neither of them really registered that they were still being stared at, or the whispers that were starting to go around the classroom.

When the bell rang and everyone grabbed their stuff for first period, John hung back to make sure he could shepherd Karkat and Gamzee to the locker room- first period gym, bluh, whose dumb idea was that? They were the last out of homeroom, Gamzee waving a cheery goodbye to a still-pale Mr Hackett as they left, and John quickly discovered just how strange the journey through the hallways was going to be. It wasn't the first time he had seen people deliberately steer clear of him at school, or heard whispered voices fall silent as he passed. What was new was Karkat slouching along beside him in a cloud of tight private fury, while Gamzee alternated between racing ahead and stopping dead to study colorful class reports pinned to corkboards, muttering about “miracles” and “motherfucking wicked shit” through a permanent grin of sharp alien shark-teeth. Nobody got in their way or said anything to them, but every pair of eyes turned to watch the trolls as they passed, and behind them the murmur of new rumors forming filled the air.

John kept turning his head left and right, looking for a familiar flash of white-blonde hair, but there was no sign of his best school-based friend. It sucked that she was in a different class; he'd wanted to introduce her, Gamzee and Karkat, but he'd probably have to wait until lunch now. In the back of John's mind was the thought that before this summer, he would probably have minded this sort of attention a whole lot more.

_...Jade's wide, frightened eyes, panting heavy breaths born of exhaustion and fear while she tried and failed to hold Karkat's blood in with her bare hands, three terrified children trying to hide from a nightmare in human form..._

The silence and the staring didn't really bother him now, though, which was great! Still, not even the most positive of attitudes or life-changing of experiences could completely quell John's dread over the impending changing-room harassment. Even Karkat's reaction as they entered the boy's locker room- a wrinkled nose and exclamation of “fucking slimedribblers, Egbert, what do they keep in here, all the foot-warming cloth garments that haven't yet been culled for crimes against olfactory receptors?”- couldn't distract him from years of locker-room mockery and malicious shoving. No amount of clever pranks or cunning vengeance had managed to offset his persistent baby-fat when he was younger, or his bean-pole ribs now he'd really hit puberty.

It quickly became clear that if John was miserable at having to change in front of his classmates, Karkat was in outright denial. John's new troll brother huddled next to the gym lockers, arms folded close over his symbol as he stared furiously at the floor with red-burning cheeks. Even Gamzee's attempts to coax his moirail with promises that _it's all motherfucking chill, best friend, ain't nothing but miracles gonna be all happening_ could persuade the small mutant to shed his protective layers of clothing. John felt his own face flush when the snickering started, glances at the two trolls being followed by whispered conversations that were too familiar to not be hurtful. He couldn't even be glad that it wasn't aimed at him; at least he knew how to turn the jokes around and take the sting out.

“Come on Karkat, it's not so bad,” John tried to tell his Alternian friend, pulling his own shirt off and forcing himself to grin in a show of solidarity. Karkat scowled at him.

“I am not fucking stripping in a communal garment changing block,” the troll snapped. “Not with a bunch of terts!”

“Language, bro,” Gamzee said at the same moment as John asked; “What do you mean?”

If it was possible, Karkat seemed to pull even further back against the locker. “It means that your whole species are sex-crazed lunatics on a par with a pack of wild hopbeasts in heat, who appear to consider _breathing_ to be a sincere concupiscent advance, and since I am not an unhatched grub or a rot-panned moron I sure as _fuck_ am not disrobing in front of any of you assholes!”

A few distinct snorts of laughter sounded from around the room, and John swallowed. “Come on, buddy,” he said, one eye on the rest of the boys as his prankster's senses flashed neon signs around Karkat. He made a mental note to explain later that it wasn't a great idea to advertise weak points like that. “No need to make a huge deal out of this; we're just getting changed for gym.”

“Yeah, dude, what you hiding under there?” yelled someone from the back of the room. Laughter interspersed with some jeering and ominous mutters of agreement filled the room. John shifted towards the troll as people began to drift closer, closing off Karkat's lines of escape. Even for a human that would be threatening; for a troll hardwired by a life of violent struggle, it was barely a hair shy of outright assault. Gamzee obviously felt it too, pulling back to stand by his moirail, gray hands clasped together in mutual reassurance.

Cornered with them, John forced a weak giggle. “Hehe. You know, guys, maybe this would be a good time to back up a bit...”

“Shut it, Egderp,” said Tyler, pushing him aside. The captain of the football team was, inch for inch and pound for pound, not really any bigger than John. He certainly wasn't taller than Gamzee, or more solid than Karkat. It was his confidence that made everyone around him look small, a nordic demigod of sheer presence that flattened opposition on and off the field. “Little goat-eater's gotta learn to play ball with the rest of us!”

His posse snickered at the lame pun, and a flicker of anger lit up in John's gut. He grabbed the football captain's arm before he even thought, slim pianist's fingers tensing to hold the wrist still.

For a moment everything froze; all eyes were on John's hand, and in a moment of dizzying revelation John felt Tyler try to wrench his arm away and fail. He had known he had mangrit, known he was strong, known that he could even hold a struggling indigo-blood still if he really wanted to- but somehow he had never quite connected that simple truth to Tyler and the kids at school. Suddenly he was powerful, dangerous, unstoppable, and for a moment everyone was breathless as the air of cheery brightness that followed John around inverted into something sharp-edged, a dark brilliance.

_…missed you, Baby Bear..._

“Oh, fuck this,” said Karkat, and if his voice was a little higher and rougher than usual it was quickly muffled when he wrenched his turtleneck up over his head. As soon as the ugly, jagged scar in the troll's midriff became visible, John flinched and dropped Tyler's wrist. The other teenager gave him a slightly puzzled look then shrugged it off, the moment of danger dismissed as nothing.

“Woah! What the fuck happened to you?” one of the other boys asked, reaching towards Karkat's scar. The troll swiped the intrusive hand away with a snarl.

“I pissed off a world class psychopath is what happened,” he snapped, hauling his gym shirt over his head before his turtleneck was even off his arm. “Any further inane questions can be directed to the department of I don't give a shit, courtesy of the field commander of go fuck yourself with a culling fork.”

An awkward silence fell on the changing rooms, people scattering back to their own corners and casting curious glances at the trolls as they changed. John couldn't help peeking a little himself, despite the guilt and fear still bubbling in his belly. Even with Gamzee's complete lack of modesty around showers, it was hard to get over how strange Alternian torsos looked without nipples or belly-buttons. The twin pairs of grubstumps running up the sides looked sort of like outies, but it wasn't the same thing at all, and the bones and muscles underneath were different enough to be downright eerie whenever they shifted under the skin. The atmosphere in the locker room was strange, charged; everyone wanted to ask, and nobody wanted to be the person who did.

By the time they filed into the gym, the tension had started to change tone. John noticed Tyler eying Karkat in a less than friendly way, and stepped close to nudge the troll.

“Just so you know, I kinda think Tyler's got it in for you,” he whispered when Karkat turned to glare at him. The mutant-blood glanced back at the football captain, who at that particular moment was staring right at him. Karkat raised his middle finger in a truly Earth-bound gesture of contempt.

“Vantas!” Mr Larkin shouted. The gym teacher had been one of the ones standing by Principal Chen earlier, and he remaining supremely unimpressed by the appearance of alien students in his class. “I see that again and you're in trouble, son!”

Karkat puffed annoyance but waited with an impressive amount of patience as the coach explained the rules of dodgeball. As soon as the teacher was done Karkat stormed off to the far side of the hall, John and Gamzee drifting in his wake. John heard him muttering about stupid wiggler games for girls as kids scrambled to be at one end or another, everyone trying to avoid being left out. John noted without much surprise that most of the football team was facing them; their side of the hall seemed pretty mismatched to the competition.

After two sides were assembled- roughly equal in numbers, at least- the coach backed off and with a sharp blow on his whistle threw in a whole mess of soft, squishy balls. For a few seconds the gym was chaotic with brightly colored spheres flying everywhere and flailing limbs everywhere else. John saw Gamzee stumble past him under a deluge of balls; as the indigo-blood fell onto the ground, there was another sharp peep of the coach's whistle.

“Makara! You're out!”

Out meant going and sitting on the bleachers, and John watched as the troll ambled off to settle down with no apparent regrets. He would have thought that a cool chroma troll would be good at sports- or was he tough enough that dodging hadn't ever been an issue? Then the whistle sounded again, and John forgot what he was even wondering about as the storm of soft projectiles began anew.

To John's delight he hadn't been wrong about Karkat's pillow-throwing making for good practice. Although his own attempts to get people out were still flying wide, he managed to stay out of harm's way until the bleachers held more than half the class. It helped that for a change he wasn't the target of every throw- that dubious honor had switched to Karkat, at least until it became clear that the troll was agile like a monkey and would catch at least one ball in every assault. After that the missiles began to spread out a bit more, and by the time a low-slung green ball tagged John on the ankle he was more than happy with his performance.

“Bleachers, Egbert,” the coach reminded him. John gave him a jaunty salute before running off to join Gamzee. To his surprise the troll wasn't alone; the older girl he'd seen in the back of class earlier was sitting with him, snorting laughter into her hand as Gamzee lifted his shirt to show off his grubstumps. She looked over as John approached and gave him an easy smile, and as he reflexively smiled back John noticed for the first time that she had a metal stud in her nose.

“Hey, John," she said, brown eyes twinkling. “It is John, right? Friends with that D'Angelo girl? I remember you were the kid did that thing with the itching powder last year. Fuckin' sweet, man, I was laughing for like, a week."

"Thanks," said John, his smile relaxing into something a little more natural as he sat beside her. "Uh, it's nice to meet you...?"

"Jenna," the girl said, holding out her hand and then slapping John's palm when he tried to shake. She noticed him glance over at Gamzee, the troll still gripping the edge of his shirt, and grinned. "Oh, yeah, that. Gamz here was just showing me his, seeing as how he was staring at mine.”

Gamzee grinned. “Sorry 'bout all that shit there, sis. I just kinda got all kinds of thinking about that little miracle hole you got in your belly and forgot that shit's motherfucking rude, you know?”

“Nah, it's cool, man,” Jenna said, leaning back in her seat and pulling her own shirt up with a finger just enough to expose the curve of her belly and another glittering piercing. “I mean, you're an alien, right? So I figure we basically look equally weird to each other, and I know how much I wanna stare right now.”

“Now that is all up and being some motherfucking wicked truth right there,” Gamzee said, beaming. Jenna smiled back, then a small shadow crossed her face as she looked out at the game- which by now had considerably fewer players than it had started with.

“Hey, I just thought- your boyfriend isn't going to mind or anything, is he? I mean, this could kinda look like I'm trying to get in your pants.”

“Huh?” said Gamzee, confused. “I gotta lotta friends what are being boys, sis. Who you all meaning?”

John rolled his eyes. “She means Karkat, doofus!” he said, then turned to Jenna. “They're not boyfriends, not in the human way. They're moirails, which is like trollmance best bros for life. Karkat probably will be mad at you, but that's just because he's an angry asshole anyway.”

Gamzee nodded in agreement, and the girl's face split into a grin. “You're not so bad, John,” she said, holding up a hand for a new hi-five which John cheerfully returned. Then Gamzee had to get in on the celebratory action, which led to a small hi-five party before a cheer from the far end of the bleachers drew their attention back to the game.

There were only a half-dozen players left, and as John watched Karkat ducked under a flying yellow ball, dropping so low that he was almost flat on the ground, then shooting back up and grabbing a fresh weapon to hurl back. The missile hit one of his opponents squarely between the ribs and knocked him out of the fight.

“Woah, he's good,” Jenna observed. Gamzee leaned forward into John's peripheral vision to watch as the remaining two players on the other team both targeted his moirail, who twisted in an inhuman contortion and seemed to balance impossibly on one heel for several seconds before landing unscathed to sneer at his opponents. His team-mates were not so lucky; the first one went down to one of the balls that had missed Karkat, and seconds later the other was hit in the shoulder just as Karkat's throw took out one of his remaining adversaries. The whole hall held its breath as Karkat faced off against the one other remaining player- Tyler.

“Get him, Karkat!” John yelled, and Gamzee whooped in agreement. A few seats over and a row down, Tyler's girlfriend jumped to her feet and leaned over the bleachers, shouting to her partner.

"Go, Tyler!" she yelled, waving an arm towards the game. “Kick his lame gray butt!”

The rest of the class cheered their agreement from the bleachers, but Karkat and his opponent ignored them. John watched with bated breath the two of them pacing back and forth, eyes locked as they focused on one another. Karkat was unarmed, having just tagged someone out, but he didn't dare take his eyes off his adversary long enough to re-equip and the human knew it. With a cocky swagger, Tyler threw the ball straight at Karkat. The troll caught it, used his spare hand to flip his opponent off, then hurled it back. Fast as lightning Tyler ducked, but as he rose again the coach's whistle peeped. 

“He got you, Barnes,” Mr Larkin said. The football captain stared at him in amazement and a rumble ran through the class.

“No way!” yelled a guy behind Gamzee, and the general tide of opinion seemed to agree. Karkat glared up at the bleachers.

“I got him right on the arm, you blind nookstains!” he yelled.

“Like hell you did!” Tyler protested. “Sir...”

“You were hit on the arm, son,” the gym teacher said firmly. “Your team lost.”

“Yeah, suck it, human!” Karkat said, smirking as broadly as his face would allow. “I am the fucking best at your wiggler games and you better fucking worship me for it!”

As the coach rounded on Karkat in an attempt to cool the impending riot in the class, Jenna laughed again and leaned closer to Gamzee. “Not really a graceful winner, is he?”

Gamzee frowned at her, puzzled. “Huh? He seemed pretty motherfucking graceful to me, sis, what with all that bending and dodging and shit.”

“No, that's not what I...” Jenna broke off and shook her head. She glanced down to where the arguing parties, while still glowering at each other, were clearly in no danger of starting shit any time soon. “Hey, while I've got you here, you free this Friday evening?” she asked. Gamzee glanced over at John, who shrugged, then looked back at the girl.

“Yeah, I ain't got nothing,” he replied. “Why?”

“'Cos you seem pretty cool, and me and some friends are gonna be at a Halloween party then,” she said. “You wanna come? You can bring your moiry bud.” She looked over at John and grinned again. “You can come too, if you want. It'll be cool.”

John didn't even wait for Gamzee to open his mouth. “Yes sure absolutely we'll be there thank you so much for inviting us!”

Jenna laughed a little as she got to her feet, looking between the two of them. “Awesome. I'll get back to you with the time and place, and see you both during the week, right?” John nodded, and Jenna left with a parting wave and a wink that probably wasn't aimed at him. Before he could think too long and hard on that, the coach blew his whistle, and John grabbed Gamzee and jumped up to to join their classmates. This time John figured he was going to try and last until it was only him and Karkat left in the game. After all, for all his trying, Karkat hadn't hit him with a pillow yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, for this chapter I need to put in a special credit/disclaimer beyond the usual to [this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0tqK8DDjGU) of Alien Nation, which I rewrote for Dad Egbert and his kids. It's a good scene and well worth watching.
> 
> Also this chapter: the Egbert household begins a B-Plot with only the most tenuous of relations to the entire rest of the story, and Celyn starts throwing OCs into this AU because we need more people up in this world.


	5. ==> Be The Cautious Comrade

### CHAPTER FOUR ==> Be The Cautious Comrade

Equius Zahhak was at the Nine Dragon Dojo when they found him, halfway through the steps of his form. He noticed them as soon as they came in, of course- the building wasn't large, and the less disciplined members of his class were already casting glances back or going up to greet the newcomers by the time the steps of the pattern turned him about to see them. Pyrope was leaning on her cane and sniffing the air with interest while Strider slouched against the wall and waxed his ludicrous nonsense to the unwary. Between them a small brown-blood with the most impressive set of horns Equius had ever seen sat in a wheelchair and somehow contrived to look simultaneously curious and afraid.

“Friends of yours, yes?” Sifu asked quietly, as Equius' next steps brought him back around.

“Acquaintances,” Equius corrected. His teacher was watching the group by the door like a hawk, so the muscular troll felt compelled to add; “I would not be averse to further interactions with them.”

The old human nodded and ambled off to greet the newcomers, knowing better than to suggest that Equius break off what he was doing halfway through. The blue-blood forced himself to keep moving slowly and ignore what was happening by the door, narrowing his whole mind down to a single point and concentrating on achieving perfection. Breathe in, foot back, toes down, hands drawn close; breathe out, heel down, hand pushing, body sweeping round. He felt his jaw tense and undid the knot of muscle in his mind, felt his arm shake with the effort of such precise motion and tightened his control to keep it still.

When he had first started to practice Tai Chi, he had almost been defeated at the prospect of the sheer number of things he had to keep in mind. The bewildering array of motions and instructions that had to be simultaneously obeyed were intimidating enough- never mind the countless number of steps that made up the form, and the fluid grace possessed by the experienced students that he could never seem to summon. Now, though, it was virtually all instinct. His body knew where it had to be, and his mind was free to concentrate on tightening up the rough edges, on the agility and the smoothness of the motion. Soon that too would be inherent muscle memory and he would begin to practice keeping his mind quiet as he moved.

In the months following his arrival on Earth, it was Doctor Lewis who had taught him that he needed time in which to be still and silent. Sifu had shown him that stillness and silence were things he could carry inside himself, and Equius longed to master that discipline. The basics he could learn fast, but it would take many years and constant dedication before he could at all times be perfectly balanced within as well as without.

Today, despite his determination to remain focused, he caught himself making a few small stumbles- a foot misplaced here, the start of a false turn there- and each time inwardly winced. He had not managed yet to make it through the full form to his own satisfaction, but his current performance was less than exemplary and he knew the cause. Still he refused to hurry, finishing up the form in his own time and being sure to step over to the bench and towel off the sweat that was pouring from him when he was done. Only after dropping the threadbare, blue-stained cloth back next to his shoes did he walk- slow, unhurried, no need to run and risk a collision with someone who could be hurt by his strong physique- over to the door, where he nodded to his visitors.

“Good evening,” he said.

“Finally!” said Pyrope, her cane jabbing at his chest with an accuracy that reminded him again of how expertly she could perceive even without sight. “Took you long enough.”

“Chill, 'Rezi,” said Strider, pushing himself off the door frame. “The guy was doing some serious training; that's like a religious thing with us martial arts badasses. You start interrupting us and we're gonna have to declare a crusade like it's the Middle fuckin' Ages and you're holding Jerusalem. You are the heathens, Rezi, and me?” He tapped himself on the chest. “I'm leading the armies of the Martial Arts Pope.” He flicked an imaginary hat brim and saluted Equius with his index finger as he lowered it. “Whaddya say, dude, wanna come march across the burning desert? Just you, me, and a coupla thousand crazy religious nuts. We can crank up the homoerotic subtext and sell the movie rights for millions.”

Equius stared at the human, shorter than him and deceptively skinny for someone he knew had helped bring down a crazed serial killer, brimming with bravado and lewd language to cover any sign of fear. Pitiable yet capable; he would make someone a good matesprit if they didn't kill him for his incessant prattle first, but that someone was most assuredly not Equius.

He had been staring too long; the human boy's mouth twitched in briefly into a displeased line, but before he could say anything more Sifu stepped in. “Which martial arts have you studied?” The old man looked at Strider thoughtfully, then nodded. “Something Japanese.”

“Uh, yeah,” said Strider, more emotive in surprise than Equius ever recalled seeing him. “I mean, I learned off my Bro, so I don't really know what all of it is... he's done Kendo, though, and some Ninjitsu.” He paused, then his mouth twitched into the ghost of a smirk. “Oh yeah, and he says he learned all his best moves from a monastery of shape-shifting dragons on top of a mountain in Tibet.”

Sifu laughed alongside Pyrope, closing his eyes and reaching up to pat Equius' shoulder. “You keep an eye on this monkey,” he warned the troll, before nodding to the three visitors and retreating to chase the rest of his class back to their lesson.

Strider and Equius shared a long and contemplative look, both impassive behind dark shades. “On second thoughts, you and a desert wouldn't mix,” Strider said slowly, dragging the words out as if he were masticating them. “I mean, check out that sweat- you'd stain all the camels blue. Maybe next time we start a holy war with Lapland you can lead the charge, yeah? Lay some holy justice down on Santa's ass.”

“Perhaps,” Equius agreed- purely in the interests of resolution, since he didn't know or particularly care what Strider was talking about. “I assume you all have some reason for being here, other than to expose me to your foolish fantasies of religious conflict and dragons?”

He had been expecting a matter of some import, but the look exchanged by his three visitors was unsettling; Strider and Pyrope were hard to read, but the brown-blood's face was an open book. The small troll squirmed and blushed a deep copper as Equius stared at him from behind cracked shades, trying to work out exactly how much trouble had just arrived on his metaphorical doorstep.

“Um,” the brown-blood said quietly. “Maybe, we should perhaps, find a place, that is more, er, private...”

Pyrope nodded sharply. “I agree. This is not a matter for public discussion.”

“Your dojo, dude,” Strider prompted as Equius stared at the three of them, wondering what manner of insalubrious business had brought them. He should walk away right now, simply turn his back and go back to the life that he had been working so hard to build for himself and Nepeta. For all that Earth was less immediately brutal than Alternia, it was ludicrously simple to destroy entire futures with a single misstep, and whatever the three of them were seeking here it seemed likely to be in that vein. Strider looked impassive but his shoulders were tense, and Pyrope's broad grin faltered a little more for every second Equius delayed. Only the brown-blood's demeanor remained unchanged. From the start he had looked as though he were expecting to be culled at any moment, and as though he didn't very much care so long as he achieved his goal first. It was hardly an encouraging attitude.

Yet on the other hand Strider and Pyrope had been instrumental in helping to save Karkat Vantas and Gamzee Makara, and not just from the Ringmaster and his ugly crimes. Equius couldn't truly say that he was friends with any of them in a human sense, couldn't even really describe the Highblood as a hatefriend after all that had happened between them, but on some level he had been responsible for Gamzee and his mutant palemate and accepting that he had failed in that duty was still a distasteful truth to palate. He had spoken with Nepeta about it, naturally, and his moirail had repeatedly explained that what had happened was not his fault and that he had at no point acted in a shameful fashion. Yet he knew that she felt the same regrets, and ultimately Equius knew it would behoove him to at least give those who had done what he could not a fair hearing.

“There is a locker room through this way,” he said, nodding towards the door in the back wall and setting out ahead of his visitors. The back of his neck prickled as he left the training hall, and he imagined he could hear his fellow students discussing them in nearly inaudible tones. He told himself it was just imagination and, remembering his Earth manners, held the door open to let the brown-blood maneuver his wheeled chair through. He had to admit the other troll handled the device with impressive skill; a part of his mind that he rarely had opportunity to pay heed to any more began to sketch out improved designs, a separate tangent considering how one might successfully integrate Earth-available electronics and mechanical robotics with an Alternian nervous system. He had been following recent human developments in bionics with interest, so it was certainly possible.

“So, what is the nature of your visit?” Equius asked, settling himself on one of the benches and folding his hands in his lap. There would be time later to consider the ideas tumbling through his mind, to lay them out on paper and refine them even if he lacked the resources to build what he imagined. For now, he had more pressing matters demanding his attention. “I presume that it is not merely a social call.”

Pyrope nodded, leaning forward on her white cane. “Of course not. But you understand this is a matter to be kept secret? Any treachery or betrayal will be met with the fiercest retribution.”

Equius didn't doubt her, but it still wasn't an answer. “It sounds as if you are planning some foolhardy endeavor that will place you in extreme danger, and wish to solicit my involvement.”

“Yeah, that's pretty much the shape of it,” Strider agreed, slouching down onto the bench opposite Equius and leaning against the lockers. “Complete fucking dumb-shit planning department, that's us. But we do pretty much need your help, or we're fucked like the sluttiest kid at prom, and shit, the asshole fucking us ain't even using a condom, so we're gonna have little disaster quintuplets and then we'll have to raise them in our shit-hole trailer which with its rusty dereliction represents graphically the level of fucked up trouble we are in here unless you bail us out.”

There was a grinding sound as Equius' teeth bore the brunt of his irritation at the elusive, talkative human. “I don't expect you would be willing to elucidate on what manner of trouble that might be?” Debt or no, if he didn't get answers soon he was going to run out of patience.

There was a long pause, and then surprisingly the brown-blood spoke up. Equius had almost forgotten he was there. “Are you, um, that is, do you know about the thing, which happened, at the hospital, yesterday?” He paused and scratched behind his ear, staring down at the floor. “Or, um, the night before, I suppose.”

It took Equius a moment to realize what the other boy was referring to, his mind drawing a complete blank until he remembered that like he and his moirail, these people had met the Heiress and her companions over the summer. From there his mind naturally went to the previous evening's newspaper, confiscated from Nepeta before it was reformed into a hat, and the story on the third page covering the abduction of the Helmsman's rustblood- or "Sleeping Beauty Stolen!" as the newspaper had chosen to title the event. Fortunately his sometime custodianship of the many human wigglers with whom he lived had left him familiar with the cultural reference.

“I believe I know the incident... the kidnapping, correct?” A terrible thought struck Equius and the floorboards creaked as he surged to his feet, sweat pouring down his face. “You cannot believe I was involved in such an egregious breach of the law!”

“Nah, chill it, big guy,” said Strider, waving him down with one hand as Pyrope tensed and the brown-blood shrank back in his wheeled chair. “We know you've got too much style to pull this shit. We want to rope you into our crappy plans, remember?”

Equius slowly settled back onto his seat, moving carefully so as not to damage the wood with his strong thighs. “So what manner of assistance are you attempting to extricate from me?”

“Information,” said Pyrope, her grin cementing itself on her face in what Equius considered to be an entirely inappropriate manner. “See, my good friend Mister Nitram here is friends with the missing party, and he's worried enough to want a rescue mission. For that we need to know where and who to look for, which means we need someone with ties to the criminal underbelly of this city.”

Equius frowned. “I am afraid I still do not understand. If you think that I have any such connections...”

“Not you,” Pyrope said. “A mutual acquaintance, who for various reasons might be more willing to help you than us.” She chuckled. “Even if she doesn't know, I'm sure she'll want to find out just to impress us with how many irons she has in the fire.”

Equius went still, the sweat prickling across his skin and chilling on his arms. “Serket?”

“Yeah, you knew her back on Alternia, right?” Strider said and damn him by whatever alien gods he might possibly worship because there were some things that Equius simply did not want to recall.

“I knew her,” he said, his voice coming out in a low growl that was harsher than he intended. “Well enough to recommend that you cease to pursue this foolish course of action immediately.”

“Come on, dude, I faced down the Ringmaster,” said Strider. “And he was grade-A killer psycho. Okay, so she put the coma chick out for the count years ago and her mom's the Snowman. Nothing we can't handle, right?”

"This is not a game," Equius said, letting a rumble of anger seep into his words. "And after this last summer I find it hard to believe that you would not comprehend that!"

Strider's face didn't change, exactly, but the muscles around his lips tightened incrementally and his next words lacked the habitual mocking tone Equius had already come to expect. "Yeah, dude, I get it. We're three kids thinking of takin' on a gang of kidnappers with help from organized crime's favorite little sociopath. I got my finger hovering over the big red fuck no button on this one, ready to hit emergency stop because you can bet your ass we'll be in too deep sooner or later. But Vriska used to be your neighbor. There can't be any harm in just catching up with her, seeing what she knows."

Equius looked over at the other two. “You haven't informed him of her abilities?”

The brown-blood, Nitram, twisted his fingers together and shrugged. “Um, it didn't seem, like a thing that, er, was worth mentioning,” he said. "Since, if anyone was going to talk to her, that would be you, who was the person doing that."

“What abilities?” Strider demanded. “Come on dude, you can't just leave me hanging here. Crows will come and eat my eyeballs and then when I get sent back from hell to lead the zombie apocalypse I'll be fucking useless. I'll keep walking into shit. Don't make me be a pathetic useless fucking zombie; I want to be a badass eater of living flesh...”

“She can control minds,” said Pyrope, cutting the human's incessant flow short in an instant. Strider stared at her through darkened sunglasses.

“What the fuck do you mean, she can control minds?”

“She, um, gets into your head,” Nitram said, staring at his fingers as they folded over each other again and again. “And kind of, holds onto your thoughts? And then, uh, what you think is, what she wants you, to be thinking, which is usually things which are not, um, very, uh, good.”

There was a long pause. “... kind of sounds like you're speaking from experience there, bro,” said Strider, slowly straightening from his position leaning against the lockers.

“Vriska used her powers to walk him off a cliff,” Pyrope said, her voice flatter than usual as she turned her head back towards Nitram. “And later, through my lusus, she used his powers to get to me.” She tapped a finger on one teal-tinted cheekbone, just by the edge of her red shades. “Her revenge for what Sollux and I did to her after Aradia.”

From the way the human's head was turning between the two of them, he was putting the story together at about the same speed as Equius. “And Aradia was Tav's friend... shit, you mean that blue-blood bitch put someone in a coma for sticking up for the guy she crippled?”

“Actually, she is, um, cerulean-blooded?” Nitram offered. Strider shook his head and pushed pale, yellowish hair out of his face with one hand. He seemed quite distressed; Equius could sympathize. Even knowing the extent of some of his former neighbor's other proclivities, it had been quite a shock to investigate the explosion at her hive and find her lying mutilated on the floor of her respite block, covered in her own blood and giggling uncontrollably. She had offered him a sizable sum from her hidden FLARP treasure stash to see to her injuries and build her a mechanical arm. Equius had seriously considered refusing and culling her anyway, but the question of what her lusus would attempt to consume without the provision of regular meals had been a pressing consideration and the thought of putting an end to someone who had been on occasion an ally and might even be considered a hatefriend had been strongly disquieting. Sometimes he still wondered if he had made the right decision; far too few people since had been granted the opportunity to rid the universe of Vriska Serket. 

“Okay, I don't actually give a shit about the exact shade of perfect azure sapphire or whatever her blood is,” Strider was saying, his hand making small choppy motions in the air. “She helped kick off some sort of sick eye-for-an-eye thing with you guys, whatever. Can we get back to the part where she controls minds and how the fuck this was not mentioned earlier?”

“I doubt it would be so extreme an issue for a human,” Equius said slowly, reluctant to give Strider any further excuse to avoid seeing sense. “Her powers are formidable against lowbloods and the weak of will, but my understanding is that humans are moderately resistant to such psionics; I don't believe she could do much more than make you fall asleep.”

“Yeah, that's great, except I don't want to fall asleep next to the batshit murdertroll,” Strider said. “No offense dude, I don't know if you guys were like BFFs or some shit back on Planet Hell, but here on Earth that shit is freaky and I don't want some crazy wannabe supervillainess playing around inside my head. What if she accidentally switches the coolness off?”

Pyrope chuckled. “But Dave, I thought your whole brain was made of cool!”

“Exactly,” the human replied. “If she turns that off I am stone-cold dead. I do not want to be a nerdy corpse.”

“Then we are agreed that this is a foolish course of action, and you will abandon it at once,” Equius stated, getting to his feet before Strider could start rambling again.

“No.”

Equius and Strider looked round at Nitram, Pyrope tilting her head in his direction as the brown-blood raised his head and, chin quivering, met Equius' eye through the shades.

“Aradia is, my friend, and I am, uh, going to help her,” he said. “Um. Because, I know that Vriska can be, not really a very nice person, and, actually, I don't think, that is a thing that I can ever forget. Ever. But I already decided, um, that being brave, was a thing I wanted to be, for Aradia, and I guess that, er, that means, I'm not going to worry, about what Vriska might do?”

He took a deep breath, claws digging into the arms of his wheeled chair, and his eyes flickered briefly over to Strider. “If helping is not a thing, which you are okay with doing, any of you, then I don't mind, that is okay. I'll still have to go, and talk to Vriska myself, and find the kidnappers, and do some other things that are actually, probably really stupid. And, um, I might get hurt doing those things, which is kind of a worry, which is why I want your help. But, even if I have to do it alone, I can risk that. For Aradia.” The tips of his fangs dug into his lower lip and he stared down at the floor. “I, um, owe her. For what she did for me.”

Equius stared at the crippled brown-blood, a troll unable to even form a full sentence without stammering and tripping over his own uncertainty. He wondered how many times Nitram had failed to be brave before, and just how much inner strength it took to grasp the reins so firmly. The memory of his own debts- to Vantas, to Makara, to Strider and Pyrope and the Helmsman- stung painfully in Equius' blood-pusher, and it was all he could do not to blurt out a promise on the spot. Fortunately, his own good sense intervened.

“I will have to consult with my moirail before engaging in such a risky proposition,” he said, reminding himself of Doctor Lewis' advice for remaining strong in the face of his own inner turmoil. "I can make no promises, and if she deems your plan inappropriate I do not think it would behoof me to permit such reckless behavior in others."

Nitram' eyes met his steadily. "That, um, won't actually, stop me."

"Nonetheless, I think you can understand why I would have to make such an attempt," Equius replied.

After a moment, Nitram nodded and lowered his eyes back to the floor. Pyrope smiled toothily at her friend.

"Come on, chocolate fudge, I can smell a victory when it's under..."She broke off as her smartphone broke into a stern marching tune, and pulled it out to taste the screen with a cautious prod of her tongue. “Hmm, lavender.” She typed something into the phone, licked it again, and frowned. “I thought it might be Sollux again.”

“It, isn't?” asked Nitram, craning his head to try and see Terezi's phone.

The teal-blood shook her head. “No. He seems to still be ignoring me. This is from Cathy.”

“Was there some reason for concern over the Helmsman?” Equius asked. From what he recalled of the troll, he was hardly a stable individual, but despite her own disadvantages as a seadweller he was certain the Heiress was an exemplary moirail and capable of keeping the Helmsman grounded during this terrible ordeal.

“He, said something to me, last night, um, over Pesterchum,” said Tavros, fiddling with the edge of his shirt in a way that Equius would admonish in any of his own charges. “Which made it sound, like maybe, someone else was about to be hurt, or that he thought they would be? And that is probably just him, being upset, about the things that have happened, with Aradia, but it is still sort of worrying.”

“If I can't get through to him tonight I'll try one of the people he lives with tomorrow,” said Terezi, tucking her phone away. “Right now, I need to go home. Cathy's worrying about me.” There was unmistakeable pride in her voice as she spoke of the woman Equius presumed to be her guardian.

“I should, probably go too, in that case,” said Nitram, tugged his own cellphone out in a maneuver that should have been awkward but which had an undeniable practiced grace to it. “George, and also Susan, will wonder where I am.”

Equius looked over at Strider, who shrugged. “I don't gotta be anywhere,” he said. “I'm a free agent. Free as the birds. I could migrate south for the winter and Bro wouldn't give a shit.”

Pyrope shook her head, tucking her cellphone away. “He worries more than you think,” she said.

“Sure,” said Strider, sounding anything but. Equius summoned up the memory of the lithe, muscular human he had met briefly over the summer. The older Strider was certainly an impressive specimen; Equius had found him fascinating to observe, and impossible to categorize. He had no basis for believing either Pyrope or Strider in this matter, and no reason to involve himself in their business. The thought reminded him of the need to speak with his moirail and he got to his feet.

“I will go to speak with Nepeta now,” he said, turning to the door. Strider gave him a small salute and Pyrope waved, but Nitram seemed absorbed by whatever was happening on his phone. Equius left them to it, heading back out through the dojo and pausing only to put his shoes on, grab his backpack, and excuse himself from the class. From the look Sifu gave him the old man knew something was up, but Equius mentioned that he was leaving to talk to Nepeta and his teacher relaxed. He felt a strong pang of guilt as he stepped out of the dojo; it felt like a deception, although it was nothing of the sort, and the troll hurried along the street with a chill sweat breaking out down his spine.

It was late enough for the sun to be sinking, filling LA with a rich golden glow that even after months of living openly on the human planet filled Equius with an instinctive dread. The daytime radiance, bright though it was, had proven far easier to cope with than the half-light of dusk and dawn, when a deep racial memory still insisted that fire and pain lay just over the lip of the horizon. During his unusually long time in Quarantine he had rarely seen the outside, but in recent weeks he had noticed the days drawing shorter and demanded answers from other trolls at his schoolfeeding facility. It seemed that on Earth, there was one bright and one dark season in each of their short solar sweeps, and that due to the mildness of the weather he would be expected to remain awake during the same hours regardless of when the sun rose or sank.

Equius tried to tell himself that these were things that other trolls, lesser trolls, ones whose breeding and lineage were supposedly inferior to his own, had been handling for nigh on a human year or more without trouble. He still let out a sigh of relief when he climbed aboard the bus safely out of the fading sunlight, politely allowing a fragile old human woman to take the last seat and taking great effort not to crush the metal bar he held in his strong grip for balance. Nobody on the bus spared him a second glance; around half the faces were not human, and he could clearly hear chatter in Alternian coming from a group of barely-adult trolls in grubby overalls and scuffed work boots. Their symbols all appeared gray in the shadowy interior of the bus, although from the eyes he thought one of them might actually be lime-blooded. Until he'd got on board the ship he'd believed the bloodline to be eradicated, but they were hardly the only supposedly nonexistent undesirables to make the journey from Alternia.

One of the group glanced his way and Equius hastily fixed his gaze back on the metal bar in front of him. Those symbols weren't just gray because of the shadows, and he'd learned on the ship that the hemoanonymous usually had a bone to pick with those highly placed on the hemospectrum. More recent experience had demonstrated that getting into a fight with other Alternians while humans were in the vicinity was a good way to put the LAPD in a shoot first, ask questions when everyone is dead or arrested frame of mind.

It was disconcerting to consider how his life had changed since leaving his homeworld. Now, he was riding a public bus from one insalubrious neighborhood to another, trying to avoid the scrutiny of lowbloods and genetic outlaws on his way home to a room- to _half a room_ \- in a hive full of delinquents and reprobates. On Alternia, he had lived in a castle and done as he pleased without fear of recrimination from all but the most noble blooded. Retribution, now that was a different matter, and one that he had taken steps to be prepared for despite his strength, but ultimately if he had done nothing wrong by the laws and customs of his world then neither had Serket. She could be excruciating to deal with at times; overly dramatic, a flawed planner, possessed of a charmless nature and little self-control- but her arrogance befitted her station as a cerulean-blood, and she had been as amicable a neighbor as he could have hoped for. They had consorted on plans from time to time, and as he recalled their inevitable betrayals were fairly evenly split. He had treated her with the caution and the contempt that she warranted.

Had she, too, had trouble finding her place on Earth? Could she have changed as much as he had, her fangs blunted by this alien world and its strange customs, her claws smoothed by the need to adapt for survival? Probably not, Equius thought, recalling that she had been adopted by the Snowman. With a lusus who was also the guiding hand of the Felt it was unlikely that she would have needed to remake herself as he had, or challenge herself so deeply. In a way he could have pitied her; for all that he struggled to fit within this world, he did not regret the lessons it had taught him. But it was for that exact reason that he knew he must allow for the chance, however slim, that Serket might have become someone different since coming to Earth. 

Equius got off the bus knowing that he desperately needed to speak with his moirail. Despite this he still failed to stop himself from wondering as he walked whether it was better to put faith in the possibility of Serket undergoing a transformation, or whether it was wiser to stay away from the matter altogether. The damp layer of sweat on his arms added a chill to the breeze in the night air as he forged his way uphill, and he was no closer to certainty when the chicken-wire fence and colorful curtains of his Earth home came into view.

Opening the door was a challenge requiring concentration, only a shade less difficult than knocking on the bothersome thing, and Equius' clothes were soaked blue by the time he made it inside. To his right he could hear voices coming from the TV room, but he turned left into the kitchen and hovered uncertainly in the door until Warren looked round from the sink and smiled at him.

"Dinner's on the middle shelf," the short carer said, pointing to the fridge with a hand enclosed in a rubber glove and soap suds. "And I think Nepeta's out in the den, when you're done."

"Thank you," said Equius, carefully retrieving the plate of food that had been put aside for him. The blue plastic, clearly picked out by his moirail, was chipped despite its apparent resilience. Equius honestly couldn't remember if he had damaged this one himself or not. The substance on it was yellowish-white and lumpy; more than that was hard to determine. He settled down on a red plastic chair that was- as ever- too small for him, and delicately picked up a cheap throwaway fork from a small cup of utensils in the center of the table. There was a faint click as Warren set an equally disposable plastic cup of water on the Formica; his human carers had long since given up on providing Equius with any cutlery or crockery that they couldn't bear to see broken.

He ate in silent concentration as Warren chattered to him about the events of the evening; it seemed that Nepeta and the group of young humans who had taken to following her around had been engaged in an enthusiastic game of hunting and stalking in the back yard. There was however news of stolen cookies and the matter of Acey once again biting the other children, which told Equius that a word with his moirail about curbing the rowdy behavior of her “cubs” might well be in order. While it was a great relief to him that she no longer stayed out all night exploring the city, he was well aware that his moirail was dangerously close to feral at times and did not always comport herself as the role model required by small humans.

He managed to make it through the meal breaking only three of the plastic forks, and carefully transferred the wreckage to the garbage can before thanking Warren for the meal and heading out to the back garden. To human eyes he supposed the scrubby patch of grass, once again encircled in wire fencing, might have seemed dark. To his superior vision the reflected light pollution of the city was more than bright enough to find his way to the somewhat scratched and muddied plastic playhouse that sat off to one side of the meager lawn. He knelt down next to the door and rapped gently on the ground beside it, too worried about breaking the precious hut to actually tap it. Even if it had not been serving as Nepeta's den, the wigglers here had few enough toys as it was.

"The noble musclebeast humbly requests entry to the den," he said, lowering his voice so as not to disturb the neighbors. The plastic door swung open and his moirail's head emerged, the ears of her hat flapping as she beamed up at him with an expression of such pity and trust that Equius felt his blood-pusher start to crumble immediately.

"Eq-purr-us!" she squeaked, and he let a fond smile take shape on his mouth as she tugged him towards her into the playhouse. There was hardly any room at all for him inside and he let his tiny moirail push and prod him into place, lying with his knees folded up to the roof and his head on her lap. There were several small lumps digging excruciatingly into his back, most likely the crayons responsible for the fluttering shipping diagrams that papered the walls, but he did his best to ignore them. His attempt became extremely successful as Nepeta rested one arm across his chest and used the other to stroke his hair like he was a purrbeast. She was making a small contented rumble deep in her belly, and Equius let it soothe him as it thrummed through his own skull. Knowing that he was soothing her in return, that his strong presence was helping her to loosen her tensions and relax, was more calming than any number of deep breathing exercises.

“So what's the purroblem?” Nepeta asked, eventually. Equius didn't move, but he couldn't help a slight stiffening of his muscles. His moirail giggled and stopped petting him in order to snuggle in closer. “I know something's upurrsetting you, silly. The bold huntress wants her meowrail to know that it's okay fur him to talk to her whenever he's ready.”

Equius breathed out and turned his head, resting his cheek against her leg and focusing on the feel of her delicate little arms encircling him with care. “I was presented with a request today, and I am not certain of how to proceed.”

"Tell me," said Nepeta, scratching behind his ear. Equius sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

"Do you recall the night you announced your intent to go FLARPing?" he asked.

"Yes. You ordered me not to," said Nepeta. There was a slight edge to the words, one which he knew meant _and I still think you were a big meanie-pants._

"I had good reason," he said. "You recall I mentioned my neighbor, Serket? Her lusus?"

"The one that ate wigglers?"

Equius wanted to nod, but couldn't risk it with his horns so close to Nepeta's soft, unprotected belly. "Yes." He swallowed. "Nepeta, she was a FLARPer. It is how she found her victims. Every few nights, for every sweep of my life I heard them, screaming and pleading not to die and the, the sound, as they stopped." The shiver that ran through him wasn't controllable; even the memory was enough to freeze the blood in his veins to pure ice. "When you said you were going to FLARP, I- all I could think of was you, being fed to that creature. I could not allow that to happen." He opened his eyes and met her gaze steadily, although there was something wet and blue welling up in them. "I could not."

His moirail tangled her claws in his hair, barely skirting the hornbeds. He felt them tugging, but said nothing, watching the expressions flit across Nepeta's face.

"I didn't know," she whispered eventually, and a pair of soft lips pressed against Equius' forehead. "Thank you."

"There is more," he said. "You recall, of course, Strider and Pyrope. We met them during the summer."

Nepeta nodded and smiled widely. "Yes! The huntress thought that they were furry funny, and sometimes she rolepurrlays online with Terezi when she can get the computer time!"

Equius filed this knowledge away for future reference; he was not yet convinced that Pyrope was a satisfactory influence for his moirail. "Well, a friend of theirs used to be close to the comatose maroon-blood who was abducted from the hospital last night. They want my assistance to mount a rescue attempt."

"Ooh!" Equius felt his moirail trying to bounce up and down under him and failing dismally. "That sounds exciting! What did you say?"

"That it is not a game, and I would have to consult with you," Equius replied. "Nepeta, they want me to talk to Serket and see if she has any information that could prove elucidating."

"Oh." Nepeta stopped bouncing and a thoughtful furrow appeared in her brow. "She was the cerulean one, wasn't she? Who came onto our memo board when we were looking for Karkitty, and efuryone was upset with?"

"Yes." Equius sighed. "Nepeta, I don't know what to do. She was dangerous on Alternia and on Earth she is in the custody of an even more dangerous human. Perhaps she has changed, but I fear not, and a creature such as Vriska Serket on Earth, unchecked and offered resources, will be exceedingly deadly. If I deal with her then there will be a price and I will not like it. It is sheer folly, a ludicrous risk to take. I cannot justify such an action."

Nepeta leaned over his face, and even upside down he could see the gentle concern in her eyes. "Then why are you considering it at all?"

Equius turned his head away so he didn't have to see her expression. "I- you did not see him, Nepeta. The boy who wants to do this is not suited to it in the least. He will most likely get himself killed or worse on this venture, and he has a history with Serket far more antagonistic than my own. His friends should be attempting to stop him before the inevitable befalls."

"But they're not," Nepeta said. It wasn't a question.

"No." Equius scowled at his moirail's knee. "They are very loyal to Nitram, even when he is being exceedingly foolish." Silence met his statement, and after a long few moments broken only by the sound of a dog barking a few doors down, he felt the words dragged from of him by the vacuum without. "It would have behooved me to show such loyalty, once."

"This isn't about _him,"_ Nepeta said, a low growl under the word. "And it's not about Karkitty either."

"We promised to forgive him," Equius reminded her, quietly.

"Eventually," his moirail agreed. "But you shouldn't do something just beclaws you feel bad about something else." Her claws started carding through his hair, straightening it over her knees. "You shouldn't not do something just beclaws you're scared by it, eifur."

Equius rolled his head back to look at her, silhouetted against the small playhouse window and lit by the reflected glow of countless thousands of streetlamps. "So what do I do?"

"Whatever you want to do, silly," Nepeta replied, not stopping her ministrations for a second.

"This is a foolhardy venture," Equius repeated. "There are institutions whose express purpose it is to rescue this maroon-blood, and it would be extremely irresponsible of me to put both of us in danger for the sake of... because I...”

"Beclaws you want to?” Equius stayed silent and after a moment Nepeta's hands stopped moving. “Equius, if you can't tail yourself the truth, then you can at least tail me!”

"I want to help them," Equius whispered. "I want to protect them from their own folly, and I want it to be successful. I want to be of use to someone."

"Okay, then," said Nepeta, pressing another kiss to his forehead. “I don't see any purroblem to helping our furends out, if we're carefurl." She rapped him on the nose with a finger. "And you're always of use to me, so if you efur feel useless just remember that I pity you and fur a reason!"

Equius frowned up at her as her hands resumed their motion. “Are you certain? I cannot guarantee that this is safe.” 

“Of course!” Nepeta replied, beaming at him. “Equius, you said it yourself, they need your help. Besides, you don't take enough risks. I know that you're just being carefurl, but sometimes you just have to take the pounce.” She rubbed her nose against his neck affectionately. “You know, even though it was horrpurrble, you were much mroar yourself after the Ringmaster thing.”

“I was?”

“Mhm.” His moirail burrowed into his chest. “Trust your meowrail.”

Equius kissed the edge of her jaw, which was the only part of her he could reach, and shifted slightly to retrieve his phone. It only took a few seconds to send a text to Pyrope, after which he looked back up at his moirail.

"We should get indoors," he said, thinking a little wistfully of the small room they shared upstairs and his bed with its sturdy, reinforced frame. "It is time we were sleeping."

"In a minute," said Nepeta, immediately yawning then wrapping her arms even tighter around Equius' neck. "The huntress is cozy in the den with her meowrail."

Equius sighed and let his head relax against her lap, closing his eyes. "Just a minute," he cautioned. A sleepy murmur was all the response he got, and with a sigh he accepted that he was going to be stiff tomorrow. At least this city was predictably warm. He lay in the peaceful dark of the playhouse listening to his moirail's breathing deepen for some considerable time, and his dreams that night were dark, cool and blissfully sweet.


	6. ==> Be The Spirited Supporter

### CHAPTER FIVE ==> Be The Spirited Supporter

Jade Harley never had any problem waking up early. Years of living with only Grandpa and Bec for company had her out of bed at sunrise most days, humming to herself as she danced around the kitchen and singing into the spatula as she put together a fried breakfast. Normally she liked being up before anyone else in the house; it gave her some time to herself and the peace and quiet was nice when she knew the rest of the day was going to be hectic.

Today she didn't really feel all that great. She still hummed and dropped fragments of bacon as treats for Bec, but it was impossible to put everything that was happening in her life aside and start dancing when she had been hearing Feferi cry on the other side of the wall for half the night. Sollux's light had still been shining from under his door when she tiptoed downstairs in the morning. It wasn't just about Aradia, although that was a part of the whole. It was that everyone seemed to be falling apart and she didn't know what to do and right now, when she needed Grandpa's advice and support and assurances the most, he wasn't there.

“Well, of course not! He's busy doing... explorer stuff!” she told Bec. The big white dog pushed his nose into her palm, licking off bacon grease, and she settled into one of the kitchen chairs with a sigh. She was used to Grandpa going off to visit exotic locales- he'd been doing it her whole life- but this time was different. She could still call, of course, but wherever he was at the moment Grandpa was hard to reach and even when she did manage to get through, he was being weirdly distant with her. Jade looked at her plate of freshly cooked hot food and suddenly didn't feel all that hungry; she pushed it away one-handed and let her head droop to rest on the table, her other hand scratching behind Bec's ears. Her dog whined and pushed in a little closer.

“You just want bacon, you greedy pig,” she muttered, passing him a rasher anyway because it was just going to waste otherwise. Bec took the bacon delicately from her hand and swallowed it in one gulp, then licked her face. Jade giggled and wrapped her arm around the dog to hug him close. “No, I'm fine, really... oh, it's not you, you silly thing!”

There was a small noise from by the door, and Jade looked up to see Feferi hovering in the doorway. The troll girl looked haggard, with deep gray smudges under her eyes and brilliant streaks of Tyrian on her cheeks and staining the sleeves of her pajamas.

“Oh, glub! I'm shoally,” Fef said, taking a backwards step. “I dugong know I would fin you in here; I wasn't planning to disturb anemone by tuna-ing up unexpectedly!”

“No, that's okay,” Jade said, tugging Bec aside so that the other girl could take a seat. “Come on, I was just going to make some cocoa.”

Feferi settled into the seat and scrubbed her face with her sleeve cuff while Jade went and dug out milk and cocoa powder. After a brief glance back at her friend, who was petting Bec with both hands, she decided to grab the marshmallows too. This was an occasion demanding full-force sugary chocolate-filled comfort if ever she saw one.

Neither of them spoke until she returned to the table, setting one mug in front of Feferi and sipping from the other herself as she sat next to the seadweller. Feferi stared at her mug for a few seconds, then to Jade's alarm a new wash of tears poured out of the other girl's eyes.

“It just dorsal make any sensea!” Feferi glubbed, pulling her feet up onto the chair and curling around her legs. “Why would he just fluke out on me? I just c-can't urchinstand...”

“It's not your fault!” Jade said, instinctively wrapping an arm around the distraught troll. “You and Sollux both have so much to deal with right now; I know you do your best to be a good moirail for him.”

To her alarm, Feferi let out another moist glub and pushed away, staring at her in horror. “Oh no, I am so shoally! I didn't minnow to start n-netting you into all this!”

Perhaps another human might have hesitated, but Jade knew better. “No, it's okay!” she promised, not drawing away but resisting the urge to pull Feferi a little closer. “I know you're just upset, and by human standards this is totally normal, so I don't mind at all. Actually, since you're kind of my sister, I think I'm pretty much supposed to comfort you when you have boy trouble!”

Feferi swallowed another sob. “But, I'm not a human, and I know it isn't reely much, but right now I d-don't want tuna act like I'm okay, and...”

Any more physical contact would definitely have been crossing a line, so instead Jade withdrew her arms and pushed the mug of cocoa towards the distraught troll. “Here, drink this,” she suggested. “You'll feel better after, I promise!”

With a last sniffle, Feferi reached out and grabbed the mug in both hands, cradling it close and sniffing the contents before taking a small sip. Jade took another drink from her own mug and not for the first time wondered how trolls managed to have friends at all when half the time they couldn't stand other people. It was all so random and didn't seem to follow any real pattern and she didn't even know if that was a cultural thing or a biological one- like so much with the Alternians, it all came bundled together in one horribly confusing package labeled “alien”, and from what her friends said the bemusement went both ways.

Not sure what else to do for her adoptive sister, Jade let her gaze wander around the kitchen while Feferi swallowed down unreasonably large mouthfuls of cocoa. Her eyes settled on the calendar on the far wall and widened when she saw the date ringed in concentric circles of green and red.

“Oops!” she exclaimed as the sight jogged her memory, details that might as well have been nonexistent moments earlier flooding into the front of her mind. “Do you want me to handle things without you today?”

Feferi looked up, eyes widening. “Dam it, I'd glubbing forgotten squall about that!” She groaned and let her head sink closer to the mug. “No, I'd baiter go. I don't want this to flounder now.” The troll raised an arm and looked ruefully at the stained sleeve. “I guess I'd better ask Kanaya for some help if I want to lake presentable.”

Jade giggled. “I always have to ask her for help! I'm so hopeless with this stuff!”

Her friend's face cracked into a small smile. “Glub, yes! Me too! It was eel so much easier back on Alternia; I just wore whatever I felt pike there, and nobody cod say a thing about it!”

“I don't see why we can't just wear sensible clothes for everything!” Jade said, waving an arm emphatically in the air. “I mean, if it's good enough for exploring caves or working with depleted plutonium in the lab, why isn't it good enough for social functions?”

Feferi nodded solemnly. “You know, there's no such fin as fashion on Alternia?”

“Really?”

“Oh, yes. I think that's why Kanaya decided to leave!” Feferi glubbed in amusement as Jade stifled her chuckles. “Really, though, I'm so glad she's here to help me! I'm not as bad as Eridan but I always over- or under-do things.”

“Nobody is as bad as Eridan,” Jade said, then paused as a few memories from that summer came back to her. “Except maybe Gamzee, but in the opposite direction. Even I know not to try wearing my pajamas for a week straight without changing!”

Feferi's laugh was muffled by her drink, which bubbled with the air she blew into it. “We are so _terribubble!”_ she gasped, and Jade nodded in helpless silence as she tried not to snort hot cocoa down her nose. The seadweller raised her mug and began to cheerfully chug the contents down, far faster than Jade would ever have attempted. The empty vessel was returned to the table with a clunk, and Feferi got to her feet smiling.

“I guess I do eel better after that,” she said. “Thanks, Jade.”

“That's fine!” Jade replied, beaming. “I hope it wasn't too pale of me!”

“No, not really,” Feferi said, blushing faintly Tyrian. “A little tiny bit, maybe, but then you are my human sister, so I suppose it's only to be expected sometimes!”

Jade looked over at the clock on the microwave and got to her feet, still carrying her own cocoa. “Uh-oh, looks like it's time to get dressed.” She winked at Feferi. “I'll let you see the style guru first, seeing as how princesses are supposed to be the best looking in the room!”

Feferi did a little bobbing, preening motion. “Whale, as the representative of my people, I do try to make an impression,” she said with a shark-toothed grin. Jade returned it before finishing off her drink; by the time she had put the dirty mugs in the dishwasher, the seadweller was gone.

“Come on, boy,” she said, bodily shoving Bec down from the chair he had reared up on to in order to sniff at her abandoned breakfast. He obediently dropped to the floor and she decided to store the food in the fridge for safe keeping- waste not, want not, after all! While she was in there she grabbed a yoghurt, figuring that she should at least eat something. She had just found out a clean spoon when her phone, forgotten on the table, beeped to announce that someone was trying to contact her through the Pesterchum App. She pulled the lid off her new breakfast and took a spoonful before checking to see who it was.

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 07:23 --   
GC: GOOD MORN1NG M1SS H4RL3Y   
GC: HOW 4R3 YOU ON TH1S F1N3 F4LL MORN1NG?   
GG: oh, hi there!! :O   
GG: its terezi right??   
GC: Y3S   
GC: W3 SPOK3 4T K4RKL3S H34R1NG   
GG: hehe i remember now   
GG: you licked him!!! :D   
GC: 1T W4S 3NT1R3LY N3C3SS4RY B3C4US3 OF R34SONS   
GC: 4ND 4LSO GR34T JUST1C3

Jade snickered, remembering the look on Karkat's face.

GG: yeah okay i completely believe that   
GG: but the important thing here is   
GG: does he taste nice??   
GC: OH Y3S   
GC: K4RK4T T4ST3S OF TH3 MOST D3L3CT4BL3 R3D   
GC: L1K3 CH3RR13S   
GG: okay but i think i will take your word for it   
GG: he was hard enough to calm down when bec licked him   
GG: i dont think i would survive the attempt!!! :D   
GC: H3 R34LLY 1S 4LL B4RK 4ND V3RY L1TTL3 OF YOUR 34RTH C4N1N3 B1T3   
GG: even so   
GG: but you didnt pester me to talk about grumpy boys!!!   
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D   
GC: BUT NOT TH4T ON3   
GC: H4V3 YOU NOT1C3D 4NYTH1NG STR4NG3 4BOUT SOLLUX R3C3NTLY?

Jade frowned, thinking hard before she replied, but drew a complete blank.

GG: well yes hes sollux   
GG: but nothing out of the ordinary for him :)   
GG: why do you ask??   
GC: 4 M3SS4G3 H3 S3NT TO T4VROS TWO N1GHTS 4GO   
GC: H3 S33MS TO B3 UND3R TH3 1MPR3SS1ON TH4T SOM3ON3 CLOS3 TO H1M 1S 1N D4NG3R   
GC: BUT H3 1S R3FUS1NG TO T4LK TO US 4BOUT 1T   
GC: H3 BLOCK3D M3 L4ST N1GHT   
GG: :O   
GG: well it could be nothing   
GG: sollux does get pretty wound up!!   
GG: but i will definitely keep an eye on him!!!

At least, as much as she could. Sollux was anti-social at the best of times, which these weren't. Nonetheless, Terezi seemed grateful.

GC: TH4NK YOU   
GC: TH4T IS PROB4BLY FOR TH3 B3ST   
GG: okay so if that is all i really do have to go   
GG: very important business today!!   
GG: but i would love to talk to you more in future   
GG: nepeta says you are really fun and that you like roleplaying like her   
GG: and its always good to make new friends   
GG: :)   
GC: N3P3T4 1S 4 D34R FR13ND 4ND SH3 SP34KS W3LL OF YOU 4S W3LL   
GC: W3 W1LL C3RT41NLY T4LK L4T3R   
GC: 1N TH3 M34NT1ME 1 W1SH YOU GOOD LUCK 1N YOUR 3ND34VOURS   
GC: 1NCLUD1NG TH1S MYST3R1OUS BUS1NESS 1N WH1CH YOU 4R3 PR3P4R1NG TO 3NG4G3   
GC: >:]   
GG: haha   
GG: dont worry you'll find out about it soon enough   
GG: ;)   
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 07:34 --

It was definitely time to get dressed; Jade grabbed her yoghurt in one hand and her phone in the other. She was halfway up the stairs, yoghurty spoon in her mouth, when she heard Sollux's voice coming in a low whisper from his room. Curious, she paused by his door and strained her ears to listen.

“... no, I underthtand... it'th not like I fucking meant to, I jutht couldn't... no! No, I'm thorry, okay, I'm thorry... yeah, I'll do better, jutht give me a chanthe, okay? Jutht pleathe... I won't fuck up again... pleathe jutht give me another fucking chanthe...”

Jade frowned. It sounded like he was on the phone to someone, which was kind of odd for Sollux. One count for Terezi's theory! She considered listening further, but it sounded like he was beating up on himself again which was _not okay_ even if it did mean he was sorry for how mean he had been to Feferi! Sticking her spoon back in the yoghurt pot, Jade strode up to the yellow-blood's door and rapped on it with her free hand.

“Sol?” she called into the sudden silence. “Are you okay in there?”

“... fine,” a muffled voice replied after a silent moment. Jade decided not to call him out on the lie; whatever stuff he was going through, he wasn't going to open up for her if she started accusing him of things.

“Do you want some breakfast?” she offered instead. If she couldn't offer emotional support to her adoptive sister's moirail, or get him to tell her more about whatever mysterious thing was going on with him, then she could at least follow the primary rule of the Lalonde clan in such situations- make sure Sollux eats something.

There was another pause, this one punctuated by frenetic whispering of which only the words _“yeth, I will,”_ were audible, and then the door swung open to reveal a skinny rake of a troll who looked if anything worse than Feferi had. He was wearing the same crumpled clothes as yesterday, had dark yellowish bags under his worryingly flat eyes, and Jade was sure that if trolls grew facial hair he would have been boasting a five o'clock shadow.

“... pancaketh?” he asked, and Jade sighed.

“Okay, but you have to shower first!” she said. Sollux's bichromatic eyes narrowed and his lip curled in a little growl, but Jade ignored the posturing, adding; “I'll have Bec sniff you to check, too, so don't think you can just get away with Ax spray!” Bec added his support to the declaration by pushing forwards to look at Sollux. The troll stared blankly at the pair of them, then nodded before slamming the door closed in their faces.

“Asshole,” Jade muttered, trying to quash her growing sense of uneasiness by grabbing Bec by the scruff of the neck and leading him down the corridor towards the room she shared with Rose. The other human girl was still fast asleep when she entered the room, and Jade grinned at the sight of the usually sombre Rose hugging a stolen Squiddle plushy like she was its tanglebuddy. Quite a few of Jade's soft toys had migrated across the room over the months of their stay in Derse Mansion. She was seriously considering just giving them to Rose- cute as they were, she had sort of outgrown Squiddles in the last couple of years.

She dug through the old sea-chest at the foot of her bed, pulling out clothes and throwing them onto the bed covers as she rejected them. Too fancy, too casual, too formal... she sighed as the pile grew. Style was hard! Eventually she grabbed some things that she thought might do and tugged them on. She owed Sollux pancakes now and Kanaya would let her know if there was anything wrong with what she was wearing.

She made it back down to the kitchen before anyone else arrived, and took advantage of the time to start making a sizable stack of pancakes for the inevitable horde- there was Sollux, who would need a few to make up for missing dinner last night, and Feferi and Kanaya would each eat at least three, and she kind of wanted one now that she'd made a start, but Doctor Lalonde, Rose, and Eridan wouldn't be up for a while yet. At least they'd managed to get past the point where the Alternians thought cooking for someone or eating together for social reasons was inherently conciliatory- the first few weeks of having alien siblings had been so awkward.

There was a steaming stack beside the oven before she decided she was done, leaning around the kitchen door and shouting “BREAKFAST!” for the benefit of everyone in the mansion who was awake and cared to listen. She retrieved her food from the fridge and was just running it through the microwave when Kanaya and Feferi came in.

“Good morning!” Jade said, and waved a hand to the stack of pancakes. “I made loads, so help yourselves!”

“Thank you very much for your gesture of companionship,” said Kanaya, walking over and delicately spearing four pancakes onto a plate with one of the forks Jade had left on the side. “Where is the- no, wait, I see it.” Grabbing the syrup with her free hand, the troll poured a liberal amount over her food, stepping aside just enough for Feferi to start dragging pancakes onto her own plate. Jade, poking at her own breakfast, wondered briefly whether she had made enough to go around.

“So how did I do?” she asked Kanaya, indicating her clothes with a wave of the hand. The other girl tilted her head thoughtfully.

“Well, I believe the effect would be improved if you hung your shirts as I told you to do rather than balling them up in that chest of yours, and you will of course need some work on your hair and makeup, but other than that I believe you have made very appropriate sartorial choices.”

Jade swallowed a forkful of egg and beans, shrugging. “I can't hang them, we don't have a wardrobe in our room!”

“Well, I did offer...” Kanaya broke off as a figure appeared in the kitchen doorway, one thin gray hand resting on the door frame. “Sollux. I see you have chosen to join us.”

“Thut up, KN,” Sollux snapped, walking past her and straight up to where Feferi was sat, staring at him with a carefully blank face that Jade knew from experience covered anger.

“I'm thorry,” Sollux said, yellow tears starting to make streaks down his face. “I wath a fucking idiot the other day, and I know that I don't detherve you and bathically if you wanted to tell me to fuck off and never bother you again then I would totally underthtand...”

He was cut off as the seadweller surged up out of her chair and wrapped her arms around his neck, cradling his head and pulling him into a close hug. Jade shuffled her feet and looked away as the pair of them rocked gently together, the elegant princess dressed for success and the scruffy boy in grubby pajamas.

“I thought you'd fucking hate me,” Sollux said, his voice muffled by Feferi's shoulder.

“Not for _anything,”_ Feferi said, stroking his hair. “Not _ever.”_

“Promithe?” the boy asked, his voice cracking on the word.

“Promise,” Feferi replied, and Sollux's shoulders started to shake. Jade saw Kanaya shake her head and rub a hand across her face; a moment later, it dawned on her that yellow tears on a white blouse were going to make a change of clothes necessary for Feferi. Although really that had probably been a lost cause once Feferi started crying anyway- did troll tears even wash out of cotton?

“Sometimes,” Kanaya told her in a whisper. Jade winced.

The rest of breakfast couldn't exactly be called happy- not with Aradia's abduction still hanging over everyone- but Feferi and Sollux wouldn't stop leaning on one another, hands touching like they were afraid the other would disappear any moment. A weight had lifted from the house and despite the lingering sense that Terezi had been onto something, Jade felt much brighter about the day. It was a good thing, too; just as Feferi had left to change her blouse and Jade was leaning back in her seat to let Kanaya fix her hair, Eridan came stomping into the kitchen and glared at the empty plate that had once held pancakes.

"What, you didn't think a makin' any for me?" he said, grabbing the box of mix and sticking his nose in it. "And you used half the fuckin' mix, too. Fuckin' inconsiderate is what this is. I am hurt an' outraged.”

Jade and Kanaya shared a look of exasperation. "There's enough left for you to make your own pancakes," Jade said. "Quit whining."

Eridan pouted at her. It was a funny sight, the haughty amphibious alien boy wearing blue-striped cotton pajamas and sulking like a diva. Jade giggled.

"Oh yeah, go ahead, have a good fuckin' laugh at my pain," Eridan grumbled, clutching the box to his upper torso like a talisman. "You know I suck at makin' pancakes."

"Yeah, because you never make them!" Jade rolled her eyes, careful to keep her head still so that Kanaya could work. "The instructions are right there on the packet, dumbass."

"I know that!" Eridan snapped, cheeks and fin-tips flushing purple. "Look, can you stop bein' a pain in the posterior for like, fiwe minutes and make me some fuckin' pancakes so as I can hawe a half-decent breakfast?"

Jade counted points off on her fingers, starting with the middle one. "One, no. Two, I'm busy. Three, fuck no."

Eridan flipped her off in return, then turned his back and with more clattering, clanging and thumping about than was strictly necessary dug out a clean pan and mixing jug. Jade relaxed back into her chair and tried to keep her eyes facing front so that Kanaya could finish up with her hair, and tried not to let her irritation with Eridan show. He was never at his best in the mornings- not that he was ever anything close to nice or likeable, but from what little the Alternians had told her it sounded like he got worse nightmares than any of the rest of her housemates, even Sollux. According to Kanaya nobody had quite the same horrific night terrors they had once suffered from on their homeworld, but not even Feferi had good dreams and her rest was the least disturbed of anyone. A small shudder ran through Jade as she wondered whether Aradia dreamed. Good for her comatose brain or not, Jade hoped she didn't.

"I dunno how you peasants ewen fuckin' manage this," Eridan muttered, dumping mix into the jug with a puff of powder and glaring at it like it had personally offended him.

"Well, we are clearly far more experienced in such barbaric articles as a frying pan," Kanaya said in a forcefully upbeat manner. "I am forced to conclude that on Alternia you subsisted on a diet composed entirely of raw fish and seaweed."

Eridan didn't turn, but his back stiffened, and Jade could see the tips of his fins purpling again. She decided to have mercy on him. "You know, raw fish is quite a delicacy to some people!" she said, tilting her head back to beam at Kanaya. "If it's prepared in special fancy ways, that is. Hey, Eridan, you like sushi, right?"

"It tastes like ass," Eridan replied, dumping too much lumpy mix into the pan. "By which I mean fuckin' petrochemicals. The fuck is ewen wrong with your species?"

It was Jade's turn to snort, wriggling down into the kitchen chair. Kanaya gave an exasperated sigh and patted her hair one last time before standing up and walking into Jade's eye-line.

"I have done my best," she said. "Next time, do try not to move about so much."

Jade reached up to pat her hair, the long black mass somehow pinned away on top of her head into businesslike folds save for a few determined strands that would not be tamed. "It's lovely," she said, and meant it. "Thank you."

Kanaya smiled and gave her a nod as she left the room. Jade watched her head for the stairs then turned back to Eridan.

"You know, you could try being less rude to people," she said.

Eridan poked at his sorry mess of a pancake. "Why?" he said, sounding more glum than angry. "Sol's rude all the fuckin' time, and you all love him. And Kar, he was an imperious little shit the whole time he was here, takin' over the couch like some kind a miniature emperor, and nobody cared. Why've I gotta be the polite one when I got all kinds a superior breedin' an' manners an' shit?"

Jade sighed and pushed up out of her chair, wandering over and taking the pan out of Eridan's hands. She eyed the mess in it critically as she tried to fix it. "Karkat's a fuckass, and so's Sollux," she said calmly. "I'm not even going to try and deny that. But they care about people." She considered her statement. “Well, Karkat cares about people, anyway.”

"I fuckin' care!" Eridan's fist slammed into the counter, and Jade was fairly sure she saw a crack in the black stone worktop.

"About Feferi?" she asked, refusing to back down.

"About SOL!" Eridan yelled, then slammed a hand over his mouth like he only just caught up with what it was saying. Jade kept her eyes looking straight into his, and after a moment he lowered the hand and sighed. "Yeah, I care about Fef, okay? Her an' me, we got all this history, and we was pretty much meant to be ewen if not in a quadrant sort a way. An' I guess I care about you an' the old man too, although I'll fuckin' gut you if you ewer say I said that."

Jade nodded solemnly. "What about Bec?"

"Fuck that hellbeast an' all his horrorterror spawn," Eridan said, casting a glance back at the dog who raised his head to give a large canine yawn. "Look, point here is, Sol's my fuckin' kismesis. I hate him like boilin' pitch in my vascular system an' I need him like... like I needed fuckin' sopor. And he's not here. Ain't been since the hospital."

"Well, with what happened to Aradia..." Jade started.

"It ain't that," Eridan interrupted, and frowned down at the pan with his claws drumming against the countertop. "I dunno how to explain it. But somethin's got him distracted, like I can't ewen piss him off distracted." He shifted his weight between his feet. "And it ain't Aradia. Don't ewen ask me how I know that, I just fuckin' do."

Jade met his eyes as he lifted his chin, and chewed the inside of her lip as she remembered Terezi's suspicions, the half of a conversation she had overheard earlier. If something was up with Sollux right now, how would anyone know?

"Can you keep an eye on him?" she heard herself asking as she tipped the somewhat fragmentary pancakes onto a plate. "And, I guess, let me know if you notice anything weird?"

"What am I, your fuckin' espionaggressor?" Eridan stalked her to the table, standing slightly too close for comfort. He was a good inch or two taller than she was, even with bare feet, and Alternian or not she didn't feel great about having sharp teeth so near her neck.

"Well, I'm not your chef!" Jade snapped, dropping the plate in front of a chair and stalking towards the door.

"Wait!"

She paused and turned, to see Eridan standing in the middle of the kitchen floor and playing with the hem of his pajama shirt. "Good luck today," he said. "Ewen though I should a been the one what got to go with Fef."

It was as close to an apology as she was likely to get, and Jade nodded once, politely, before making her retreat upstairs to track down Feferi once again. She found her Alternian sister playing with Bec on the stairs and with no reason to delay any longer, Jade called for their car. Rose appeared just in time to bid them goodbye and good luck as they left; Jade waved to her and Kanaya as they stepped out the door, flipped the bird to Eridan in a smooth move that Dave would have been proud of, and giggled with Feferi as the two of them waited for the sleek black car that pulled smoothly up in front of the front door. The chauffeur- a troll with glittering brown eyes and blunt, hammer-like horns- opened the door for them with a flourishing bow and a cheeky grin. 

“Thank you, Martti,” chirped Feferi. Jade returned his grin as she followed her friend into the back. After the disaster with the last chauffeur Doctor Lalonde had insisted that the new driver be hired on loyalty first, and it was hard to imagine someone with more faith in Feferi than Martti seemed to have. Young though he was- appearing equivalent to a human in their early twenties- he was an adult and clearly must have been one of the older trolls to get on the ship. He usually spoke in Alternian when he could, but from some of the words Jade understood when he spoke to Feferi or Eridan she got the impression that he'd worked for them in some capacity before.

“You girls a-okay today?” he asked as they strapped in, his voice an odd sing-song filled with clicks and burrs.

“A bite baiter,” Feferi said, settling down into the leather seat. “But there's still no word about Aradia! It would be eelsier if we just knew something!”

Martti nodded, the back of his head bobbing. “Terrible, terrible thing,” he agreed. “Sollux, he holding up?”

Jade looked at Feferi, who shook her head. “Not reely.”

The driver sighed, a sound full of regret and resignation. “Not surprised. Hard thing to lose a quadrant, yeah.”

“Yeah,” Feferi agreed, and Jade had to fight the urge to pat her on the arm as the chauffeur wisely decided to put some music on. Martti wasn't always the greatest driver in the world, but he was learning, and his irrepressible, indiscriminate love for all Earth music was a boon to his passengers who knew they could request anything to listen to and have it cheerfully provided. Jade and Feferi traveled in style through the streets of LA to the upbeat soundtrack of a variety of kids shows and cartoons, the innocent music a pleasant antidote to the worries and threats of the real world. Jade would kind of preferred some real rock music, but Fef was the boss and today Fef wanted kiddy stuff.

It wasn't a long drive; Derse Mansion was nestled in amongst the great and the good of LA, in particular the ones who liked to work from home. Getting to Hollywood took less time than getting through Hollywood, and as ever Jade had her nose glued to the window watching the crowds. Grandpa would have loved to be in on this, she thought; the old man adored “the art of cinematography” and never missed an opportunity to wax lyrical about some of his old favorites or how jolly clever they were getting with the special effects these days.

The building they pulled up next to was fairly nondescript; hardly low-rent but forgettably decorative, the very model of discreet prosperity nestled next to half a dozen others cut from sister molds. Martti only stopped long enough to let them out of the car and wish them luck before he drove off again, following the discreet signs that pointed towards the nearest parking lot. Jade checked her Taser before they left the car, mostly to remind herself that she was here to do a job. Official or not, she and Eridan weren't going to trust anyone else to be Feferi's bodyguards, which meant no slacking off.

There was a buzzer by the glass-pane doors, and when Feferi pressed it a receptionist asked for their names. They gave them and the doors swung inwards to allow them into a pleasant lobby filled with natural light. A dark-skinned woman in a severe navy-blue suit was sitting on one of the red leather couches, sipping from a paper cup and studying one of the magazines from the glass-topped coffee table. She looked up as they approached and raised a singular eyebrow.

“Ah, Ms Peixes, Ms Harley. I'm glad to see you made it here safely.” She got to her feet and shot a glare at the receptionist behind the wide, almost circular desk in the far corner. “I have been explaining to _certain parties_ all morning that this arrangement is of paramount importance to you, and that were you unable to attend for _any reason_ you would of course have sent word to that effect.”

Jade stifled a giggle. Rose had insisted on sitting in on all interviews with their legal representatives, and it wasn't difficult to detect her hand in the presence of Ms Barker.

“Thank you for sticking up for us,” Feferi said with a smile that was only slightly forced.

“Not at all,” Ms Barker replied, with a slight quirk of her own lips. “Well, shall we?”

The receptionist wore a slightly sour expression as she led the three of them deeper into the building. Hypersensitive to potential threats after the last few months, Jade caught the woman casting the odd hateful look at Feferi, and made a mental note to keep an eye on her. It was such a pain that she couldn't carry her rifle on the mainland! Not that she wanted to shoot people, but it was really hard to be as prepared as Grandpa had always insisted she should be under these conditions.

The receptionist led them down a corridor that was considerably darker and narrower than Jade would have assumed and without pausing walked through the door at the end into a large room dominated by technology. Cameras and boom mics surrounded a relatively small area in the center, where unlit spotlights were angled to illuminate a vast swathe of green. People walked purposefully back and forth with clipboards, or adjusted cameras, or talked into radios; a good number of them were Alternian, as were the dozen or so children off to one side chatting with a number of suited adults and casting curious glances around the studio.

Just off to one side in a folding chair sat a man in a crisp black suit, patiently letting a woman brush some invisible powder across his face. His eyes lit up when he saw Feferi approaching, and waving the make-up artist off he practically bounded across the room to meet them.

“Ms Peixes, I presume,” he said, holding out a hand. Feferi took it and shook it once firmly before letting go.

“Oh, just call me Feferi!” she said, grinning back at the man. “I don't mind at eel!”

The man chuckled. “Sure, okay,” he agreed. “But you gotta call me Will, alright?” As Feferi nodded, he turned to Jade. “Hey, I'm sorry, I never got your name.”

“I'm Jade! Uh, Jade Harley!” said Jade, holding her hand out. To her surprise the man hi-fived her before shaking it.

“Hey, yeah, I think I met your old man once,” he said. “Big movie buff, kind of a character?” Jade nodded and the man laughed. “Guy really dug Independence Day. You a fan?”

For a moment Jade was tongue-tied. “Not as much as my brother,” she managed. “My human brother, that is. We're twins only we were both adopted and, wow, I'm saying this all wrong!”

“She means it's reely great to meet you,” Feferi adds, before leaning in to whisper. “I shoald probably admit that I haddock seen any of your work until this summer. I've just been so busy, and there's so much human culture to learn!”

The man waved a hand dismissively. “Hey, I can understand if you'd rather start with the works of Shakespeare or Mark Twain,” he said. “I'm guessing you watched my movies because we were going to be working together?”

“Actually, it's the other way around,” Jade said, as they walked back over to the chair and the man settled back into it. “We had a guy staying with us over the summer who saw one of your films and turned into your biggest fan and made us marathon everything you've ever done- oh, that reminds me!” She grabbed the purse that Kanaya had thrust at her on the way out the door and fished through it for the DVD she had put in there last night, passing it over to the man. “I don't suppose you could sign this for him? It's his favorite and I hate to ask, only I think he might actually kill us if he knew we'd met you and didn't get an autograph!”

The man shrugged and took the case. “No problem... Hitch?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “This is his favorite?”

Jade and Feferi shared a look. “He's kind of a romantic,” Jade offered.

“A reely, reely crabby one!” Feferi said, giggling.

“What's his name?” the man asked, accepting a black permanent marker from a passing assistant.

“Karkat,” Jade and Feferi chorused. The man nodded and started to scrawl on the box.

“Alternian, right?” he said, and as they nodded finished the message with a line of Alternian runes. “My kids taught me,” he said as the pair of them watched in surprise.

“Oh, of course, you adopted that blue-blooded girl!” Feferi squeaked.

“Zhenya,” the man said with a fond smile. “She's a big fan of yours, you know.”

“Reely?” Feferi squeaked. “Oh, here, let me...” She grabbed a napkin and the marker pen, and scrawled something on it in Alternian. “Here! I'm sorry it's not a DVD,” she said. The man tucked the napkin carefully into his pocket and shook his head.

“She'll love it,” he said before turning to Ms Barker. “So, ma'am, as the responsible adult here, do you think we're ready to get started?”

“If you are ready, I think we can begin,” the lawyer said with a smile. “I'm mostly only here as a formality because the girls are technically still minors.”

“Okay, cool,” the man said. “Feferi, you wanna go meet your co-stars?”

“Sure thing!” Feferi said, and the man stepped aside to let her lead the way across the room to where the Alternian kids were still sitting around exchanging excited whispers. As they noticed they were being approached, they each dropped their conversations in favor of waves and shouted greetings- more of them aimed at Feferi, their Heiress, than the human man, Jade noticed.

Feferi raised a hand and the Alternians fell silent; Jade noticed that they were all either younger than Feferi or looked it, and that the symbols on their shirts covered the entire range of the hemospectrum including a couple of hemoanonymous kids in the back.

“I wanted to thank you all for coming to help out today,” Feferi said, beaming at her audience. “I mean, I know you're getting paid to show up!” There were a few titters, and Feferi waited patiently for them to die down before she continued. “But reely, what we're doing here today is so _important,_ and I want to take a moment to think of that! Until now we've been treading water; today we take the first strokes in our journey towards changing things for the better, and although it's absolutely fin-tastic that Will has agreed to help us I feel even _moray_ happy that you're here, because we will all have to work together if we want a future and when I see you- when I see all of you- here with us, I know for sure that we're going to succeed!”

The man next to Jade was the one who started the clapping, but he wasn't alone for long. First the Alternians and Jade joined him, then the applause spread out like a wave from where they were standing until the whole room was giving Feferi a standing ovation.

As the last smatterings of applause died away, the human man grinned at Feferi, who tried to hide her blush behind her hands.

“So, you ready to make a message?” he asked.

Feferi looked over at Jade, who gave her seadweller friend a double thumbs-up. Feferi turned back to the actor, beaming with joy.

“I shoal am!” she declared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE writing real people into my fiction. HATE it. It feels nasty and wrong. I mean, that's a real person with an actual life and free will and suchlike.
> 
> Unfortunately, there was really only one logical narrative choice for who they would go to, and so I have compromised by not actually saying his name and by keeping his role as brief as possible.
> 
> I'M SORRY MISTER FAMOUS DUDE I'M NOT NAMING WHILE MAKING IT OBVIOUS WHO YOU ARE!


	7. ==> Be The Insightfurl Interrogator

### CHAPTER SIX ==> Be The Insightfurl Interrogator

Nepeta Leijon was worried. Despite what she had said to her moirail the night before, she couldn't help harboring some lingering doubts about getting involved with Vriska Serket- especially given what Equius had told her about the diet of his old neighbor's lusus! She had faith in her own fighting prowess, but it still made her shiver to think what might have come of FLARPing if her palemate hadn't stopped her.

Even without the specter of old dangers hovering overhead, the journey to the Felt Mansion would have been intimidating. Nepeta didn't usually think twice about her clothes so long as they were either suitably hard-wearing or else perfectly adorable but as she followed Equius up the hill between the shadows of polished, well-tended estates it was impossible not to feel scruffy and down at heel. They had needed to catch two buses across the city to get to the right general area, and without the money for a cab the only option left was to walk on their own two feet. Nepeta didn't mind so much- she had spent her life walking or running everywhere- but from the way he was hunched over she could tell Equius felt as though he were intruding on the world of spotless sidewalks and trim hedges. Nepeta watched him walk along between the street lights, all shrunk in on himself, and pouted. She wasn't going to let her moirail feel ashamed of himself for anything so silly as not being rich!

“Mrrraowr!” she yowled, warning Equius moments before she took a flying leap and landed on his back. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her legs around his waist, and her strong moirail gingerly raised his own arms to support her in a solid piggyback.

“Nepeta, this is hardly appropriate,” he said, pausing in front of a wrought-iron gate. The light and noise of a party in the mansion beyond it made a sharp contrast with the emptiness of the street now that the sun had set; unlike their home neighborhood, it didn't look like the kids here were out much after dark. Nepeta once again felt a small rush of excitement, thinking of two nights time when they would get to dress up in costume and get free candy. The residents of Prospit House would be supervised carefully in their trick-or-treating and she just knew Equius would spend the whole night worrying, but it would be her first Earth Halloween and she had a perfect tigress costume and she and her cubs were going to be the greatest candy-hunters!

“This foolishness will not create a respectable first impression when we arrive at Serket's residence,” Equius insisted, drawing Nepeta back out of the plans that she had been excitedly regaling him with. In response, she purred and bent over to rub her cheek against her moirail's. Equius froze, a beautiful statue, afraid to hurt her with a careless twitch. Nepeta let herself purr a little louder.

“What if they turn us away?” Equius said, after a minute of waiting with Nepeta resting on his back. “To show Serket that I have not achieved the same status as her during my time on Earth- I have no wish to be subjected to her uncouth remarks and infantile judgments!”

“So what?” Nepeta asked, her head leaning very comfortably against Equius'. “She's just been lucky! That doesn't make her better than you. Besides, she doesn't have a meowrail, so you were doing much better than she was even befur you got here!”

“Serket always believed strongly in luck,” Equius said darkly, but he started walking again. Nepeta let him support her and let go of his neck, using her hands to make small braids in his hair. She could feel the tension in his neck, tendons as tight as steel cables. He might be firm in his decision, but Equius wasn't taking it lightly.

The Felt Mansion was at the end of the road, the cap on the looping street that led to the houses of the great and the good. Nepeta stared at it wide-eyed as they approached, the high hedges not disguising a building that was covered in greenery; from the green slate tiles of the roof on down, trellises guided climbing vines across the structure until the color of the underlying brick and stone was impossible to discern. The windows were square, blackened eyes overlooking the street. It should have looked welcoming or at least natural with so many plants over it, but it was as if a permanent cold shadow had overcast the building. As Equius drew up to the main gate- square, harsh bars that Nepeta knew without even checking were impervious to all but the hardest of cutting tools- she shivered on his shoulders. The mansion was watching her hungrily.

There was a small intercom by the gate, in the pool of light cast by the last street-lamp, and Nepeta leaned forwards from her moirail's shoulders to press the button. The speaker was smooth and without static as a bluff voice demanded, in perfect clarity; “Who's that out there?”

“Mister Equius Zahhak and his moirail, Miss Nepeta Leijon,” said Equius, keeping his voice level. “Here to call on Miss Vriska Serket.”

There was a brief pause. “She expectin' you?” the speaker asked.

Nepeta squeaked and Equius absently shooshed her. “She is not,” he said. “I am, however, an old acquaintance of hers, and I believe it would behoove her to see me in particular since I am the one who constructed and fitted her artificial limb.”

There was another pause, and then the gate in front of them swung slowly open. “You just go right on in,” said the voice over the intercom. “Follow the path up to the house. Someone'll get the door for ya.” After a brief hesitation, it added: "An' yer at yer own risk, get it?"

“My thanks for your assistance,” Equius gravely said, before walking onwards through the gate. Nepeta straightened, her hands winding in his hair as she looked around. All around her stretched a lush, green lawn. It was a far cry from the small square of yellow scrub at the back of Prospit House and she longed to jump down from her moirail's shoulders and roll on the verdant expanse, to run on it barefoot and wriggle her toes in the soil. It would have been a bad idea, though; Equius was still tense with the thought of the upcoming encounter and he needed her with him to be sure he wouldn't do anything stupid. She wouldn't help matters by behaving like a silly cub herself.

The path was paved with criss-cross bricks, black lined with a brilliant green, and it led them all the way to a wide paved space outside the front door of the mansion. Several cars were lined up on the asphalt, most of them sleek and black. One stood out; a beaten-up old banger, parked at an odd angle as if the driver had simply roared in and jumped out as soon as they stopped. It bore what looked like hastily-patched bullet holes in the trunk. Nepeta couldn't stop staring at it as Equius carried her up the steps to the big, black, shiny front door. He had to clear his throat pointedly before she remembered to lean over again, and there was a brief spate of confusion before she realized that the doorbell was actually the green rope hanging down next to the door and not a button at all.

They weren't waiting on the doorstep long before the door swung open to reveal a tall, dark-skinned human who stared at them silently with bulbous eyes.

“We are here to see Miss Serket,” Equius said after a short wait. The human blinked slowly, but neither moved nor spoke.

 _“Geez, Die, let them in already!”_ yelled a female voice from deeper in the house. The human in the doorway blinked again and then stepped to one side; taking this as permission, Equius stepped forward. The door frame was high enough that Nepeta didn't even have to duck as they walked into a green-carpeted entrance hallway, a sweeping set of dark mahogany stairs leading up to a second-floor balcony. Her skin crawled a little as they passed the strange human, and she swung her head round to see him staring at her. He didn't even flinch when she hissed at him, and she hurriedly scrunched down onto her moirail for reassurance as he strode through a high archway into a long corridor.

“Through here!” the voice called again, and Nepeta reached out to push the door open as Equius stepped into a sitting room straight out of an old human film, complete with black leather upholstery and a fireplace against one wall. Nepeta had never seen a fireplace except on the television, and she made a disappointed noise when she saw that the hearth was empty.

Sitting in a large armchair, her feet resting on a matching padded stool, was a troll with a coat that looked more like FLARP kit than an actual outfit; the trimming, like the symbol on her shoulder, was all cerulean blue and one of her eyes was covered with a matching eyepatch. Knowing that she was missing an arm Nepeta's eyes flicked straight to the extravagant coat sleeve, but the other troll was wearing gloves and it was impossible to tell it wasn't flesh and blood beneath.

“Nice to see you again, Equius,” said Vriska Serket, fangs showing in a wide grin as she lifted a tiny cup from the table at her side and sipped from it. “Soooooooo, what can I possibly do for you and your little feral cat-girl today?”

Nepeta bristled but remained silent. Equius let her slide from his shoulders and settled beside her on a couch opposite Vriska. “Serket. I must confess I had thought our acquaintance was done with.”

“Thought you'd left me back on Alternia, you mean,” Vriska said with an undignified snort. “Just how many of your teeth did you grind into shards when you found out I'd come along for the ride?”

Equius frowned. “I have been working on controlling my strength since I arrived on this planet,” he said with a tone of reprove that Nepeta couldn't miss. Vriska let out a hearty laugh, almost dropping her teacup.

“Suuuuuuuure, you not breaking things! That's a good one, musclebrains, you want to go into standup or something?” She abruptly stopped laughing and leaned forwards, her smile evaporating. “Because seriously, you suck bigtime at plotting. What did Terezi say to get you out here?”

“Who says I am here at her behest?” Equius asked mildly, examining the ornaments on the mantel.

“It's obvious, duh,” said Vriska, rolling her eye. “I mean, you are clearly busy trying to be a good little citizen in losertown, why would you come all the way up here to talk to a dangerous criminal family? And right after Pupa's dumb FLARP partner gets kidnapped? This has her meddling fingerprints all over it.”

Equius frowned. “Perhaps I merely wished to visit an old acquaintance.”

Vriska tilted her head, grin growing once again. “Funny, you never struck me as the sort of guy who'd come round looking for a handout.”

Equius was fast, but Nepeta was faster; she jumped in front of her moirail before he was even out of his seat, and pushed him back down more with the force of her personality than the strength of her arms.

“Stop it!” she snapped, dropping herself onto Equius' lap to hinder him from any more sudden movements. “The huntress and her musclebeast meowrail came here for some purrfectly civilized conversation! There's no need to get all mean and catty with each other!”

Her moirail hung his head, but Vriska snickered. “Way to get told off by your little kitty-cat, Equius!”

Nepeta laid a reassuring hand on Equius' arm, where it would be out of Vriska's sight behind her body, and pretended to study the back of her hand where she used to wear claws before claws became a thing she shouldn't have. “The powerfurl, strong musclebeast came to see mew because he wanted to! So what if it was Terezi who asked him? He didn't have to do anything!”

For a moment Vriska looked surprised- happy, even- and Nepeta could see the moment the sneering mask reasserted itself over her face.

“Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt anything to just listen,” she said, sighing and leaning on one of the arms of her chair. “Just don't make it booooooooring like you do everything else.”

Equius straightened in his chair. “Very well. This matter is, as you have correctly assumed, strongly connected to the kidnapping of Miss Megido. I have been approached to act as an intermediary in the matter of a request.”

Vriska rolled her eye. “Ugh. You are such a lame windbag. I'd be better off with that meddling spoilsport on my couch. Even Pupa would get to the point faster!”

Equius glared at her. “All they wanted to know was whether, given your... particular connections, you had any information on who might have taken her or where she might be being held.”

There was a pause as Vriska tapped her fingers on the leather of her armchair, good eye narrowed at them thoughtfully. “Why?” she asked eventually. “What's in it for me?”

“I am certain that some form of appropriate recompense could be arranged for...”

“No!” Vriska yelled. Nepeta jumped as the other girl's metal arm swept out and knocked a spouted liquid vessel and cup from their perch on a side table to the floor; the cup shattered, and brown liquid poured from the spout over the carpet. Vriska didn't even seem to notice, pushing up out of her chair and stalking forwards. Her good eye had veins of blue appearing in the wiggler gray and they flashed like lightning as she loomed over her guests. “Do you know why that bitch is in a coma? Because I put her there! And I'm glad I did, do you understand that? After what she did to me she's lucky she isn't _dead!_ So don't come to me with Pupa's sob stories and Terezi's whining and offer me appropriate fucking recompense because that's not how the world works!”

Silence reigned, Vriska's chest heaving with angry panting while Nepeta shooshed her moirail and tried not to shake. Not because Vriska was scary, exactly- she'd been yelled at and had people get too close before, and usually it hardly bothered her at all- but because there was something wrong with the look on her face. It was the same sort of look Nepeta remembered seeing Gamzee wear when he'd gone crazy on the ship, like Vriska was staring right at something awful that nobody else could see and trying to tell herself it wasn't so bad after all.

Unlike with Gamzee, the moment passed. Vriska's face relaxed and she stepped back, finding her way to the armchair and cursing loudly when she trod on a fragment of broken china.

Nepeta was the first to see the man open the door. He was tall for a human and thin, with a prominent underbite that clearly showed his blunt, square teeth. “There a problem in here, Miss?” he asked in a slow, nasal voice.

“This mess needs cleaning up, Trace,” Vriska said, raising her chin as if challenging the man to ask how it had been caused in the first place. “And I need a new cup.”

The man seemed about to respond when there was a loud shout and a thud from upstairs. The man vanished out the door in an instant and Nepeta jumped up to follow him. She was brought up short when Equius put his arm across her path.

“Nepeta!” he said, frowning at her. “You should be more careful. There is no knowing what could be happening...”

“Oh, that's just Slick,” said Vriska. Nepeta and Equius both turned to stare at her.

“Are you referring to _Spades_ Slick?” Equius asked.

Vriska rolled her eye. “Well, who else, dumbass?” She flicked her fingers dismissively at the ceiling. “He kicked the door open earlier and went storming off upstairs with a gun. There was some yelling, some shooting, then it went quiet.” She grinned. “If you ask me, she had him cuffed to something, and he just broke out.”

Nepeta's eyes went wide; no true student of romantic relationships could fail to recognize what she was hearing. “They're black for each other?” she asked, settling back down onto the arm of the couch.

“Yeah, although they don't call it that.” Vriska shrugged. “Humans. Go figure.”

Nepeta's fingers itched to go and update her shipping wall with this new knowledge. Before she could start hunting through her pockets for a scrap of paper, she was interrupted by another crash from above, followed by a ear-scorching string of furious cursing.

 _“Goddamn inscrutable fucking hellbitch...”_ was all Nepeta heard before her moirail's large hands closed over her ears and shut out all outside sound. For several minutes she heard nothing but a few distant thumps and something like voices underwater, then a man appeared at the top of the stairs. Equius pulled her back but Nepeta craned forwards in time to see the stranger stomp backwards down the stairs hurling abuse at someone stood at the top. From behind she could see his dusty black suit and a battered fedora, but it wasn't until he reached the bottom of the steps that he turned and Nepeta could see his face.

For an instant their eyes met, and the flash of recognition in his eyes was met by the sudden surge of terror in her own chest. With a small squeak she dived out from under Equius' arm and behind the couch; the momentary silence in the hallway was broken by the man's cracked, rough whisper of _“... shit.”_

Then the house was filled with an impossibly loud cracking sound, an explosion that seemed to ricochet around inside Nepeta's skull, and she mewled in fright. A second explosion shattered the air and through the visible sliver of doorway Nepeta witnessed a woman descending the stairs. At first she was nothing but the clack of tall green heels and the swish of a black skirt over smooth, deep brown legs. Then her head came into view, smiling cruelly at the shabby man and framed by a cigarette holder in one hand and a pearl-handled pistol in the other. Both were smoking.

“Get out of my house,” she said. The man in black swore, then dived aside as she took aim and fired a third time, an instant too late to hit him as he jumped aside and barged out through the front door. The woman waited coolly on the stairs, taking the occasional slow drag on her cigarette, until the slam of a car door and the screech of a car accelerating sounded from the drive.

“Trace?” said the Snowman, after a short interval. “Make yourself useful and ensure Mister Slick doesn't damage the front gate on the way out. Again.”

“Yes, boss,” the tall human said, lumbering off to the front yard after the car. The woman started to turn, then paused and looked at where Equius had gone to crouch by Nepeta.

“Vriska, dear, I didn't know you had guests,” she said.

“Yeah, because it's none of your business!” Vriska snapped.

The woman raised an eyebrow. “Yes, funny how that excuse never seems to work when I try it,” she said dryly. She nodded to Equius. “Nice to see my daughter making friends. You will have to excuse that little... fracas. It can be so hard to deal with home invaders and undesirables without getting a little testy.”

Equius nodded stiffly; he had left his hand outstretched and resting on the floor, and Nepeta put her own over it and squeezed because she still felt pretty shaky. “I can assure you, we will have forgotten that any such thing occurred by the time we leave here,” her moirail said.

The Snowman's smile was so cold it was no wonder where she had got her name. “I'm glad to hear it.” In a swish of cloth and a clack of heels she was gone, leaving behind relief and the scent of gun smoke.

Vriska had a massive grin on her face. “Isn't she just awesome?” she asked, climbing onto the couch and leaning over the back. “Of course, she chose to adopt me because I'm- hey, what's your damage?”

Nepeta bared her teeth at the other girl and scooted over into her moirail's big, reassuring arms. “Nothing to make a fuss ofur,” she said, blood-pusher sinking as her voice betrayed her in a nervy squeak.

Vriska looked puzzled for a moment, then her face lit up. “Oh, that's right. You saw his human clone-brother tear some guy up.” She tossed her head, flicking long hair out of her face. “I can't believe you're still letting that one little thing get to you!”

There was a dangerous rumbling in Equius' chest, so Nepeta rested a hand over his central thorax and let out a very quiet mew. His fury simmered down to a quiet simmer as Nepeta burrowed closer and he wrapped an arm around her.

“It doesn't bother me,” Nepeta lied. She knew that Spades looked like his brother, of course she did, she'd seen them both almost side-by-side at the trial. She also knew that dangerous as he was, Slick wasn't the same kind of monster as the Ringmaster had been. It had just been a shock to see that face looking at her, was all. She definitely wasn't worried that the most dangerous man in the city could be angry at her for testifying against his closest relative. 

“I need to use the load gaper,” said Nepeta, wriggling out from under Equius' arm. He could have held on, but not without tightening his grip and potentially harming her, and he knew it.

“Bathroom,” he corrected as she leaned over and kissed his forehead. Vriska rolled her good eye but pointed in a vague direction.

“Upstairs, the corridor on the left, second door on the right,” she said. Nepeta mewed in thanks then darted off. Normally she would have wanted to cuddle with Equius and make sure he didn't do anything stupid, but she wasn't in any kind of state to be conciliatory and Vriska would just mock her if she tried to jam with her moirail now. She just needed some alone time to pull herself together in the absence of mean piratical spider-girls, that was all.

She found the load gaper alright- she loved to use the warm chroma terms, it made Equius come over all protective- and spent a good five minutes sitting on the delightfully fluffy lid cover, breathing deeply and letting herself just _be_ like Doctor Lewis had taught her. She made herself a special promise that she would definitely absolutely for certain talk to Equius about this later, and got herself a drink of water from the tap. Equius would have told her off for sticking her mouth under the faucet, but he wasn't there and water always tasted better sideways anyway.

It didn't take her too long to stop feeling so shaky and no sounds of disaster had come from downstairs. Nepeta tried out a smile at her reflection and wondered if she should add an Equius spades Vriska picture to her wall. It was very much a work in progress, her new wall. The carers still got upset if she tried to claim the playhouse as her territory the whole time, so there was always the risk that one of the kids would damage her precious work. Even her cubs didn't truly understand its importance.

She was walking back down the corridor, thinking idly on ways to improve her collection of ships, when she heard voices coming from down a corridor. Nepeta paused; if she had possessed whiskers, she would have twitched them. Something was afoot in this house, and if they wanted Vriska to help them they needed more than just big wide kitten eyes. Nepeta glanced about and, seeing nobody, changed direction head towards the voices. As she grew closer she saw a door slightly ajar, and recognized the edge of Snowman's dress. Nepeta crouched down and stalked closer to her prey, using a pot plant as cover and pricking up her ears for juicy tidbits of information.

"... frankly, have indulged you and your eccentricities far enough in this matter," a male voice said. A faint crackle told Nepeta that the voice was speaking over a phone. Snowman paced past the door, back and forth like a caged lion.

 _"Eccentricities?"_ she replied, her earlier chilliness undercut with a current of frustration, possibly even concern. "This is my daughter we are discussing, not a fashion statement!"

Nepeta fished her phone out of her pocket and flicked to her contact list to dial ICEMEOWRAIL. There was a faint echo through the house as downstairs Equius' phone rang, cutting off as he answered. Nepeta quickly muted her speaker and stuck her hand over it for good measure.

Snowman didn't pay any attention to the distant commotion, and if her correspondent was aware of it he showed no interest. "I suppose I have only myself to blame," the man on the phone said, with a sigh. "I should have taken action when you first adopted the brat, before you had the chance to get attached to it and matters could get so far out of hand."

"Vriska is my daughter," Snowman said, her voice icy calm. "You do not get to dictate whom I choose to make a member of my family."

"I do, however, get to choose who becomes a member of this family," the man replied. "I am the gatekeeper, Snowman, and when you bypassed me you put our entire organization in jeopardy. Given your long and exemplary service we have done our best to be accommodating, but this latest request is simply beyond the pale."

There was a snapping sound from behind the door, but Nepeta couldn't see what had broken. "What I am asking for would benefit the organization and the family." Snowman's words were tight and precise with controlled rage. "Vriska would be an asset to our number, and she is old enough. I was younger when I joined, as was your own protege if you care to recall."

"She is an alien," the voice said, sounding almost amused. "An unknown factor. We have had quite enough problems as of late in Egypt, thanks to the boy. The last thing we need is to help the Alternians gain the power to become players on this stage."

"They will gain a foothold whatever we do!" Snowman said, not quite shouting but coming very close. "Don't make the mistake of thinking you know better than I do what is happening in my own territory. Even if the Alternians don't create their own solution, the Midnight Crew are already reaching out to the trolls in this city, and all I am proposing is that we move ahead of the times!"

"There have been suggestions that your judgment of the situation is understandably impaired," the calm voice on the other end of the line said.

"Your suggestions, I take it?" Snowman snapped. "Damn it, Scratch, you can't pretend they're not real when they're already here!"

There was a low chuckle from the man over the phone. "So are we, Snowman. So are we."

There was a click on the line as the man hung up, followed by a loud crash as Snowman hurled the phone at the door. Nepeta fell over backwards in surprise and bit her lip with the effort of not making any noise; gathering her wits fast, she hung up her call and darted back to the main corridor.

She was still licking green blood off her lip when she walked back into the sitting room. Equius came straight over to her and she jumped up to hug his neck and get carried to the couch. Vriska ignored them in favor of leaning moodily against the window, staring out at the neat lawn.

"She was extremely distressed by the call," Equius whispered to Nepeta in a low rumble that Vriska could almost certainly hear. "As was I. It was foolish of you to take such an excessive risk."

Nepeta nuzzled up against her moirail, still shaking from the combination of victorious pride and fight-or-flight instincts lingering. "The brave huntress wanted to help her strong meowrail after efurything he's done for her," she whispered back. "Vriskers needed to hear somepurrthing that would convince her and when the huntress heard all the shouting..."

"...you thought you could manipulate me?"

Nepeta looked over at the window; Vriska hadn't turned or even moved, and her voice had been level. Entirely neutral, and impossible to read.

"Nepeta was attempting to offer assistance, Serket," Equius said sternly. "Whatever her reasons, you cannot deny what you heard."

"Assistance with what?" Vriska asked, in that same empty tone. "With showing me that it was dumb to rely on other people? That I was right not to trust anyone than myself?"

Nepeta swallowed. "I..."

Vriska turned, and Nepeta's uncertain words died in her throat. The other troll was smiling, a wild grin that lit up her eyes, and for a moment in her longcoat and with the moonlight behind her she looked just like a picture of a Gamblignant of old in Nepeta's long-gone storybooks.

"Equius, it seems that there is something you can trade me for your stupid information after all," she said, prowling closer and pulling a folded piece of paper from an inside pocket. "This."

Equius reached out and took the paper, slowly unfolding it with the utmost care so as not to tear it. Nepeta craned to see what was on it, and frowned at the complex technical diagram. She'd never been good at techie stuff, but her moirail had always been fond of mechanics, and she remembered him mentioning consulting on the occasional project for his neighbor.

"What do you want this for?" Equius asked, after a hesitation that was slightly too long for Nepeta's liking.

"Protection," Vriska replied, her voice reflecting the mocking twist of her smile. "Why do you care? It's nowhere near as bad as what we used to build back on Alternia."

"It doesn't have to be," Equius said, lips pressed thin. "I do not see why you need my aid to build this, Serket. It is well within your capabilities, and not entirely congruent with my own."

Vriska waved a hand in the air, taking in the room, the house around it, and possibly the city around that. "Do you really think the Snowman lets me build things unsupervised?" she asked, folding her arms. "Puh-lease. She knows better. I'm guessing you don't get watched so closely."

"No, but I have nowhere to build." Equius scowls. "And that assumes I am willing to construct this foul device for you."

"If you want your information, you'll find somewhere," Vriska said, not budging. She and Equius locked gazes for several long seconds, before the cerulean-blood sighed. "Fine, if it makes you feel any better I promise I won't use it except in self-defense."

Nepeta was already wrinkling her nose in disbelief, but Equius still shook his head as he began to fold the paper. "Your promises are meaningless, Serket."

Vriska's good eye narrowed into an angry slit. "Fine, if you want to be that way!" she said, baring her fangs. "I swear on the memory of my ancestor, Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, that I won't use this to kill hundreds of innocent baby aliens or blow up any buildings or anything, and will instead reserve it strictly for the purpose of saving my own butt! Is that good enough for you, you stuck-up sweaty _freak?"_

Equius studied her. "I believe I can trust that vow," he said. Standing, he tucked the design into a pocket and nodded to Vriska. "We have a deal, Serket. I expect you to honor it."

Vriska stepped back and flopped into a chair. "Yeah, same to you, Zahhak. Or else your dumb old quest is going to be the least of your problems." Her head tilted slightly. "Nice to meet you, kitty-girl," she said, sounding not in the least sincere. Equius' arm slipped around Nepeta and started to guide her towards the door.

"Come along," he said to his moirail. Nepeta let herself be pushed along, but just before they turned the corner she glanced back. Vriska was sitting slumped in her chair, her head resting in her hands and shrouded by her hair. Her shoulders were shaking, ever so slightly.

Silently, Nepeta looked away again and followed her moirail back towards the safe, sheltering normality of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another chapter!
> 
> For those who have Tumblr (and maybe those who don't) and want more bells and whistles for the Alternian Nation 'verse (or LODAD), I am doing a pair of [memes](http://celynbrum.tumblr.com/post/51090759434/it-is-meme-oclock). This is a blatant plug for you to prod me with a stick. ;)


	8. ==> Be The Cunning Conspirator

### CHAPTER SEVEN ==> Be The Cunning Conspirator

Vriska Serket was having the time of her life. Well, maybe not, but sneaking out of the mansion on her own mission was proving to be more fun than she'd had in ages. It was staggering to think that she'd wasted all those months trying to fit in with the plans of others when she was so clearly meant to be the one making the big decisions! The thought turned a little bitter as she recalled the conversation she'd heard over Equius' phone. It had been tempting to try and refute the evidence of her own ears, to call him and Nepeta a pair of meddling liars, but there was no point in denying the truth. Vriska kicked at the trunk of the tree she was sitting in and scowled at it when the only result was a sore toe. Stupid trunk. Stupid tree. Stupid her, for ever thinking that she would become anyone important by waiting patiently for Snowman to recognize her brilliance. Her whole life, she had always done better when striking out alone and taking the lead.

There was a rustle down below and Vriska froze, her claws digging into the bark and her eyes tracking across the narrow strip of lawn below. Moonlight and the faint glow of streetlamps gave her enough illumination to see a short, round figure wander over to the base of the tree. Vriska held her breath; Clover might be a night-blind human but more often than not he was an annoyingly lucky one. She was supposed to be in bed right now, not clambering over the roof in dark clothes, and it wasn't like he was Eggs or Biscuits who she could talk her way around, or Itchy or Die who could be intimidated or ignored. No, if Clover spotted her she would have to knock him cold, and although that wasn't exactly a problem she didn't want to waste psionic power on some lame mobster this early in the game.

Clover leaned back against the tree, almost directly under Vriska's feet. There was a brief flare as he lit a match, followed by the dim red glow of a cigarette end. Vriska rolled her eyes. He was going to be in so much trouble if Snowman caught him shirking guard duty for a smoke. Her arms let out a warning twinge, so she shifted until they were resting differently on the large, sturdy branch. She hoped he wouldn't be too long; she had important things to do and a limited time window to do them in, and trolls weren't built for clambering around in trees. If she fell then her chances of catching herself were far too slim.

The little man took his sweet time with the cigarette. Vriska shifted against the rough bark of the tree, careful not to make sounds that could give her away, and glared at Clover's silhouette. Didn't he know that she was in a hurry?

Finally, just as she was about ready to scream with frustration, the small shadow at the base of the tree moved. Clover dropped his cigarette end and crushed it into the ground with one foot; Vriska held her breath as he walked away around the corner, then started to shimmy along the wide branch that led towards the wall with a great rustling of leaves and twigs. And Terezi had always said she didn't have any patience!

The smell of nicotine-heavy smoke tainted the air at the top of the perimeter wall and Vriska wrinkled her nose when she reached it. She took a moment to stop and listen for the sounds of anyone moving about, but it seemed that the Felt were all busy elsewhere for the moment. A heavy book, borrowed from the Mansion's library, weighed down the barbed wire enough to give her a shaky foothold on the wall. Vriska examined the shards of broken glass concreted along the outside edge, grinned, and jumped off the side into darkness.

She landed at the base of the wall in a low crouch, tough Alternian skeleton taking punishment that would shatter human bones. The silvery light of the full moon filtered down through the canopy of leaves above her head; the back of the Felt mansion faced down onto a stand of trees that were too small to qualify as a forest and too wild to be a park. Vriska knew that her vision in the dark was better than a human's, but eyes that had evolved for dual-mooned Alternian nights still had trouble in the pitch-black shadows around her. A glance around and a few seconds of listening was enough to satisfy her that nobody had noticed her escape, and she half walked, half slithered down the steep hillside until she was standing squarely in the shade of the treetops. It was hard going, but nothing that was beyond her ability. In fact, the whole ordeal was remarkably similar to some of her old FLARPing adventures; a fond smile crossed her face as she remembered scrambling over rough terrain in search of lost treasure and the hideouts of her foes. It was like nothing had changed at all. Her pupils opened wider as she looked into the impenetrable darkness ahead; Vriska reached into one of the pockets of her shirt to pull out a small flashlight, liberated from Die earlier in the evening, and flicked it on. Light flooded the immediate area, and ahead of her someone darted between two shadows.

Vriska was too experienced to drop the flashlight; instead, she tightened her grip and started to walk slowly forwards, sweeping the beam back and forth to dispel the shadows. There were faint rustles from the undergrowth, the sound of small night creatures darting away from her presence, but no sign of the snooper.

“I saw you, you know!” she yelled at the shadows, turning in a circle. “So you might as well come out now, before I have to hunt you down!” The only response was the rustle of leaves. Vriska swung the flashlight to and fro a couple more times, before deciding that it was nothing to worry about. She wasn't familiar with all the Earth animals that might be out here, but if it was something dangerous she could take it down easily enough. Earth dangerous was pathetically puny, to her mind.

"Right, then," she muttered, re-orientating herself to the road and raising the flashlight. The light fell on the gray-skinned face of a little girl, half-hidden in the shadow between two trees and staring at Vriska with blank, white eyes.

Vriska yelled and this time she did drop the flashlight; it rolled erratically across the thick carpet of leaves and twigs that covered the forest floor, sending a thin line of illumination scattering haywire across the copse. Vriska dived for it, scraping her flesh-and-blood hand and sticking one knee in wet mud in her haste to grab the light and point it back at the place where the girl had been standing.

There was nobody there.

Blood-pusher hammering, Vriska crept forwards, turning the flashlight to point into every shadow and dark spot she passed. It took an age to reach the place where the girl had been, and when she looked at the leaf-mold Vriska found no footprints, not even an indent to show someone had been there.

“Where are you, you snooping brat!” she yelled. Her voice was swallowed by the trees and the night. A deep sense of unease started to settle over her; she knew it wasn't rational, didn't make sense. What was some little wiggler, and a blind one at that, going to do to her? A slightly hysterical giggle escaped her as Vriska recalled how Terezi, as a blind wiggler, had managed to make her life hell.

No. This wouldn't do. Vriska took a deep breath and shifted her grip on the flashlight, pushing the fear away. She didn't have time to go hunting all over the woods for some dumb snoop of a kid; she was working on getting her life back in order, and she had important things to do! Keeping a wary eye out just in case the little brat had friends out there, Vriska pointed the flashlight at the ground near her feet and started to head back in the right direction. The last thing she wanted to do now was trip over in the dark- bad enough that she could feel cold dampness from the mud soaking over her left knee already, without making things worse.

Progress through the woods was slow but steady; Vriska stepped carefully over treacherous roots and under low branches. There was something exhilarating about the journey, picking her way through an alien wilderness with the aid of an equally alien device on her way to a dangerous secret rendezvous. Not since her days as Marquise Mindfang had she been quite so adventurous, and she hadn't known how much she missed the feeling. Even the weird experience with the strange wiggler wasn't enough to throw her off her game.

Of course, the whole thing would have been better if she wasn't wasn't doing it for the benefit of a bunch of losers and whiners who hated her- and not even in a proper, decisive way. Vriska huffed at the darkness, scoffing at her own reluctance. Who cared if her treacherous former sister was meddling again, or if the Felt didn't want her as a member of their organization? Pupa was finally starting to grow some sort of backbone, just like she'd wanted all along, and if she could find a way to use this opportunity for Snowman's benefit then she would only go up in the estimation of her foster mother.

Not that she was just doing this for their benefit, of course. Nice though the weapon Equius was making for her would be, helping Terezi was annoying and she wasn't even going to consider that the maroon-blooded bitch who haunted her was going to profit from this. No, Vriska was going to gain from this every step of the way; if the Felt didn't want her, then she was going to need to make her own connections, her own contacts and allies, keep her own irons in the fire. The fact that she had thought she had a lusus who would do anything for her- that she had been dumb enough to think she'd found a human who could inspire her as much as her long-gone ancestor could- was meaningless. Snowman wasn't as cool as Vriska had thought. That was fine. She could handle it, just like she always handled everything. Her face was just wet from dew on the leaves that kept hitting her face. It wasn't like anyone could see what color the liquid was in the dark anyway.

The sound of traffic drew her out of her thoughts. Vriska turned towards it and was soon striding out of the trees towards the edge of a highway, the flash of cars passing near-constant even at this hour of the night. The girl flicked the flashlight off as she drew closer to the edge of the road, flipping it in the air and catching it before shoving it back in her pocket.

"Nice trick, kid," said a voice. Vriska looked over to see a dark shape leaning against a car parked on the dust by the highway. "You practice that move?"

Vriska stopped a dozen yards back from the figure. "Why, you jealous?" she asked.

There was a brief blur of motion, and a black-handled combat knife thudded into the ground between her feet. "No," said the stranger. Vriska grinned and walked forward, leaving the knife where it was. If he had any fear of her using it he wouldn't have thrown it in the first place, and grabbing it at this point would only be a sign of weakness.

As she drew closer Vriska could see the man more clearly despite the unsteady flicker of shadows and illumination from the passing cars. He was tall and smartly dressed; despite his clothes being black and serviceable, Snowman had taught Vriska enough about dress to let her identify their quality, and she figured they must have cost as least as much as her favorite outfit. Vriska briefly wished that she was currently dressed in her most badass coat, but shrugged it off. Even if both knew exactly who they were dealing with, the appearance of anonymity was key here. Ignoring the mud on her knee, she strolled over and leaned on the car roof beside the man. He smelled of tobacco, although not the cheap cigarettes that most of the Felt smoked to varying degrees. Something thicker and more cloying surrounded him.

"Surprised you had the guts to show," the man said, drumming his fingers on the car window as he gave her- or more likely, her clothes- a critical look. Even close up he was shadowy, his face half-concealed by the brim of a hat, but his expression was far from impressed.

Vriska tilted her head and gave him her cockiest grin. "Yeah, well that just shows you don't know me, dumbass."

She didn't miss the narrowing of his eyes, or the slight clench of his fist, but rather than say anything he climbed into the driver's side of the car. "Get in," he ordered, slamming the door shut. Vriska had to walk around the car to get to the other door, and spent the time wishing that her powers would let her rummage around in his mind and actually see what he was plotting. Stupid humans and their naturally resistant brains; if he had been Alternian she would have at least had a shot!

The moment she closed the door his foot hit the accelerator, firing them off down the highway before she even had a chance to fasten her seat-belt. Not that she was going to anyway, because seat-belts were for losers, but he didn't seem to care in the least if she got fired through the windscreen. He was still wearing his ridiculous hat, too. Vriska shuffled her feet around a surprisingly tidy foot-well; every time she'd been in a vehicle with the Felt they had littered it with dog-ends, drinks cans and plastic wrappers. From the battered nature of this car she'd been expecting the same, but the inside was spic and span.

"You got a problem, you little brat?" snarled her companion, seeing her examine the floor of the car. Vriska straightened in her seat and snorted.

"Your car is kind of lame," she said. "What's the matter, can't you afford anything better?"

The brakes slammed on so fast that only her claws digging into the seat cushion saved her head from smacking into glass with lethal deceleration. It bounced off the dashboard instead, and in the half-second it took her to blink it off a gun appeared next to her head.

"Let's make one thing clear, kid," said the man, talking as calmly as if he was discussing what sort of soda to buy at the store. "I don't like your momma, and I'm not too keen on you, but my boss thinks we should hear you out and he is the only asshole in this world I actually hold in a modicum of fucking esteem. For that reason and that reason alone I have agreed to go along with this harebrained scheme." He paused and cocked the gun. "If I were to change my mind, the only regret I would have about blowing your brains out and kicking your body into oncoming traffic is the effort it would then take to clean the damn car. So I suggest you stop being a royal pain in the ass before I lose my shit and do something messy."

Vriska stared down the barrel of the gun, and felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile. "Got it," she said sweetly, just to wind him up. The man stared at her a second longer, ignoring the blaring horns of the cars passing them. Then he gave a single nod, holstered the gun with a flick of his wrist, and slammed his foot on the accelerator again. Vriska's claws bit deeper into the sides of her seat as they rejoined the traffic on the highway.

Blood-pusher pounding, mad grin growing, fighting the urge to laugh and scream- Vriska hadn't felt so alive in years. This was what she had been missing; the danger, the challenge, surfing the edge of imminent death and riding it to victory. She wasn't like the docile morons who had come to this world to find a peaceful life, or to hide from the drones. Her plan had always been glory, and somehow in the boring everyday mundane rhythm of this world she had forgotten that the price of glory was risk.

Of course, risk was addictive, and addiction is a powerful thing.

She looked out of the window as the world sped by, too fast to follow. The man drove like a lunatic, worse than Crowbar, his hand never more than a few inches from the horn and his finger fast to tell other drivers what he thought of them. Vriska wondered what her life would have been like if she had found the Midnight Crew instead of the Felt, if things would have been better. Then again, maybe not- the whole reason they were big on taking risks was that they were shitty at plans, and Vriska liked plans. Maybe one day they might pay her to make theirs for them.

They left the highway with a swerve that flung the unsuspecting girl almost squarely into the lap of her driver. He shoved her back into the passenger seat with a grunt, not taking his eyes off the road as he hurtled into the darkness ahead. They were outside the city now, or at least the part of it that was worth anything; the land around them was flat and dry, a scrubby desert broken up by a few scattered huts.

With nothing else to distract her, Vriska's eyes picked out their destination long before they arrived. Forget a black smudge on the horizon, the idiots had left their headlights on, and she could see shapes moving around the distant car. It was like a beacon, calling to people for miles around and letting them know that a clandestine meeting was taking place here. Vriska smacked a hand into her forehead and decided that whether they wanted her or not, she preferred the Felt. At least they didn't let the morons run the show.

Their car pulled up directly in the beams of the waiting headlights, the bright glow destroying Vriska's night vision. She tried not to show how blind she was when she climbed out of the car, leaning nonchalantly against the passenger door and folding her arms.

"Soooooooo," she said, smirking. "I hear you want to make a deal."

Into the glare of the headlights stepped the silhouette of a man. Vriska saw two others behind him, one large and one small, becoming three as her driver wandered around to join them. She tilted her head and said nothing, because she knew why she was there. It was time for her co-conspirators to start talking.

"You've got some fucking nerve, kid," said Spades Slick, his voice a low growl. "You think we're some fucking dogs you can just whistle up whenever you feel like it?"

"Puh-lease." Vriska rolled her eyes. "I know you want something, Slick. You wouldn't have been getting yourself in trouble at the mansion yesterday if that wasn't the case." She pushed herself up off the car, took a couple of paces forward, and tilted her chin in the way that used to get her fellow FLARPers to make "gnhng" noises right before charging her. "You won't get in there again for months," she said, letting her amusement shine through. "So whatever it is you were looking for, you need me to get it for you, and you know that because otherwise you wouldn't have answered my message."

"Yeah, and that was real fucking classy, by the way," Spades snapped. "No, really. That was one of our best informants you got thrown in the fucking slammer, missy, and they aren't even going to fucking bail him out after the shit you made him pull!"

Vriska laughed, tossing her head to throw her hair out of her face. "Oh, man, that was your best informant?" she said, snickering. "Word of advice, dumbass, don't pick lowbloods with no willpower to be your go-to-guys." She tapped her skull, grinning. "You never know who might be watching."

There was a pause, and Spades tilted his head. "You fucking spy on people much, bitch?"

"No." Vriska's buoyant mood darkened, and a scowl crossed her face. "Snowman doesn't like to involve me in business."

There was an odd spluttering sound from the man in front of her; it wasn't until it was joined by high-pitched giggles and a deep bass guffaw from the two idiots behind him that Vriska realized Spades was laughing. "Well, fuck me, that dumb broad doesn't even know what she's got under her own roof!" the man said, still wheezing. "Hey, Droog, make a fucking note of this. Shit, take a goddamn picture, I can look at it whenever I want to feel all warm and fucking fuzzy inside."

The driver who had brought Vriska to the meet gave his friend and boss a chilling look. "Business, Spades," he said.

"Fuck you too, asshole," said Spades, with something that might have been approaching affection. He turned back to Vriska and reached into a pocket, pulling out a packet of cigarettes. "You smoke, kid?"

Vriska couldn't help pulling a slight face, and the mobster snickered. "Good, because I wasn't planning to fucking share." He stuck one of the small white cylinders in his mouth and started to fumble with a silver lighter. Vriska shifted from foot to foot, waiting until he managed to get the thing lit and take a long drag.

"What's missing from this fucking picture?" he asked. "Come on, you want to take a guess?"

"Why don't you tell me, since you're soooooooo eager?" Vriska replied, folding her arms and trying not to glance too often at the three other members of the Midnight Crew, waiting in the shadows.

The little man by the car raised his hand. "Oh, I know!” he said, his oddly high-pitched voice filled with wigglerish glee. “Is it a pony?”

The behemoth beside him reached out and gently pushed his hand down. "It ain't gonna be a pony, Clubs," he said. "She don't seem like the ponies sorta gal."

“She might want one if there was C-Four in the saddlebags. That wouldn't explode when it galloped, and it'd be a real neat way to get out of the blast radius! Like being a cowboy!”

Spades' eye twitched. "Will you two morons fucking shut it?" he snapped. "Jesus fucking Christ, why did I bring you? You're a fucking embarrassment to organized crime."

 _"Spades,"_ Droog said, not exactly snapping but with a line of steel in his voice so fine and sharp that Vriska couldn't help but think of a garrotte.

Spades half-turned to his crew and snarled; the cigarette dropped out of his mouth, and with a loud curse he stomped on it. He turned back to glare at Vriska. "You're a smug little shit, you know that?" 

Vriska shrugged. "Yes. But you still need me."

Spades took a step closer, using his extra couple of inches in height to loom over the girl. Vriska met his furious gaze, keeping her own face carefully bored.

"What the fuck do you want, you heartless little gray bitch?" the man yelled.

A slow smirk spread across Vriska's face. "Information."

"WHAT FUCKING INFORMATION!?!"

Vriska narrowed her eyes and considered teasing some more- but behind Slick the Crew were shifting, and she didn't think it was a great idea to antagonize the mobsters any further than she had already.

"The hospital kidnapping," she said. "I want to know who did it, where they took the girl, and if she's still alive."

"The coma kid?" Spades asked, casting a glance back at his crew. "The one that's all over the fucking news? You want to ask for anything fucking difficult while you're at it?"

"Can you do it or not?" Vriska asked, putting her hands on her hips and facing up to him. "Because if you can't then I need to stop wasting my time with you losers."

She was almost fast enough to dodge the hand that wrapped itself in her shirt-front and dragged her closer; fear flickered briefly as she looked up into the furious green glare of the most dangerous man still at large in the city. For a second the look of pure murder on his face was a stark reminder that Spades Slick was the twin brother of a man who had literally torn highblooded trolls apart in his madness. Vriska didn't know much about how human familial relationships worked, but if they really were genetically identical then the similarity should be something like that between an ancestor and a descendant- and she hadn't spent her life trying to emulate Mindfang for no reason.

Mad or not, this wasn't the time to show fear. Vriska reached into her mind and readied her psionics, just in case, then returned Spade's furious glare with one of her own. For several long heartbeats nothing happened, and then he dropped her. Vriska landed slightly off-balance and straightened before she could stumble, taking a moment to smooth the collar of her jacket.

"We can get the information," Spades said. "But you have to pay up too." He reached into his coat and Vriska tensed; the mobster sneered as he pulled out a large brown envelope and handed it to her. "Here's your fucking shopping list, you little shit," he said. "And before you ask, no, your Mommy doesn't have it. I managed to check that out at least before she caught me."

Vriska turned the envelope over in her hands. "Like I have time to read this now," she said, letting her scorn show. "If you want a deal tonight, Spades, you're going to have to summarize."

The man grinned at her in malicious glee. "What, you scared you can't pull it off, brat?"

"Just want to guess how long it'll take," Vriska said, shrugging.

Spades took a step back towards his crew. "You want the short version? Crockercorp financial records. We want their import and export records from the last two years."

Vriska frowned. "Crockercorp? What does that have to do with anything?"

Spades laughed again, the grating sound quickly dissolving into a coughing fit. "You want to play in the big leagues, kid, you'd better get with the fucking program." He turned and walked back to the other car, pulling open the driver-side door before hesitating. "Fuck, if you really want to know, dig it up when you get our info. But I bet you won't fucking like it."

"Don't tell me what I will and won't like," Vriska said, tucking the envelope under her arm. She smirked at the mobster. "I'll get in touch with you once I have the information to trade."

"We'll be ready if you are," Spades agreed. "Nice doing business with you, kid."

A warm bubble of pride swelled inside Vriska. It was dumb to actually feel flattered, especially with the mocking tone in Spades' words, but despite the fact that he kept calling her "kid" and "brat" she actually felt like he'd treated her- well, not as an equal, because she didn't think he treated anyone that way, but like she was an adult. Someone capable. Someone who was a force to be accounted for, if not reckoned with.

The feeling faltered when the first car started to move away and she saw Diamonds Droog and Hearts Boxcar climb into the car she had arrived in. "Hey, wait up!" she said, tugging on the back door and finding to her shock that it had been locked from the inside.

"Sorry, kid," said Droog, leaning out of the window and not sounding sorry at all. "But you didn't negotiate for a lift home."

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!" Vriska screamed, as the car leaped into motion and hurtled off down the road. For a brief, furious instant she considered reaching out and putting Droog to sleep at the wheel- but she needed the Crew right now, and crashing them off the road would probably equate to a breach of their agreement.

With a long sigh that did absolutely nothing to calm the anger that was filling her, Vriska shifted her grip on the envelope and set off for a long hitch-hike back towards LA. It had been a very busy day, and she still had a lot more irons to get into this fire if she wanted to wrest the best advantage from her situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants to know something really annoying?
> 
> If you try and associate the trolls with numbers, the quirks don't match up. Seriously, try it...  
> Aradia = 0 (quirk): Tavros = 1: Sollux = 2 (quirk): Karkat = 3  
> Nepeta = 4: Kanaya = 5: Terezi = 6: Vriska = 7 (not quirk!)
> 
> GOD FREAKING DAMNIT this has been irritating me. You can't get Vriska = 8 without somehow adding another person between her and Sollux, or shifting Aradia and Sollux off-quirk. >:(
> 
> ...I have too much idle thinking time on my hands. This started as an attempt to teach myself base 12 maths and derailed FAST.


	9. ==> Be The Able Assistant

### CHAPTER EIGHT ==> Be The Able Assistant

Kanaya Maryam was not one unduly predisposed to heroics, but she was fairly proficient at deduction.

Fact: Someone had to be the individual who attempted to deliver the two hundred thousand dollar ransom for Aradia to the specified drop-off at the appointed time.

Fact: The drop-off could be a trap.

Fact: Feferi was the figurehead of Alternians on Earth, and too important to risk in such a manner. Eridan was too hot-headed to be trusted, and Sollux too unpredictable. Doctor Lalonde as their supposedly responsible adult was ruled out by reason of the several dozen margaritas currently increasing the toxicity levels of her blood. Rose and Jade as human minors had not even been permitted to volunteer, being somewhat unfairly considered less able of autonomous action than Alternians of the same age. Besides, there was the PR to think of should they be harmed. Kanaya had only to think of headlines reading "Human Teen Shot While Aiding Troll" to reject that idea outright.

Fact: This left one person to perform the mission.

Which was why she was currently sat on an uncomfortable plastic chair in a small, sweaty van having the lines of her outfit ruined by a Kevlar vest and an electronic device that Detective Francisco, who along with his partner had shown up to offer assistance in a strictly advisory capacity, referred to as a "Wire". Kanaya was unsure of why, since to her eyes it seemed to consist of several distinct components in addition to the insulated conductive metallic threads.

"Are you quite certain you want to do this?" Rose asked. The human girl was perched on another seat next to her own, hands folded in her lap as she watched the police at work and occasionally warned Kanaya just before an unexpected touch or contact.

"There is hardly another option available," Kanaya said, noting with interest how remarkably calm she sounded when inside she was churning. "The ransom note specified that we should not contact the authorities; having already disregarded that directive, it would be unwise to draw attention to our actions by sending a stranger to deliver the currency."

"Even so," Rose said. "Should you find yourself unwilling, I would be quite prepared to go in your place. And I believe Jade has expressed a fervent desire to be of more use than a "chocolate tea-pot" to the situation."

Kanaya felt her cheeks warm in a blush. "I... I am flattered by your concern," she said, playing with her own fingers. "I believe I am more than capable of performing this task, however. Our detective friends have both assured me that they have spoken to their colleagues and ensured all possible precautions are in place."

Rose nodded. "I quite understand." She smiled wryly. "I suspect my own willingness to volunteer stems far more from the increased emotional stress of waiting to see if a... a close friend will be well, rather than any genuine reasoning that taking her place would be more advantageous. A perfectly normal psychological reaction.”

Kanaya looked into the human girl's eyes, immeasurably alien to be such a bright lavender at her young age, and wondered how it was possible to be so drawn to a person and yet so unable to comprehend them at once.

"Okay, Miss Maryam," said the young police officer sat by the banks of computer equipment in the van. She hardly seemed much older than Kanaya herself as she half-turned, leaning on the back of her chair. "The sound checks out okay. You're all fixed up!"

"Thank you," said Kanaya. The woman gave her a nod and turned back to her station, the human technology humming noisily away as usual. Even after two years on the planet, Kanaya still found the technology to be one of the strangest and most unsettling aspects of her new home. Humans and Alternians had taken very different roads to scientific supremacy on their respective worlds and even with the results all around her, Kanaya still sometimes found it disconcerting to behold the cold, dry, artificial devices human invention wrought. Sociable as they seemed, there was something viscerally disturbing to her about a species who seemed to actively try and create things as inorganic and divorced from natural evolution as possible.

Then Rose climbed out of the van ahead of her and offered a hand to help her climb down. Kanaya's vague disconcertion in the face of alien aesthetics vanished in a warm rush of unformed concupiscent emotion as she accepted the help and stepped out into the golden air of the LA evening. Rose's hand was warm in hers, fragile pink skin brushing against her fingers. For a moment she was caught in time, ruffled by a sea breeze and haloed in fading sunlight; beautiful beyond words and more fragile than Kanaya could bear. Rose smiled at her in reassurance, and Kanaya's blood-pusher skipped a beat.

 _You could die on this errand,_ she reminded herself. If ever there was a time to take action, this was it. And yet she held back, frozen in place by her own fear that to touch something so delicate would damage it beyond repair.

Then voices rose in argument from a few yards away. Rose turned and the moment was gone. Kanaya took a moment for a deep, steadying breath and then followed the human girl over to where Jade and Eridan were poring over a street map together and arguing over something to do with lines of fire and building access. Detective Sikes was standing off to one side, with a faraway look on his face that Kanaya identified as entirely normal for anyone spending much time subjected to her friends' debates.

"Is there a problem of which we should be aware?" Rose asked. Jade looked up and huffed, sounding remarkably like the great white dog who was currently sat on the pavement beside her.

"Eridan's being a fussy-pants is the problem!" she declared. "He thinks there aren't enough people watching over the drop area."

"Becod there aren't!" Eridan yelled, slamming his hand onto the map for emphasis. "Look, anyone could just cut across here an' walk in from Greydale Drive!" His finger stabbed down on a dead-end street alongside the park which held the drop zone. "I'm tryin' to be fuckin' concerned for my fellow bein's here like a decent and upstandin' kind a troll, least you could do is pay me some attention when I tell you this is a tactical nightmare!"

"And I'm trying to tell you that the police can't cover every possible route without giving away that they're there!" Jade snapped back. She reached over to bat Eridan's hand off the map and a brief slap-fight ensued; Kanaya winced as Eridan's claws drew blood, but Jade didn't seem unduly worried by the injury. Either she was considerably tougher than even Kanaya's generous estimates had given her credit for, or Eridan was deliberately restraining himself from doing her harm.

Kanaya glanced over at the Detective. “Is it secure?” she asked, unable to hide the quaver of nerves in her voice. The man looked back, blinked, and then ran a hand through his hair.

“Honestly? Gills here has a point,” he replied, keeping his voice quiet and his eyes on the squabbling pair. “I can have a word with the guys running the case, but we can't put as many people on the ground as we'd like.” His face was a picture of frustration, and Kanaya rather daringly reached out to pat his arm.

“Thank you,” she said. The man's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and she gave him a small but genuine smile. “For being honest with me,” she added.

The gratitude seemed to phase him somewhat. “Yeah, well,” he said, scowling at the sky. “You deserve to know what you're walking into.” He paused, and looked back down at her. “You're taking it pretty well. I'm impressed.”

Kanaya's smile grew. “It takes more than a little risk to cause me distress.”

She turned her attention back to Jade and Eridan; the latter was now in a headlock, which was doing nothing to prevent him from pulling the former's hair. Rose was watching them with an expression of disgust, pinching the bridge of her nose as she sometimes did when trying to demonstrate that events had become tiresome. "Enough!"

The two of them hesitated and Rose took the opportunity to take the map off them and start to roll it up. "I am of course gratified that you are both so concerned for the well-being of our friends," she said, smiling at the pair of them in a way that suggested she was somewhat less than cheerful. "Naturally, given the courage and selflessness that Kanaya is displaying, you will want to reflect her example by behaving like the reasonable young adults you are."

As Eridan pouted and Jade started to accuse Rose of being mean, Kanaya backed away. She certainly wasn't going to jump in and try to work out her feelings towards Rose when the human was acting as temporary auspistice to a relationship that seemed to bounce between potential quadrants faster than a celibate with the drones at her door.

A brief glance around showed her Doctor Lalonde lying on the tailgate of a pickup truck and giving some intoxicated but rather emphatic advice to Feferi, supervised by a harassed-looking Detective Francisco. The Heiress looked more interested than anything, so Kanaya decided to leave them to it and instead walked towards Sollux, who was huddled over on himself against a car with a cellphone glued to his ear. Closer to, Kanaya could see that he wasn't talking except to make small sounds of affirmation. While she would not have considered herself an expert in Sollux's mannerisms, living with him as long as she had provided Kanaya with at least a pool of reference, and if she had been pressed to make a guess she would have said that Sollux looked haggard.

"Sollux?" she asked, taking a step closer. The psionic's head snapped around and for a second she saw pure horror written across his face before he hid it behind a blank mask. He held up a finger in a clear _wait there_ gesture. Kanaya obediently paused while he finished listening to whoever was on the other end of the line.

"...yeah... uhuh... no, I get it... thure," he said, brisk and businesslike and with none of the manic energy or empty desolation that Kanaya would have expected from the oddness of his behavior.

She waited until he had taken the cellphone away from his ear and hung up the call before asking; "If it is not too much of an imposition to ask, who were you speaking with?"

There was a brief moment where she thought Sollux was about to snap at her to mind her own business, then he shrugged. "KK," he said.

Ah, Karkat, of course. Kanaya remembered how odd it had been to have them under the same roof. She had been worried once or twice that she might have to auspice for them with the amount of vitriol flying back and forth, but her concern had been nothing when compared to Eridan's. He had watched the recovering mutant suspiciously for nearly two days before accusing him of black-flirting with his kismesis. Couch-bound from his injury, Karkat had skirted the borders of pale infidelity to calm the jealous seadweller, and Kanaya as witness had been sworn to eternal secrecy so as not to hurt his moirail's feelings. The fact that she had noticed Gamzee glaring daggers at Eridan on occasion after that led her to suspect that her own silence had done little to achieve its intended purpose. At any rate, the fears were unfounded; Sollux and Karkat, she had come to realize, showed their affection for one another through constant disagreement. Why, she could not imagine, but the results were not in question.

Sollux seemed fairly dejected, so Kanaya glanced back over her shoulder; Feferi was still engrossed in conversation. "Do you wish for me to fetch your moirail?" she asked anyway. Sollux shook his head, which was bowed to stare firmly at the floor.

"No, it'th okay," he said, in the sort of quiet tones that tended to precede his depressive phases. "I jutht need thome time alone, without people poking their notheth into my buthineth."

Kanaya sighed. "If you change your mind..."

"Fuck off."

It didn't get much clearer than that. Kanaya tried not to take it too personally as she headed back towards her adoptive mother. Sollux had at times been a good friend, and the sacrifices he had made to get them to Earth were worth some return. It was still slightly tempting to go back on her resolution to assist in retrieving his matesprit. Kanaya dismissed the idea as entirely unfair to Aradia. She was innocent in all currently relevant matters and thus did not deserve to be represented by Eridan, who was the next choice after Kanaya.

Detective Francisco nodded to her as she walked over. “Miss Maryam,” he said. Feferi looked up and beamed at her. Doctor Lalonde- she insisted that her adoptive children called her Mom, but Rose had argued that using the title she earned was more respectful, and Kanaya found it hard to refer to any adult as a lusus anyway- levered herself up on her elbows and grinned.

"Hey, Kannie!" she said, then hiccuped and fell back over. "Oops!"

Kanaya sighed again. "Please, Doctor Lalonde, you must attempt to behave like a responsible adult. I would not blame the detective here for taking a dim view of your fitness as a guardian from this display, and I do not wish to be removed from your care."

Detective Francisco shook his head hastily. “No, I understand that this must be a very stressful time for you-”

He was cut off by a wave of Doctor Lalonde's hand. “Maybe you shed... salad... should tekk mai kids 'way," she said, her voice muffled by the arm across her face. "I gots three, four, fiff, six child'n, and two of them hats me and one doesn' know me and one calls me frikkin' Docker an' one of them's abro... abdic... abducri... kidnapped an' I can't even carry a bag 'f moneys." She paused for a moment. "Hates, not hats," she added thoughtfully.

Kanaya winced, because put like that, it did seem like a terrible track record. She shared a worried look with Feferi, but Detective Francisco reached over and gently took the woman's hand.

“I only have three children myself,” he said quietly. “But my oldest son doesn't seem to like me or his mother much at the moment. He won't listen to a word we say and we are both at our wits' end wondering what to do about him.” He sighed. “I have met all of your children, at one time or another. Regardless of your current state, I would say you must have done something right.”

Kanaya rather suspected he was being diplomatic, given that she could still remember his partner's reaction to the Strider brothers' takedown of the Ringmaster. It had been- _impassioned._ Nonetheless, she felt the need to chime in with some comforting words of her own.

"You are not a terrible mother," she said, uncertainly patting the woman's ankle. "Rose is a fine young woman, and you have committed considerable personal resources to our aid in this current situation."

"But I sud, I shilled, fuckit, should do more!" Doctor Lalonde wailed. "Lookit me, I'm a fur, fuckin' mess, not a mother!" Her hands flew up to cover her face.

"I am not denying that you have your flaws, nor that they are serious ones," Kanaya told her, climbing up beside the woman with a nod to Feferi. "But since I left my home I have been afraid, and I have been angry, and I have been called upon to do more than most humans would consider appropriate for one my age. Yet in your home, in your lab, with you, these things are irrelevant. You make me feel safe, like a lusus should, and perhaps matters are different on this world but from my own experience I cannot think of any higher qualification."

Kanaya only had an instant to see Detective Francisco nod before the woman surged upwards and two long arms were wrapping around her neck to pull her close. A face that smelled of sweet alcohol and tears buried itself in her hair. Kanaya froze, putting every muscle in her body on lockdown as Doctor Lalonde- as Mom- cuddled her close. Slowly she returned the gesture, putting her arms around the woman and patting her back in a near-panic as she tried to work out what to do with a distraught human.

"You're a good girl, Kanny," Doctor Lalonde said quietly. "And I hope that one day you get to be everything I couldn't work out how to be."

It was hard to know what to say to that, so Kanaya said nothing, holding the woman and trying to at least seem comforting.

"Miss Maryam!" called a voice from the van. Her cellphone beeped at the same moment, the alarm she had set up the previous night and checked and rechecked a hundred times since. It was time.

Kanaya kissed her adoptive mother on the cheek, a slightly pale affection but one that she thought her guardian needed. Then she disentangled herself from the tearful embrace and walked over to the police team for a last-minute briefing. 

There was nothing unexpected yet. The negotiation expert ran down the preparations that they'd made and the precautions that were in place, checked Kanaya's Kevlar jacket and wire, and reminded her to be cautious not to spook the kidnappers.

"Remember, we want proof of life and a location before we hand over any money," she told the girl. "Don't let them rattle you with threats; Aradia is our goal, but to them she's only worth what you're carrying."

Kanaya nodded as he passed her the duffel bag, stuffed fat with two hundred thousand dollars. It was hard to conceptualize the amount; Kanaya dealt with larger sums every day, but that was for the Alternian Integration Fund. Trying to work out what the money would buy was a dizzying prospect. One life would hopefully be little enough to ask.

"Good luck," said Feferi. Kanaya smiled in thanks and belatedly remembered that she had intended to tell Feferi about her concerns over Sollux. There was no time now, though, not with Sollux himself shuffling over to wish her a mumbled "good luck". Jade and Eridan had put their differences aside, it seemed; the troll gave her a nod moments before the human threw her arms around Kanaya in a hug.

"You do realize that she is going to deliver a bag, not to fly a suicide mission?" Rose said, but the look she gave Kanaya was full of worry. Kanaya gave her a small smile.

"It will be quite alright," she said. "I earned the title of Mediator under far more adverse circumstances than this."

"I am quite aware of your history," Rose replied, and Kanaya thought that it was her way of wishing well. She took one last look around at her family, all gathered to bid her fortune, then turned back and set out for the park.

To call it a park was in truth something of a misnomer; it was a small square of grass and trees, barely large enough to spit across if one were mannerless enough to try. But it was open enough to make it impossible to watch every approach, and concealed enough within the trees to make it impossible to maintain line-of-sight on anyone- the perfect place for an illicit rendezvous. Schools had let out hours ago, and the rush of evening commuters was done. The park was full of brightly-costumed children traveling hither and thither, shepherded by adults who ranged from wearied to as excited as their small charges. Kanaya felt like an imposter, walking past the small play area where most of the trick-or-treaters were gathering. Her eyes skipped away from the revelers to a young couple kissing on a bench to an old man scowling at her as his dog sniffed a tree. One of them had to be the kidnapper, or an accomplice; one of these people was an interloper, just as she was. Kanaya gripped the handle of the duffel bag tighter and told herself to remain calm, pulling out her cellphone to reference the location given with the GPS app Sollux had downloaded for her earlier.

She had arrived with a couple of minutes to spare, and sat down on the bench with the bag across her knees. The rendezvous was about halfway through the park, the path shaded from view by trees. Kanaya looked around, but there was nobody in sight. She turned her attention back to the cellphone in her hand. One minute to go. Thirty seconds. Ten seconds. Time. There was a shout from down by the play area which drew her attention for a fraction of a second, but it was nothing more than a tiny rainbow drinker chasing an even smaller princess around the swings. Kanaya noticed that the crowd contained one or two children with gray-painted faces and false horns affixed to their heads; she sighed and turned her head away once again. It was hard not to feel utterly alone and exposed, even though she knew that backup was listening in and less than a minute away.

A phone rang. Kanaya glanced at the cell in her hand and saw that it wasn't active before her thinkpan caught up and reminded her that she didn't recognize the jaunty music anyway. Following her ears led her to the trash can at the end of the bench; screwing up her face she quickly dipped her hand in and pulled out a cheap cellphone, bright pink and still ringing merrily away.

Not without some considerable distaste, Kanaya pressed to answer the call and held the device as close to her face as she could bear. "Yes?"

"You made it," said a heavily distorted voice on the other end of the line. "Good. You were about two bars away from answerphone, and that would not have gone in your favor. Although I must apologize for making you put your hand in the trash. I didn't realize you'd be so opposed to it, given the company you keep."

"Where are you?" Kanaya asked, spinning around to try and see where she was being watched from. The park was filled with the sounds of traffic and people shouting; the trees rustled in the breeze, but Kanaya could see nobody.

"Do you really think we would tell you?" the voice asked. "Or be close enough to be spotted? Trust me, we can see you just fine."

Kanaya sank back down onto the bench, her free hand resting on the duffel bag. "Very well," she said, trying to let go of her anger. Of course they had the upper hand. They had possessed it since the moment they got close to Aradia. "I have your money. How do you envisage this exchange occurring?"

The voice on the end of the line chuckled, a peculiar sound through the warping effect that overlaid it. "Ah, yes. The exchange. We thought we might begin with a change of location, just in case you decided to be stupid and contact the police."

Her fingers tightened a little on the cellphone as Kanaya forced herself to hide her reaction. "We did not," she said, keeping her lie as short and terse as possible.

"Nevertheless," the other voice said. "We would feel more comfortable elsewhere. Do you see the freeway?"

Kanaya looked around, blindly searching as her brain tried to process what her eyes were looking for. "I believe I see it- that is the English word for a large, raised road, correct?" She hoped that was enough information to let the listening police keep track of her.

"Yes, that's the one!" the voice on the phone said. "There is a footpath leading under it. Take it, then turn left down West Doran and keep going until you reach the building with the large numerals on the frontage. There's a phone in the lobby. We'll call in ten minutes, so don't be late."

There was a sudden silence over the line. Kanaya dropped the cellphone on the bench and started running, eyes fixed on the banked earth just peeking over the treeline. One of her arms wrapped around the bag at her hip, holding it still against her as she pelted through the park onto the bustling residential street.

"Along... West Doran... numerals on... the front," she gasped for the sake of the wire as she ran, hoping that the kidnappers didn't have a way to hear her or read lips. Not knowing if her message had been understood or even received, she kept up her pace. She had no idea if the distance she had to cover was do-able in ten minutes, even for a relatively healthy jade-blood. A human or a warm chroma Alternian wouldn't have been able to run at nearly the same pace.

 _I suppose that makes it fortunate I did not allow Rose to take my place,_ Kanaya thought as she pelted down a tree-shaded path that opened into an underpass. The road on the other side of the freeway was quiet, the houses to her right dark and the parked cars on her left still, but as she ran to the intersection without more than the barest glance at the traffic a car shot past and honked at her furiously.

"Get out the fucking road! Fucking goat-eater alien!" yelled a driver, and the words rang in her ears as she glanced at the road name and kept going straight. She felt a small pang of guilt about the jaywalking, but she didn't have the spare seconds to find a crossing and use it properly. Fortunately the houses around her had their own bands of human wigglers, all being shepherded about in costume as what vehicles there were moved slowly past them. Kanaya garnered more than a few puzzled looks as she pelted to the next intersection and whirled left with the briefest glance at the street sign.

The next intersection was busier, and Kanaya garnered a few more angry drivers cursing her as she ran across it full tilt. There was a large school on her right and she dodged between the clusters of trick-or-treaters crowding the sidewalk, her eyes fixed on the large commercial buildings she could see ahead. For a moment at the end of the street she was confused, thinking that it had ended, before she saw that it continued at a slight offset. The glass-windowed towers drew closer and Kanaya wished she could spare the seconds to check her watch, because she was certain her time was almost up.

Then she was running across yet another road into the shadow of a tall, brown building with square windows and a distinct air of authority, headed right for a building surrounded by fast food restaurants. She fought for breath as she tumbled headlong through the double doors, but there was no time to worry about her lack of grace because the phone on the front desk was already ringing. Kanaya snatched the receiver out of the surprised receptionist's hand as the woman lifted it, and held it to her ear, panting for breath.

"Nicely done," said the artificially altered voice on the other end. "I very much enjoyed watching you run."

"Where... are you, you..." Kanaya cut off the string of Alternian insults just hovering below her tongue, focusing on trying to get some air into her system instead. The caller laughed at the sound.

"Very good, very good! Get some breath while you can, because this isn't over yet. Floor six, room twelve. You have five minutes this time."

The kidnapper hung up and Kanaya threw the handset back to the startled receptionist, who shouted after her as she ran for the elevators. One, the third on the left, opened just as she got there and she dived in. The doors slid shut on the face of the receptionist as she threatened to call security.

Kanaya slumped against the wall of the elevator. Maybe she should have taken the stairs- but six floors in five minutes? She could hardly stand, her knees were shaking so badly. The girl let herself slide down until she was sitting on the floor.

At that moment, everything went black.

Seconds later, the lights flickered back on. The elevator was perfectly still and Kanaya realized that she was no longer moving. A glance at her watch showed her that she had three and a half minutes left. Looking around the elevator carriage showed no immediately obvious means of transporting herself to the sixth floor.

She should definitely have taken the stairs.

There was a hatch in the ceiling overhead; Kanaya checked the controls and saw that she was just past the fifth floor- not far from her goal. Her eyes narrowed. Maybe it was too late, but she was not going to give up so easily.

A childhood spent exploring the daylit deserts of Alternia had left her more than agile and strong enough to balance herself on the handrail and push the hatch open. Grabbing the edges, she let herself swing for a moment before hauling herself up into the elevator shaft. The sixth floor doors were visible a few yards overhead, the thin slit of light between them everything that Kanaya needed to see her way.

Making sure the bag was secure over her shoulder, Kanaya grabbed the elevator cable and winced at the feeling of black grease on her fingers. Lovely. Her clothes were going to be a lost cause after this.

Hand over hand, she dragged herself up the cable towards the waiting doors above, trying not to think of the time ticking away. She was going to make it in time. She had to.

The doors didn't want to open; it took every last drop of strength Kanaya had to lever them open, and one of her painted clawtips snapped off and tumbled down the elevator shaft. She felt a small pang of irritation at its passing, but dragged herself out onto the sixth floor nonetheless. She was quite certain that by now she looked an absolute mess.

At least she was wearing sensible shoes. The flat heels pounded on worn carpet as she charged down the corridor, reading off room numbers. They didn't seem to be arranged in any sensible fashion- sixteen, seventeen and eighteen were next to each other, but the next nearest room was numbered twenty-two and Kanaya was turned around more than once before she found room twelve opposite fourteen but next to fifteen for reasons unfathomable to an inhuman mind.

The door wasn't locked, which was really a good thing for it. Inside Kanaya found an office, plain and unadorned save for a single telephone sitting on a cheap plywood desk. It was ringing and Kanaya dove for it, fumbling as she grabbed the handset and getting it out of the cradle just as the ringing stopped.

For a long moment she froze, wondering, trying to sort out the jumble in her head; had the phone stopped ringing when she picked it up, or an instant beforehand? Slowly, trembling with panic hormones, she set the receiver to her ear.

Dial tone.

Kanaya swallowed and sunk to the floor by the desk, still holding the receiver. Too late. She was too late. Her eyes closed and her head drooped as she fought back tears- but why fight it? She had failed them, failed her family when they had been counting on her, failed the woman who had taken her in, failed Rose who might have been more than a sister to her, failed Sollux and Aradia who had only ever wished for a peaceful life...

"Hello?"

Kanaya's eyes snapped open to stare at the receiver.

"Hello? Is someone there?"

It wasn't the voice of the kidnapper. It sounded like a little girl- a wiggler, in fact, since she was speaking Alternian. Shouting, actually, although despite that the voice seemed to be coming from quite far away.

Gingerly Kanaya put the phone to her ear. "Hello?" she asked, frowning. "To whom am I speaking."

There was a pause, filled with the crackle of static. "I need your help!" the girl's voice said. Pleaded, even- she sounded close to tears, if she wasn't crying already.

"Are you with the kidnappers?" Kanaya demanded. "Can you tell me your name? How old are you?"

"Four sweeps," the girl said. "Please, you have to find us! They're doing something bad, and I can't do anything!"

Kanaya grabbed the desk with her free hand and pulled herself back upright. "Is there another girl there? An older one, asleep?" she asked. If the kidnappers had another victim, someone who could tell her where Aradia was, give her any sort of a clue, maybe it wasn't too late.

"I don't know where I am," the girl wailed, and the headsplitting screech of feedback on the line forced Kanaya to pull the receiver away from her ear until it died down. She took a deep breath and tried to remember how Doctor Lalonde talked to Sollux when he was distressed.

"It is going to be alright," she told the wiggler- four sweeps, the girl had said, which meant that she must have been one of the very youngest to get on the ship, hardly even pupated when they left Alternia. "But I need you to tell me everything you can, anything at all that might help you."

The line crackled with static, pulsing over her words and blotting them out. “... not me...” Kanaya heard. “... won't let him go...”

"I can't hear you," Kanaya said. "Please, I want to help you, but you have to help me first."

"... hurting... everything's wrong..."

"What is your name?"

"... help us..."

"Please, I need your name!"

There was no reply but static, which abruptly clicked out into the dial tone once more. Kanaya stared at the handset, and quietly settled it back into the cradle before sinking back down to the floor. This time she didn't cry, or let her head hang. Instead she stared at the ceiling overhead and counted the cracks in the tiles and didn't think about Aradia or Sollux or Rose or a little wiggler who was lost and scared on an alien world.

She had got to nine hundred and forty before the door burst open and Detective Sikes charged in. He looked at her and she solemnly shook her head. Then there were people crowding around her, people who clearly didn't have the first clue how Alternians worked. She bit her words back and clenched her hands to her legs so hard that her claws drew blood, and quietly answered the Detectives' questions as her family arrived and swarmed into the room.

It didn't take long to tell. Sollux volunteered to go with one of the police technicians to examine the lift that had broken down, and Detective Francisco told her that she had done well and that they would start checking their records for someone who might be the girl on the phone.

"I hate to say it, but it's actually a good thing she's so young," he said, while his partner paced back and forth across the room like a caged pouncebeast. "There are few enough missing Alternians in that age range that we probably can narrow it down."

Kanaya nodded, tugging the blanket closer around her shoulders and briefly wondering who had put it there, and how long ago. "I apologize for failing to gain any more useful information."

"You did wonsherful," said Doctor Lalonde, kneeling down beside her and kissing her forehead. "I am ver', very prout off you."

The jade-blood didn't mind so much when it was her surrogate lusus pulling her close. She leaned into Doctor Lalonde gratefully, letting her guardian's arms become the shield that would protect her from the world. It was remarkable to feel that at her age; to be so safe with someone other than a moirail or matesprit.

Eyes closed, she felt the warmth as Rose settled in on her other side. A hand that was every bit as comforting as it was meant to be rested on her back.

"Kanaya?" said Rose after a moment, talking so softly that there was no chance of her being overheard by anyone but their mother. "You said that you picked up the phone after the kidnappers had hung up, correct? And that the girl called you after that?”

Kanaya opened her eyes to nod. “Yes. I imagine that she must have hit redial.”

Rose frowned. “But you didn't put the handset back?”

“Well, no...” Kanaya said. “Is that relevant?”

Rather than speak, Rose twisted her head to look at the phone. Kanaya followed her gaze and the human nodded towards the spiral wire connecting the handset to the cradle. “Kanaya, with a phone of this style, if one were to dial it while the phone were off the hook, one would get a busy signal.”

Kanaya's brow furrowed as she attempted to parse what Rose was saying. “You mean...”

“Kanaya, there was no way for you to receive a new phone call while you were holding the receiver.”

Oh. Well then. A chill ran down Kanaya's spine as she studied the phone, and she had suddenly never been so glad to have a lusus to lean against, and a person she trusted as a quadrant to hold her hand while it shook. Because she had heard the girl; she had talked to her, promised to help her.

And that simply wasn't possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have always liked this chapter. :)


	10. ==> Be The Determined Defender

### CHAPTER NINE ==> Be The Determined Defender

Terezi Pyrope took a deep breath as she stepped out of the car. Dust on the sidewalk slabs crunched under her feet, and the air was filled with scents and sounds- traffic and sirens and countless living, moving, talking people, all surrounded by a fog of drifting pollution, sea salt and cooking. Tonight she could smell more sugar and paint than usual, mouthwatering candy colors all around, and she clutched the handle of her plastic pumpkin close. Tavros had told her he had a cloth bag for his haul, apparently with a rainbow drinker on it, but she had insisted on the pail-like contrivance. It was just too hilarious not to.

Beside her, she heard a faint scrape as Dave's rubber soles touched the concrete. The human boy was a warm red presence at her side, a comforting fog of smells and heat and familiar yet alien sounds. Terezi had heard from other people that he was hard to read, but she had never seen it- well of course not, she was blind. But in all seriousness, her best human friend was an open book to her. Every emotion was painted across him like a splash of spicy seasoning. Right now he was positively simmering in concern, and she was fairly sure she knew what it was about. Dave Strider was by no means a coward, but even with all of his Bro's hard work and training he was still facing down a decision to do something legally dubious and outright life-threatening. Nervousness was pouring off him like chili spice in the smothering sauce of his human hormones.

Terezi, like the good and helpful friend that she was, decided immediate action was in order to distract him from his problems.

"'Rezi?" said Dave, a few seconds later. "There any particular reason you just stuck your tongue in my ear, or is my earwax just that delicious?"

"Delithouth earwaxth," Terezi informed him cheerfully, excavating the contents a little further. In fact, the waxy brown stuff was altogether too nasty and bitter for her to keep this up for long, but Dave knew unbelievable crap when he heard it and wouldn't call her on it when she never tried this trick again.

"Well, I can't say that's too much of a surprise," Dave said, deliberately exaggerating the unusual drawl in his words that he said was a 'Texan accent'. "Strider earwax is some classy stuff. Usually we harvest it once a year and make it into candles, which are sold in the most exclusive fucking boutiques. You should see the soccer moms fighting to get that shit. It's like Black Friday, only with stylish earwax candles."

Terezi tugged the point of her tongue back and prodded at the already-clean outer shell of Dave's ear. "Dave, I do not think you are being entirely honest with me," she said. "The court suspects you of being full of the most egregious of nonsense."

"The court has its tongue stuck down my ear," Dave said. "I thus move that the court is full of bullshit and, additionally, owes me absolutely fucking obscene amounts of cash due to the waste of precious earwax."

Terezi pulled back and grinned at him, focusing in on the blur of scent and sound that was Dave in her mind. "The court finds you to be impertinent, Strider. Have you any evidence to show in your defense?"

Dave snorted. "Well, I would, but there's a slight problem with that."

"Yes?"

A finger, slim and cool and clawless, tapped Terezi's nose. "The prosecution is fucking blind. I can't show that crazy bitch anything."

Terezi rolled her head back and cackled. "Aha! So you admit there is no evidence that can be shown!"

"Shit, looks like I'm done for," Dave agreed. "Might as well throw myself on the mercy of the court. I'm throwing like I'm Michael Jordan and it's the last base of the game."

"Michael Jordan is basketball," said Cathy; Terezi heard the whirr of the car window and turned to face towards her adoptive mother as she leaned out to look at the two teenagers. "I'm surprised you don't know that."

"Dave is terrible at human sports," Terezi replied. "He is an embarrassment to his species and for that alone the court finds him guilty!"

"Not what I was charged with, babe," says Dave.

"Overruled!" Terezi put her hands against his shoulders and started shoving Dave up the hill towards the bright smells mingling in the growing orange-liquorice of dusk.

"I'll pick you up at nine!" yelled Cathy from the car. Terezi half-turned and spared a hand to wave to her human mother, letting her lips curl into a smile with the small thrill that ran through her digestive sac. It was an indescribable form of excitement, the knowledge that there was someone else out there who was dedicated to looking after her. There was still the odd moment from time to time, brief flashes of history and personality that would surprise mother or daughter, but since the messy truth of the Night of Blood had come out Terezi had been surprised by how much closer they had grown. For a while Cathy had been distant, and Terezi had thought that their arrangement wasn't going to work out. She had never been so glad to be wrong.

Of course, that same closeness and protectiveness came with its downsides, and one of those was the fact that Cathy was reluctant to let her have quite so much independence. It had been a battle of epic proportions to persuade Cathy that she would be fine to trick-or-treat with just her friends for company, and in the end it was the agreement that Terezi would be ready to leave when Cathy came to get her that had swung the deal. Whether or not Dave was hitching a lift back downtown at nine was still up in the air; Terezi wouldn't have been allowed to make her own way home across the city at night, but Bro and Dave both seemed to think that any Strider who couldn't make the journey in one piece was hardly worthy of the name.

Dave was just ahead of Terezi as they reached the crest of the hill, and she smelled perfume and flour and fake-fresh laundry detergent just as he called: "Hey, Mrs F!"

"Oh, hello there, you two!" Susan Francisco started moving towards them, and from the squeak of wheels and toffee-brown smell she was pushing Tavros along. "Right on time, too! Did Dirk give you a lift?"

"Nah, Cathy did," Dave said, strolling up to the woman. "Sorry to disappoint you, Mrs F. I know you were longing for a glimpse of my bro's rock-hard abs, but sadly you will have to wait for the calendar. If it's any consolation I put your name at the top of the delivery list. All the other desperate housewives will be so fuckin' jealous of you it'll be unreal. They'll be glaring at your house as they pass in their expensive-ass pink mom-wagons because you got the Strider swag first." He paused. "Hey, Tav."

"Uh, hey, Dave," Tavros said. Terezi could hear him smiling and bounded closer to sniff at the air around her friend. It smelled green, but the scent got mixed up with Emily and Buck approaching and she couldn't work out any details.

"What's your costume?" she asked, reaching a hand out over her friend's head and feeling something tickle her hand.

"Guess," said Dave, at the same moment as Tavros proudly declared, "Peter Pan!"

Terezi snickered and took a step back. "I am sure you are the very best Peter Pan," she said to Tavros. "Just as I am the greatest dragon, and Dave is the lamest ghost."

"It's a classic look," said Dave, his sheet rustling as he shifted it about in his arms. "Ironic sheet ghost. Made it myself."

“It, um, has what appear to be, small hoofbe- I mean, horses, on it?”

“Well, yeah, it's Bro's old bed sheet. You would not believe how many times I washed this thing before cutting the eye-holes.”

Terezi was about to respond that it was past time Dave clothed himself appropriately for the festivities, when the patter of small footsteps warned her and a warm, solid weight slammed into her at the waist. Chuckling, she reached down to pat the soft human hair of Emily Francisco, and was surprised when her hand bumped into a large conical hat.

"Terezi! Guess what? I'm a witch!"

Terezi straightened the hat. "What's a witch?"

"It's a woman who casts spells and flies on broomsticks!" Emily told her, still wrapped around her waist. "And some of them are evil but I'm an Auror so I hunt evil witches and wizards and send them to Azkaban!"

Terezi nodded solemnly. "I'm glad to hear it. I would hate to have to fight you for being an evil witch, since I am an Auror dragon!"

"You can't be an Auror dragon, silly!" said Emily. Terezi cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, and the girl hastily added; "But I guess you can be an exception, since your costume is awesome!"

"Thank you." Terezi grabbed the edges of her wing-cloak and flapped them about. "Cathy helped me make it. She agreed that I should have the best costume for my wriggling day!"

"It's, your wriggling day?" Tavros asked. "How would you, um, know that?"

"We found an app for it," Dave said. "You put in your age in sweeps and the Alternian date of your pupation, and it works out the date on Earth that day." A small snort escaped him. “And naturally, 'Rezi here turns out to have been born on the night when ghosts and ghouls walk the Earth, which should really have been fuckin' obvious since she's clearly a runaway from the annual monster invasion.”

Terezi cackled. “And don't forget it!”

"Wow, that's cool!" Emily said. "Mom, can we have a proper birthday for Tav next year?"

"Of course sweetie, if he wants to," said Susan. Tavros started to stammer that he would like that, thank you, but Terezi's attention was caught by a soft huff from Buck and a sound of shoes shifting on concrete.

Susan was only moments behind Terezi in noticing. "Where do you think you're going, young man?" the woman asked her son.

"I just need some space," Buck said, hesitating in his movement but not in his voice. "It's not like I wanted to be here for this alien bullshit..."

"Buck!" Susan snapped. The boy huffed again and his footsteps resumed; Terezi caught Susan's arm with a hand to stop her from following.

"Let me," she said, head turned to track where Buck was headed.

“No, I couldn't possibly,” said Susan, the worry plain in her voice. “You shouldn't have to deal with him like this- I'll talk to him.”

“I don't think that would be best,” Terezi said slowly. “Later, yes, but right now I think he'll just be angry with you.”

“He's angry with everyone these days,” said Susan, with a note of sadness. Terezi heard her shake her head. “I just don't know how to get through to him.”

Terezi nodded. “I don't think Buck wants to hear from me right now either,” she said. “But I think I ought to try.” It would be easier for him to deal with someone he was okay being angry at. Buck didn't need a parent right now, he needed a hatefriend, and although Terezi didn't quite fit the bill she was certain she made a closer match than anyone else present.

“Why?” Dave asked. “If he wants to be an asshole, just let him.”

“Because he doesn't want to be an asshole,” Terezi said. “Not really.” _And because if I let this continue without intervention, Tavros is going to be the one who gets hurt. Or the one who hurts Buck._ She didn't say that aloud; Susan wouldn't like the idea that she couldn't take care of her sons.

The human woman sighed. “If you really think you can get through to him, be my guest,” she said. Terezi nodded and released Susan's arm, setting off after the scent trail that was Buck.

Theirs was not the only clump of youngsters planning the beginning of their candy-gathering expedition, and Terezi weaved through groups of children and teens. A good number weren't human; this was only the second Earth Halloween her people had been able to get out and enjoy, but free candy was a powerful motivator. She caught a hint of a familiar voice here and there, waved when she picked up the steel-and-wax scent of an indigo-blood girl she remembered from the ship as being a FLARPer, and followed the sharp trail of teenage human down the street. She found Buck at the corner, sitting on the fence in a cloud of fuming resentment and Ax spray. He noticed her too late to really get away, but jumped to his feet nonetheless.

"What's the matter, Milk Dud?" Terezi asked, pausing a good four feet away and resting her arms on the fence-post Buck had just vacated. Her nose wrinkled as she tried not to choke on his deodorant. "Running off before I've even seen your costume?"

"You're blind, and I'm not wearing any dumb costume," Buck said, sounding more irritated than anything else. Terezi smirked at him and preened her own draconic hood until she could hear him shifting his weight from side to side. He wanted to run but she'd already followed him once. Buck was angry, not stupid, and he knew that she was not only able but eager to track him down and extract answers if she had to. "What do you want?" he snapped, only just managing to cut off an insult from slipping out. Maybe he had some self-preservation instincts after all.

Terezi shrugged, still grinning. "I wanted to talk to you. I keep getting the feeling that you are not happy to see me, Buck. Or Tavros, for that matter."

"Wow, perceptive," Buck replied, and there was a faint snarl in his words. "Did you work that out all on your own?"

Terezi sniffed the adrenaline and wondered why so many trolls and humans seemed to think the latter species were any less instinctively aggressive; different triggers, perhaps, and different expressions of the response, but she smelled fight or flight every day. That was people with eyes for you- they never did seem to see what was right under their noses.

"We're not trying to take anything from you, Buck," she said quietly, letting her head drop so that her red-filmed eyes would show over her shades. "If you want to hang out with us, all you have to do is ask."

"Who says I want anything to do with you!" Buck yelled, taking a step back. "All you ever do, any of you, is show up where you aren't wanted!"

Terezi could smell him wavering, and in a last-ditch attempt to get through took a step closer to the human. "If you gave us a chance, I think you'd find you wanted us around after all," she said, letting her smile fade. "Either way, we aren't going anywhere."

She heard Buck walk slowly towards her; there was a rattle as his hand landed on the fence post, and she smelled traces of burger sauce and alcohol on his breath as he leaned in towards her face. It wasn't the only smell; brick dust and gunpowder were scattered across his clothes and hair. Terezi hadn't smelled that exact combination before, but she knew it. Matt sometimes smelled that way after work, before he showered.

"Maybe you should!" Buck hissed, and then he was gone in a patter of footsteps that raced around the corner and vanished down the road. Terezi waited until his sounds were swallowed by the neighborhood before walking a few steps after him. She had heard something drop to the ground in Buck's flight and crouched to lift the object; it was small and round, smooth plastic in the front and cold metal in the back. Stroking the pin with a finger, she gingerly licked at the front of the badge. Colors burst across her tongue, apple-blueberry pie flavor. Blocky white letters were splashes of patriotic cream, proud and fierce and disappointingly easy to read. PURE.

Terezi was glad there was nobody she knew there to see the way her lips tightened as she tucked the Purist pin into her pocket, the slight furrow between her eyebrows as she thought. She should show it to Susan, let her and George deal with their son. That was the human way; it was their responsibility to stop Buck from doing anything stupid. Sighing, she grabbed the edges of her dragon-cloak and tugged it close as she could, walking slowly back to where she had left her friends and thinking of conversations from the last months that Buck didn't know she had overheard. When was the last time Emily had spent time with her human big brother over her troll big brother, anyway?

She heard them before she was close enough to hear the words, Equius' deep rumble of a voice interspersed with a high-pitched squeaking that had to be Nepeta. There were other voices too, wiggler voices, and Terezi cocked her head in interest as she approached. Two fingers buried the Purist Pin deeper in her pocket- now, at least, wasn't the time- and she plastered a wide grin across her face as she swaggered up to where her group were meeting.

A blot of warm milk sidled up to her, two liquorice blots marking its face. "Thank fuck," said Dave, his voice slightly muffled by the sheet and dripping with so much false desperation that it almost hid the sincerity at its core. "'Rezi, you gotta save me. I can't take this shit any more; I'm stuck in the fuckin' weeaboo trainee camp Olympics. Be my genie and collapse this roleplaying crap into the sands already before I get eaten by a feral furry cub!"

“Where's Buck?” asked Susan. Terezi shook her head, and the woman groaned.

“Oh, no,” she said. “Alright- you kids stay here. Tavros, keep an eye on Emily. I'm going to go and find that boy!”

"Bye, Mom," said Tavros, and Terezi smelled his toffee blush when the human woman stooped to press her lips against his cheek.

“Like I said, the guy's a fucking asshole,” said Dave as Susan's footsteps vanished off in the direction Terezi had just come from.

"Strider!" said a deep, blueberry voice that approached with a scent of sweat and cotton and floor polish. Equius had a slight shlurpy lisp that Terezi knew hadn't been there before, and she puzzled over the cause. "Such inexcusably lewd language as you have produced...” his voice trailed off into a strangled noise. “Pyrope, what is that- _thing-_ you are carrying?”

Terezi snickered and jiggled her pumpkin bowl under his nose, relishing the scrabbling as he backed away. “I'm going to fill it tonight,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows. Equius made some more incomprehensible noises and turned a deep, refreshing blue. Terezi waited until she heard Tavros starting to laugh quietly, then added. “With candy.”

“I... that... you...” Equius paused, took a deep breath, and let it out in an equine huff. “This is extremely inappropriate! Neither of you are comporting yourselves in a fashion allowable in the presence of wigglers, human or otherwise, and it would behoove you to curb yourselves at once!"

"Curb ourselves?" Dave said. "Dude, what about the... OW! FUCK!"

A small blur of tangy orange and bitter black ran past Terezi, pausing briefly to yell "rawr!" before scampering back towards the nearby cluster of wiggler voices.

"Acey, don't bite!" yelled Nepeta. "People aren't purrey!" She moved closer to Terezi, a puff of grass and wax crayon and blood. "The huntress is sorry that her cub was so undisciplined, Dave," she said, before directing a small growl in the direction the little girl had run. "Acey is furry badly behaved and IF SHE BITES ONE MORE TIME SHE IS GOING BACK TO THE DEN WITH NO CANDY!"

"Rawr!" came the reply from amongst the crowd of wigglers. Terezi fought to not snigger and lost.

"Great. Now you're mocking my pain," said Dave. "Kid Cannibal severed a major fucking artery, you know. I'm bleeding to death here. Don't even bother calling the fuckin' ambulance, it won't make it in time."

Tavros giggled. "It, um, didn't do that when she, bit me," he says.

"You're a troll, your skin is thicker," Dave said. "She's only got blunt human teeth, for murdering poor innocent humans who are minding their own business in the middle of the street."

"But Dave," said Terezi, slowly. "You're already a ghost."

Tavros' giggling was joined by Nepeta and Emily. Dave's sheet-covered head sent out a waft of delicious warm candy-apple as it bobbed in approval. "Sure am," he agreed. "Good fucking point, that dragon. Good thing we noticed before doing anything drastic. Shit would have been embarrassing."

"I don't understand," said Equius. "Strider is not a ghost; it is merely a costume, and not an excessively convincing one. Are we roleplaying again?"

Emily laughed, then abruptly cut it off with a squeak. “Oh, they're leaving!” She wriggled past Terezi and up to Tavros. “Can I go trick-or-treat with the Nepeta and Equius' friends?”

“Um, I don't know, about that,” said Tavros, uncertain.

“I believe Ms Quinn and her associates are entirely capable of looking after another child so long as you alert them to your presence,” said Equius. “Although the decision currently rests with your brother.”

Tavros still smelled uncertain, and Dave nudged him. “C'mon, man, it's cruel to keep a kid behind when there's candy to be had. Besides, we can talk about dating if she's not here.”

“The purroud huntress thinks that is a furry good point.”

“Yes,” Terezi agreed. “We do need to talk about- _dating.”_ She stared at Tavros, willing him to get it.

“Eww, dating!?” Emily said. “No way! Please, can I go?”

Tavros chuckled. “Alright, if you go, and the adults, say yes, then I will explain to Mom.”

“You're the best!” Emily declared, and Terezi smelled a hug in progress before the girl darted off to where the four carers of Prospit House were corralling their charges into some semblance of order- such a strange idea, to play lusus with your life, and not just because the thought of raising a wiggler was weird to begin with. Terezi stored it back under Human Things To Investigate Later and waved after her small friend.

"Look out for razor blades in the candy!" she called after Tavros' sister. "And illegal substances!"

Equius inhaled sharply. "That is a possibility?"

Terezi's grin grew, and she turned her head towards Dave. The human snorted. "Dude, you do not even know. One year I got a switchblade, broken glass in a cupcake, and a used tampon."

"What's a tampon?" asked Nepeta.

"I forbid you to answer that!" Equius shouted, words tumbling over one another as Dave opened his mouth again. Terezi sniffed; the large troll seemed to smell wetter, somehow.

"Dave, is just kidding," said Tavros. "I was, um, trick-or-treating last year, and some people, slammed their doors, but otherwise it was okay?"

Terezi sniffed around for Susan, then headed towards the nearest house. It wasn't exactly staying put, but they wouldn't be going far, and she wanted wriggling day Halloween candy. "So," she said. "The noble dragon descends from the sky. Her long neck lowers her head to get a good look at her new companions, so that she might know them before they quest together!"

A warm, purring chuckle moved beside her as Nepeta loped up. "The meowbeast identifies furself as Nepetpurr, a mighty huntress of great purrowess and fame, feafurred far and near! She travels with her meowrail Equius, who is a mysterious and powerfurl rainbow drinker!"

"He is, um, wearing fangs," Tavros added, his wheelchair squeaking as he pushed it along. "That is, fake fangs, over his actual fangs. Um."

“They are quite difficult to talk around,” Equius added, and Terezi realized the source of the shlurping when he spoke.

"Well, this is entirely my own fault," Dave said, lingering behind Terezi. "Shoulda known better than to hope the Sisterhood of the Scaly would break up this dorkfest. It's like the zombie plague and you're all infected except me and Equius." There was a faint rustle. "Come on, buddy, it's you and me gotta make a break for it. Someone in this 'hood's gotta have a baseball bat. One dramatic last stand coming up, helicopters incoming. You with me?" 

Silence reigned for several paces. "Please release my arm," said Equius, eventually.

"No can do, buddy. We're human married now. You and me against the hordes of zombie roleplayers. We can ride off into the sunset together on horseback."

"If there were some conflict requiring such extreme reactions, Strider, I would have a great preference for the magnificent earth horse which you have mentioned as a partner over you. Its exquisite musculature, its noble bearing, the elegant curve of its neck..."

"What, you're gonna leave me to get eaten while you compose sonnets to a fuckin' horse?"

Terezi snickered. "Face it, Dave. You are one of us already, with your intricate zombie scenarios."

"Shit, you're right," said Dave. "Equius, you gotta go on without me, man. Get our noble mount to safety and make an honest equine of it. I'm done for, but I'll try and hold them off long enough for you lovebirds to escape."

"This is a ludicrous game," said Equius. "And not even the inclusion of a magnificent stallion will rescue it from utter pointlessness. You profane such exquisite creatures by naming them in your lewd delusions; a true lover of hoofbeasts and horses would appreciate them for the exemplary physical specimens they are."

"Woah, okay, Mister Ed. Calm your tits. There are some mental images I do not want, ever."

Another pause. "...Fiddlesticks. I need a towel," said Equius. Dave made a small strangled noise and Terezi laughed as Nepeta darted up the driveway to a house that glowed with warmth and smelled of candy and wigglers. Terezi stepped to the side to avoid a rush of small humans, and followed her friend up to the doorstep.

"Oh!" said a woman's voice. "Well, would you credit it! Is this your first Halloween?"

"Yes!" Nepeta said. "And you're our first house! Give us candy or we'll yowl on your fence all night!"

"That's, um, not how you're, meant to do it," Tavros whispered, but the woman in the house was already chuckling.

"Here you go, sweetie," she said, and there was a rustling sound. Terezi obligingly held out her pumpkin and felt something drop into it; she sniffed it, and smelled peanut butter.

"I'm allergic to nuts," said Dave, holding out his own collector- an orange bucket with what smelled like "boo" written unevenly across it. Terezi sniffed at the candy that rattled into it, all golden honeycomb and chocolate.

"Happy Halloween!" the woman called as they left. Terezi waited until they were back on the sidewalk before she spoke.

"You are a liar, Dave," she said. "John is the one allergic to peanuts."

"Yeah, but I'm a liar who's got better candy," Dave said, a wrapper rustling. "That's how you score in this game, 'Rezi. There's no second place in trick-or-treating."

"Speaking, of games," said Tavros, his voice so soft that Terezi doubted anyone outside their little group could even tell he was speaking. "How did, the thing with Vriska, go." He paused for a second. "Not that I'm saying, that's a game, but you know, she, uh, likes games, and winning..."

"I understand," Equius said. "Perhaps this conversation would be better held in Alternian?"

"No can do," said Dave. "My double dutch clickety-clack shit isn't up to it.”

“I, uh, thought you were trying, to learn, some Alternian?” Tavros said. “It would, make it easier to, uhm, do this. Secretly, I mean.”

Dave snorted. “Sorry, dude, but I'm still working on my alien insect-speak.” He paused for a second. "Meet you fuck pleased, cuttlefish," he added, in Alternian.

Nepeta dissolved into giggles and Terezi fought to keep her face straight. "That was the most atrocious mutilation of my native tongue I have ever heard, Dave," she said. "I think you've actually managed to break it permanently."

"Well, I try," Dave replied, ignoring the way Equius was spluttering in fury beside him. "Didja like the way I mispronounced stranger?"

"It was truly shitty," Terezi informed him, giving in to the urge to smile. "Although I think you need a wider vocabulary. There are much more obscene words you could be accidentally using."

Her words were apparently the breaking point for Equius, who stopped moving and caused an innocent fence to creak alarmingly by leaning on it. "Do you mean to say that you are purposefully teaching yourself to speak Alternian poorly?"

"Well, yeah," said Dave, his voice stretching a little and fading. Terezi imagined him rolling his head, stretching his neck out in what should be a submissive gesture but was really more a calculated sign of arrogance, dismissing any of them as a real danger. "If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing shitty for the purposes of irony, that's my motto."

Although she couldn't see Equius' face, Terezi could picture it in her mind; she cackled as he emitted a high-pitched hissing whine, and left it to his moirail to pat him reassuringly on the arm. Terezi leaned back against the fence and let out a sigh.

"You know, it's a shame we couldn't do this at your apartment, Dave," she said. "There's all those nice things to make piles with there."

"Thanks, 'Rezi," said Dave, a waft of apple-scented shampoo reaching her as he ducked his head forwards. It was as gloriously red as the rest of him. "To think, all this time, my brain has been lacking the mental image of you spreadeagled on a heap of plush rump. I may never recover."

"Um, you don't know, that she was talking, about the smuppets," Tavros said.

"Live with Bro for ten years and everything's a fuckin' rump, Tav, especially if it's piled or plush," Dave replied, leaning onto the fence beside Terezi. "You remember last week, when she started snorting dust off your Pokemon plushies?"

“Mmm,” Terezi said, raising her head and smirking. “They smelled of delicious colors, Dave, and you had banned me from smelling your shirt.”

“Sure,” said Dave. “But that was no reason to start molesting that poor innocent plushie. If I see that again I'll have a sacred duty to report your abusive self. The plush will have to go into foster care. It'll be forever traumatized.”

There was a faintly hostile mewl from Dave's other side, around where Nepeta was, and Terezi grinned. "Wanna say that to someone who hasn't spent time in the system, coolkid?"

"All my friends have spent time in the system," Dave said. "And holy fucking shit, you're all nuts. If I ever throw a birthday party, the neighbors are gonna think I just got done busting half the inmates out of Arkham. The only exceptions will be me and Rose, and that's only because Strider-Lalondes are so batshit to start with that we don't need some crappy government agency showing us the ropes. We are already masters of the art."

Terezi grinned at the sky, and Nepeta sniggered.

"Nepeta," said Equius, a slight bite in his words. "You will immediately cease partaking in this tomfoolery. We are here for a specific purpose, which I wish to discharge with alacrity."

Terezi was about to add her own gentle support to the idea that they should get down to business, but Tavros beat her too it. "I, concur," the brown-blood said. "That is, that we should be, um, talking about Aradia, and not the thing, where you start being, uh, kind of mean, to be around?"

Terezi could smell an green olive blush to match the fond "mrr" that Nepeta made. It made a nice salad-fresh compliment to Tavros' rich nutty embarrassment. "Motion seconded and carried by majority vote," Terezi said. "Equius, Nepeta, I assume you made contact with our mutual acquaintance. What do you have to report?"

Equius shifted, fence creaking under him as he moved. "We have indeed spoken to her, two nights ago. At the time, she was understandably reluctant to offer assistance to what she correctly surmised to be you and the brown- and Tavros."

"I guess, it was a thing, which was inevitable, that she would, er, work that out," Tavros said. "Sorry. That you were in that position, I mean."

"It's okay." Nepeta her voice moving until it hovered beside where Terezi figured Tavros' wheelchair to be. "We knew it wasn't going to be purrfect, but we purrsuaded her anyway! It's for a good claws."

"I had to make a promise of... some significance, in order to obtain her aid at all," Equius added.

Terezi frowned; she didn't like the sound of that. "What exactly did you promise?" she asked.

"To construct a device for her," Equius replied. "She has provided me with the blueprints, and will pay for any and all materials I require, but she is currently restricted from building it herself and so she needs my assistance."

There was a long pause. "Uhm," said Tavros. "When you say, a device, what exactly..."

"A weapon," Equius said bluntly.

"Okay, is this striking anyone else as a terrible fucking plan?" said Dave, a sharp edge of anger in his voice trying hard to conceal the fear that Terezi could smell pouring off him. "Because I don't remember agreeing to become fucking weapons dealers to crazy-ass mind-controlling murderous spider-girls. You're not going to actually go through with this, right, man?"

"I most certainly am," Equius replied. "It would be extremely foolish of me to attempt to double-cross Miss Serket at this juncture."

"Agreed," said Terezi, cutting Dave off before he could object further. He was smelling uncertain, and it was too late for uncertainty. "Once she's made a deal with you, trying to break it will only enrage her, and she has the resources to prove a significant threat to any and all of us."

Silence fell again as all five of them contemplated the consequences of what they were doing. In most cases, Terezi could smell only momentary hesitation. Only Dave seemed to be having trouble with the idea. Slowly, she leaned to her left, pressing her arm up against his in a move that looked almost accidental. He was doing well for someone who hadn't been too far out of the ordinary for a human kid until a couple months ago, but unlike the rest of them he'd never had to think of his actions in terms of survival and necessary costs. The rest of them were thinking of the consequences if they were caught; Dave was the only one truly concerned with where success might lead.

She had to at least respect his fears. Honestly, if she was his moirail, she would probably have been trying to stop him, but this wasn't up to her. He had been the first to volunteer to help Tav, and she knew him well enough to be sure that he wouldn't back out. Which meant she was going to see to it that he didn't have to tackle it alone, either. 

"So, um, what did you get, in exchange, for your, uh, promise?" Tavros asked, and it wasn't steel in his voice. It was solid stone, worn and mossy and softened by time but still there and as unmovable as the hills it was carved from.

"Vriska has contacted the Midnight Crew on our behalf," Equius said. "I received her message to this effect earlier today, shortly before requesting this meeting. They are prepared to trade information for something they cannot obtain by other means."

"Yeah?" asked Dave, pressing a little closer to Terezi- but not so much that anyone but her would notice. "And what's that? Come on, don't leave us hanging in fucking suspense here."

"Crockercorp import and export financial records, going back two years." Equius paused. "I have more information on my phone elucidating the exact requirements," he added.

Terezi frowned, drumming her claws on the fence behind her and producing a muffled tattoo. "Hmm. Do we know anyone with the appropriate connections for this?"

"What about, uh, asking, Sollux, maybe?" Tavros suggested. "He helped you, last time, with Vriska." He paused. "You know, um, when I got hurt."

Terezi was shaking her head before he had even finished speaking. "We can't rely on Sollux," she said. The others all started trying to talk at once, and she held up a hand to silence them.

"... impugning the character of..." Equius trailed off, the last to finish talking. "Pyrope, I demand that you explain your ludicrous statement at once!"

"Surely if Aradia is his furiend and quadpawrent then he would want to help," Nepeta agreed.

"I'm not saying it doesn't make sense, or we shouldn't try it," Terezi replied, still frowning. "I don't think he'll try to stop us, at any rate. But- Tavros, do you recall his messages to us, a few days ago?"

Air drifted as Tavros nodded, his scent curling around him like an animal in psionic thrall. "He, did seem, a bit strange. More strange, um, than usual, is what I mean, when I say that."

"I dealt with him when Aradia was first hurt, on Alternia," Terezi said. "He was barely rational; the only reason I could persuade him to do what I asked was because of who I wanted him to do it to." She shook her head. "Sollux is likely to be unpredictable and unstable, and if he understands that we are aiding Vriska as part of our plan he won't want to be a part of it."

"I, think that even though, that point is, er, a good one, I will still try, and talk to him, um, anyway," Tavros said. "Maybe, there is a chance, that I can get through, to him?"

"But if he is unwilling to cooperate, how will we obtain the information we require?" Equius asked. "I wish no offense, but if I am to lend my strength to Serket I would prefer it to be in aid of a successful mission."

"I got an idea on that front," said Dave, and Terezi could hear his smirk appear and start to grow. "See, I always figured that one of the reasons my good buddy John Egbert never liked delicious Crocker confections was that one of her humungous red factories is squatting over his neighborhood like a pimple on your nose right before prom. Don't think he'll have too many objections to squeezing the shit out of that pimple and seeing what kind of nasty pus comes spewing out."

Terezi couldn't share a look with Tavros, but she turned her head in his direction and took a second to participate in the stew of polite bewilderment growing between them.

"Is your furiend John furry stealthy?" Nepeta asked, bouncing back towards Dave and coincidentally Terezi.

"Sure," said Dave. "He's a fuckin' Egbert ninja. Never known someone stealthier with a handbuzzer and a can of those goddamn joke snakes."

"Uhm," said Tavros, which happily vocalized Terezi's feelings on the matter. "That is, perhaps, not a skill, which is all that transferable?"

Terezi sensed Dave's head turn towards her and nodded, just a slight inclination of the head, to show she agreed with Tavros on this one.

"Pfft, fine." Dave leaned back over the fence, his voice changing as his face pointed to the sky. "If you kids are all worried, Papa Strider will bring out the big guns. By which I mean Karkles and Crazycakes the Clown, who now also happily live within projectile vomiting distance of the factory. You think maybe they can steal shit and be stealthy?"

Terezi didn't miss the small intake of breath on Nepeta's part, the way that the floor around Equius creaked again. "I'm sure they are capable," she said slowly. "But how do you plan to convince them to help us?"

"No probs, gray girl," said Dave, and he was grinning now. She could hear it in his voice. "Jade sent to me this very day a package to be added to by Striders then posted onwards to her bio-bro and his new alien buddies. As it happens, one part of the contents is an autographed DVD of a shitty romantic movie that Karkles adores with all the unironic love in his stunted, angry little heart." He grinned. "I'm totally willing to hold that shit hostage until he lends a fuckin' hand, and we all know Chuckles will follow his example."

Terezi pulled a face. "Dave..."

"This does not seem like a particularly honest or correct approach," Equius said. Dave snorted.

"Neither does building a designer weapon for a sociopath, and we're already doing that, right?" His head turned around, left and right, presumably looking at each of them. “What? That's how this always worked anyway, right? Back on Alternia, I mean. Trading favors like we're the shady guy in the back bar in a cheesy prohibition film, doing dangerous shit that's probably going to get someone sent to the bottom of the bay in concrete converse and generally being assholes to people we don't like so much to get what we want.”

“This isn't Alternia, and Karkat is a... a friend, of sorts, to some of us.” Equius said. Terezi stayed silent, waiting.

“Shit, really?” Dave was losing control of his voice now. His words were still quiet- had to be quiet, they couldn't afford to have anyone overhear- but his frustration was audible. “Well, I guess I must have been mistaken when I heard Tav and 'Rezi agreeing to contact a crime syndicate for information, or when I thought you said you agreed to trade weapons for intel. Fuck, I must have been asleep and dreaming back when we all agreed that we weren't letting the cops handle this. Because, you know, here on Earth, we always ignore the cops and start contacting professional criminals for help when our friends get kidnapped.”

For several seconds, none of them spoke. The air was filled with shouting, and the laughter of wigglers.

“You don't have to, um, help,” said Tavros. “If you don't, want to, that is.”

“I said I'd help and I will,” Dave said. Terezi's shoulder chilled in the air as his weight left it, Dave standing up and taking a small step away from the fence. “But right now, I'm going to see if Mrs F or any of those other adults needs help wrangling that horde of kids. Pretty sure I remember how to say entire sentences without offending their delicate little infant ears with curse words.” He started to walk off, long strides that ate the sidewalk, but hesitated after only a few feet.

“Come find me when you figure out what we're doing,” he said, in near-perfect Alternian. Terezi couldn't see a thing, but she still closed her eyes as his footsteps resumed and Dave left them for the bright lights of his human world. Somehow, it helped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! The autographed DVD makes a return to the plot, Dave starts to see what he's getting himself into, and everyone goes trick-or-treating and rambles inanely for many pages.
> 
> For those who are wondering, I do in fact have birthdays worked out for all of the Characters, and the trolls have both an Earth and Alternian birthday listed (I'm using an Alternian Calender that someone on Tumblr worked out ages ago, with some small tweaks). Terezi's Alternian Wiggling Day is the 11th Bilunar Perigee of the 4th Dark Season's Equinox and she's one of the oldest of the Alternian characters.
> 
> The oldest of the trolls is Nepeta, and the youngest is Karkat. Ehehehe.


	11. ==> Be The Asshole Advisor

### CHAPTER TEN ==> Be The Asshole Advisor

Karkat Vantas stomped along a few paces behind John and Gamzee, trying to ignore the way the assholes were both grinning as he voiced his entirely reasonable objections to their evening plans for the thousandth time.

“... and why can't we just get a fucking lift from your insanely helpful lusus instead of subjecting ourselves to the cesspool of degradation and horror that is public transportation?”

“Because you can't show up at a party being driven by your Dad, numbnubs,” John said, laughing and dancing nimbly out of the way as Karkat lost patience and took a swipe at him. Karkat gritted his teeth and growled a little; it was grossly unfair that Egbert appeared to be coated in frictionless slime in addition to being an inhumanly strong freak of nature. He was just about to inform the human of this fact when he caught sight of Gamzee's face; his moirail was watching him with the biggest, sappiest grin Karkat had ever seen on his face since- shit, since they'd become moirails in the first place.

“What are you looking at, assclown?” Karkat snapped. “And if you so much as think the word miracles I fucking swear I will pap you!”

Gamzee just smiled and started humming something that sounded approximately like the melody John had been playing on the piano the night before. It had been hideous enough the first time around and Karkat stuck his fingers in his ears and quickened his pace to avoid his moirail's warped rendition. The neighborhood they were in was another suburb, but more upmarket than the one that the Egberts inhabited; the hives were bigger and the style of building varied between them, their lawn-rings bigger and shaded from view by high hedges. It reminded Karkat of some of the places in LA around Derse Mansion; here, like there, the humans seemed inanely fond of putting color on everything. Gamzee fucking loved it, of course, but Karkat still found it mildly disturbing to be surrounded by an alien version of happy and cheerful that fell neatly in line with his idea of bloody massacres and flesh-searing agony.

“Oh! There it is!” John exclaimed, pointing to a large brown hive across the street that was buzzing with activity. Karkat could faintly hear the deep throbbing of a bass beat even at a reasonable distance, and groaned as Gamzee broke into a sprint across the road without even pausing to check for cars. Silently thanking whatever fluke of the universe it was that looked out for brainless subjugglators with no sense of self-preservation whatsoever, Karkat followed more carefully. He arrived on the threshold of the party as a few young humans, mostly their own age but some older, noticed their group approaching. Karkat glared at them; Gamzee and John returned the curious stares with a pair of bright smiles.

“Hey, we're all being friends of Jenna and shit,” Gamzee said, and Karkat smacked a hand into his own face. Most of the stares unsurprisingly continued to be a little blank, but one guy with long, bicolored hair and the style of human facial hair called a “goatee” pointed towards the house.

“In there, horn dude.”

“Thanks, brother,” Gamzee said.

As they started to move past, goatee-guy shuffled a little closer. “Hey, man, are you from outer space?”

“No, we're just painted gray and wearing fake horns because it's a fucking hilarious joke,” Karkat snapped at him. “What do you think, moron?”

To his shock, the guy's face broke into a massive grin. “Fuckin' awesome.” He turned back to the rest of the group outside and waved his arms enthusiastically, spilling a splash of brownish liquid from a red paper cup. Karkat groaned when he noticed that a good number of them were actually dressed in what had to be costumes, many of them involving horns or paint. The human they had spoken to did not seem at all fazed by this, however, shouting: “Hey! Guys! Motherfuckin' _space aliens_ at this party!”

Karkat hit himself in the face again as this this pronouncement was met with whoops and at least one shout of “Mars needs beer!” Then John grabbed his arm and was leading him, under loud protest, after Gamzee. The tall indigo ducked to get his horns under the door lintel and straightened, meaning it was a moment before Karkat got to see a room that was... that was...

… see, the thing was, that despite having seen humans packed in close before and long since concluded that they were as a species completely grubfucking insane, Karkat knew if you had this many trolls in this size space making this much noise and moving about this much, then what you'd have would be a riot. There wasn't any room to move, no space to think- fuck, there wasn't even any air to breathe in the pulsing, chaotic mass of humanity. All the gaps between people were full of _other people_ and between them was loud, pounding music and miasmic heat. It wasn't just strange or even crazy; it was the most alien thing Karkat had ever seen, primal and raw and deeply, viscerally eerie.

He thought he heard Gamzee laughing next to him, and turned in time to see his moirail mouth the word miracles to the air. There was a strange light glowing behind those indigo-flecked eyes and Karkat reached out to grab his moirail's hand before one or both of them was swept away on the tide of flesh that rippled through the room.

“Hey!” John yelled, voice barely audible over the thick blanket of noise. He waited until both trolls were facing him, then stabbed a finger towards the far wall where two couches and a coffee table formed a small, noticeably smoky island in the surrounding chaos. Karkat recognized one of the humans as the girl Gamzee had been following around like a lost baby barkbeast all week; she was lounging across another human, a guy whose hair had somehow been replaced with long brownish ropes, and she waved enthusiastically as soon as she spotted them.

Gamzee waved right back with a wide grin then set off across the room, not coincidentally dragging Karkat along for the ride.

“Wait, what are you... oh, fuck, no!” Karkat protested as his moirail started moving towards the couches, John following in their wake. “No! I am talking to you, you nooksniffing bulgemunching excuse for a waste chute! We need to talk about this- don't you even fucking dare!”

Gamzee shrugged helplessly, looking back over his shoulder with an utterly unapologetic expression as he yelled over the noise of the human party. “Sorry, best friend, but a sister's been all up and wanting to get her introduce on to me with her matesprit all motherfucking week, you dig? And I all up and promised they'd get to be having their meet on with you proper-like, too.” He beamed at Karkat. “Gotta let these motherfuckers up and know how I'm all motherfucking pitying the fuck out of you.”

Karkat blushed and his immediate, instinctive response was thankfully lost in the noise as John snickered beside him and batted his eyelids in mockery. One brief and abortive scuffle later the three of them continued on their way, albeit with a few false starts before Gamzee worked out how to roll with the flow of the crowd rather than push against it. Karkat almost lost his grip on his moirail's hand a few times, and when they finally popped out into the clear space around the couches John was briefly lost a few seconds behind them.

Gamzee dropped Karkat's hand as he sloped directly over to Jenna- Karkat remembered being told her name, and he supposed he should actually make an active effort to recall it now. He followed as his moirail dropped onto the free space on the couch opposite her and her presumed matesprit.

 _Although really,_ he thought as he perched himself awkwardly on the arm of the couch, leaning on Gamzee for balance, _how would you even fucking know with humans?_ Not that he'd been trying to look or pry, but it didn't take much observation or a romance expert to work out that this whole "party" event was a transparent excuse to try out concupiscent quadrants through the medium of as many sloppy makeouts as physically possible. Some of the “costumes” around him resembled the wardrobe of a concupiscent recreation film, and a deeply disturbing one starring subjugglators at that.

“You made it!” Jenna yelled over the pounding of the music, and Gamzee nodded with a thumbs-up. John wandered over to lean on the back of the couch and Karkat shifted away before he could have something dropped down the back of his neck. Not seeming to notice, Jenna waved a hand at the human who was sat next to Gamzee, a dark-haired guy with lidded eyes. “That's Brandon, and this-” she dropped her hand onto her supposed matesprit's shoulder- “this is my boyfriend, Cody. Guys, this is John, the guy who did the itching powder thing last year, and this is Gamzee and- it's Karkat, right?” Karkat nodded reluctantly, and she beamed at him. “They're like, cuddlebuds or something? Anyway, they both just started in my class this week.”

Cody's eyes went wide. “Fuck, dude, you guys really are aliens!”

Karkat wondered if he should try to charitably associate the sudden tendency to state the pan-numbingly obvious with the brown beverages that were everywhere in this human party, or the paradoxically sharp, musty smoke that filled the air around him. It wasn't the first time he'd encountered either substance and none of the humans he associated with them were exactly powerhouses of physical or intellectual superiority. He contemplated trying to message Sollux for some conversation that didn't make him want to vomit into a bucket and pass the results to an Imperial Drone, but decided that as plans go that was entirely self-defeating. Even if Sollux wasn't being a complete unresponsive asshole lately.

Gamzee, meanwhile, laughed at the human's statement. “Shit, brother, you got a motherfucker all up and figured out over in here.”

Karkat elbowed his moirail in the ribs and leaned over to hiss in his ear; “Don't fucking encourage him!”

At the same moment and somewhat louder, Cody spoke. “Yeah, but fucking hell! You're actually, like, really a fucking alien! Like, from another planet and shit!”

“Wicked, ain't it?”

Karkat's eye twitched. “Maybe if you're a wiggler who can't even walk in a straight line without tripping over something that you find utterly fucking incomprehensible and declaring it to work on special stardust and mystical fluttertroll magic...”

“ _Miracles,_ best friend.”

“... what the fuck ever, do I look like I care?” Karkat hollered above the so-called music, folding his arms stubbornly. “Not everything is a special production orchestrated by the universe for your sole benefit! In fact, the universe in general does not even have any fucks to give regarding your life, where it happened, or anything that you do with it. So if you would shut your flaptrap on the matter of how amazingly incredible and awesome it is that we happened to be hatched on one shitty rock covered in assholes before moving to another, slightly less shitty rock covered in somewhat dumber assholes, I would deeply appreciate not being turned into the local freakshow!”

“Aww, bro,” Gamzee said, tugging Karkat down into his lap and hugging him close. “Ain't all up and being no kind of need to be all harshing on some other motherfucker what's just all getting some sense of wonder about shit what's been so motherfucking miraculous as what all this shit all up and is being.”

“Was I supposed to somehow parse that?” Karkat grumbled, turning his face into his moirail's body to hide the way his cheeks were turning disgusting mutant red. “Or are you just generating noise as some sort of autonomous bodily function?”

John laughed and Cody joined him, head bobbing up and down like it was on a string and shaking the ropey rat-tails that Karkat was now fairly convinced were actually his hair. How the fuck he even managed to get them to that state when human hair was usually so soft and smooth was beyond Karkat's understanding.

“Fuck, man,” Cody said, still laughing. “You guys are cool. You are just... you are both so fucking cool.”

“Amen to that,” Brandon agreed, holding out a fist. When Gamzee unwrapped an arm from around Karkat to uncertainly mirror the gesture, his couch-mate bumped their knuckles together briefly. He made the same gesture to John, who beamed as he returned it, and Karkat, who scowled and delivered a one-fingered salute in exchange. The human laughed and retracted the fist. “Fuckin' ace to meet you guys.” He rubbed a pale finger across his own cheek thoughtfully. “So, Gamz, you're what, like a juggalo or some shit?”

“Man, I ain't even all knowing what that's all up and being,” Gamzee said.

“Yeah, Bran, what even is a juggalo?” Jenna asked, wriggling around on Cody's lap. Her friend shrugged.

“Don't matter, it's just some weird rap music shit.” the guy said, leaning back and eying Gamzee curiously. “So what's up with the clown paint, then? You like in the alien circus or what?”

Karkat groaned and covered his eyes with one hand, but it was far too late. Gamzee touched a reverent finger to his own painted face. “Shit, brother, you ain't motherfucking wrong. This motherfucker's all up in the dark circus with the mirthful messiahs, you dig? Got me my paint for a face so's they all up and recognize me when the wicked righteous carnival begins, call me in to spread the harshwhimsy with them when the shit goes down instead of being all stuck on the receiving end of them holy judgments.” He winked at his stunned audience. “Shit ain't so close as all that, though, so you ain't gotta be worrying your thinkpans about no subjugglations all up in here yet. I'm just liking to be all wearing my face all ready for the motherfucking party.”

There was no sound from the humans, John included, as they looked at each other in wordless confusion. Karkat sighed and buried his face in his moirail's shoulder. It wasn't that he'd wanted to be friends with them or anything- well, except maybe John, annoying nookstain though he was- but now he was going to have to deal with Gamzee having a meltdown over how his creepy-ass beliefs had scared off his new friends.

Then, into the awkward speechless void, Cody slowly, cautiously spoke. “So... you're in like, a space clown religion?”

Karkat stared wordlessly at the human; Gamzee grinned at him. “Shit, motherfucker, you all up and got it!”

Cody whooped and hi-fived Brandon in celebration while Jenna grinned and rubbed her nose against his cheek in a bizarrely pale fashion. Karkat shook his head disbelievingly, then jumped as John leaned over the back of the couch and blew in his ear.

“Fuck! Egbert!” he yelled, almost tumbling off Gamzee's lap onto the floor. John, smug bulgemunching asswad that he was, only snickered more.

“I'm going to get us some drinks!” the human yelled. “What do you guys want?”

Karkat paused in straightening himself on Gamzee's lap, then pushed away from his moirail to stand on the floor. “Like fuck am I drinking anything you hand to me, Egbert,” he hollered back. He waved a warning finger under Gamzee's nose. “If you get into any kind of trouble while I'm gone...”

Gamzee grabbed his finger and kissed the tip. “I'll all up and be good as what that motherfucking gold is all being, best friend.”

Karkat snorted in disbelief but followed John as the human ducked off into the crowd, weaving through the press of people with a sort of clumsy grace that avoided as many abrupt collisions as it caused. Karkat cast a couple of suspicious glances back over his shoulder before following, but all he saw was Gamzee turning down a small white smoking object Brandon was offering. Then his attention was taken by trying to navigate his way after John, which he achieved with an utter disrespect for everyone between him and his objective and a higher muscle density than most creatures native to Planet Earth. His job was made slightly easier, if more irritating, by the fact that every single last human who noticed him felt the need to stop what they were doing and gawp open-mouthed as he passed. Karkat grit his teeth and tried to stay quiet: at least it meant he didn't have to encounter quite so much alien gyrating.

By the time he popped out of the wall of bodies next to John, Present Karkat was cursing Past Karkat for being dumb enough to volunteer for the trip. He could still just about see the couches across the room, but if the rest of the place was crowded then there was no space at all next to the long table, its surface laden with bottles of all shapes and sizes and paper cups both clean and used. Checking for potential threats, he caught sight of Tyler, too busily lip-locked with his nauseating matesprit to notice him right away. Growling far too quietly to be heard by anyone, Karkat ducked out of sight behind John and started grabbing clean cups while his human brother poured himself some Coke.

“You know that's supposed to be a mixer, right?”

Karkat heard the shout and looked over to see a girl their own age leaning so close to John that it didn't seem possible for her to not be touching him. He vaguely remembered her from the first day of school, but he was sure he hadn't seen her since. Up close, everything about her set Karkat on edge; she was lurching as she moved, and something in her face looked far too old and far too young at once. He narrowed his eyes at her as she grabbed one of the glass bottles that John had been studiously ignoring and tipped it into his drink before he could object.

“You're welcome,” she said to John's stunned expression as she grabbed a cup and poured herself a drink, this one with a much more generous measure of alcohol. As she started to lift it to her mouth, John found his voice again.

“But... we're too young to drink!” he protested. The girl paused, a smirk appearing around the rim of the cup.

“Come on, don't be such a loser, Egdork,” she said, eyes glittering. “Have some fun. It's a party, isn't it?” Before John or Karkat could say anything else, she took a deep swig of the contents of her cup and lowered it to fix Karkat with a challenging stare. “How about you, Spock?”

Karkat very carefully retrieved the Coke bottle and poured himself a drink where she couldn't get at it. “I'm a fucking alien, nooksniffer. Alcohol doesn't do shit all to Alternians.” Caffeine and refined sugar were different matters, but he wasn't about to tell her that as he took a slow swig of Coke and glanced back towards where he had left Gamzee.

He nearly choked on the fizzy liquid when he saw what was happening over by the couches. John slapped him uselessly on the back a couple of times while the girl hovered nearby; Karkat rewarded him by thrusting the unspiked Coke into his hand and, without checking to see if the human had succeeded in grabbing it, charged back into the shifting mob.

“GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY, BULGESTAINS!” he screeched. If anyone heard him over the racket they didn't give any sign of it, and Karkat heard more than a few obscenities chucked after him as he shoved obstructions aside. He didn't give a shit; his eyes were fixed firmly on one particular couch, where Gamzee was sat on Cody's lap with Jenna's hands up his shirt, having the sloppiest three-way makeout session that Karkat had never, ever even wanted to contemplate the remotest possibility of witnessing. It took less than ten seconds to make it over there, each of which felt more like an hour to Karkat as he watched with horror the humans pawing up his moirail like some sort of... like he was...

Brandon got out an aborted “Hi-” as Karkat stormed past and grabbed Gamzee's arm. Jenna and Cody looked more stunned than anything, failing to muster a single protest as Karkat yanked his moirail off them and started to drag a staggering Gamzee off to a corner of the room. After a few steps Gamzee started trying to tug away, but Karkat glared at him and snarled “Jam. _Now.”_ His moirail pouted, but followed without argument.

They ended up outside on a wooden porch, huddled against a wall to gain the foot of space that was all the privacy to be had without venturing into a darkness that was altogether too full of the noise of inexperienced couples experimenting. Gamzee was hunched over his folded arms, looking at Karkat with what he probably thought was a stubborn expression.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” Karkat hollered, face dusty red with pure rage as he considered the merits of going back and ripping Jenna and Cody limb from limb. “WHAT IN THE ACTUAL TAINTCHAFING FUCK DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, YOU BULGEBRAINED ASSHOLE?”

Gamzee shrugged. “Ain't even all up and being nothing, best friend, see, on account of how they're all up and being motherfucking red as what is the motherfucking bitchtits but both got them their wicked think on as how it ain't being no kind of thing for all up and having some other motherfucker all up to get their join on...”

Karkat grabbed his moirail by the collar and dragged him close. “THIS IS NOT NOTHING, YOU ROT-PANNED MORON! ONE WEEK! ONE FUCKING WEEK YOU HAVE KNOWN THAT GRUB-EATING PAILSNATCHER! YOU MET HER MATESPRIT THIS FUCKING EVENING! THERE IS LITERALLY NO WAY YOU CAN HAVE PROPER CONCUPISCENT FEELINGS FOR EITHER OF THEM YET SO WHAT IN THE DEEPEST FUCKING HORROR-FILLED TRENCHES OF THE OCEAN WERE YOU _DOING?”_

Strong but careful fingers pried his grip open as Gamzee used his other hand to pet Karkat's head. “Shoosh, motherfucker. Just doing what all felt right at where our hearts was all up in, you all motherfucking dig that. Serendipity and all that bitchtits shit.”

“It is not fucking serendipity!” Karkat snarled, trying to push his moirail off him and failing dismally. “Stop it, stop fucking trying to pap me, I am not letting you- they are _human,_ you horn-fondling dope! Even if you are enough of a fucking freak to feel flush for someone- for two someones, holy mothergrub help me- you just met, you should know by now that humans don't have real romance! They only want one fucking thing and they don't respect their concupiscent partners, they use them, and I'm not just going to sit by and let those tert assholes treat you as their fucking _pail!”_

There was a small squeak behind him, and Karkat whirled around to snarl at the pale-haired human standing there, staring at them with wide green eyes full of shock. “I'm sorry, did I miss the huge fuck-off signs labeling this as an open free-for-all pale orgy corner? Oh, no, wait, I didn't. You're just exercising your sterling credentials as a mannerless eavesdropping piece of trash. Well, this is our barely tolerable corner of regressing sanity, so why don't you go and find your own?”

The human girl looked at him blankly for a moment, hiccuped, then burst into tears. Belatedly Karkat noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, something black smudged around them with the shiny layer of tears that had been smeared across her face. Although it wasn't like it was even his fault- she'd been upset before she even came near him, and he hadn't said anything untrue, and how were you supposed to even spot when a human had been crying when their tears were _see-through_ for fuck's sake? It wasn't as if he could be expected to realize that he was going to make whatever it was worse and he didn't even know how he'd done that.

Then he remembered that he'd only seen that particular shade of white-blonde hair on one human so far: the friend that John had been desperate to introduce them to on the first day of school. Karkat had barely even registered her existence before he and Gamzee had been driven out of the cafeteria by the intolerable tidal wave of irritating hoofbeast crap that was Tyler and his campaign to make their lives more miserable by the day. All he really remembered was that Egbert blathered on about her like she was someone he actually gave a shit about, an accolade he usually reserved for his internet friends, Gamzee, and Karkat.

Karkat looked back at the human girl crying in front of him, and winced. _Shit._

“Okay, look, I'm an asshole, alright?” he said, taking a step closer to the girl- fuck, what was her name? He'd never even learned it. Egbert's fault for being impossible to listen to without causing irreparable thinkpan damage. “You don't want to listen to me, I'm basically full of shit, everything I say is the vocal equivalent of upending a cesspit and it fucking stinks, just ask anyone who knows me. I mean, I don't get how this shithive maggots alien friendship crap works but it clearly does somehow and I guess that if you and Egbert were trolls we'd be in the same covey- oh, shit!” The girl had broken into fresh floods of tears, and before he could duck aside had lurched forward and grabbed him to literally fucking cry on his shoulder. Karkat awkwardly tried to push her off without making her sob more while Gamzee snickered behind him.

“This isn't funny, you tentsquatting clown ass!” Karkat hissed. “It's not even- wait, where the fuck are you going?”

Gamzee waggled his fingers in glee as he slipped backwards into the crowd. “I all up and got things to be doing, bro,” he said, grinning. “You be all up and chilling your tits right out; shit's a party. You gotta be all up and having some motherfucking fun.”

 _“Get back here you nubsucking grub!”_ Karkat hissed, but it was no good. Gamzee was gone and he was alone with a blubbering alien who was stopping him from following by being inappropriately pale. Fucking great. Dredging up memories of how John's father usually responded to distress, Karkat awkwardly papped the girl on the back. The action made him feel grubby and mildly guilty, so he stopped and tried to pry her off again.

“Okay, look, I know you're seriously fucking upset,” he said, figuring it couldn't hurt to try reason again. “But this is seriously skirting a line here and I'm in a committed pale relationship already, so maybe you should go find one of your own human friends and do that weird polypale thing with them? Fuck, they'll probably know what's going on better than me anyway.”

He broke off as the girl's hands clenched in his shirt and she hiccuped again. “I-I'm sorry,” she stammered, then she made a sniffling, gulping noise and scrubbed at her face one-handed. “That is, if I understand the situation correctly, I can only apologise for interrupting you just now. I d-didn't mean to, honestly, I was just looking for somewhere to calm down and then I saw you two and I was so- I was so _surprised_ that I didn't think, and I know we hardly know one another at all really but I'm afraid I needed a friendly face because I'm having such an awful night and I don't really have any friends here. Apart from John, of course, but he's... he's...”

Karkat hesitantly papped her shoulder as she started blubbering again, scowling as he tried to work out what the fuck was going on. “Why the fuck did you come to this mindless fuck-fest if you didn't have any friends or quadrants here?” he asked, trying to ignore the fact that he had done exactly that himself.

The girl shook her head. “H-Haley said that I should c-come to the party b-because John was coming and she w-wanted to get to know us both better, and I was utterly j-jubilant because I always w-wanted another f-friend but she just w-wanted to make f-fun of me and John doesn't even see that something's wrong, he's such an idiot, and now I'm all alone and it just made me so _mad_ but there's nothing I can...” Her voice trailed off and she pulled back, eyes widening as she saw Karkat's growing scowl. “Oh, bother, I can't believe I just blurted all that out!” She scrubbed at her tears and gave him a glare that wouldn't have threatened an infant purrbeast. “Don't you dare make fun of me too! I'll- I'll- well, I don't know what I'll do, but it'll be awfully unpleasant!”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Well, there go my plans to advertise this entire humiliating incident on national television.” He retrieved his hand from her shoulder and wiped it on his pants leg. “Look, I don't know this Haley bitch, but from what you've said I don't know why you'd give the slightest shit about what she thinks or says. Clearly if she dedicates that much effort to making you miserable without even the intent to make a decent caliginous solicitation of it, she has nothing of any worth to do with her time, and you at least seem remotely within spitting distance of intelligent.” He jabbed her gently in the shoulder with a claw-tip. “That, by the way, is not an accolade which I would apply to most of the assholes we go to school with under any circumstances, ever.”

“But I don't see what I can do about it,” the girl protested, wiping more black-stained water from her eyes. “I mean, it's hardly as if I can just have fun on my own, and if I try to get John away from her it'll cause such a scene!” She sighed and shook her head, appearing to study her shoes, which for reasons beyond Karkat's understanding had tall heels and sparkled. “I should have known I didn't belong at a party like this.”

Karkat stared at her. “Is this some sort of weird human thing that I'm just not getting, here?” he asked. “Because that sounds like the most retarded thing I ever heard. Who says you don't belong? I'm from another fucking planet and nobody's kicking me out of the party.”

“But I'm not-” the girl started.

“No, no fucking buts,” said Karkat, cutting her off. He leaned over, yellow eyes burning. “Look, if there is one good thing I ever figured out from my shitty fucking life, it's that it's _mine._ The whole fucking universe might have been trying to take it away from me ever since I was hatched, but so far they're _losing._ Nobody but you gets to decide who you are or what you're going to do or where you're going to go, and if anyone ever tries to tell you different then fuck them and leave them empty for the drones, because it's a million fucking times easier for people to fuck you over if you do it for them!”

The girl looked at him, then the corners of her mouth quirked up in a tiny smile. “You know, you remind me somewhat of my brother. Only nicer.”

“If that's true, then your brother is the biggest raging asshole to ever be spawned in the history of anything ever,” Karkat replied, shoving his hands into his pants' pockets. “And you can do whatever the fuck you want, including ignore me. But you shouldn't let that blood-pusher-less bitch get away with this shit just because you're scared to _cause a scene.”_

The girl tilted her head thoughtfully, chewing on her lip as she looked at Karkat. “And what about you?”

“And what about me?”

“Well, more accurately, what about your friend?” she said, waving a hand vaguely in the direction Gamzee had gone. “I've seen him with Jenna around school, and I might not be friends with her but I know her well enough that I can promise you she wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Don't you think he should be able to decide what he does, too?”

Karkat felt his cheeks burn and huffed. “Not if he's going to be a bulgefondling moron about it.” He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot as she stared at him silently, then scowled. “Okay, fine! You have a point, I concede it, I'm a fucking hypocrite and you can just clap me in irons and stake me out at dawn. But he's my moirail and I'm supposed to stop him from doing stupid things and believe me, he invents whole new categories of stupid just so he can tumble headfirst into them and drag me along after!”

“And I'm certain you can look out for someone without dictating everything they do and ordering them about constantly!” the girl said, folding her arms and setting her mouth into a determined line. “In fact, I'll make a deal with you. I'll go and face Haley right now if you promise not to make assumptions and order your _moirail_ about!”

Karkat opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. After doing a few more stunning impressions of a beached fish, he jabbed a finger into the girl's collarbone and managed to say: “Fine! But don't think I won't make sure you go through with it, wiggler.”

“I'll do it right now, see if I won't!” The girl turned and marched off back into the house, leaving Karkat to scramble after her. The two of them pushed their way through the crowd, bouncing from person to person like a couple of errant pinballs and eventually making their way over to the corner by the stairs.

There they stopped, because squarely in the way between them and their goal Tyler and his football-jacketed asshole buddies were draped across the bottom half-dozen steps. Karkat, like any sane and normally functioning troll, considered fashion to be dumb at the best of times. The sight of them all wearing the same symbol was enough to make him loathe them on principle even if they hadn't also all been raging douchebags.

Seeing the two of them draw closer, a smirk crossed Tyler's face and he sat up, withdrawing his arm from around his insipid matesprit. “Check it out, guys, the freaks are hanging out with the aliens now!” He laughed and leaned forwards. “What's the matter, didn't anyone tell you that this party is only for people who actually have friends?”

Karkat bristled, but as he was drawing breath to speak his new hatefriend beat him to the draw.

“You don't get to decide where I go,” she said, her voice firm and just loud enough to carry over the music. “Or whether I have friends or not.”

Tyler looked taken aback, and the girl beside him straightened in surprise. Karkat sneered at them both a little because fuck, the shitstains deserved it.

“Egdork doesn't count,” Tyler said, and everyone around him started laughing. Karkat's hands tensed into claws of their own accord, his eye twitching uncontrollably with the effort of not just clawing the guy's throat out, but the girl beside him just lifted her chin.

“He's a better friend than you would ever be,” she said, and Karkat was actually a little impressed. Looking at her now it was hard to tell that she'd been inconsolable only minutes before. Tyler reeled as if he had been struck, then glanced about until his eyes fell on Karkat, standing half a pace behind his usual victim.

“Did you put her up to this?” he demanded, glaring openly at the troll. Karkat sneered, something warm blossoming in his upper thorax at the sight of the football player looking so lost. It was good to have an ally at his side.

“I don't need anyone to tell me what to say,” the girl snapped. “I have my own opinions, and I can speak for myself!”

“This is your fault, you alien freak!”

A large fist hurtled towards Karkat's head and suddenly thinking was no longer an option that was on the table. Reflexes honed to the point of being autonomous had already grabbed the offending limb and yanked it forward, Karkat's feet moving of their own accord to jam an elbow backwards into his assailant's breathing muscle. Snarling he dived on his wheezing, unbalanced enemy, knocking him to the ground and landing heavily on top of him.

Blind instinct gave Karkat control of his pan back just in time to notice the rest of the jocks running in; he dived out of the way of the first set of grabbing hands and began scanning his immediate surroundings for a weapon- maybe if he broke one of the glass bottles, but that could cut his hands. An incoming boot interrupted his line of thought and he rolled aside, coming to his feet at the end of the motion and using the momentum to land a solid blow to the nearest foe's ugly mammal face. The human staggered backwards, blood pouring from a nose that was probably broken, just as a runaway freight goods carrying vehicle rammed into Karkat from behind. Light quickly vanished as half a dozen burly humans did their level best to crush Karkat into a thin red smear on the floorboards.

Then light reappeared, and with it came screaming and a loud crash. Karkat looked up to see Gamzee grinning down at him; behind his moirail, a dazed jock lay in the wreckage of the drinks table. Party-goers did their best to stampede the fuck away as the indigo-blood reached down and casually dragged one of Karkat's assailants upright, winking at the other troll as he tossed the guy after his friend.

Karkat growled and started to lash out with his claws, giving the rest of his attackers even more reason to scramble off him and dart away. He reached up and his hand was caught by a cool, implacable grip. Gamzee hauled him upright with even less effort than he had the humans, and grinned as he ruffled Karkat's hair.

“Ain't all up and being no kind of motherfucking plan to be all up and doing that fighting shit all in here, best friend,” he said. Karkat glared at him and was about to unleash a tirade of abuse when John pushed his way through into the empty space behind Gamzee and whistled at the devastation.

“Wow, this is kind of a mess!”

“You fucking think?” Karkat yelled, eye twitching. “I said this was a bad idea! Like a mythical fucking prophet I warned your sorry asses that this party was going to be a complete disaster, but no, you had to drag us here anyway against my better judgment!” He stuck an arm out to point a finger, wavering with rage, at Tyler. “What the fuck are we going to do if he calls the cops about this?” He groaned, his free hand weaving into his hair and tugging at it. “Shit, this is bad, this is really fucking bad!”

“Chill, bro,” said Gamzee, looking past Karkat's shoulder with a dozy smile. “Motherfucker ain't all up and gonna be telling all every motherfucker's guardians what they all up and been doing in here, getting all their motherfucking drinking and smoking and makeouts on.” His languid gaze dropped on Tyler, and Karkat felt a faint, almost nonexistent shimmer of chucklevoodoos in the air. “Shit was all being some sick nasty accident, am I all getting shit right, motherfucker?”

Tyler glared at Gamzee; all eyes in the room watched, breath bated, as the captain of the football team snapped his cellphone shut and slipped it back in his pocket. Karkat let a small sigh of relief escape him. He turned, ducking his head to avoid the eyes looking their way as he and Gamzee set out towards the exit. The crowd of people parted before them, the accusing stares not letting up for a fraction of a second, not even when John came running up behind them to join them on their shameful parade to the exit. Karkat, hunched over defensively and glaring out of the corners of his eyes, almost missed the blonde human who opened the door for them. He almost jumped out of his skin when she leaned in to whisper so that only he could hear.

“Thank you.”

Karkat looked round into a pair of pale green eyes, large and earnest, and nodded once to the girl before descending down the steps into the blessed cool of the yard. People watched them go in near-silence; it wasn't until they reached the far side of the road that Karkat heard the party slowly begin to start up again behind them.

“Well, that fucking sucked,” he said out loud.

“I dunno, best friend,” said Gamzee. “Didn't all up and seem so bad to me.”

John laughed, and Karkat took a swipe at him that the human predictably dodged. They wandered a little further down the street, until the sound of music had started to fade behind them. Karkat rested his head on Gamzee's shoulder, leaning against him while they walked.

“I got a message from Dave earlier,” said John, suddenly. “He wants to know if we can steal some files from the Crockercorp factory for him.”

Karkat's head jerked up. “What?”

“It's the big red building at the top of the hill...”

“I know where it is!” Karkat yelled. Gamzee tapped his shoulder and with some effort he lowered his tone; this wasn't the sort of thing he wanted overheard. “I'm not sure who's more of a pandamaged lunatic; Strider for asking, or you for not immediately deleting his insane ramblings.”

John grinned. “I dunno. It could be kind of fun. Like a heist film!”

“It will not be fun!” Karkat replied from between gritted teeth. “Tell him no, and go fuck himself.” He made a grab for John's phone, and hissed when the human danced out of the way.

“Oops!” said John, not looking at all sorry as he thumbed over a button on the phone. “Looks like I just told him I could do it!”

Karkat growled and managed to hold himself back for fully half a second before launching himself after John. The human took off running down the street and Karkat gave chase, both of them followed by the echoes of Gamzee's laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter comes with multiple OCs, because I need people for these three to interact with... do you trust me? (Guess we'll find out!)


	12. ==> Be The Lonely Leader

### CHAPTER ELEVEN ==> Be The Lonely Leader

Feferi Peixes smiled hopefully at Sollux when the DVD finished, the bluish light of the menu screen casting odd shadows on the gray planes of his face. The two of them had the prime perch on the slightly battered bean-bag they had moved in between the couches over the summer; Feferi had dropped straight into it when they were setting up, and pulled Sollux down after her. His horns were small enough that he could lie across the floor with his head in her lap, and she had spent the short viewing stroking his hair and hoping he didn't mind that her attention was elsewhere. The proof recording was good, really, especially considering how fast it had been put together. They only had a limited amount of time before she had to unveil it at the press conference- organized by Rose in the wake of the whole Night of Blood revelation disaster- but at least something so simple didn't need much post-processing!

Sollux's eyes were closed, and his overbite had re-opened the little tear on his lip. Feferi sighed and tried not to feel put out by his lack of attention; she knew his mind was elsewhere these days. A sudden burst of bright light told her that Doctor Lalonde had got up to flick the lights on again. It was well after midnight and they were all in their night-clothes, but the whole mansion tended to go to bed late when they could get away with it. Parties and evening functions aside, the Alternian members of the family thought better after dark.

"Well, that was certainly impressive," said Rose brightly. "Don't you think so, Kanaya?"

"Yes," the jade-blooded girl agreed, her voice barely above a whisper. Feferi shared a worried look with Rose. Kanaya had been taking the failure of the ransom drop worse than anyone, even Sollux. She clearly blamed herself for not retrieving Aradia safely, even though the police had said again and again that she hadn't done a thing wrong. Far from it. After all, it wasn't as if anyone could have known that the elevator was going to freeze up like that!

Sollux hadn't said a word through the entire post-drop briefing, but when the sergeant had told them they should all start preparing for the worst he had turned and walked straight out of the room. Feferi had been expecting him to lock himself in his room to grieve, and he had, but only for an hour or so. He'd come down again right after dinner, smiled when he'd asked if they were going to watch the DVD, and left Feferi feeling like the worst moirail in history. Sollux had to be hurting, so badly, but he wouldn't even let her see it! She watched with more than a little envy as Rose slipped an arm around Kanaya and rubbed her arm in comfort. They weren't even in a quadrant together, but right now she would have given a lot to match their depths of honest affection. She might not have ever known Aradia personally, but after all the stress and upset of the day it would have been a relief to have a feelings jam for her own sake too.

 _Ugh, you certainly can pick them, Peixes,_ she told herself. First Eridan and his stupid, impossible genocide complex- when they were small wigglers she'd thought it was just pale flirting, sort of cute, but no, he actually was that glubbing dense! At least he seemed to have some sort of handle on it now that they were older. She certainly couldn't take responsibility if he attempted to murder a planet full of perfectly friendly aliens, even if she wasn't now committed to her second stupid needy wreck of a moirail! At least she hadn't ever honestly thought that Sollux was exaggerating his problems, but she had thought that helping him not hate himself would at least be easier than helping Eridan not hate everything.

There was a canine whine and something cold and wet pushed itself against her knee. Feferi glubbed and jerked back, wrapping one arm protectively around Sollux and raising an the other with claws ready to strike, then let out a puff of relief when she identified the shambling mound of white fur in front of her.

"Hey there, Bec," she said, bringing her hands up to ruffle the fur around the dog's ears and subtly push him back a little as he sniffed at her face. Jade and Grandpa both let the dog lick their face with every sign of adoration, as did Doctor Lalonde, but Feferi had noticed that Rose seemed more in keeping with her feelings on the matter. It was a relief to know that it wasn't a universal thing amongst humans to let canines slobber with impunity. Not that she didn't like Bec- far from it, actually, he was more of a sweetheart than some of her old cuttlefish even if he was all furry- but something about the licking made her scales shiver.

"Hey, BC," muttered Sollux. His head rolled over on Feferi's lap and one of his smaller horns jabbed her in the knee. "FF, will you get thith furry athhole off my cathe?" One of his hands came up to shove at the unmoving side of the dog. "What do you even want, you thtupid canine? Your human ith over there. Go on. Thoo."

Bec's long white snout came down to nose at Sollux, snuffling around his face. Red and blue light flared in the air like ripples in the water, and Bec yelped as the following wave of force roughly shoved him away from the two Alternians.

"Sollux!" Jade snapped, sliding off the couch to receive her whimpering pet with open arms. "What did you have to do that for, you ass, he was just trying to cheer you up!"

"I don't need cheering up," Sollux replied, pushing himself up on his elbows and glaring back at the human girl. "I am handling everything perfectly fucking fine on my own! I don't need you all worrying and futhing over me, okay? In fact, I'd probably be even better if you would jutht leave me be for five fucking minuteth; I can't even breathe with all thith thtupid conthern. It'th fucking embarrathing to thee you doing your groth human pale thit let alone be on the rethieving end, tho just drop it becauthe I'M FINE!"

"Okay, Sole-lux, time for a carp!" Feferi said, hooking her hands under his armpits and dragging him upright as she stood. He flailed and more psionic lights flashed; Feferi ignored the pushing long enough to dump him on his feet, and returned his sullen stare with a false, bright smile. He didn't resist when she grabbed his hand and started half-dragging, half-leading him out to the hallway. One gentle shove was all it took to get him sitting on the stairs, folding over himself like a closing book; Feferi knelt on the step just below, putting their heads at the same height. Nose to nose, she studied his face, but there was no expression there. Even his irritation had vanished.

"I'm worried aboat you," she said. _All of us are,_ she added in the privacy of her own head. It was true, but it was better if this was kept between the two of them for the moment. "And don't you try and shell me you're fin, because you're not. I know how much Aradia meant to-"

"Meanth," Sollux said, narrowing his eyes to a pair of glowing slits. "She'th not gone and I'm not going to act like thee ith."

Feferi opened her mouth- to apologize, to be reasonable, all the sorts of things you're supposed to say to a grief-stricken and irrational moirail- when a sudden thought made her close it again with a click of teeth. She reached up and brushed a hand through his hair, and was relieved when he accepted the touch. "You aren't just guessing, are you? You reely do know that."

Sollux froze, every muscle and tendon in his body tightening at once. It was all the answer Feferi needed, and with a glub of sympathy she surged forwards to wrap Sollux up in a hug. "Oh, I should have known! You're so close to her, of course you'd hear her if she died!"

"I'd hear- yeah. Yeah." Sollux's forehead drooped forward onto her collarbone, his shoulders shaking slightly. "Her voithe ithn't with the dying."

"But that's good news!" Feferi said, rubbing a hand over his back. She could feel his bones, jutting even through his clothes. Sollux was too thin, too frail; an old, ugly fear whispered in her ear to remind her of the gaping chasm between their expected lifespans. She fought it back. Sollux was her Helmsman, her quadrant, her friend, and if the rumors of her ancestor keeping her favorites alive long after they should have died were even slightly true she was going to find a way to keep him with her until every last star in the universe had burned away into a cold husk. "Why didn't you _tell_ us?" she asked, focusing on the fact that they could monitor Aradia's condition. That was going to be a great help!

Sollux's head twitched, a shake. "It'th not- I'm not thure," he said. "I mean, I wathn't exthactly mythelf when thee wath hurt. I've never heard her with the doomed, but I didn't know if that meant thee wathn't dead or dying, or whether thee'd already- that I'd mithed..."

"She was getting bait-er," Feferi told him, wrapping both of her arms around him. "Sollux, your powers are amazing, and I'm shore you'd know if she was reely, truly dead. Trust me, if there's anything we can do- anything I can do- to get her back safely, I'll do it!"

Sollux made a strangled noise; his hands, resting on the steps, curled into fists. His body started to shake, and Feferi felt something wet soak into her shoulder as her moirail started to make a hideous hybrid sound that could have been sobbing or laughter. Alarmed, the seadweller tried to pull Sollux closer, but as soon as he felt the pressure his hands came up and grabbed the front of her nightdress, arms locking out to hold her exactly where she was. Feferi felt claws pierce the fabric, and Sollux's breath hitched again, this time with a wet whimper that could only come from grief.

"Sole-lux," she said, pulling one of her hands from his back to lay it over his fists with a concerned glub. She was more than strong enough to break his grip if she had to; even with his psionics, she thought she had a better than good chance of pulling him closer or shoving him away. But that wouldn't help anything! "Sollux, I'm here for you. You can say anyfin!"

For a moment she thought he wasn't going to respond at all, but then his head lifted away from the growing patch of yellow dampness on her shoulder and she found herself looking over skewed bicoloured glasses into a pair of wide, glowing eyes and a tear-smudged face. He looked young like this, she thought, and gave him a soothing smile as she lifted her hand from his still-clenched fists. She raised it to his face, planning to gently pap his cheek, but hesitated when Sollux opened his mouth and closed it again, looking exactly like a surprised goldfish.

"Sollux?" Feferi asked, tilting her head. "Is there somefin you'd like to-"

She was caught off-balance when he surged forwards, and froze the instant his lips touched hers. It wasn't chaste, or sweet, or pale; Sollux pressed his face against hers like a limpet attaching itself to a rock, shaking and fumbling and desperate to just hold on. His lips were soft and salty wet with tears but under that he tasted like Mountain Dew and honey, and for three long heartbeats Feferi felt something warm and tingly and _red_ filling her from the center outwards, a reflection of the need in the kiss. Her gills fluttered uselessly in the air, the only part of her that dared to move.

There was a slight wet pop as their mouths parted. Sollux pulled back, stared at her in horror, then dropped the front of her nightgown and raced up the stairs before he'd even quite worked out which limbs to run on. The sound of his bedroom door slamming echoed through the mansion. Feferi, still sitting stunned on the stairs, burst into tears.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay!?" Jade ran out of the TV room a few steps behind Bec. Feferi felt two large paws settle on her knees and leaned forward to wrap her arms around the dog's neck, hiding her face in his furry ruff. The big dog bore her misplaced pale affection with stoicism, and Feferi managed not to feel too guilty because even though he was very smart he was still just an animal. Pets were the best idea humans had ever had.

Someone settled down nearby and she raised her head to see Jade crouched on the other side of Bec, petting her dog's head and smiling at Feferi. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, big green-and-white human eyes watching anxiously the faint Tyrian smears that Feferi was hastily wiping off her face.

"I'm shoally," Feferi said, glubbing a little as she tried to stay quiet and flushing when Rose and Doctor Lalonde poked their heads around the door. Lingering behind them, trying too hard to look like he wasn't bothered at all by any of this, was Eridan. Feferi felt a brief flash of annoyance- why couldn't he just stay out of her business?

"Perhaps we should consider retiring to bed?" Rose suggested. "It has been a stressful day, after all, and it is unlikely any of us are in a fit state to deal with any further emotional turbulence."

Eridan snorted, staring at the carpet. "Oh, it's been fuckin' emotionally turbotlent alright. I get my claws on that fuckin' waste a breathin' apparatus, I'm gonna fuckin' tear him a strip right off." He folded his arms, shoulders hunching over. "Pissblood shit should fuckin' treat Fef right, at least, ewen if he is completely fuckin' incompetent at ewerythin' else what he ewer tries."

Feferi pursed her lips. "Like it's any of your glubbing business!" she snapped, her arms falling from around Bec's neck as she rounded on her former moirail.

Eridan's head snapped up to face her, and something about the light in the room made his eyes look dark and sunken. "You're right, it ain't any of my business, so why don't you stop fuckin' mopin' about down here an' go get him to pap your ass? If he's troll enough, that is."

Rage, cold and strong as a tidal surge, erupted up through Feferi's internal valves and out of her mouth. "FUCK YOU!" she screamed, jumping to her feet and slamming her hands down on stair banister. "HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU INSIGNIFICANT GUPPY!?!" Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jade pull back with a hand on Bec's collar, note that Rose and Doctor Lalonde had flinched away. In front of her, though, Eridan held his ground, staring stubbornly up at her with purple-flecked eyes that really did have dark bags underneath them.

"Yeah, that's what I fuckin' thought," he said, then turned away to stomp back towards the blank blue glow of the television screen.

"AAUGH!" Feferi stepped back, throwing her hands up into the air. She whirled on the spot and stomped off up the stairs, fighting not to break into a run, her chin tucked down to hide the tears now dropping down her cheeks. Behind her, she heard Jade's voice rising in ire at Eridan, interspersed with Rose and Doctor Lalonde trying to persuade her to go a little easier. Eridan wasn't responding at all, from the sound of things; Feferi felt a vicious satisfaction at that, even as a more rational part of her mind pointed out that she was going to be horribly worried about the silly codfish later! Just because he could be really annoying and she wasn't responsible for his nonsense any more didn't mean he wasn't a friend, after all, and Sollux was his quadrant too...

No, no, no! She wasn't going to feel sorry for Eridan or anyone else right now! Feferi dried her tears on her sleeve again- a habit which had cost her more than a few blouses- and hesitated outside Sollux's closed door. She was tempted to hammer on it, to yell at the troll inside until Sollux knew just how much she needed him to come out and _talk about this._ As she turned away and kept walking she tried to tell herself that she was just giving him some more space. She wasn't scared of what would happen if he answered her, not even a little bit! The door at the end of the corridor was ajar and it reeled her in like a professional angler. With every step more of the anger ebbed out of her, the tide of icy fury pulling back to reveal a frozen beach scattered with desolate shells and nuggets of smoothed glass from the deeps. She managed to keep herself under some semblance of control as she pushed the door aside and stepped into the room, silvery moonlight pouring through the curtains and casting a monochrome light over the silent machines and empty bed that formed the centerpiece of the room.

The door clicked softly shut behind her and Feferi collapsed forwards onto the bed that should have held Aradia. Her claws tangled up the bedsheets, digging into the crisp fabric as the pillow muffled her glubbing and drank her tears. She wanted to stop having to be the Heiress, she wanted Sollux, she wanted her moirail, she wanted to know if they were the same person, and none of those things were happening so she let herself cry and cry and cry instead.

It didn't last forever. Eventually the tears dried up and she was left lying still on a damp bed, curled up around her own knees and staring out of the window at the shadow of a tree branch. It was moving slightly, waving in the ocean breeze, and Feferi felt a sudden pang of homesickness for her old undersea hive. It wasn't so bad, back on the Harleys' island. She'd spent a fun week or so with Jade building an underwater retreat, her human friend diving in a snorkel and flippers as they built the tiny room up against one of the cliffs that edged the beaches. Eridan hadn't helped- wouldn't have wanted to help, even if Feferi had asked him to, which she hadn't- and Jade had never been able to see more than glimpses of the inside of Feferi's sanctuary as she filled it up with squiddles and polished rocks and glittering shells from the ocean floor.

Things didn't move right, on land. They didn't drift or float or flow the way they did underwater, and as her bladder-based vascular pump ached and she traced tentacles across the bedsheets Feferi thought she knew why her ancestor had taken their entire species into space. The threat of rebellion wasn't just an excuse, but she remembered what it had been like, every single one of the (far too many) times the gravitational systems had gone offline during the journey. It wasn't exactly like being underwater, but it was closer than she had ever felt while breathing air.

She wanted her mother, too, and her torso ached again as she reminded herself that Gl'bgolyb was gone, dead at her own order. What kind of troll kills their own lusus? Her finger traced the Tyrian stains on the bed in dull understanding. They were gray in the moonlight, but she knew what color she bled and what it meant. And that was why she had to be strong, why she had to fight to do the right thing with or without a moirail. Feferi closed her eyes and took a long, steadying breath of the alien air around her, gills fluttering a little with the effort. She wasn't going to be another Condesce. She wasn't going to tear her people apart, just to lift herself a little higher.

Behind her eyelids was a darkness deeper than the silvery night of Earth, and in it the young Alternian began to draw up her memories of home. Feferi imagined that she drifted in the endless ocean, cocooned in the cooling pressure of the water. Billowing drifts of her own hair surrounded her, moving slowly with the currents. Luminescent creatures, glowing in all the colors of the hemospectrum, drifted past and added points of ethereal reference to the scene.

Down here, though, even the faintest hints of light were swallowed; beings stranger than anything the surface world had thought to contemplate lived on the heat of geothermal vents, spending their entire eyeless existence in tiny ecosystems clustered around a single source of life. Feferi could see them in the otherworldly glow of the passing creatures, all too strange to really be called fish.

She loved them, these strange beasts with their tentacles and their toothy maws and their little lights, so far from the sky. They were all so different, so inventive, that she always forgot until she went to the surface how flat and mundane the rest of the world seemed by comparison. Smiling, she flicked her feet and took off swimming after a pod of creatures with long, chiffonous feelers drifting after their bulbous bodies. The creatures knew her of old and didn't scatter as she swam into their midst, letting her join their little family cluster as they traveled.

Feferi's cellphone vibrated against her leg, snapping her out of the imaginary world. Curious about who would be trying to contact her so late and hoping that it might be Sollux, she rolled over on the bed until she could pull the device out of her breast pocket, holding the screen up over her head to read it. Perhaps another troll would have had trouble seeing what it said; a human certainly would, but she was no human and no normal troll. She was a Tyrian Seadweller, her eyes perfectly adapted for life in the depths of a darkened ocean and even more refined to the perfect midnight trenches where her lusus had once dwelt. The message sat waiting on her screen, delivered by the Pesterchum app.

\-- adiosToreador [AT] began pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC] at 01:34 --  
AT: uM,,,  
AT: i AM SORRY IF, THIS IS A BOTHER TO YOU,  
AT: bUT i AM TRYING, TO GET IN TOUCH, WITH sOLLUX,  
AT: aND HE IS NOT, BEING, UM, VERY EASY TO CONTACT,  
AT: sO i KNOW THAT YOU ARE A VERY BUSY PERSON,  
AT: wHAT WITH, BEING THE RULER, OF TROLLS, i MEAN aLTERNIANS, ON eARTH,  
AT: bUT IF YOU COULD PLEASE ASK HIM, TO TALK, TO ME,  
AT: iT IS IMPORTANT,

Feferi frowned at the handle, only vaguely familiar to her. A press of a button made the screen light up and suddenly she saw the text in its native brown; understanding blossomed as she realized who the writer had to be.

CC: O)(!!!  
CC: It's Tavros, rig)(t? Aradia's old friend?  
CC: )(ow can I kelp you?

It was hard to type while lying on her back, even though that had been her favorite computing position back on Alternia. Feferi reminded herself that everyone had to put up with gravity as she pushed herself upright against the headboard, eyes adjusting to the light of the cellphone shining up at her.

AT: oH, WOW,  
AT: yOU, ACTUALLY, REPLIED TO ME,  
AT: tHAT IS NOT A THING, WHICH i WAS REALLY EXPECTING, TO HAPPEN?  
AT: eR,  
CC: You WANT-ED to glub wit)( SOLLUX, rig)(t?  
CC: I can try and get to )(im for you, but I'm afraid )(e's being a COMPL-ET--E GLUBBING LIMP---ET at t)(e minnowment.  
CC: )(ON-ESTLY, if I try knocking on )(is door I'm not sure )(e'll -EV---EN ANGL---ER!!! 38C  
AT: oH,,,  
AT: aRE YOU OKAY?

Feferi blinked in genuine surprise. Sure, she had let her feelings run away from her a little- but she hadn't been expecting concern from a troll she barely knew.

CC: I  
CC: Not reely.  
CC: But it's not)(ing t)(at AN-EMON-E needs to flounder about! 38D  
AT: sORRY, BUT,  
AT: i DON'T THINK, THAT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, IS A TRUE THING,  
CC: W)(Y? Because I'm t)(e GLUBBING )(-EIR—ESS?  
CC: B-ECARP MY PROBL--EMS B-ELONG TO T)(E W)(OL--E WORLD, RIG)(T!?!  
AT: nO,  
AT: bECAUSE, PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU, ARE PROBABLY WORRIED, BECAUSE OF NOT WANTING YOU TO BE, UM, UNHAPPY?  
AT: i THINK THAT IS, ACTUALLY, QUITE A LOT OF PEOPLE,  
AT: aND, EVEN THOUGH i DON'T REALLY, KNOW YOU,  
AT: i THINK I MIGHT BE ONE OF THEM A LITTLE, SO IF THERE IS ANYTHING, WHICH i CAN DO, THAT WILL HELP,  
AT: i WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT? }:)

A sudden bubble in her throat told Feferi that she wasn't as all cried out as she had believed herself to be, and she quickly swallowed it back down. For a moment she was tempted to actually spill her problems to Tavros- just to tell someone how difficult it was being in charge of everything all the time, and how horrible and confusing it had all become with Sollux- but she shook her head. That was just ridiculous! Maybe she would have discussed some of it with Karkat- he was terribly keen on quadranty business, and it had been great fun watching all those romance films with him in the mansion- but Sollux was probably talking to him right now and she didn't want to get in the middle of that!

No, in the end it all went back to one cause anyway, and she just wanted things to go back to normal.

CC: I don't reely t)(ink you CAN help, unless you're working on a plan to find Aradia and bring )(er )(ome SAF-E!  
AT: aHA, HA, YES,,,  
AT: i MEAN, YES, THAT IS A THOUGHT WHICH IS AMUSING, IN ITS UNLIKELINESS,  
AT: nOT YES, i AM PLANNING TO RESCUE aRADIA,

The corners of Feferi's mouth quirked up. She'd spoken to hundreds, probably even thousands of trolls in her life, but she couldn't remember one as endearingly awkward as Tavros. She tried to think back- had she talked to him before? He'd been around at the hospital- and earlier, when they were sorting out that mess with the Ringmaster. She had a vague memory of being introduced to a snub-nosed boy in a wheelchair, with horns wider than his wheelbase. She couldn't remember what she had said, which meant she had probably stuck to a few polite formalities. Thinking back on it now, she thought he might have been just as stilted in person as he was over Pesterchum.

CC: W)(AL-E, in that case I s)(ould go and try Sollux for you!  
CC: I wouldn't )(old out much )(ope, though, not if )(e K--E--EPS being DIFFICULT. 38/

The small spike of bitterness was impossible to hide, not least from herself. Feferi sighed, and tried not to dwell on it. It wasn't like Sollux wanted to hurt her. The cellphone buzzed again and she looked down to check Tavros' message.

AT: tHAT IS, STILL MORE, THAN i WAS REELY EXPECTING, SO, THANK YOU,  
AT: }:)

Feferi glubbed in surprise, then held her hand to her mouth to suppress the giggle that was trying to work its way out. It wasn't like it was a great fish pun, but he had picked up on her quirk and reflected it back, and it was just nice to have someone notice how she was feeling and try to cheer her up. The Mother Grub and all her spawn knew that Feferi had few enough friends to rely on. She dropped the cellphone on the bed before leaving to go to Sollux. On the off-chance he did answer, she didn't want anything that could potentially interrupt.

Her moirail's door was still closed and she stood outside it for a minute, listening to the sound of muted voices that drifted up from below with the dull orange light. Feferi didn't touch the light switch in the corridor, welcoming the cool darkness as she put her palm and her cheek against the warm wood of the door.

"Sollux?" she said, just loud enough to carry into the room beyond. There was no reply, and she tried again. "Sollux?"

She thought that maybe she could make out the squeak of furniture, the rustle of bedclothes moving. Her claws bit into the wood, scarring a surface that already bore a few dents from temper tantrums past. Nobody could say that a house full of stressed-out Alternians was easy on the woodwork.

"Sollux, I know you don't want to talk to me right now." Admitting it was another little stab through her blood-pusher, but those were getting less and less painful- was that what had happened to the Condesce, to her ancestor, an infinite lifetime of growing numbness to protect her from the pain?- and she dove on regardless. "But I just glubbed with Tavros, and he's been trying to catch you for a while." She hesitated again, but no response. "He says it's important," she added, not holding out much hope.

The silence wasn't surprising. Feferi sighed and turned her head, resting her forehead against the door and bringing her other hand up so that she was leaning against it. The angle of her neck was a little uncomfortable because her horns were in the way, but with her eyes closed she could almost imagine Sollux on the other side of the door in the same position, the two of them lined up perfectly and almost touching. She smiled, imagining the warmth of his hands on her own.

Gradually, she became aware of the fact that the warmth wasn't her imagination, that something on the other side of her eyelids was glowing with a dim but nearby light. Her eyes flew open, her head tilting slightly, and Feferi let out a small glub when she saw the faint nimbus of red energy surrounding her left hand. Her eyes flicked to the right, where an otherwise identical blue glow twined between her fingers, and felt tears welling up. She bit her lip, determined not to say anything that could spook Sollux or make him break off the contact. Instead she lined her head up again, let it rest against the patch of warm wood ahead of her, and focused on the tendrils of psionic energy that were running along her arms and across the back of her neck. They weren't like hands, not exactly, but she could feel Sollux in them and she knew without even seeing him that his face was at least as tear-stained as her own.

Then something touched the side of her mouth, a gentle pressure that felt like a soft, pale kiss, and she let out a surprised glub. The misty lights that had been caressing her vanished in an instant, switching off like an electric light. There was a clatter on the other side of the door, and Feferi stepped back from it, rubbing her right arm with the other hand. Something dribbled down her chin, and she touched it; her finger came away Tyrian and her lip throbbed where she touched it, bitten through. She stood in the hallway for what felt like an age, arms wrapped around herself as she stared at Sollux's door, before she could bring herself to head back towards Aradia's room.

Her footsteps echoed.

Feferi stopped dead and looked over her shoulder. The corridor was dark, long, and empty. Frowning, Feferi started walking again- and froze when the same noise sounded alongside her footsteps. The hallway was full of soft things, carpets and cushioned chairs, and it had never echoed before. The only reason she could hear her own feet fall was that it was so quiet up here right now. And yet- Feferi took another exploratory step, and fear churned in her digestive sac as she heard the sound of a foot falling on carpeted floorboards a fraction of a second before her own touched the ground. 

She wasn't going to be caught out easily, though; she hesitated, still not looking behind her, and took a deep breath. Then she whirled and charged, hurtling along the upstairs corridor at a speed that had to be seen to be believed. Underwater she would have been faster, would have had her double-headed trident, would have been an unstoppable force. Here she was merely lethally fast and murderously strong.

The footsteps shadowed her own as she charged, but it wasn't until she neared the end of the corridor that Feferi saw a flicker of movement, a shadow that flitted into the master suite. She didn't stop as she barreled into the room and her eyes instantly picked out the shape of someone unfamiliar silhouetted by the window, someone short-statured and long-haired in the shadows. Feferi's glare narrowed as she dived forward, claws latching onto the intruder's arm.

Or trying to, because as soon as her fingers made contact the loose cloth fluttered and drifted aside. Feferi stumbled, almost crashing headlong into the bathrobe draped across the back of the chair and knocking the dark towel on top of it to the floor. Her head snapped around instantly, looking for the stranger, but now that she was no longer running and her sight had adjusted to the greater gloom in here, she couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Well, unless you counted the lack of mess. Doctor Lalonde had moved back into the master bedroom when Grandpa left to take care of some business issues, and although Feferi wasn't great at picking up after herself even she had to admit the human woman tended to leave a trail of empty bottles, glasses, and crumpled notes in her wake.

There were only two reasons the entire house wasn't gills-deep in detritus by now. The first was that Doctor Lalonde occasionally had a bout of what Rose called her "ironic housewife routine", although Feferi thought that maybe it was more the sporadic desire to clean up for her kids and be a good lusus that got to the woman. The second was the small school of cleaners that came in weekly to tidy up after the household.

Apparently a house this size would usually have at least a full-time housekeeper, but neither Grandpa nor Doctor Lalonde employed one. Much to Eridan's annoyance the old man considered self-sufficiency to be a vital ingredient in building character, although Feferi suspected he wouldn't have reacted much better to having more people around even if being waited on hand and foot was "in keepin' with our noble fuckin' dignity as aristocrats". Doctor Lalonde made far more concessions, with gardeners and cleaners and a chauffeur, but she was still adamantly opposed to the idea of anything more. Feferi hadn't worked out why, exactly, and when she asked Rose the reply had been several convoluted minutes of explanation adding up to "I don't know and I don't trust it".

A sudden breeze puffed through the open window, making the curtains flutter. As Feferi walked over to close it, movement in the garden below caught her eye. She glanced down to see a lone figure walking along the edge of the lawn. She squinted, her eyes having trouble over the distance of clear air, but she relaxed when she saw that the woman was dressed in the uniform of the gardening service and carrying a shovel over one shoulder. She was clearly a troll, the working at night and the horns made that abundantly clear, but from this angle Feferi didn't recognize her and couldn't pick out a symbol on her clothes. Not that it mattered. There was no way the gardener down below could be the person she chased into the master suite- a psychic would have given themselves away with a glow, and nobody else would have been able to get down so fast.

Feferi turned away from the window and, grabbing an empty wine bottle for a weapon, she crept up on the bathroom door. Nothing in the en-suite moved as she shouldered the door open, but she briefly menaced the bathtub and the cabinet behind the door with the bottle anyway. Back in the bedroom, she checked the closets and under the bed, and found nothing. By the time she set the bottle aside and climbed back to her feet, she was feeling pretty stupid. Honestly- she thought she heard footsteps, imagined she saw someone move, mistook a bathrobe for a person in the dark, and started poking at shadows!

Shaking her head at her own silliness, Feferi exited the master suite and pulled the door gently shut behind herself. She kept her ears pricked up as she walked back to the other end of the house, but no echo dogged her footsteps this time; she barely even paused at all when she passed by Sollux's door. She made a brief detour to the room she shared with Kanaya to grab her laptop- she might be hiding out, but that was no reason to be bored, after all! When she got back to Aradia's room her cellphone was still lying on the bed exactly where she had left it, surrounded by the dark and silent machines that had once monitored the other girl's survival. The screen was glowing with line after line of brown text; Feferi dropped onto the mattress next to it and picked it up to look.

AT: oKAY, UM, i AM NOW THINKING, THAT MAYBE i OFFENDED YOU,  
AT: aND i WOULD, UH, LIKE TO SAY, THAT i AM SORRY, FOR MAKING THE, ER, PUN,  
AT: bECAUSE, UM, I DON'T KNOW YOU, ALL THAT WELL,  
AT: aND SO THAT WAS, MAYBE NOT, A VERY APPROPRIATE THING, TO BE DOING,  
AT: SO,  
AT: UH,  
AT: i GUESS, THAT i AM APOLOGISING, FOR THAT,  
AT: BUT IF YOU, UM, DON'T FEEL LIKE FORGIVING ME, THEN i THINK THAT, IS SOMETHING, i UNDERSTAND,  
AT: sO i WILL JUST, GO NOW,  
AT: aND YOU CAN, TALK TO ME, IF YOU WANT TO,  
AT: BUT IF YOU, ER, DON'T,  
AT: THEN THAT IS, i SUPPOSE, OKAY, AS WELL?  
\-- adiosToreador [AT] is an idle chum! --

Feferi's eyes went round. Oh, no! He'd been so nice to her- she hadn't meant to upset him!

CC: Tavros? Are you still t)(ere?  
CC: I'm SO SORRY I left you FLOUND--ERING like t)(at!  
CC: I promise I'm not mad at you, not at ALL! I R---E---ELY LIK-ED your pun, and I know it wasn't manatee *T)(AT* wave!  
CC: I just left to find Sole-lux for you, but he's still being a TOTAL )(ALIBUT and )(e won't talk to me AT EEL! 38C  
CC: But YOU )(aven't done ANC)(ORT)(ING to upset M-E!  
AT: oKAY, WELL THEN,  
AT: i AM GLAD, TO HEAR THAT, IN THAT CASE,,  
AT: sO THANK YOU, VERY MUCH, FOR TRYING?  
CC: No, T)(ANK YOU!!  
CC: I t)(ink I N-E-ED-ED to )(ear from SOM---EON---E, and you've been WOND---ERBUBBL--E!!! 38D  
CC: In fact

Feferi hesitated. It was late, and she wasn't sure whether it was okay to even ask...

The tree outside the window rattled, and the thought of a whole night spent alone with her own head for company made Feferi shiver.

CC: Would it be okay if I asked you to stay just a LITTL---E while longer?  
CC: For the company?

She worried at her lip and tasted blood as the split reopened.

AT: tHAT, WOULD BE, OKAY WITH ME,  
AT: uM,  
AT: i WAS GOING, TO WATCH, A MOVIE,  
AT: sO i SUPPOSE, DO YOU WANT, TO WATCH IT, UM, WITH ME?  
CC: SHOR---E! What is it?  
\-- adiosToreador [AT] sent link http://www.TheIFA/Disney/PeterPan/ at 02:13 --  
AT: iT IS CALLED, PETER PAN,  
AT: aND IT IS, A LOT LIKE PUPA, IF YOU LIKE THAT,  
AT: bUT IF YOU DON'T, THAT IS OKAY, TOO,

Feferi giggled and opened the link on her laptop, finding that it led to some sort of online entertainment feed database. It took subscriptions, but from the looks of things the mansion was already paid up and logged in. Whether that was the work of Sollux or Doctor Lalonde, Feferi didn't particularly care; it would let her watch movies with her new friend, and that was all that mattered.

CC: I used to LOV-E Pupa w)(en I was a wiggler!  
AT: oKAY, THAT IS GOOD, THEN,  
AT: }:D

Feferi layered the movie over the chat window and settled back on the bed to watch as a dainty castle drew itself on-screen. She recognized the Disney logo, but this one seemed rougher and older than the one she was used to. Her phone screen flashed from time to time to let her know she had new messages from adiosToreador, and Feferi let out a small sigh of relief. It was good to have someone there with her, even from far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Sollux continues to be a dumbass and a very bad day gets to everyone.
> 
> Also, I totally made up that film database. Just to be clear. I also made up a bunch of fish puns, a fact of which I am inordinately proud.


	13. ==> Be The Brazen Brother

### CHAPTER TWELVE ==> Be The Brazen Brother

Gamzee Makara watched as the minute hand of the clock ticked a notch closer to the end of school- motherfucking miracle, those round human clocks, making it seem like the same time was getting recycled over and over again- then glanced at Karkat, adding a couple more little touches to the sketch on his writing pad. He tried to make his peeking stealthy, but his moirail sensed that he was being looked at anyway. Karkat’s head snapped up from the math problem which he had been glowering at with all the beautiful miracle ferocity he had in him. Gamzee grinned as the other troll leaned over from the next desk, and tried to act like he hadn't been doing anything worth mentioning.

"The fuck is this?" Karkat whispered in Alternian, jabbing a finger down on the offending pad. Gamzee looked down at his picture as if surprised to see it there, how did that motherfucker even come into being, and shrugged.

"Picture of you, bro," he whispered back. Karkat's eyebrows snapped together like they were little soldiers saluting on parade.

"This is a fucking math class, you moron!" he hissed. "Where's your work?" Gamzee watched, slightly sheepish as his moirail started shoving at the paper scattered across Gamzee's desk, uncovering page after page of smudged pencil sketches. Karkat growled quietly, a low, thrumming sound. "Holy grubfucking cultcullers, have you even been _trying_ the exercises?"

Gamzee reached out and shuffled his sketches back into some kind of order, which was a fine excuse for not really meeting Karkat's gaze. "I dunno, bro, all them little digits and symbols and shit- it was kinda making my pan ache just getting my think on about them numerical miracles, you know?" He felt a little bad about ignoring the lesson he was sitting in, but he’d thought that since they had the wicked miracle that was Art Class on human schoolfeeding programs then it wouldn’t be exactly like not-working if he was doing things that were good for one class in a different one.

From the way he was gaping Karkat didn’t feel the same way, his jaw dangling for a few precious seconds before springing back into life. "You are un-be-fucking-lievable," he hissed, glaring at Gamzee and leaning half out of his seat. "Half a summer of tortuous daily tuition with little miss "knows everything and won't shut up" and her friend "everything is interesting, fuckass", and you barely fucking scraped through the placement tests as it was! And now, what, you're planning to fail dismally at learning anything that isn't doodling in the margins and getting held back a grade?" He stabbed a finger at his own pages, covered in neat lines of blocky text interspersed with the occasional furious crossing-out. "I have been working my gluteal muscle clusters off trying to get my head around this inane human counting system and how to use it to achieve anything of any actual mathematical value. If you can't keep up I'm not fucking waiting for you, you bone-idle grubmunch!"

"I didn't never all up and be asking..." Gamzee began, trailing off as he heard footsteps approach. He and Karkat both looked up at the same moment, turning their heads to look all guilty-like at the teacher standing over them, arms folded.

"Sounds like an interesting conversation," Mr Hall said mildly, like he wasn't in the least bit cross at their blatant disrespect for his schoolfeeding. "Would you boys care to share with the rest of us what exactly is so enthralling?"

Gamzee didn't need to see John turned around in his seat shaking his head and making slicing gestures with his hands to know that as offers go, this was one motherfucker best left alone. Karkat made a few spluttering sounds, nothing that could be called concrete words, and the math teacher ignored him in favor of leaning over Gamzee's desk and examining the sketches that littered it. Gamzee grinned at him sheepishly, because really, what else was a motherfucker supposed to do when he got himself well and truly caught?

"I see," said Mr Hall, stepping back from the desk. "Well, Gamzee, Karkat, since you're clearly so familiar with the subject that you have no need to pay attention in class, I'm sure neither of you will object if I give you some extra homework."

Karkat's head hit the desk with a thud and a few people around the room tittered. Gamzee grinned uncertainly at the teacher, who sighed and turned back towards his desk.

“I want everyone to do exercises one, four and six from page one eighty-nine,” he said, loud enough for the whole class to hear clearly. “Unless your name happens to be Karkat Vantas or Gamzee Makara, in which case you are to do all of the questions on page one eighty-nine.” The teacher reached his desk and turned around just as the loud rattling ring of a bell echoed through the building. The room filled immediately with the babble of voices and the scrape of chairs as every student grabbed for their bag and set eyes on the door.

“Homework is due next class! There will be detentions for anyone who doesn’t at least attempt all the exercises set!” Mr Hall had raised his voice to be heard over the racket but Gamzee didn’t pay any attention. He was too busy shoving his textbook into his bookbag and racing after John, who was setting some kind of record for getting out of class before the bell was being done.

The corridors were packed and Gamzee made sure to reach back and grab Karkat’s hand, knowing that his palebro didn’t handle crowds well. It wasn’t much of a long walk to the parking lot, especially since they weren’t going by their lockers, but Gamzee still had to focus on not losing his shit when he bumped into people. Jostling was getting more common by the day as the humans got used to having trolls in their midst. It made things harder for Karkat, but Gamzee was secretly glad; he was meant to take his pills with meals, and food didn't come much further away than at the end of school. Getting his ass bumped into was making him all kinds of jumpy, but it wasn't nearly so bad as everyone staring at him like he was some kind of FREAK when he was up to knowing the wicked truth where he was all kinds of MOTHERFUCKING BETTER THAN THEM...

Karkat squeezed his hand, and Gamzee took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it out. Bad day but nothing he couldn't handle, although he still felt a pang of loss when he thought of how chill a motherfucker he'd been when he had his pies. An answering growl deep in his bones reminded him of why those pies had been a really bad idea, and he turned his attention back to the time and place he was in. They stepped outside; the cooling air on his face was welcome, and Gamzee turned his head out into the breeze to let it all blow away the bad feelings inside him. John had vanished off somewhere, and beside him he could hear Karkat stomping around and muttering shit about _trusting fucking incomprehensibly alien monkeygrubs to tie their own shoelaces with passing competence._

It didn’t sound like Karkat's actual problem was what Karkat was making all that noise about, so Gamzee opened his eyes and took a step in front of his moirail to block his pacing. The other troll stopped and glared up at him, fit to set something on fire with the power of his motherfucking ganderbulbs alone.

“What do you want now, you panless piece of circus detritus?” Karkat snapped.

“Just wondering if this motherfucker’s gotta be all up and getting his pale on, is all,” Gamzee said. He reached out to brush a stray curl out of Karkat’s eyes, and his moirail caught the wrist with a snort.

“I’m fine, fuckass,” he said, scowl deepening. “I mean, sure, I’m nervous. I’d have to be an utter shitlicking moron to not be nervous right now, which probably explains why you and Egbert are fine. I doubt either of you has ever regretted agreeing to do anything ever in your entire lives. You are completely without shame- especially you, your entire life is a deliberate and focused attempt to mortify me with the things that escape from your unregulated windhole."

A sharp pang stabbed through Gamzee’s bloodpusher. "I dunno, best friend. There's been one or two things I wouldn't all up and mind as being able to take the motherfuck back."

Karkat stared at him for a moment before flushing red and dropping his eyes. "Shit. Sorry. I didn't fucking mean..."

"Shoosh." Gamzee wrapped his arms around his palebro, smiling as he let his cheek rest on the top of Karkat's head for a few precious seconds. "Ain't nothing." He waited until Karkat's arms snuck around his waist, holding him about the middle. "You know, we ain't got to do this if you ain't all up and being no kinds of down with it. Pretty sure Jadesis will kick that Strider motherfucker's ass until he's all up and giving you that DVD and shit."

Karkat sighed into Gamzee's upper thorax. "It's not about the fucking DVD, asshat. Come on, I'm the one on probation here. You think I'm going to risk my freedom for a grubsdamned _movie,_ even if it is signed by the only human on this ass-backwards planet who can actually act?"

Gamzee shrugged. "I dunno, bro, you all up and seemed pretty fired up on it."

"That was a bluff, you sponge-panned slime pustule,” Karkat said, tilting his head back to glare at Gamzee. "I mean, sure, I was fucking pissed that he would pull that, but you saw how John was. How he is. He thinks this is some sort of hilarious funtime adventure, and he's going to get shot right in his ridiculous prankster's gambit if someone doesn’t look out for him."

Gamzee was about to ask about why Karkat thought he had to be that someone, when he was interrupted by the arrival of a battered-looking blue truck. It tore round the corner of the building and lurched to a halt in front of them; one of the windows, covered with dusty streaks, wound down to reveal John sitting in the passenger space. He leaned out and jerked a thumb towards the empty back seats.

“Look, guys, I got us a lift!” he said, grinning. Beside him, a girl Gamzee sort of knew from class- Haley, that was it- leaned over and gave them a look that didn't seem at all impressed.

Karkat made a high-pitched whining sound; a glance at his moirail told Gamzee that it was time to give Karkat a reassuring pap on the back, and he promptly did so. It must have been a real motherfucking bitchtits pap, too, because of how it shook Karkat's face out of being frozen up and twitching into being full of motion and noisy again.

"ARE YOU COMPLETELY GRUBFUCKING INSANE!" he bellowed, then seemed to remember that just because all the students had bugged out that didn't mean there were no teachers in earshot. He took a deep breath and quieted his voice down to normal shouting volume. "You know what, you must be, because this is so far beyond any semblance of sense and sanity that it's sending back star charts of the unfathomable snarls of reality out on the edge of the known universe and fondling its own bulge from the unbearable pressure of isolation! It has long since given up on ever returning to the realms of the comprehensible and rational; it's making a fucking probe from its own stinking fecal material to fire off in the vague hope that some of its findings will reach civilization, but they will not. They will veer wildly off-course and fall into the gravity well of an immense dying star, burning up in its flaming corona and spreading fragments of insufferable crap across an entire stellar sector, where newly-evolving races will encounter them and declare them to be the very essence of lunacy fallen from the heavens above!"

"Karkat-" Gamzee began, seeing that John was looking a bit pale and not in any kind of awesome being romantic way, and that Haley was hunched over the steering wheel looking the same way Gamzee knew he did when people started saying things he didn't like right up in his face.

"Oh, I am not done," the angry troll snapped. "Because I am going to explain this to Egbert, who apparently is lacking in the common sense to realize the completely fucking obvious: if you are planning to do something that is definitely and flagrantly ILLEGAL, you do not, under ANY FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCES, ADVERTISE IT!"

It would have been possible to hear a pin dropping in the silence.

“Maybe you should shut the fuck up,” said Haley, a rough edge on her voice. “I don't give a shit what you think; I was actually there when John got the message from his friend, and I’m the one with the fucking truck, and unless you two have any actual experience, I’m the one who knows shit about breaking into places, so that pretty much makes the two of you no use at all!”

Karkat narrowed his eyes at her. “Hey, guess what? We do have some actual relevant experience! We’ve broken into places before too, asswad.”

Gamzee stayed silent, not wanting to bust up his bro's bluff. He only remembered breaking into one place and although his thoughts on that were jumbled and shaky as fuck he was pretty sure it hadn't been any kind of deliberate attempt on their part. He was also uncomfortably certain that Crocker factories were a whole motherfucking load harder to get into than malls.

"Successfully?" the girl asked, sprouting a mocking smirk. Karkat didn’t say anything, and Gamzee knew he had to be looking guilty himself on account of how he did happen to have some pretty fucking clear memories of them getting their asses caught by mall security. It was a legit motherfucking miracle that had kept them from getting handed over to the cops that night.

It was John who broke the uncomfortable silence piling up around them. “It’s okay, really. She saw Dave's email asking me to do this and she’s been really helpful!” He looked between them, one to the other, smiling bright enough to burn. “Haley, don't mind Karkat. He's just being all grumpy; it means he likes you really."

"I don't fucking like her," Karkat snapped, stepping up to the back door of the truck and yanking it open. "We are going to get our collective asses sent to human prison, and it is going to be your fault, Egbert. You and Strider, anyway." He all up and scooted across the car, wedging himself into the corner and beckoning to Gamzee. "Maybe we can just blame this entire idiotic escapade on that arrogant douchemuffin and he can have all of our punishments."

"That's not how the law works, dumbass," said Haley. Gamzee winced as he fought to wedge himself into the car, because he didn't think there was any way anyone could make themselves more of an annoyance to his moirail. Sure enough, Karkat glared at the back of her head while he leaned over to close the door. Gamzee tried to get out of his way, but the truth of it was that there was no easy way to fit a motherfucker with horns like his into a car. He accidentally tore up a couple of bits of upholstery- not that anyone was going to notice.

Haley wasn't a safe or considerate driver, not with how her foot was hitting the accelerator, and since they weren't wearing seatbelts Karkat and Gamzee ended up getting thrown around quite a bit in the back. Karkat at least was held in place by Gamzee, but then Gamzee rolled his ass off the seats and landed with a thump on something metal and heavy. Thanking the miracles of blood that made him hard to damage, Gamzee prodded the box.

"What's this all up and being?" he asked, ignoring Karkat's attempts to grab him back up to the seat.

"My dad's lockbox," said Haley. "We got all kinds of tools, crowbars and a slim-jim and shit. Not that we should need them, but better fucking prepared, right?"

Karkat dragged Gamzee back up to lie across his lap, and folded his arms. "Really? And what's your human dad going to say when he finds his shit missing?"

"Not much." Haley glanced back over her shoulder to smirk. "He's still in jail, asswad."

"The road!" yelled John, and there was another sharp swerve. This time Karkat caught Gamzee before he could fall, cursing something wicked but not as much as Haley. John all turned and grinned at them.

"See, I said Haley could help!" he said.

"Yeah, she's a real fucking master criminal!" Karkat yelled. "Do we even have a plan, or is the plan to suck engorged hairy human bulges at this so hard that the forces of justice take pity on our pathetic fumbling and wrap us up in air-inflated blister packaging material for our own infantile good?"

Haley snickered. "That's a pretty fucking accurate description, Mister Alien. You spent much time sucking human dick?"

"I refuse to even dignify that musclebeast shit with a response," Karkat said through gritted teeth. Gamzee reached over and patted his moirail's arm for reassurance.

"You just di-id," Haley sang, and Karkat lunged. Gamzee's hand closed around his wrist and the two of them ended up piled on top of one another in the footwell, which wasn't comfortable, especially not with the metal box down there. John looked down at them in what was most likely concern.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked. Gamzee gave a wonky thumbs-up; Karkat's elbow stuck into his lower thorax as the smaller troll levered himself back onto the seats.

"No injuries," he said. "But if you can shut your girlfriend up, do it before she inflicts permanent and incurable damage onto my thinkpan."

John's face turned bright motherfucking red, which was cheery-looking. "She's not my girlfriend!" he said. "But, um- Haley, that's probably enough? Can you, I dunno, lay off Karkat for a bit?"

"Pfft." The car swerved again, interrupting Gamzee's attempt to get back up on the seat with his moirail. "I wasn't even doing anything, just letting him be a shithead. But whatever. We're here."

The roof of the truck was just high enough to let Gamzee peek out of the side window and see that they were pulling into the shade under a tree. There didn't look to be anything else around, and Gamzee let his head slump back down, puzzled. "This ain't the motherfucking factory," he said, remembering how that big red monster of a building loomed over the whole suburb and figuring it would be obvious up close.

John giggled, getting out of the truck and going round open the door by Gamzee's feet. "Well, we've got to make some plans first, right? And it would be kind of dumb just to walk in while everyone's still working in there."

"Great," Karkat grumbled, shuffling after Gamzee who was wriggling his way out of the car, as awkward as he had been getting in. "Glad to know we're not completely grubfucking insane. Just mostly. For the sphincter-clenching, unasked for love of all forsaken and unspeakable horrors of the deep, tell me that this hilarious fucking comedy of a caper plan at least included some basic recon."

"Don't be such a baby," said Haley, sliding out of the truck after them. "It's a fucking factory, not Fort Knox. Me and my brother used to break in up there all the time when I was a kid, just for shits and giggles. It was like, this whole rite of passage thing with the kids he hung round with."

"Sounds like they were a fucking riot," Karkat said. "No, really. An actual riot, with weapons and mass cullings. Why the fuck are you here again?"

"Because she wants to help us!" John said. "Look, guys, Dave says that him and his buddies really need this information, and I owe him big-time after what happened this summer." He up and looked at Karkat, face serious and sad in a way Gamzee didn't ever remember seeing it before. "And I don't know if it matters to you, but you kind of do as well."

Karkat hunched over, folded up on his arms. "I know!" he snapped, then more gently; "I know." He sighed and looked over to Gamzee, who shrugged. It wasn't down to him to know what was going through someone else's thinking with no words said. "Trust me," Karkat said, turning himself back to face John. "I'm eager as anyone to get rid of any hold that pretentious fucking douche has over me, and I know that we need help for this. But I'd like to know why that help is actually helping before I welcome them to my heaving mammalian bosom as the savior of my sorry ass."

"Maybe I just like to rescue helpless losers," Haley said. "Or maybe it sounded like fun." Her eyes flicked over to John and she smirked, causing the boy to turn red with embarrassment again. "Maybe a dork who goes away to LA and comes back chill as fuck with two space aliens isn't such a dork after all."

John gave Haley a broad grin and she returned the smile, a cocky grin that managed to look sweet and genuine on her. Gamzee wished he'd remembered to charge his cellphone; he wanted to take a picture and send it to Nepeta, because he knew she would get a kick out of seeing something so wicked flushed and heartwarming. He still owed his kittysister some motherfucking joy for all he'd done to her and hers.

Karkat didn't seem to be impressed though; he snorted and sat down next to the tree. "So our collective fate hinges on the whims of your inexplicable alien mating rituals. You'll have to forgive me for not being overcome with boundless fucking enthusiasm."

Gamzee settled in next to his palebro, and John dropped his ass back down on the passenger seat with his legs dangling out of the truck. "Actually, we do have a plan," John said. "Tell them, Haley!"

Haley smirked then grabbed a stick from off the ground, using it to scratch out some shapes in the loose dust and earth underfoot. "So, here's the factory," she said, tapping the rectangle she'd made. "And this here-" she added a couple lines- "is the loading door, for trucks and shit." She tapped the line representing the wall of the factory. "There's a smaller door here, for people, which is meant to be kept closed and locked but isn't because half the fucking factory uses it to go smoke in the parking lot. We can get in the building that way."

Gamzee leaned forward to examine the picture. It wasn't complicated, but something about it was bugging him something wicked.

"How are we going to get from the loading area to wherever it is they keep their files?" Karkat asked, putting a voice to the problem.

"Fire doors," said Haley. "The whole building has them so people can get out, but they're designed so you can open them in an emergency." She snickered and scuffed out the crude map with her foot. "It's a fucking cakewalk."

John laughed at that; Haley stepped back over towards him and leaned against the truck. "Any questions? We've got a couple hours."

Karkat glared at her something fierce, but didn't say anything. Instead he grabbed his schoolbag, yanking it open like he would rather be eviscerating someone and tugging out a huge math textbook and a tupperware box.

"Come on, you sideshow reject," he said to Gamzee. "We should at least try and make a dent in this teetering mountain of shit. Maybe some of it will sink in if I personally hammer it into your thinkpan, although if it did that would be an event so astronomically faint in its unlikeliness that we might have to record it in stone for posterity."

Haley laughed. "Homework? La-ame."

Gamzee patted Karkat when his best friend started glowering at the human girl again, then curled himself up next to his moirail and did his best to wrap his sponge lobes around the motherfucking miracles of mathematics. It was an effort that all too quickly became Karkat cursing at the book and doing those arduous motherfucking problems while Gamzee doodled in the margins and ate the contents of the tupperware box along with one of his pills. He'd managed to understand how putting a one next to a nothing made a number which wasn't one nor nothing, but remembering what that number was took a bit more thought than he liked using. Drawing was different and he was glad inside when he'd done it; Gamzee wasn't used to being good at anything that wasn't a bad thing to be good at, and sometimes a motherfucker just had to be chill with the skills he had.

John and Haley spent their time talking, too low for Gamzee to hear except for the occasional burst of laughter, until the sky had turned itself dark and they were all sitting in the shadows that had crawled their way out of the abyss and across the world. Gamzee could feel the dark parts inside of him turning out to welcome the night, like they belonged in the tenebrous gloom. The pill he'd taken earlier churned the food over in his digestive sack, and he excused himself to wander a little way off, claiming he needed to empty out his waste bladder. It was lucky humans couldn't see too well in the dark; Gamzee wandered out of earshot, far enough that only Karkat would be able to see him, and barely had time to check that his moirail was still safely behind the tree before he threw up. His dinner didn't taste so great coming up the other way, and he made sure to wipe off any traces of vomit with a tissue before heading back. Karkat and John would just worry about him if they knew the pills were making him sick, but short of not taking them Gamzee didn't see what could be done. The nausea was better than the voices. He nodded to John as soon as he was close enough, and wasn't surprised when the human nodded back.

“Time to go,” John said, and for once he wasn't smiling. Karkat nodded and tucked his homework away. Gamzee tucked his sketches safe in the back of his textbook where they wouldn't get smudged up and followed his brothers back to the truck. John waited until Gamzee was settled tight in back before closing the door and then they were off, driving through streets that looked different from their daytime selves. It was the streetlights, Gamzee decided, watching the upside-down fragments of the world as they flashed by. Those motherfuckers took the wholesome darkness then shattered it, making it riotous pattern of light and darkness that was inverted in meaning and yet the same grievous fearsome thing for human and trollkind both.

Noticing the tone of his thoughts, Gamzee considered that he should probably have tried harder to keep his medicine down. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head sink into his palebro's lap like it was the softest of pillows. Karkat scratched at the tight knot between Gamzee's eyebrows, which was seriously comforting and not any kind of bad way to pass a journey.

Gamzee opened his eyes again when he felt the truck stopping, and through the window over his head he could see that they were in the shadow- what there was of it in the dark- of the Crocker factory. For one crazy-ass moment it reminded him of some of the movies he'd seen in half-dozing fragments back when he was a wiggler on Alternia, ones where the characters were pulling their heroic moves in shipyards under the shadow of immense battleships. The thought didn't give any good feelings, and he shivered when John helped him out of the truck again; maybe he was finally getting some of that nervousness Karkat had been talking about earlier.

Haley reached past him to grab the metal box of tools out of the back of the car, then rested it on the back seat to open it and pull out two pairs of gloves. She passed one set to John and put the others on before giving Gamzee and Karkat some thoughtful appraising.

“I don't have more gloves, so try not to touch anything,” she said. “If aliens have fingerprints, that is.”

“Try not to touch anything,” Karkat echoed. “This just gets better all the fucking time, doesn't it?”

“It's okay, you can carry the files out!” John said, grinning as he pulled his gloves on. “It doesn't matter if we get fingerprints on those, right?”

“Nope,” said Haley, turning herself towards the building and pointing to a rectangle of pale gray metal in all the red stone. “There, the loading door. Come on!”

She was running across the parking lot before anyone else could react, and with a shrug John set off after her. Gamzee looked over at Karkat.

“Sure you want to be doing this, best friend?”

“No,” said Karkat, walking after the two humans at a faster pace than his usual. Gamzee followed him, head swinging about back and forth to track every little sound; even though it was quieter than the day, the night was grievous disorderly, and Gamzee didn't know what all the things making the noises were.

He nearly jumped clean out of his own skin when bright white light flooded the near area, and looked around wildly for whoever had hit the switch.

“It's automatic!” Haley called, pointing to the light over her head. She was standing by a small door next to the big door, three steps up from the ground. She hadn't been false or truthless about that motherfucker being open, either- Gamzee could see the corner resting on a half-brick even from where he was standing.

“It's fine, come on!” the girl called, pushing the door open and ducking inside. John waited for Karkat and Gamzee to catch up, holding the door for them so they wouldn't have to touch it, and Gamzee stepped past him to get into the factory proper.

His ganderbulbs took a moment to adjust, but once they did he could see that they were in a room which was all concrete and stone. A line of three big trucks waited, filling the space, and a wall on the other side was full of big doors covered with flaps of clear plastic. Everywhere there were boxes and bands, and Gamzee stepped around some discarded lumps of wood lying on the floor to get to where Haley was waiting.

“This way,” she whispered as soon as they were all there, and set off again, this time through one of the plastic flap-doors. Gamzee hesitated at those, not sure how to get through them without touching, until Karkat stormed past and shoved them out of his way using his elbows and head. Copying him took Gamzee to a place that looked to him like some sort of indoor street, which he hadn't even known was a thing buildings could have. All around them were machines whirring away, and it was with surprise that Gamzee saw they were still making things in the night-time.

“Quick!” Haley hissed, darting between two of them huge metal motherfuckers. Gamzee followed, catching a glimpse of someone else moving when he did, and ducked down so that the factory man wouldn't see him. There was a conveyor belt whirring its way past his head, covered in what looked like half-finished cakes. Gamzee's nutrition sack grumbled, hungry on account of a regurgitated meal.

Once the footsteps had passed by, Haley darted off again, heading for a metal staircase that led to a room up in the air. John and Karkat followed; Gamzee stood, then hesitated to look back at the conveyor belt. When he went after the others he had a handful of cake, a couple of mouthfuls of which were already destined for his digestion.

Four sets of feet moved carefully but still rattled the stairs as they climbed them. Gamzee could see Karkat looking around, nervous for more people who worked here, and offered his moirail a handful of cake. He got himself a fierce unkind glare for his trouble, but Karkat broke off a piece of baked deliciousness and munched on it anyway.

Haley stopped at the top of the steps and Karkat took the opportunity to grab another bit of Gamzee's cake while the human pulled some small tool out of her box and used it to smash a little glass panel by the door. The result was a key, which she put into the door lock and turned, at which point a raucous siren started blaring its flagrant self all through the factory.

“SHIT!” Haley dropped her tool. “They've put an alarm in! Fucking _run!”_

Gamzee didn't need to be told twice; he turned tail and went charging back down the stairs, not caring one bit whether he fell since he'd live through it anyway. He was brought up short at the bottom by the appearance of a man dressed in the manner of a security guard; Gamzee skidded to a halt and was just trying to think of where else to go on a one-person-wide staircase when Karkat crashed into him from behind and knocked him sprawling over the human. There was a yell from behind as John piled into them, and Haley's legs ran off past Gamzee's line of sight into the factory.

The man he was lying on shoved at him and Gamzee rolled off, scattering the three of them across the floor. He stared up into the barrel of a gun and decided to stay put on the ground. The arrival of three other security guards was announced by footsteps on the concrete.

“There's a girl, went that way,” the guy with the gun on Gamzee told his friends, and two of them went running off after Haley. The third guy caught John's arm in the one hand and Karkat's in the other, and started hauling them off across the floor. Gamzee didn't resist when he was grabbed in the same way and shoved after them. It wasn't that being restrained like that had any real stopping power, but he didn't like the idea of the kind of heinous mess that fighting back could get them all in.

They were brought to a little building-room inside the corner of the main building, and shoved in to sit on plastic seats like the ones they had in school. Brisk hands checked them over, searching them; Gamzee and Karkat's cellphones both clattered onto the desk while John turned his pockets inside-out in dismay. When they were sure there weren't any hidden weapons one of the guards got behind that same desk while the other stood by the door, still holding onto his gun.

There was a reverent silence for several minutes before a knock came on the door and one of the other guards walked in, head shaking.

“We lost her,” he said, dropping into a seat across the room. “She had a truck in the parking lot, drove off before we could catch her. Alan's checking for any others.”

“The Morgan kid again?”

The third guard nodded. “Yeah.” He looked over at Gamzee, Karkat and John. “What about these three?”

“We were waiting for you to get back,” said desk guard. He was a bit older than the other two, and had some wicked salty facial hair growth. It almost made Gamzee wish that trolls could grow themselves mustaches. He kept his eyes on the face-fur as the man leaned over the desk.

“Alright, kids, names and addresses,” he said, flint-like hard and seriously aggrieved. None of them said a thing, and the man sighed.

“Look, I'm not stupid,” he said. “If there's more than two extraterrestrials in the state I'll eat my socks, and since both of you are right here it's not going to be hard for me to work out where you live if I try. But it's late, and I'm not in the mood, so either you tell me where you live or I call the police and let them sort this out.”

“Two-one-six-zero-five Fir Drive,” said Karkat promptly. “All of us. And I'm Karkat and this is Gamzee and John, please don't fucking call the cops, I swear on the rotting corpse of Gl'bgolyb that we'll cooperate like the meekest little wigglers that ever got snatched from their lusus.”

John kicked him. “Traitor!”

“Get fucked by tentacled horrors of the deep, Egbert. I said this was a bad plan, and it was, and I said we'd get caught, and we did, so do me the one favor of not getting me thrown in jail because you have a pathetic human flush-crush!”

“That ain't gonna happen, right?” Gamzee said, looking over at mustachio-guard. “We told you where we live, so you ain't gonna be all up and calling the cops and getting them involved in this business, right?”

“I think that's a conversation I should have with your guardian,” the guard said, picking up Gamzee's phone from the desk and pressing the buttons. “Let me see- I assume that “Hatdad” will reach him?”

Gamzee nodded, and the man pressed call.

“Hello?” he said, eyes still locked on the three boys. “Mister Egbert, is it? Yes. This is Mark Fallow. I'm a security guard up at the Crocker Factory, and I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but I have a boy and a couple of aliens here who say you're their guardian? Yes, I'm afraid they are, sir...”

Gamzee took to a close examination of his shoes, scuffed and seeming quite large to his eyes. A hand wrapped itself surreptitiously around his, and he glanced over at Karkat to see his moirail almost doubled over and shaking. Gamzee patted his palebro on the back and took a deep breath, praying to the Messiahs that Dadbert could keep his moirail out of jail.

Of course, that would probably mean telling the man everything. He wasn't sure he had any kind of decent explanation for Dadbert, which was a shame. Gamzee didn't have to be a proper psionic to figure out that they were going to be in some serious motherfucking reproach for this ruckus.

He hadn't even gotten to finish his cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say that was the most incompetent break-in in history, but I've seen enough tales of spectacular failure to not underestimate the sheer mind-blowing stupidity some members of the human race are capable of.
> 
> Two things I had fun with this chapter: Karkat's angry metaphors, and using the word "tenebrous".


	14. ==> Be The Hellacious Homie

### CHAPTER THIRTEEN ==> Be The Hellacious Homie

Dave Strider was working hard on the next Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff update when the email arrived. At half past one in the morning he was dead certain it could only be one thing, but he ignored the lurch in his innards and finished up the extra layer of jpeg artifacts he was adding to Geromy. Highly ironic art didn’t just create itself; painstaking effort was required to scale the dizzying heights of shitty insincerity to which he aspired. It took him a full thirty seconds to finish the comic entirely, which was about fifteen longer than he should have needed and left him tragically deprived of excuses to not check his fucking inbox already.

When he switched tabs he was surprised to find that the email wasn’t from an address he recognized; if it weren’t for the subject line he would’ve deleted it as spam.

From: uranianUmbra@pesterchum.com   
To: turntechGodhead@pesterchum.com   
Subject: a gift from a ghosty trickster!

Attachment: scan001.png, scan001a.png

hello! i know we’ve not been introdUced, bUt since we have some mUtUal chUms i thoUght i'd help oUt by sending yoU this! i'm sorry for reading yoUr private correspondence bUt i was cUrioUs when i foUnd the cellphone.

good lUck on yoUr qUest, sir knight! xxx

Dave contemplated the chance of one or both files being hard-drive destroying viruses, then shrunk the window and opened Pesterchum. Searching for a new contact wasn’t difficult; there was only one uranianUmbra on the list, with the next closest match down as undyingUmbrage. He added the name to his chumlist and hit “pester” as soon as he saw that the user was online.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering uranianUmbra [UU] at 01:36 --   
TG: hey   
TG: hey dude   
TG: hey gurl   
TG: seriously tho   
TG: who the fuck are you and where did you get john’s phone??   
TG: i can see youre online you know   
TG: dont think this is going to stop   
TG: im the motherfucking cia and youre on the watchlist   
TG: nope youre not flying anywhere but guantanamo bay son   
TG: gonna get our answers one way or another there   
TG: safety of the nation depends on it   
\-- uranianUmbra [UU] has disconnected! --   
TG: fuck

Well, that put paid to that idea. Dave glanced back at the email tab, still sitting there waiting,and decided to try another name.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 01:40 –  
TG: terezi i am shocked  
TG: what are you still doing up on a school night  
TG: staying awake and online at this hour is for coolkids only  
TG: might have to confiscate your hall monitor pass for this  
GC: V3RY 4MUS1NG D4V3  
GC: BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW B3TT3R TH4N 4NYON3 TH4T 1 4T3 MY P4SS MONTHS 4GO  
GC: 4ND JUST1C3 N3V3R SL33PS  
Dave snorted. Like she hadn't been up waiting for all the same reasons as him.

TG: yeah okay and what has justice been doing tonight   
GC: L4 NOIR3   
GC: 1T 1S 4 F4SC1N4T1NG G4M3 D4V3   
GC: 1 C4NNOT S1MPLY L34V3 TH1S H1STOR1C4L R3PR3S3NT4T1ON OF MY C1TY TO F4LL TO CORRUPT1ON   
GC: 3V3N 1F 1T DO3S T4ST3 4LL MUDDY 4ND D4MP   
TG: yeah well i dont think it was designed for smellovision   
TG: or insane alien judge dredd wannabes

He sighed. He could bullshit with Terezi all night, but that wouldn't get them anywhere. Time to bite the bullet and man up.

TG: so look ive got an email here that might be our thing  
GC: M1GHT B3?  
GC: WHY SO UNC3RT41N, COOLK1D?  
TG: because the email is from some complete fucking stranger  
TG: and i dont trust the attachments enough to open them is why  
Maybe he'd be lucky and it would be a Trojan, and he could mock John for having his shit hacked by a dumb amateur.

GC: OK4Y Y34H 1 C4N S33 WHY TH4T WOULD B3 4 PROBL3M >:/   
GC: W3R3 TH3Y S3NT THROUGH P3ST3RCHUM?   
TG: pesterchum mail   
GC: US3 YOUR PHON3   
GC: YOU C4N 4FFORD 4NOTH3R ON3 1F 1T BR34KS   
TG: fair point   
TG: ive been bugging bro for a new phone anyway   
TG: shit maybe itd be better if this was a virus   
TG: i can tell him the hopeless destruction of my poor software was deliberate sabotage on my part and i did it out of helpless teen desperation for new and shiny gadgets   
TG: hed probably buy that   
GC: 1 DONT S33 4 B3TT3R OPT1ON   
GC: >;]

"Yeah, real funny, 'Rezi," Dave muttered, shoving aside piles of half-finished homework and rejected photos to find his phone buried under the regular landslide on his desk. It took a minute or so to get to his emails; Dave hesitated before hitting the attachments, and held his breath as the little loading bar raced to completion.

The screen filled with a scanned image of page after page of official Crockercorp documents. Dave shrank it to find that the other file was in the same vein, then shrank that one just to check his phone out. Nothing exploded or started playing obnoxious music.

TG: looks like were good   
TG: for a value of good known only to practitioners of industrial fuckin espionage

He opened the files on his computer, then ducked under the desk to turn on the printer resting on its own cinderblock.

TG: im takin some printouts then deleting the fuck outta this  
GC: PROBABLY FOR TH3 B3ST  
GC: DONT W4NT TO K33P TH3 1NCR1M1N4T1NG 3V1D3NC3 TO H4ND!  
TG: we are so fucked its unreal  
TG: i dont want to go to jail rezi  
TG: im too pretty for jail  
GC: DONT WORRY D4V3  
GC: TH3 C1RCL3S W3 4R3 D34L1NG W1TH 4R3 3XP3R13NC3D 1N NOT GO1NG TO HUM4N J41L.  
TG: yes that is definitely reassuring and not alarming at all  
TG: chill as fuck up in here now  
TG: youve really put my mind to rest there  
GC: 1TS OK4Y D4V3  
GC: 1 W1LL PROT3CT YOU 4ND YOUR PR3TTY PR3TTY F4C3  
TG: how you gonna do that when they send ladies to a different prison  
TG: wait nm you are definitely not a lady  
GC: CH4RM3R  
TG: always

Dave grabbed the papers from the printer and, after another few moments of searching, emptied some of his painstakingly developed photos out of a brown paper envelope and replaced them with the documents.

TG: okay done   
TG: now what am i doing with these bad boys   
GC: 4CCORD1NG TO OUR N3F4R1OUS SOURC3:   
GC: AG: Those irons are already hot. I'll meet wh8tever members of your laaaaaaaame squad are willing to join me by the crash memorial. AG: Don't chicken out or keep me w8ing, and bring the files. See you in one hour. ;;;;)   
GC: SH3 LOGG3D OFF R1GHT 4FT3R.   
GC: 1 COULD TRY 4ND M4K3 1T TO YOURS B3FOR3 H34D1NG TO TH3 M3MOR14L

For a moment Dave let himself be hopeful, but he knew his way around the city too well to fool himself for long. There was no way Terezi could make the extra trip in time, and getting Tavros or the wonder orphans to come along was out of the question. Briefly he considered emailing the files to Terezi and getting her to make her own printout. The idea of her meeting Vriska alone got him to dismiss the thought. He might be nervous but there wasn't a chance in hell that he was letting Terezi- or anyone else- face this bitch without backup.

TG: nah not gonna work  
TG: guess were gonna have to meet psychosister together  
TG: without the benefit of mister muscles on hand to intimidate her into line with disturbing horse metaphors  
TG: its like santa got my list early this year  
GC: 1 W1LL B3 TH3R3 FOR YOU D4V3  
GC: 1 W1LL HOLD YOUR H4ND L1K3 YOU 4R3 4 W1GGL3R 4ND 1 4M YOUR HUM4N MOTH3R  
Dave had to smile at the image despite himself.

TG: yeah and then youll leave me in the toy store to be picked up by social services   
GC: W3LL N4TUR4LLY   
GC: WHO W4NTS TO R41S3 W1GGL3RS   
TG: its a mystery of the world no doubt there   
GC: BUT D4V3   
GC: 1 DO NOT 1NT3ND TO L3T YOU G3T HURT   
TG: i know   
TG: thanks for that   
GC: YOUR3 W3LCOM3   
TG: see you soon

He logged off before he could see her reply. With only an hour to spare- well, fifty minutes now- he couldn't afford to get into the flow of chatting with Terezi. Dave pushed away from his desk and slipped onto the floor, reaching under his bed to pull out the katana he used for sparring with his bro. It wasn't as cool or as sharp as his brother's sword, but it wasn't a complete piece of shit either, and he didn't feel like going into this unarmed. It took another forty-five seconds to grab the bag for his biggest camera stand and empty the tubes out across his bed so he had a place to hide the sheathed blade. Pulling on a dark hoodie, he paused to grab another bag, this one holding the older and more battered of his two quality cameras. If any cops stopped him he wanted something to show them other than the inside of the tripod bag, but fucked if he was risking Dave Junior to the whims of a bunch of crooks.

Fully equipped, Dave spent a moment listening at his door before he pushed it open and stepped out into the hall. He trod carefully on the way past Bro's room to avoid the creaking floorboards then froze in the door of the main room. His brother was sprawled out on the couch, apparently but not certainly asleep.

 _Great, we get a place with two bedrooms and he still has to go and crash out here,_ Dave thought, leaning around the door to check the distance to the front door. It wasn't far, but even assuming he made it the sound of it opening and closing would wake Bro. A seagull farting two blocks away would wake Bro, never mind his younger brother sneaking out the front door after midnight. The guy slept on a hair trigger.

Dave pulled back into the corridor and looked around, trying to think of an alternate idea. His roaming eyes fell on the door in the far corner, what looked like a closet but was actually the entrance to their own private roof access. Dave was over there in a flash, opening the door just wide enough to slip through and pulling it slowly so that it closed with the quietest click. Several breathless moments passed with his ear to the door, listening to see if Bro had heard him; hearing only silence from the apartment, Dave started up the stairs. They were narrow and pitch dark, but he knew them so well that sight wasn't necessary. One hand ran along the wall and warned him when he reached the top, fingertips brushing around a corner and onto cold metal.

The roof door wasn't as quiet as the one in the apartment, opening with a pained squeak. Nights in LA weren’t identical to nights in Houston- the air was heavier and some of the distant lights sparkled more brightly- but the same familiar smells and sounds greeted Dave as he stepped out onto the roof. The neighborhood was a shithole, so he got sirens and shouting to compliment the barking dogs and deep thrum of nearby clubs. Dave didn’t have to listen hard to know that more than half the yelling was Alternian or that the music wasn’t terrestrial. Trolls might not have invented LA nightlife, but in this little corner of the world they owned it.

Dave was just stepping onto the fire escape when the roof door clattered open. He whirled and saw a familiar silhouette standing in the doorway; his hand twitched towards the tripod bag slung over his shoulder before he saw that Bro wasn’t armed.

“Where are you headed, l’il man?” asked his brother, not advancing out of the door. Dave shrugged.

“Oh, you know,” he said, trying to keep his voice casual. “Heard there was a sale on at the GAP. Gotta beat the crowds, or there won’t be anything left but a torn wifebeater and some jizz-stained boxers.”

Bro nodded. “And let me guess, you’re goin’ armed so you can fight off the slaverin’ hordes of rabid shoppers, because those grannies kick like a whole herd of mules.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” said Dave, tensing although he wasn’t sure what for. If Bro wanted to kick his ass and drag him back into the apartment, that was what would happen. The stuffed brown envelope he was carrying burned in his hand and his palms itched. Why the fuck hadn’t he forwarded the email to Terezi? If he got stuck up here she was going to get killed and it would be his fault.

Bro took a step forward onto the roof and Dave instinctively stepped back, feet clattering on the metal grille. “You must think I’m pretty fuckin’ gullible if you expect that horseshit to get you off the hook,” said Bro, stopping again. “I think it’s about time you came clean to me, kiddo. You and your friends are up to somethin’ and it would be the epitome of shitty guardianship if I just let you get your stupid asses in trouble.” He leaned back against the door frame. “Come on, get over here and confess your sins to Padre Strider so he can kick appropriate and righteous ass.”

The thought of his brother in a priestly dog-collar almost made Dave snort, but the ticking clock on his mission made the time-wasting banter seem a whole lot less funny.

“Sorry, Bro, no time for family bonding today,” he said, taking another step back on the fire escape. “How about tomorrow? We can go to the park and play Frisbee.”

Bro straightened. “Dave, get your ass back in the apartment. Now.”

Dave looked at his brother, one tall block of lean muscle refusing to back down, and thought of Terezi out there on her own, going to face Vriska without the promised files.

“No,” he said, and bolted.

Accelerating down a steep fire escape was difficult and Dave didn’t even try it. Confidence born from years of rooftop strifing let him jump the rail and swing-drop himself onto the next switchback down. He landed on his knees, the stairs rattling loudly, but there wasn’t time to be winded; Dave jumped to his feet and started running, taking the steps two at a time and praying he wouldn’t trip and fall and break his neck.

 __he thought, weirdly lightheaded and practically flying around the next switchback. _I told you, dog._

He could hear the fire escape clattering above him, Bro giving chase without resorting to insane death-defying stunts, and Dave wasn’t sure whether to feel smug or stupid about his head start. He settled for adding a third stair to his running-dropping routine and trying not to give a shit about the way the fire escape was shaking with every footfall.

He was on the last flight when he finally did trip, fulfilling the meme he had created by making a graceless bellyflop onto dirty concrete and sliding far enough to take the skin off his hands and shred the knees of his jeans. Something in his camera case crunched and Dave winced, but there was no time to check the damage. Combat with his Bro helped again, letting him ignore the injuries and jump right back onto his feet. The fire escape was still rattling when Dave raced out of the alley and onto the main road. This late at night the street was bustling. Dave’s old neighborhood in Houston had been the same way, with a few small but vital differences that felt off to human sensibilities. There were fewer hookers and more people sporting bloody injuries, milk cartons littered the road in place of broken beer bottles, and nobody was interacting quite right. It had taken Dave months to notice that last one as more than a gut feeling, but he couldn’t unsee it now; humans moved in packs, and trolls- trolls _didn’t._

He wasn’t the only human on the street, but his speed as he dodged past drew attention. Dave kept his eyes on the dark corners, and spun off towards movement in a concrete court when he saw it. The place was meant to encourage bored kids to play basketball rather than knife one another- which was bullshit, the kids around here were great multitaskers- but he knew that some of the new residents had found another use for it.

The lights around the small rectangle had all been smashed and it took his eyes a few seconds to adjust. He could hear them before he could see them, the sound of fists slamming into flesh and grunts of pain and effort; the whole fight was eerily quiet, especially for one with such a crowd. Not that it was silent, just that the alien spectators found their own private conversations and observations more pressing than any impulse they might have to cheer one of the combatants. Dave wasn't too bothered. He'd run into the same thing at school a few times, and it was actually pretty funny whenever a cross-species fight broke out because the humans' cheering and jeering freaked trolls the fuck out. Ignoring the strange looks cast his way, he zoned in on the girl who was holding court on the hood of a particularly flashy car.

She looked up as he got close, and if Dave was the touchy-feely type he might have felt some sadness for a girl only slightly older than him wearing an expression that was too old for most adults. "What you doin' here, tert?" she asked in English punctuated by sharp clicks.

"Need your help, Bookie," Dave replied in his best Alternian. "My lusus is pissed as all hell and about half a minute behind me. Don't suppose you could hide a guy until he's gone past?"

The trolls around the Bookmaker gave him strange looks, but the girl herself leaned forward. There was enough glow from nearby streetlamps to glint off her piercings, most of which Dave were sure predated her arrival on Earth and all of which looked to be worth triple figures. Bookie was a big believer in wearing your wealth. "Depends. What's it worth to you, Strider?"

Dave fished in his pocket and pulled out a couple of twenties, ignoring a screech of pain and the crack of snapping bone behind him. "This is what I've got, all yours if you get Bro off my back."

"Deal," said the Bookmaker, grabbing the notes from between his fingers. "Boys, get his head down."

Two muscular hands grabbed Dave and dragged him down behind the car, dumping him next to a battered jade-blood boy about his own age. The jade-blood gave him a nod then dropped a slightly bloody, ratty blanket on his head. It smelled weird but not exactly bad, a slightly acidic scent that Dave had learned to think of as troll BO. Guessing that it was probably best not to think too hard about where the blanket had been, Dave tugged it over himself to make a concealing lump. The jade-blood snorted and went back to bandaging his own arm.

The whole thing hadn't taken more than a minute, but it was still a close-run thing. Dave had barely got the toes of his sneakers tucked under the blanket before he heard Bro's voice saying in only slightly Texan-accented Alternian; "Hey, you seen a kid come past here? You know the one- about seven sweeps old, and looks like me."

What chatter there was fell silent as an entire basketball court of trolls listened to the Bookmaker's reply. "You're the first tert I've seen round here tonight, Strider. Unless you feel like challengin' one of my boys, I suggest you fuck off."

The silence lengthened and Dave held his breath, hoping that none of the trolls here to fight or gamble were willing to risk crossing Bookie.

"I could call the cops," said Bro.

"I could tell 'em to check your apartment," said the Bookmaker. "Or maybe just to watch the rooftops and enjoy the show. There's some nice blade-work up there- you sure you don't want to take a few challenges for me?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll leave the fight club gig to the professionals," said Bro. A few of the trolls in the crowd snickered; Dave guessed they were the ones who had seen the movie, because there was only one troll here he suspected of having enough literacy in English to have read the book.

"Well, then, I believe you have a wandering descendent to look for," Bookie said, and although Dave couldn't see her from under the blanket he could hear her smiling. "Good luck with that."

"Yeah, sure," said Bro. "And if you do happen to see Dave, tell him to get his ass safely home so I can ground it there for the next three years, the little shit."

"Sure," said Bookie. Dave listened to the sound of footsteps echoing off brick and concrete until they were covered by the resurging murmur of the crowd. It wasn't long before a clawed hand snatched the blanket off his head. He looked up into the brown-streaked eyes of the Bookmaker.

"You gonna go or what?" she asked. Dave slowly unfolded onto his feet, taking care to keep his balance so he wouldn't have to touch anything. The injured jade-blood watched him out the side of his eyes, dragging the blanket back over to himself and retreating under it.

"Hey, how come Bro gets invites to come work for you and I don't?" he asked Bookie, pretending to be put out. "A guy could feel pretty unloved over here."

Bookie snorted and leaned back on the car. "Feel whatever you like, mini-Strider, if I let you up against one of my boys you'd go home in shreds. Your brother would at least last a fight." She tilted her head and pointed back towards the street. "Nice doin' business with you."

Taking the dismissal for what it was, Dave nodded to her and started making his way back through the crowd of trolls. They stepped out of his way without even looking, and just as he hit the edge of the crowd and started speeding up he heard the thumps and grunts of the fight resuming behind him. Dave spared a brief glance back when he reached the corner and saw that muscular troll A had muscular troll B in a headlock and had just grabbed the guy’s horn. He shuddered and turned onto the main street. He appreciated a good fight as much as the next highly-trained badass, but trolls were fucking weird.

Even if Dave hadn't spent all his money on bribing Bookie, there were no buses running this late. He broke into a run at the end of the street and kept going. Years of combat practice with Bro had left Dave with more than enough stamina to keep up a steady pace; his sneakers pounded against the concrete sidewalk, taking him towards the brighter, more commercial districts. The alien nightlife died off slightly as he got into less shitty residential areas. LA wasn’t closed for business, but it was easy to forget when the only sound on the street was his own breath panting. A few people were out and curious enough to glance towards the running boy; Dave kept a straight face and waved to them, which was enough to make most people go back to their own business. One guy, halfway through a seriously clumsy attempt to sneak into his girlfriend’s bedroom, gave Dave the finger. Dave kept running and smirked when he heard furious whispering behind him.

The crash memorial- more properly called the _Descent Day Sculpture: In Memorial Of The Souls Who Never Saw Earth-_ was around an hour’s walk from the apartment. Between the delays and the running, Dave made it in forty-three and a half. Out of breath and on shuddering legs he walked over to the center of the plaza where the monument had been erected. None of the streetlights were working but bright pools of light filled the edges of the square, cast from the still-open shops. Dave glanced at the signs, heavy Alternian runes written under the English, then through the windows into the shops to see if he could spot anyone he knew.

Nobody looked familiar, so Dave stuck to the shadows, heading over to the angular monstrosity of modern art that the city had deemed an appropriate gesture to mark first contact. Between human eyesight and his aviators, Dave couldn’t see the markings on the stone, but he knew that every inch of the thing was carved with the names of Alternians who hadn’t made it through the hellish journey or the final crashdown. He could make out the streaks of painted graffiti covering the thing, bright and bilingual. There had been a fountain in there when it was first set up, but that had been vandalized repeatedly and finally turned off after the whole Night of Blood thing came out. Internet rumor had it that various lobbying groups wanted it torn down.

There were four benches around the memorial. Dave checked the nearest one for bums, sticky stuff and sharp things, then sat on it. After the best part of an hour spent at a constant jog sitting down was the greatest feeling in the entire world; Dave sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes to enjoy the sensation.

“So you’re the loser Terezi’s hanging out with these days. Didn’t anyone ever teach you to pay attention in case you get attacked?”

Dave’s hand shot out and grabbed a wrist that was reaching towards him, his fingers wrapping around thin bones that didn’t feel quite right under the skin. “Yeah, but Bro also taught me to play it cool.” He opened his eyes and turned his head to see a troll girl in a long blue coat standing over him, one eye concealed by a suede eyepatch. “The name’s Strider. Dave Strider. I have been expecting you, Miss Serket.”

The girl rolled her good eye and dropped down onto the bench next to him, stretching across it in a way that took up all the remaining space. “Ugh, I saw those movies. Laaaaaaaame.”

“You take that back,” said Dave, fighting the urge to pull back or stand up. “Bond is the shit. Who else is gonna save the world while wearing a tux?” He leaned back. “Except me, of course. It’s my true calling: international man of mystery. I plan to skip college and go straight on to stopping the shitty plans of cut-rate super-villains with a gadget pen and the unstoppable force of my raw animal magnetism.”

“Ha! Maybe if they were as dumb and shitty as the idiots in those films you could,” Vriska said, prodding him in the side with her foot. “You wouldn’t get me so easily.”

“Yeah, that’s what they all say,” Dave replied. “You got a backup plan for when the shark tank fails? Is it piranhas? Pretty sure there’s some irony in that somewhere.”

The girl leaned forward, her hair falling around her face, and gave him a smile that held entirely too many teeth. “You don’t get to know my plans, Dave,” she said. “I have so many plans, and nobody but me gets to know them. You will just have to wonder what I’m going to do next!”

“Throw a tantrum and get someone else killed, usually,” said a beautiful, harsh, familiar voice. Dave tilted his head back to see Terezi walking towards them, white cane tap-tap-tapping against the ground.

“Rezi,” he said, holding out a hand and receiving the customary hi-five. “Just in time. I was right now thinking, damn, I need someone with a sense of justice larger than Simon Cowell's ego to come lay down covering bops with a cane while I deliver this package into the external vent of the death star and become the hero of the rebellion.”

Terezi cackled and leaned forward on her cane. Dave noticed that she didn't sit. “Dave, the idea is for this to not end in fire and explosions.”

“Some chance,” Vriska muttered. Dave glanced up at her, and she smirked. “What, you don't reeeeeeeeally think this is going to just end all nice and easy, do you?”

 _Not for a fuckin' second, lady,_ thought Dave, but he said nothing. He was about to ask Terezi how long she thought they were going to be stuck waiting, when her head shot up.

“Company,” she said, turning to face a shadow. Dave squinted, trying to make out what she had smelled, but he still couldn't see a fucking thing until two men stepped forward into the glow of the streetlamps.

At first he only saw one of them, and that was because the man was the size of a fucking warehouse. He had to be something like eight feet tall and with the bulk to match, a long button-down coat straining over pecs that would make Arnie break down and weep even in his glory days. A hat perched on top of his head as if it had been dropped there as an afterthought, and two mean little piggy eyes stared back at Dave.

The second man was behind the first, and although he was short his hulking companion made him look even shorter. Sensing Dave looking, the little man peered around his friend and tilted his own hat, grinning at them in childlike glee.

“Hi there!” he said.

Vriska snorted and narrowed her eyes. “So, Slick couldn't be bothered to come himself, huh? Decided to send his _flunkies.”_

The big man folded his arms. “We ain't no flunkies,” he said, in a low rumble that Dave swore was shaking the ground. “We're duly authorized deputies, what are handlin' an exchange of information in a manner what is civilized an' gentlemanly.”

“So what you got for us?” the little man finished, still smiling, and Dave's brain decided to catch up and tell him who he was dealing with.

“Holy shit, you're Boxcars and Deuce,” he blurted. “You fucking blew a hole in the state prison! _From the inside!”_

Clubs Deuce snickered. “Showed them pigs who they were messin' with!” he said, clapping his hands in glee.

Dave swallowed as Hearts Boxcars turned a slow, gappy grin on him. “So, you kids gots the goods?” the huge mobster asked. “'Cos the boss, he ain't gonna be happy if we come back empty-handed.”

Dave was about to pull the envelope out when Terezi's hand stretched out to stop him. “You first,” she said, staring in the direction of the two men. “Let's see if you've kept your end.”

Hearts Boxcars nodded, then reached down and lifted Deuce's hat and pulled out an envelope from underneath. To Dave's astonishment, Clubs Deuce went into a brief panic, dancing frantically about until the larger man dropped the hat back down to him.

“Not fair!” Deuce said, jamming it back on. “That's my hat! I got important shit in there, Hearts!”

Hearts nodded at his small companion. “Sorry, Deuce. Wasn't thinkin'.” He held up the envelope. “Got your stuff right here.”

Terezi lowered her arm, and Dave pulled out his own envelope. “Matched set of Crockercorp financials, just what the man ordered. Gonna need you to sign for delivery, and tip the delivery boy.”

“We'll switch envelopes, then check the contents,” Terezi said. “Nobody leaves until we're all satisfied.” From the way her head turned towards Vriska, Dave figured she was more worried about the other troll than the mobsters.

“Sounds fair,” Boxcars agreed. He pointed to Dave. “Give the dame the envelope, kid. She knows not to pull any funny business 'round us.”

Dave wanted to object, but Terezi jabbed him in the ankle with her cane and held out her hand. He glanced back at the mobsters; he'd be lying if he said he was fucking ecstatic about the whole deal, but it wasn't like this was the first time Terezi had dealt with the Midnight Crew. At least this time his friend wasn't tied to a goddamn chair.

Terezi stepped forward, as did Hearts Boxcars. Dave kept his attention flickering from the large mobster, to Deuce- and if that bulge under the little guy's coat wasn't a weapon of some sort then Dave was a go-go dancer- to Vriska, who was still grinning like there was nothing wrong at all with this scenario.

There was an awkward moment when Terezi and Boxcars met in the middle, the two of them eying each other up just out of the reach of arms and canes. Dave wondered which one would win in a straight-up fight and decided that not even Bookie could make those odds.

Eventually Boxcars reached out, the envelope a tiny scrap between huge fingers. Terezi's hand looked even tinier next to it, stretching out their anonymously donated information. For a moment both of them were holding both envelopes, and Dave tensed. Then they both let go and took a step back, holding their prizes.

Boxcars was already opening their envelope when Terezi got back over to Dave. His fingers shook when he cracked the seal open, making uneven tears in the paper. Fuck. Way to be chill about things, Strider.

“Well?” asked Vriska. Dave ignored her and pulled out folded sheets of paper. Terezi hovered by his arm, nose twitching, while Vriska leaned over his shoulder. Dave unfolded a pair of maps and a sheet written in a neat but spiky hand detailing GPS coordinates, a few names and a list of possible armaments, and a few other notes he didn't have time for right then. He skimmed it, just enough to know it was complete, then looked up to see Boxcars tucking the import and export figures back into his own envelope.

“Looks like this is all in order,” Dave said. “Shit is so orderly, it's got sergeant-majors crying into their boots. Making our nation proud, son, that's how orderly this is.”

“Yeah, this is lookin' good,” Boxcars agreed.

Vriska cackled. “Ha! I told you!” She pointed to the big man. “You tell Slick that if he wants to make any more deals, he knows where to find me.” She nodded to Dave and Terezi. “See ya later, loooooooosers!”

“What, you're just gonna blow us off and-” Dave's voice trailed off as Vriska vanished into the night, her laugh still echoing around the plaza.

“She's one crazy broad,” said Deuce. Terezi snickered.

“Sure is,” she agreed, and Dave was amazed to see Boxcars break into a smile.

“Hey, how'd it go with you and that nubby-horned kid?” he asked.

Dave blinked. “What?” He turned to Terezi. “What's he talking about? What happened with you and Karkat?”

“Nothing,” his friend said, shaking her head. She waved her cane at the mobster. “And if it did, it wouldn't be your business, Mister Wax Lips!”

Hearts Boxcars nodded and tipped his hat; Dave could have sworn that as he raised his head, he winked. “Guess that's concludin' our business, then,” the man said. “Nice ta see yer both, and I wish ya luck. You're gonna need it.”

“Bye!” chirped his small companion. “Nice ta meetcha!”

Dave found himself waving goodbye to two of the most wanted men in LA with a sense of slight bemusement.

“You okay?” Terezi asked. Dave nodded.

“Yeah, just kind of expecting to be more dead at this point,” he said. “Not that I'm complaining, but this just ain't how this sort of meeting is meant to turn out.”

Terezi laughed. “Professional criminals like meetings to go smoothly, Dave. It is dangerous for everyone when they do not.”

Seeing her there, sharp teeth glinting in the streetlights, Dave remembered that this was the girl who had ruled an entire zone of the ship and kept it as peaceful as possible for three years with nothing but a handful of rules and the determination to enforce them.

“Guess so,” he said, and passed her the envelope. “Here. When I get back Bro is gonna ground me until the end of the universe. I figure you'll be a responsible adult with this.”

Terezi snickered. “When am I not, Dave?”

He was about to answer when a flicker of movement caught his eye. He turned and jumped back with a yelp as a familiar figure dropped down from the roof of the nearest building to land right in front of him.

“Hey there, li'l man,” said Bro, folding his arms in a way that did nothing to convince Dave he couldn't have the katana on his back out in a heartbeat. “You'll never guess what interestin' little show I was just watchin'.”

Dave inwardly groaned, but outwardly froze into stillness. “Yeah, about that. There's a good explanation.”

“There had better be,” said Bro, looking from Dave to Terezi and back again. “I'm expecting this shit to bowl me over and take home a dozen Oscars, because as of right now, you two are _so fucking busted.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late posting! My internet died last night and didn't come back until just before bedtime; I had to email this to myself and I'm posting in the ten minutes before work right now! :/
> 
> There's a chance this problem might crop up again- basically, if I drop off the face of the Earth without warning, something probably happened to my internet.


	15. ==> Be The Bleary Bodyguard

### CHAPTER FOURTEEN ==> Be The Bleary Bodyguard

Eridan Ampora was tired. Not in a pretentious, artistic, “woe-is-me-cruel-world” way; no, he was legitimately fucking exhausted, in an irritable, leaden, “lie-down-and-pass-out” way. It was a straightforward and predictable consequence of not actually sleeping, which made it no less of a fucking inconvenience, especially when it was interfering with his attempts to do something useful.

He hadn’t needed artificial lights to see the papers he was checking through, so he’d taken himself outside as soon as it was clear everyone else was in their rooms for the night. There was a table by the pool that he’d been using as a desk. Roxy had paid through the nose to get the pool altered to use saltwater rather than the toxic chlorinated shit most humans used, and the smell was comforting even if it wasn’t quite right. Eridan liked it in the quiet hours when he could just sit and get some work done without any idiots coming and interrupting his business, but now the sky was starting to lighten, the clouds were turning pink, and his eyes were outright refusing to focus on the words in front of him. He couldn’t even blame it on the ridiculous cramped human text, because there were a few pages in Alternian that were just as illegible.

Sighing, he gathered all the loose sheets into a rough pile. He’d checked through most of it, and he had a couple of days to look over the rest and make any last-minute alterations. Not that he thought he’d have to, what with how he’d been consulting every step of the way, but you never knew when someone would try to get clever with the phrasing and leave you high and dry. The papers went back into a folder, along with a sticky note that let him keep track of which version this printout was. Draft seven of the proposition had enough pages to bludgeon a whale to death, far more than you’d expect for such a simple concept, but Eridan figured it was worth taking the space to get it right. He still wasn’t happy with the entire scenario but if they were stuck sharing a world, Feferi had a point. They needed to adapt to the human way of doing things, at least until they had enough of a voice to start really making an impact.

Eridan made his way back to the door, gills aching. Something in the air on this planet got into them and made them sore, but it wasn’t anything that some sleep and a swim wouldn’t fix. His legs felt more than a little leaden too, feet dragging on the tiles. He yawned, using one hand pressed against the cool glass to keep himself steady, and thought with mingled relief and dread of the couch. It was a fucking disgrace that he hadn't even been given a real bed, let alone a room, but at least nobody was going to notice him sneaking back in. He rubbed his eyes, which were feeling gritty behind the membranes, and slid the glass door to the kitchen open with one hand. His shoes were loud on the floor. Eridan stifled another yawn, trying not to disrupt the quiet of the house. He made it all the way to the hallway before noticing he wasn’t the only one awake.

“What the fuck?” said Sollux, echoing Eridan's exclamation. They both froze in place, Eridan in the kitchen door and Sollux halfway down the stairs, staring like they'd never seen each other before in their lives.

“I athked firtht,” said Sollux, claws digging a little deeper into the wood of the banister.

Sleepy frustration only amplified the rush of irritation through Eridan's thinkpan. “The shell you did,” he snapped. “What you ewen doin' up, anyway? You ain't newer about this early!”

Sparks crackled off Sollux. “How the fuck would you know? JD thayth you don't get up until gone eleven on a _good_ day!”

“Yeah, well maybe I got reasons,” Eridan replied, pacing a couple of steps forward and keeping his eyes on his kismesis. Instincts that were hardly even controlled at all what with how tired out he was kept pointing out that he could shut Sol up real easy if he wanted. He tried to keep them quiet; things had been rough since Aradia vanished, and just because he was getting frisky at a bit of banter didn't mean Sol felt the same way. It was still all kinds of hard to look at Sollux and his fucking amazing bone structure without thinking what it would be like to have it pressed up against him. Eridan zoned out into a pleasant daydream about where he'd like to stick his teeth- and where he wouldn't mind having some teeth stuck in him- and missed the next few words.

“Sorry, Sol, couldn't quite make that out on account a your lithpy mumblin' shit,” he said, because like hell was he admitting he had let his mind wander in front of his kismesis.

“Fuck you,” said Sollux, resuming his walk down the stairs at a speed that looked more like he wanted to get away than keep flirting. If he'd even been flirting to start with. As his shoulder brushed past Eridan's, the part of the seadweller's thinkpan that was more libido than sense decided to shove its oar in and commandeer control of his mouth.

“Smooth mowes, mackerelin' on Fef the other day. Think she'll dump you fast like she did me, or leawe it until after the press conference?”

Sollux whirled, and Eridan just had time to see lightning flash in them before an unseen force grabbed him and hurled him bodily across the hall. He slammed into the wall with a dull thud and slid to the ground; the world stopped flashing black and purple just in time for him to hear the back door slam shut behind the psionic. Groaning, Eridan closed his eyes again and let himself slump on the floor. Now he was still horny and possibly dumped, mostly on account of being a fucking idiot.

“Eridan!? Are you okay?”

The seadweller cracked an eye open to see Jade standing at the top of the stairs in her pajamas, hair a mess from sleeping and mouth a round little “o” of horror. He considered pretending to be unconscious, but then a huge mass of white fur and hidden muscle bounded past its mistress and straight towards him. Eridan decided that no amount of averted embarrassment was worth being willingly assaulted by Bec, and scrambled back to his feet. Jade ran down the stairs after her pet and arrived just as Eridan was trying to ward off the eldritch furmonster with his hands.

“Get him the fuck off me,” Eridan yelped, barely remembering not to shout and wake the whole house to come gawp at him. Jade obligingly reached out and grabbed Bec's collar.

“Down, boy,” she said. “No, he's fine, you silly thing! No!” She tugged at the immense bulk of her dog, to no apparent effect. “Fuck! Eridan, try holding out a hand for him to sniff!”

“What?” Eridan scowled. “No fuckin' way!”

“He thinks you were hurt!” Jade said, still trying to haul her dog back. “You've just got to let him see that you're okay and he'll calm right down!”

Eridan glowered, and shoved a fist within an inch or two of the dog's nose. “Here, you hideous mammalian monster,” he said. “This better fuckin' be enough, on account a how I ain't sticking my fingers out anywhere near that maw a yours.”

The dog sniffed at his hand, then a long pink tongue appeared from somewhere in the fuzzy muzzle and dragged across Eridan's knuckles. The seadweller pulled his hand back with a glub, and Bec sneezed; this seemed to signal something of canine import, because immediately afterward the dog dropped to the ground and let Jade pull him back. He settled staring at his mistress and thumping his tail on the floor, acting for all the worlds as if Eridan wasn't even there.

“That was disgustin',” said Eridan, examining his fingers then wiping the saliva off on Jade's sleeve. She tugged her arm back.

“Use your own, fuckass!” she said, hissing a little and baring some blunt human teeth at him. Like Eridan gave a shit about her dumb little incisors.

“It's your dumbass dog,” Eridan pointed out. “An' these pajamas are silk.”

Jade glared at him. “You are impossible!”

“Hey, I didn't ask him to come slobber on me; I thought we had a good thing goin',” Eridan said, trying to stride out of the corner and finding that his way was blocked by a sitting dog on the one side and an irate adopted sister on the other. “You know, the one where I insulted him and he pretended I didn't exist and we were content to just not give a fuckin' shit either way.”

“Bec does too give a shit about you!” Jade said. She pointed to her dog. “He woke me up and made me come out on the landing for you!”

“Well, he didn't hawe to, becod I'm fine,” Eridan said, folding his arms and leaning back against the corner like that was what he'd meant to do the whole time. “So you an' him can just go back to bed and leawe me alone now.”

“Not so fast, Mister,” said Jade. She jabbed a finger into Eridan's upper thorax, startling him into taking a step back into the wall. “What happened here?”

“Nothin'!” Eridan snapped, batting the finger away. Jade stuck it right back again; Eridan was about to grab it and pull it away when a low growling reminded him that Jade's beloved, overprotective guardian was right next to him and for once deigning to notice Eridan's presence. Instead, he folded his arms and glared at the human girl. “I just ran into Sol, is all, and he was feelin' grumpy or somethin' so he threw me into a wall. No harm done, except maybe to the plasterin', but don't think that was gonna last long anyway. Not in this house a fuckin' provocateurs.”

“Hmph.” Jade pulled her finger back and folded her own arms. “You just ran into Sollux? What were you doing up so early?”

“None a your business,” Eridan replied, eyes flickering to the papers scattered across the floor. Jade followed his gaze and frowned.

“What's-” She broke off and wandered over to the nearest sheet. Eridan took the opportunity to sneak out of the corner and start to tiptoe upstairs. Maybe he could take a nap in the bathtub, pretend he was cleaning himself up.

Something furry brushed past his leg and Eridan stopped dead as a few hundred pounds of dog stopped on the step just in front of him. Bec was looking at Jade, mouth open to pant and seemingly oblivious to Eridan. The seadweller took an experimental step to the right, behind Bec. The dog, apparently by coincidence, stepped backwards at the same moment.

“You're a misbegotten bastard traitor and you should be ashamed a yourshell,” Eridan hissed at the dog. Not even an ear flicked to acknowledge that he had spoken.

“This is the proposition draft,” said Jade, picking up a second sheet from the floor. “You had this out when we went to bed last night- Eridan, have you slept at all?”

Knowing that a lie wouldn't be believed, Eridan figured that maybe part of the truth would work. “It's called an all-nighter, right?” he said, stepping down a stair away from Bec and leaning on the stair banister. “Humans do it when they got important shit to get done, I've seen it on the TW.”

“When were you watching the TV?” Jade asked, and Eridan winced. Somehow when he looked back down she was right in front of him; he flinched before her intense scrutiny. “You never watch the TV with us, not for more than five minutes, and I've never seen you have it on during the day.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you don't know eweryfin you thought you did,” Eridan muttered, swallowing and pushing himself a little further into the wooden rail.

“So talk to me,” Jade said, squinting at the dark shadows Eridan was suddenly uncomfortably aware lined his face. “When did you last sleep, Eridan? I mean properly sleep, not just naps or torpor!”

“I don't gotta tell you anyfin!” Eridan snapped. “What are you, my moirail?”

“I'm your sister!” Jade replied. “And besides, if you come to the kitchen and talk to me, I'll make you cocoa.”

“I can make my own cocoa,” Eridan said, still gripping the stair rail. Jade stepped back and grinned at him.

“Yeah, but I make it better.”

She had a point there. Eridan cast another brief glance at the unmoving, placid form of Bec and hurried after Jade into the kitchen. He slumped down into a chair, watching as she moved from cupboard to cupboard pulling out cocoa and milk and marshmallows and wondering if it was even worth trying to hide it any more.

“So when did you last sleep?” Jade asked over the clatter as she hunted for a mug.

Lies were too tiring. Eridan shrugged and let the truth come spilling out. “I dunno,” he said. “Couple a weeks ago, maybe? Usually I get tired enough to pass clean out once or twice a month.”

“What? Why?” Jade was looking back over her shoulder, not even looking as she measured the soft brown powder out with a spoon. “I mean, there has to be a reason you're wearing yourself out like that!”

Eridan shuddered and hunched over himself. “Cocoa first,” he said. “I ain't sayin' nothin' until you produce the goods, Harley.”

Jade stuck her tongue out, but fell into silence. Eridan stared at the wood grain in the table, loops and whorls interrupted by scratches and gouges of use. It was fucking hypnotic was what it was, giving his eyes something to drift around while the smell of chocolate filled the kitchen and the dark fog in his head started to rise.

The click of a mug on the table in front of him brought Eridan back to himself, and he reached for it with both hands. Before he could lift it a pink human hand covered the mug, and he lifted his head to snarl at the person denying him his own grubdamned cocoa.

Jade waved a finger under his nose, utterly disregarding the sharp teeth within snapping distance. “Explanations first.”

“Heartless fuckin' witch,” Eridan said, scowling. “Fine, if you gotta know, I hawe gruesome, womit-inducin' nightmares ewery time I close my eyes and I don't wanna sleep. Now giwe me the chocolate before I bite your fuckin' fingers off.”

The hand lifted, and Eridan brought the drink to his lips before any further shenanigans could occur. It was thick and sugary sweet and he took a deep breath of warm, milky-rich goodness before lapping a little at the foam. It was orgasmic. Eridan sighed then inhaled a little more of the scent. Cocoa was about the only thing that justified the existence of this wretched planet, but he was willing to concede that it did so without any need for further qualification.

“When you say nightmares, do you mean normal troll stuff, or something else?” Jade asked. Eridan almost scalded his mouth; he set the mug down carefully on the table, glaring at Harley.

“Fuckin' humans,” he growled, fins flaring. “You hear us say nightmares and you think, what, it's all just bad dreams? You don't ewen hawe a word for it!”

“Well then, fuckass, why don't you explain it to me?” Jade leaned across the table, and tilted her head in a way that actually exposed her neck. What sort of body language was that meant to be? “Kanaya said the- I don't know, the troll dreams, she said they got better after Gl'bgolyb died.”

“After I killed her, you mean,” Eridan said flatly, huddling over his drink. “And leawin' aside for a moment how bein' in range of her death cry did me no fuckin' fawors, yeah, they did get better. Best fuckin' rest I ever got. Then we ran outta sopor.” He sighed, looking up at Jade over his mug and meeting her eyes steadily. “The dreams newer went away, they just got liwable. Suppressible.” He tapped his thorax. “I'm a seadweller. The dreams get worse the higher up the hemospectrum you are. You'we heard Kan screamin', yeah? And Kar, he was a fuckin' mess at night, although fuck ewen knows where mutant comes on the scale.”

Jade nodded, her face pale. “But Gamzee seemed okay while he was here,” she said. “And I've never heard Feferi shout out in her sleep at all.”

“Gam's sopor-fried and takin' pills, and he had his moirail on hand the whole time,” Eridan said. “An' I don't got any idea about Fef. By rights she should be the worst a all of us, oughta be wakin' up in physical fuckin' pain, but she's newer had the dreams the same. Used to think it was on account a Gl'bgolyb bein' her lusus but that doesn't make any kind a sense no more.” He forced a smile and lifted his mug again. “Guess she's just special.” He punctuated his words with a mouthful of cocoa, which tasted as sweet and delicious as ever.

“But you can't spend the rest of your life not sleeping!” Jade frowned, lowering her head to the table to rest her chin on her hands. “What if you talked to Doctor Lalonde, or Kanaya? I bet they could come up with something to help, if it's that bad. Medical sopor is getting more widespread-”

“NO!” Eridan almost dropped his mug, and hot chocolate splashed onto his pajamas. Cursing he put the drink down on the table and scrubbed at the stain, which just spread it around. Giving it up as a bad job, he looked back up and past Jade, avoiding her eyes. “I don't want any more a that shit in me,” he said. “Please. I can fuckin' deal with this clean.”

Jade stared at him, scanning over his whole face in minute detail. Eridan could only imagine how haggard he looked. He certainly felt like shit.

“Okay,” said Harley, pushing her chair back from the table. “But you've got to get some sleep now. Today is really important and we can't have you dead on your feet!”

“I'm not an idiot,” Eridan said, glaring over his mug. “Where do you think I was goin' before Sol interrupted me?”

It was the wrong thing to say; Jade's eyes widened and she straightened up. “Sollux! I'd forgotten about him!”

“So keep forgettin'.” Eridan drained the last of his cocoa and examined the mug in case there was any more melted marshmallow stuck to the rim. “I'm too tired to deal with his shit and he ain't in no frame a mind to handle mine.” He scowled at the mug, then abandoned it to the table. “It's fuckin' murder on tryin' to keep a relationship goin'.”

“But what's he doing down here?” Jade asked, getting to her feet. “I mean, if he was down here for food then he would have had to come back past us or he'd still be in here.”

Eridan's eyes widened as understanding blossomed. “An' Sol wouldn't be comin' down here for anyfin else, not normally.” He pushed his chair back from the table and stood. “I think he headed out into the garden,” he said, walking over to the door and peering out across the alien foliage. “He came this way anyhow, and he ain't in here.”

“Right,” said Jade, sliding the door open and stepping outside. “Keep quiet and stay behind me.”

Eridan wanted to argue, but while he had spent his life learning to hunt in the oceans Harley had been learning the same lessons on land. He was willing to acknowledge real fuckin' skill when he saw it, inside his own head at least. Besides which, if Sollux decided to start throwing people about again, Eridan didn't want to be the first one he saw.

The garden was shining golden green in the early morning sunlight. Eridan blinked when the scattered reflections in the water hit his eyes and felt a flash of resentment towards the pool. Magazines and daytime TV had convinced Eridan that it was some expensive, classy shit but he hated it. Stupid fucking tame thing, taking the majesty and might of the ocean and turning it into a pretty little ornament. It was an utter abasement of his natural habitat, was what it was.

The smooth mosaic paving gave way to soft, lush lawn and Eridan stalked in Jade's footsteps, Bec just beside her. He could hardly believe how quietly the dog could move, let alone his human mistress. He could hardly hear them and they were right next to him. Every other sound in the near vicinity seemed a hundred times louder, the cooler morning air carrying the sound of the daytime city waking with it.

Eridan stifled another yawn and thought with dismay at the long stretch ahead of him. Why the fuck was he out here trying to sneak up on his grumpy, not-in-the-mood kismesis instead of getting a few precious hours of rest?

Bec stopped dead and so did Jade, half a heartbeat behind. Eridan was about to demand an explanation when he heard Sollux's voice, near enough to recognize but slightly too far away to make out the words. Jade turned and put a finger to her lips; Eridan nodded, then scooted forward to the corner of the building. There was a low bush in the flowerbed that edged this corner of Derse Mansion, and he used it for cover to peek out into the garden beyond. At first he didn't see anything, but then in the middle distance he saw a pair of feet and lower legs sticking out from behind a tree. It looked as if Sollux was kneeling down.

He'd been expecting to find Sollux talking to an early gardener, or maybe arguing with some creative-thinking member of the paparazzi, but there was only room for one person behind that tree and Sollux was definitely alone. Eridan glanced back at Jade, who shrugged, then closed his eyes to try and concentrate on hearing what Sollux was saying.

“-found anything yet,” his kismesis was saying. “What am I looking for anyway?” His question was met by silence but Sollux spoke again a few moments later. “No, I'm not trying to quethtion- I'm jutht thaying that if I knew what it wath it might be eathier to- no! Don't!”

There was more than just panic in the last two words. Sollux sounded terrified, and Eridan looked back over his shoulder to Jade, who made a phone mime with her hand. He nodded, still frowning. He wished he could hear the other side of the conversation.

“I've been doing my betht,” Sollux said, sounding close to tears. “Pleathe, I know I fucked up to thtart with, but I've done everything you athked for! Even the elevator, jutht like you thaid, and KN'th a complete fucking wreck but I thtill did it!”

Eridan heard a sharp indrawn breath from Jade. His own physical reaction was more subtle; wiggler games and plots aside he'd still been one of the key players in the biggest challenge to the Condesce's authority in a thousand sweeps, and he was no stranger to conspiracy when he heard it. He even knew the sound of an unwilling participant, although he was more used to being the coercer than the coerced. He wasn't about to risk giving away anything before he had more facts.

Behind the calm mask his thoughts raced. The first surge of emotion, cold fury that demanded he find the root of whatever fucking mess his kismesis had landed in and tear it out bloody and dripping, was ruthlessly suppressed. His logical mind started to piece things together, faster and faster as a picture emerged. Aradia kidnapped. Sollux clearly in trouble with people who had more of a hold over him than his friends and quadrants had managed to achieve. The upcoming announcement, that Feferi had been pushing towards with everything she had.

With a direct line to the inside it wouldn't take much to sabotage security at the press conference, and Eridan could have fucking kicked himself for not seeing the weak link sooner. They'd all known on the ship that keeping Aradia in their control was just as important as defending Sollux; Eridan had personally shot, bludgeoned and spaced a few assholes who'd gotten bright ideas along the way. But as soon as they were all settled on Earth with nice human families, it had all just gone right out the fucking porthole.

He was struck with the memory of sitting by the police van at Halloween, listening to Kanaya over the wire and hanging on the outcome of the mission. He'd noticed Sollux tapping away on his computer instead of paying any attention to the transmission from the wire like a decent fucking sophont being, but he'd dismissed it as Sol just being a useless piece of shit. He should have known something was wrong. They all should have.

Even telling himself that it was Sollux's own fault for being such a useless whiny lump of shit that they'd mistaken abject fucking terror for grief wasn't enough for Eridan to shake the plunging sense of his own organs sinking down into the webs of his feet. Sollux was his kismesis; he should have known.

“Wait, I think I found thomething.”

Eridan peeked back out from behind the bush, but couldn't see anything more than before.

“What do you mean, don't open- no, I won't look, but what uthe ith a bag?” Another pause. “It feelth kind of like a laptop or thomething in there. Do you want me to hack thomething?”

A small eddy of pride ran through Eridan. His kismesis was strong enough to still question, even if he was being a clumsy idiot about it. If Eridan was in his position- well, actually, Eridan wouldn't ever be in Sollux's current position on account of how he wasn't dumb enough to get overly attached to cullbait and even if he was, he wouldn't leave it unprotected. But ignoring that, in Sollux's place Eridan would be going after these assholes guns blazing.

 _Maybe I just gotta show him how it's done,_ Eridan thought to himself. A sharp-edged grin grew on his face, and his tongue ran across black lips in a moment of anticipation. He didn't much care one way or the other about Sollux's Sleeping Beauty, but if he could rescue her when Sollux couldn't...

“Okay, I'm thorry!” Sollux said, sounding panicked again. “I didn't mean to- no, pleathe don't. No more quethtionth, I promithe.” There was some more silence. “I underthtand.”

There was something final in the words, and Eridan wasn't surprised when he saw Sollux stand up from behind the tree. The psionic looked around, brushed some dirt off his knees, then bent down to grab something from behind the tree. When he straightened again he was carrying a black rucksack, which he carefully draped over one shoulder before turning and heading back towards the house.

It occurred to Eridan there and then that if Sollux came towards them there was no way he could miss them as he passed. He was about to try and run back to the kitchen before his kismesis reached the corner, when Sollux hesitated in his tracks and turned away. Eridan looked at Jade in confusion as the other troll started walking around the house towards the side door.

“I guess he didn't want to run into you again,” Jade whispered. She glanced past Eridan and waited until Sollux vanished around another corner. “Come on!”

Eridan jumped up and ran after her as she crossed the grass, wanting to demand an explanation but wanting even more to keep it secret from Sollux that they'd been eavesdropping. He didn't know what the other troll would do if he knew he'd been caught out and that uncertainty wasn't something he wanted to take a risk on.

“Look at this,” Jade whispered when Eridan reached the tree, pointing to the ground where Sollux had been kneeling. Eridan looked and saw a shallow hole in the dirt, big enough to conceal a lone rucksack. An abandoned trowel lay in the pile of soil beside it; Eridan didn't question how Sollux had known where to dig. How the rucksack had come to be buried in the first place on the other hand, that was a much better question, and one that was going to be asked of security just as soon as he was sure he could talk to them without ripping off their heads.

“What are we going to do?” Jade asked, crouching down by the hole but looking in the direction Sollux had gone. Eridan leaned against the tree and tried to think through the haze in his head.

“I dunno,” he said. If this was Alternia, he would have just gone straight after whoever had hurt his quadrant and damn the consequences, but if this was Alternia then Aradia would already be dead. Things were different on Earth, and he didn't know how this game was played. “We're gonna need some advice,” he said. “Know anyone who can unpick a plan where someone's tryin' to manipulate Sol?”

Jade's head turned, and she gave a brief nod. “Yeah, I think so!” she said, straightening. “Or at least, I hope Rose can help.” She looked thoughtfully back towards the kitchen door. “I guess you getting some sleep is out of the question now, huh?”

Eridan sighed and had one last, wistful thought of his couch.

“Yeah, I'd say so,” he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On time this week! Although I think I picked up some readers posting Thursday last week... maybe I should figure a way to stagger my updates on the next story?
> 
> Well, whatever! I'm quite happy with this chapter. In addition to the obvious stuff I managed to sneak in quite a few bits of worldbuilding and character stuff, and sleepy!Eridan is actually pretty fun to play with. Although titling this chapter was a nightmare. Why I ever decided on a naming theme for the damned things is a mystery, I swear. :/


	16. ==> Be The Dutiful Daughter

### CHAPTER FIFTEEN ==> Be The Dutiful Daughter

Rose Lalonde was woken by a hand shaking her shoulder. As her face was still buried in squiddles, she responded by attempting to blindly bat away the intrusive appendage so that she might return to slumber. This only escalated the attempt to further heights of annoyance.

“G’way,” Rose muttered, tucking her chin down further into the plush forms of her surrogate pillows. “Sleepin’.”

"Rose!" hissed Jade, mere inches from her ear. "Wake up, we need to talk to you!" Determined to ignore her roommate's provocations, Rose merely grunted and turned her face towards the wall.

"This ain't workin'," whispered a second voice, one which was unfortunately familiar. "I say we get a bowl a cold water and dump it ower her."

The pregnant pause that followed Eridan's suggestion was enough to persuade Rose that rest was perhaps to be considered a secondary goal for the moment. Turning back over, she opened her eyes and glared at her tormenters, attempting to convey the fell and fathomless depths of her current impatience.

"There had best be an extremely pressing reason for this," she said, hunching up under the duvet.

"We think Sollux is being blackmailed!" said Jade, words tumbling over one another.

That certainly got Rose's attention; she pushed herself upright, heedless of the duvet that dropped off her or the squiddles that rolled onto the floor. She blinked, taking in for the first time Jade's state of dishevelment and the way Eridan's eyes kept shifting between the door and the window. "Tell me everything," she said, and immediately regretted it when both of them began babbling over one another. Rose winced and raised a hand to her head; she hated being woken early. It caused excessive cognitive disruption.

"One at a time!" she snapped, and the two of them fell silent. With a sigh, she looked to Jade. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Jade nodded, dropping down to sit on the bed. Rose passed her a squiddle and Jade folded over it, hugging the toy close to her chest. "Well, Sollux and Eridan had a fight- a real fight, not one of their weird flirty ones- and I went down to see what all the noise was and then we thought it was weird that Sollux was up so early."

Rose glanced up at Eridan. "Whilst the topic is under examination, what are you doing awake at this uncharacteristic hour?"

"On account a none a your business, is why." Eridan folded his arms, all but pouting. "Thought we was discussin' Sol, anyway."

"We are," Rose said, seeing a flicker of concern cross Jade's face and making a mental note to look into it later. "You say there was a fight?"

"Yeah, Sol didn't want to talk to me," Eridan said. He scowled at the floor. "And before you start insinuatin' slurs on my character from that, yeah, I might a said somethin' what wasn't exactly fuckin' diplomatic, but that wasn't it. Sol was- he had someplace to go, and I was in his way." The seadweller picked at the webs of skin between his fingers. "Fuckin' pissblood idiot," he muttered.

"So after I talked to Eridan, we decided to follow Sollux outside to see what he was up to!" Jade said, picking up the story. "Only we overheard him on the phone to someone." She examined the squiddle she had previously been crushing, then turned a pair of worried green eyes on Rose. "He sounded really scared, and he kept asking them not to do something. And he said- wait, promise you won't get mad!"

More concerned than bemused, Rose nodded. "I assure you, I have no intention of losing my head."

Jade gave her an uncertain look, chewing on her lower lip briefly before speaking. "Okay, good, because Sollux said that he did something to the lift that Kanaya was in."

Rose stared blankly at her friend and roommate. "Excuse me for a second," she said, then grabbed her pillow and shoved it across her face. She was far from proficient in the Elder Tongue despite her exalted status as an editor on several Lovecraftian Wikis, but there was something deeply satisfying about screaming invectives from the language of squamous entities whose very indifference to human existence was the essence of madness into the fabric of the mind.

When she ran out of breath, only slightly after running out of creative ways to say "I hope your brain gets eaten by the embodied forces of entropy and destruction," Rose looked up to see Jade piling squiddles on her lap and Eridan watching them both from the far corner. The troll's fins flared when Rose looked his way, but then they settled down and he blushed purple under the gray.

"Crazy aliens," he muttered in Alternian. Rose sighed.

"So, Sollux is acting under duress," she said. "I presume in connection to Aradia's kidnapping?"

Jade shrugged and looked over at Eridan.

"We're assumin' so," the troll said.

Rose nodded, brow furrowing as her mind raced through the possibilities. "There are, as I see it, three possible reasons why a hostile entity might take an interest in Sollux. Since there are to my knowledge no functioning interstellar vessels on this planet, we can most likely rule out the desire to use him as a Helmsman. That leaves us with his capabilities as a hacker and programmer, and his trusted proximity to the rest of us- Feferi in particular."

"But he wouldn't do anything to hurt Feferi!" Jade said, dropping a squiddle. There was a scraping sound as Eridan's claws drew along the wall.

"Do try not to damage the wallpaper," said Rose. "And there are many uses for proximity that do not involve physical harm. Information gathering, influencing decisions..."

"That fuckin' _traitor,"_ Eridan hissed, fingers flexing. "He'd better not a been usin' Fef like that, especially not on account a some rustblood who ain't ewen properly aliwe anyway!"

"Eridan!" Jade glared at the seadweller. "Don't talk about Aradia like that! She's still a person and you shouldn't be an asshole about her!"

"Oh yeah? How would you know?" Eridan dropped down onto Jade's bed and leaned against the wall. "You ain't newer met her, Sol doesn't talk about her, and she ain't exactly the most communicatiwe a houseguests. She could be the worst piece a work as ewer crawled outta the broodin' caverns and, oh yeah, lest it slip our thinkpans entirely here, Sol's choosin' her ower Fef!"

"We don't know that-" Jade began. Rose cut her off with a raised hand.

"Whoever Aradia might have been, she was and still is someone Sollux cares for deeply," she said, making sure to meet Eridan's eyes and hold them in a steady gaze. Alternians responded to eye contact if anything even better than humans did, although Rose's preliminary forays into xenopsychology suggested a convergent evolutionary response from different driving stimuli. "Whether or not he is more concerned with her well-being than Feferi's is impossible to say at this juncture, given that Aradia is in mortal danger while Feferi's safety is at least theoretically within his control." She pursed her lips. "What I find more concerning is the fact that Sollux will undoubtedly place the safety of Aradia or Feferi ahead of the rest of us. The only possible exception would be you, Eridan, but I suspect your earlier confrontation confirms that he is unlikely to be concerned for your health when pressed."

Eridan frowned, one webbed hand rubbing the opposite wrist. "He's still a treacherous fuckin' eel."

Considering this to be the closest to a concession Eridan was likely to produce, Rose decided to forge ahead. "Now, at this stage I believe the most advisable course of action is quite straightforward. We must deliver all the information we have to the police as soon as is practicably possible." She glanced at the clock by her bed. "We should have time to bring this matter to their attention, but not before we are compelled to attend the press conference."

"Wait, is that a good idea?" asked Jade. "I mean, there has to be a reason Sollux didn't say anything. What if Aradia gets hurt?"

"We already told the cops more than the kidnappers wanted, dumbass," Eridan said, rolling over so he was lying on his back on the bed and closing his eyes. "Shame we ain't got the firepower or the manpower to deal with this ourselwes like nature intended." He sighed. "And it ain't like we can skip the press conference either, not without tippin' our hand."

Rose frowned in his direction, although it was unlikely he saw anything with his eyes closed. "Eridan is right; we cannot flinch, but we also cannot handle this alone," she said. "And if nothing else, Kanaya deserves to know that the mess on Halloween had nothing to do with her."

Jade nodded. "Okay, but we'd better be careful. I'll call Detective Sikes and ask if him and his partner can come consult on our security- we're going to have a police presence, after all, and everyone knows we're kinda close to them after the summer!"

"And they're not investigating Aradia's case," Rose finished. "Excellent thinking. Now if you will excuse me, I believe I have a distraught adoptive sister to speak with."

"Right!" said Jade, jumping to her feet and scattering squiddles across the floor. "Come on, buttface!"

Eridan grumbled and flopped as Jade dragged him upright by the arm; Rose wouldn't be surprised to discover that he had started nodding off in the few seconds he had been lying down for. She waited until the the door had closed behind the two of them then threw her legs out of bed, grabbing a silk robe and loosely tying it over her pajamas. She didn't bother with any footwear, opening the door a crack to spy down the corridor. When she was sure nobody was watching, Rose scurried out of her room and down the corridor to a door adorned with a delicate porcelain plaque bearing watercolor images of fish and butterflies, and two Alternian caste symbols- one Jade, one Tyrian.

She only knocked twice before the door was opened, gray fingers with elegantly manicured claws gripping the wood. A yellow eye smudged with green blinked at her.

"May I come in?" Rose whispered. The door swung open to reveal Kanaya, still wearing the same rumpled nightdress she had been wearing throughout the day before, her hair a mess and her face bare of any makeup that wasn't smeared. Behind her, Rose could see two beds half-hidden behind dangling curtains; one looked untouched, while the other was a veritable nest of pillows, blankets, and tissues stained jade with tears.

Kanaya followed her gaze but seemed to misconstrue her interest. "Feferi didn't sleep here last night," she said. "I believe she once again retrieved her laptop and retreated to A-Aradia's old room for privacy." Seeing her friend's shoulders start to shake, Rose reached out without thinking. Too late, she remembered that trolls weren't tactile in the same way as humans, but rather than retreat or even attack Kanaya simply turned her head so that her cheek was resting in Rose's palm.

"Perhaps we should sit down," Rose suggested, taking a step towards Kanaya's messy pile of a bed. It didn't look that much worse than her own, truth be told, but she didn't think such disarray was typical of the fastidious Alternian. "There is something you need to hear," she added, reclaiming her hand for the task of clearing a decent space to sit. Her heart jumped a little when Kanaya settled down next to her, close enough to touch, and turned her face to look away.

"Your hair is a mess," Rose said, because it was easier than knowing where to start with the rest. Patting the bed behind her turned up a hairbrush, bristles prickling her palm. "Here, let me."

Kanaya turned her back to let Rose run the hard-bristled brush through her hair, carefully diverting around the delicate hornbeds. The two of them sat in silence for several minutes, until the snarls had long since been worked out of Kanaya's hair and the brushing had little to do with practical considerations.

"You know," said Kanaya, her voice so soft as to be barely audible at all, "This behavior is scandalously pale."

Rose froze mid-stroke, staring at the back of a head of glossy black. "I do apologize," she said, insides freezing in horror. "How extremely insensitive of me. I assure you that I had no intention..."

Strong gray fingers, tipped with claws and divided into too few joints, wrapped around her wrist. Kanaya half-turned and gave Rose a look that she couldn't translate. "It is quite alright," Kanaya said. "I understand that many Earth primates groom one another as a form of social bonding and emotional comfort, and I appreciate the gesture in the spirit it was intended." She reached around and plucked the hairbrush out of Rose's suddenly numb fingers. "I suspect you became confused because of the sartorial assistance I render Feferi, but you will note that I never touch any object directly to her scalp. I suspect that were I to do so it would end messily for both of us."

"Quite," Rose agreed, her mind still scrambling to catch up. She had acted on raw instinct, trying to soothe distress as she would with another human by looking after them, and Kanaya had not panicked- quite the opposite. The possible permutations were enough to make her quite dizzy, but now was hardly the time to analyze them however attractive she- _they_ might seem. "But still, I offer my profuse apologies. I should be more considerate, both for your comfort and my own safety."

A small smile twitched at the corner of Kanaya's mouth. "Indeed. It would be quite the disappointment if you were to attempt a similar maneuver on Feferi, or Eridan. I understand human blood stains quite abominably."

Rose nodded, not returning the smile. "It happens that I was speaking to Eridan just before I came here," she said. "He and Jade had something to say that I think will be of some interest to you."

"Oh?"

Rose took a deep breath. "They overheard Sollux speaking to an unknown party via cellphone. From what he said, we believe that Aradia's abduction was intended for and is being utilized as leverage against him."

A look of deep distress fluttered across Kanaya's face. "But I- the ransom, the drop..."

"Was most likely set up to fail," Rose said softly. "Sollux mentioned doing something to the lift; I don't see how you can be faulted for such a valiant effort in the face of active sabotage."

The narrowing of Kanaya's eyes was her only real warning, but it was enough. Rose was barely fast enough to jump in front of the Alternian when she stood, and as she spread her arms to block Kanaya's path she found herself wondering what bizarre death wish had settled itself into her skull.

"Get out of my way," hissed her friend, and for the first time in a long while Rose was struck with how alien the other girl was. She had seen it from time to time in other Alternians- Gamzee had been quite the regular offender in the matter of uncanny and inhuman mannerisms, and Sollux's psionics were unsettling on an entirely different scale- but with her shoulders held rigid, lower teeth bared and claws hooked, Kanaya was sending every instinct Rose had haywire. _Predator!_ her hindbrain yelled. _Fake-human, sickness, get away from it!_

Rose put her hands on her hips and stood to her full height, planting her feet firmly and jutting her jaw out. The stance was one that looked different in humans and she exploited the difference in skeletal alignment to send back the exact same sense of unsettling wrongness to Kanaya. The other girl's hostile stance faltered, a moment of uncertainty brought on by what unearthly instincts saw as an unexpected and abnormal challenge.

"Please sit back down," said Rose. Kanaya didn't move, save for a slow blink, and the human girl sighed. "There is no need for this. Think, Kanaya; do you really expect Sollux would do anything like this of his own volition?"

Slowly, so slowly, Kanaya shook her head and sank back down. "It seems unlikely that he would take the time from his usual obsessions," she muttered. Jade-flecked gray eyes glared up at Rose. "I dislike being caused unnecessary distress."

"I hardly think that the kidnappers would consider it unnecessary," Rose replied, taking a step back towards Kanaya. "But I happen to concur. This entire scenario is disturbing, not least because we are still unaware of their endgame. Jade and Eridan are attempting to contact the authorities; I was wondering if you could assist me by warning Feferi of the potential threat and discouraging her from making any revealing remarks to Sollux."

Kanaya's frown deepened as she broke eye contact with Rose. "I could certainly tell her, but as to her behavior afterward-" She shook her head. "I would not like to risk predicting her actions."

"Hmm." Rose considered the matter; in her experience Feferi was remarkably calm and well-adjusted in a crisis, but Kanaya had known her longer. "You think she will respond badly?"

"I have no idea," Kanaya replied, pulling her legs up onto the bed and curling around them. "Normally I would expect very poor impulse control from a seadweller, but Feferi is hardly normal. Although I have noticed certain aggressive and even hostile tendencies in her over the sweeps, she has never seemed particularly volatile." She shrugged. "I cannot predict what she will do with this kind of emotional input."

Rose rubbed a hand across her eyes. She was tired and up far too early in the morning. "Very well. I need to speak with Mother; avoid telling Feferi anything, but stick close to her and be wary. If these people have been getting information from Sollux, there is no knowing what plans they might have in place today."

She turned to leave, but her steps were halted by a hand on her sleeve. Turning back, she saw Kanaya looking up at her.

"I- may I ask, if it is not too much trouble, and is agreeable to you- that you, perhaps..."

Rose stepped back and crouched down, leaning in to wrap Kanaya in a tight hug. "Will this suffice?" she asked, feeling the other girl's face burying itself in her shoulder. Kanaya's chest rose and fell, pressed close to her own. Something that was cold and hot at once tightened around Rose's internal organs, and she attempted not to dwell too deeply on what might or could be implied from such gestures.

"Oops," said a voice from the doorway. Rose looked up to see her mother leaning on the frame and holding the door handle. "Didn't mean to int'rupt you girls," she said, and paused to take a clumsy sip from her cocktail glass. A few dribbles of something noxiously bright spattered on the collar of her blouse, and the woman looked down with a frown. "Oh, cock."

Rose sighed and pulled away from Kanaya. "This seems like a suitable juncture," she said. "Will you be quite alright?"

Kanaya nodded, the last few traces of tears vanishing as she dabbed them away with the edge of her blanket. "Yes. I had best find Feferi; we do need her properly attired, after all."

Rose's mother chuckled; as Kanaya walked past, she reached out a hand and brushed it across her alien daughter's cheek. Kanaya stopped, staring wide-eyed at the woman, and Rose could have sworn she heard her mother offer a quiet "Sorry". Kanaya responded by patting her hand.

“Heard fr'm the hawt cop who was lookin' into that kid you heard,” Rose's mother said to Kanaya. “On the phone, the one who was four sweeps. Eight 'r nine years.”

Kanaya nodded, her mouth a tight line. “I recall. Have they identified her?”

Rose's mother frowned. “Not 'zactly. 'Parrantly there's not a whole lotta Allit- Alat- Alterninians that age anyways, an' the only one they got on system but off-grid is some kid called Zuskon Abakus an' he's a boy.”

“Perhaps you misheard?” Rose suggested. “Alternian voices don't differentiate by gender so much as human ones do anyway, and particularly in a prepubescent wiggler-”

“I heard a girl,” Kanaya said, her glare daring Rose to disagree. She turned her look on Rose's mother then brushed past her, vanishing into the corridor beyond. Rose watched her mother watch Kanaya go. As soon as Kanaya was out of sight, the older woman started to scrub at the stain on her collar, a stream of low curses providing a counterpoint to the still dangerously sloshing liquid in the glass. Rose sighed and decided that a firm display of concerned daughterly affection would earn her more points than aloofness in their ongoing war.

"Here, mother," she said, stepping over to the woman and divesting her of the cocktail before further calamity could result. "Sit down."

Doctor Lalonde let herself be led over to the plush couch by the window; normally it would have been overflowing with cushions, but Kanaya had appropriated those for her nest. Rose consequentially found it considerably easier to seat herself securely down and put a reassuring arm around her mother. The woman was still scrubbing at her collar, the initial blot long since smeared to a streak and soaked in. Rose sighed again and grabbed her mother's hand to drag it away.

"Mother, we need to talk," she said softly. "There is a problem you should be aware of."

"Prob'm?" asked Doctor Lalonde, looking up from an awkward scrutiny of her own neck. "Izzit something to do with Sollux?"

Rose's eyebrows raised. "Yes." She lowered her hand, still holding her mother's, to rest on the couch. "How did you know?"

A wicked smirk appeared on her mother's face, and she leaned in towards Rose. "I haked his computer," she whispered, her breath an alcoholic haze that made Rose's nose wrinkle.

"Without him noticing?" Rose said, fighting not to push her mother- and more crucially her mother's breath- away.

Doctor Lalonde snickered. "I gave him that compupuper as a present, 'member? Helped build it m'self." She leaned back, still smiling. "Pfft, he hass no idea." Her head shot back up and she reached past Rose to retrieve her drink. "And since I am a mega genie- genus who has been spying on him for what was def'n'tly his own good, I know he's not been using his pomcuter as mush as usual. Which makes nosense, because my little Solly is always coding things, esp when he's feeling all blue."

"Perhaps I can shed some light on that discrepancy," Rose said. Her mother tilted her head, and Rose briefly ran over Jade and Eridan's story once again. Repetition was hardly beginning to dull its effect on her.

Doctor Lalonde looked thoughtful when Rose was done, sipping her drink slowly. "Jade's telling the smexy detecties to meet us there?"

"Under pretense of seeking guidance, yes," Rose said. Her mother nodded.

"Right. Most immortant thing now is that we get to that press confron- confrerance like nothing's wrong. Don't wanna tip our hand too soon." Blonde hair tumbled around her face as Rose's mother leaned forward. "I shoulda known," she muttered.

Rose hesitantly reached out and patted her mother's shoulder. There was something strange about her like this, drunk and concerned and plotting. Something almost sincere. Trying to work out what to say to the distraught woman, Rose's eye fell once again on the stained collar.

 _People do feel more comfortable with the familiar, after all._ Perhaps, in the end, that was the best comfort she could offer.

"What a shame that you spilled on your best blouse," said Rose, talking slowly to give the words a chance to roll around her mouth and her mind. "I think you will have to change it." Her mother looked at her, wounded, and inspiration struck. "I believe I have something suitable you could wear in my closet, although I was going to wear it myself." Rose made as if to stand up.

Her mother grabbed her arm. "Rosie, no," she said, fluttering her free hand over her heart. "You don't have to do that f'r me! It's not like iss any trouble f'r me to go and ching- change into one of my other blosses, and you should wear your own things!"

"Oh, it's no trouble at all," Rose said, brushing off her mother's hand and resuming her journey to the door. "I did always think it was a little old-fashioned for me. It should suit you far better, given your greater maturity."

There was a soft click as her mother set down her cocktail glass, and a pair of warm arms encircled Rose, crushing her against a soft chest.

"My thoughtful little girl," her mother said, rubbing her cheek against Rose's head. "I've been so totally negligee- negleg- not paying attention to you, what with all this fuss! But don't worry." Rose looked up to see Doctor Lalonde beaming back down at her, smile lines crinkling around her eyes. "I'm gonna get my li'l princess a whole closet full of blouses!" she proclaimed, giving Rose an extra squeeze. "Ooh, we can go shopping together and do some mother-daughter bonding! Won't that be fun?"

Teeth grinding, Rose barely managed to squeeze out an answer. "Delightful." Her mother giggled, kissed the top of her head, and danced back to the couch and her abandoned drink.

"Hurry back now, Rosie," she said, leaning back on the chair. "After all, we have the safety of the rest of our family to discuss."

 _Damn the woman,_ thought Rose as she headed back for her own room. Yet in a strange way it lifted her spirits; knowing that her ridiculous lush of a mother could still defeat her in passive-aggressive sparring gave her some hope that the mind behind those pale eyes was still sharp enough to keep everyone safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those chapters where nothing big or dramatic happens but a bunch of stuff gets tied up and set up and characters get to interact with one another...
> 
> I always worry about these sorts of chapters this late in the game. I know they're filling a role in the overall story, but I kinda end up hoping I'm not boring people because stuff isn't exploding and nobody is in life-or-death danger. :/
> 
> Next week, something interesting will happen. That I can promise! (unless I die or something before I can post.)


	17. ==> Be The Shanghaied Sleeper

### CHAPTER SIXTEEN ==> Be The Shanghaied Sleeper

Aradia Megido was lying on the floor of her respiteblock drawing an archeological map of the surrounding area when she caught sight of the distant flashes of blue and red in the sky. Abandoning her crayons, she ran down the stairs of her hive and wrenched open the door, running out to smile up at Sollux as he flew in from the communal stems. She hadn't been expecting a visit from him today, but a happy surprise was always welcome!

He didn't answer her welcoming wave, but it wasn't until her matesprit raised a hand crackling with psionic energy that she knew something was wrong. Sweeps of FLARPing had left her with good reflexes but confusion halted them; for an instant too long, Aradia hesitated.

The light flared around Sollux. The last clear thought in Aradia's mind was understanding that it wasn't his doing, that Vriska was behind this; the idea barely had time to form before her world was consumed by noise and pain. She knew crushing weight, and then nothing.

Something beeped. The girl began to dream. She drifted in and out of memories, living them, experiencing them as if for the first time. She floated in images and sounds and sensations, immersed in the snatched recollections of the past. The beeping never left her, and occasionally she would hear it and remember that she was sleeping, only to retreat back to the safety of ignorance when the thought filled her with a bottomless chasm where answers should have been.

With no sense of time or place she had no way to understand that her moments of clarity were becoming more and more frequent, but she sensed it anyway. She started to hear brief snatches of voices, for the most part talking in a strange language that bubbled and rolled and caught all wrong. Sometimes there were words she understood, a voice that sounded like Sollux but not like Sollux talking to her. She let it all wash over her, a problem for when she woke up.

It was one of those times, her thoughts drifting close to the surface and brushing against the edge of the hole in her understanding, that the beeping stopped. For a breathless time she thought that the world had stopped with it, that without that eternal, steady pulse there was nothing left to exist. In a burst of panic she reached outwards, grasping for proof that she wasn't alone, that there was something else out there. There was a bright, agonizing feeling like plunging her hand into fire, and then all of a sudden she was no longer inside her own mind but someone else's.

Vague memories not her own skittered past, not precisely forgotten but not quite present, and she knew that the mind she was in was wrong although she didn't understand how. Confused and uncertain she tried to right herself, searching for something. Explanation, companionship, revelation- she didn't know, and whatever the answer was she never found it. A sudden burst of pain-cold-failed-silence sent her reeling, pushing her back into herself and over the lip of the hole. Falling without control she tumbled back down screaming, vanishing into dreams and memories, lost to the world around her.

Lifetimes passed in silence, and only the memory of a dream of a sensation remained by the time she broke the surface again. Her thoughts focused and expanded before she could even consider what she was doing. Suddenly she was six people, and only one was her.

In a panic, she tried to pull back, away from four heads cold with blades of fire and one that was stranded in a burning desert of fear and pain. She didn't understand, couldn't comprehend the nightmare, and with her blood-pusher fluttering in panic the girl tried to wake up for the first time.

Nothing happened.

At first confused, and then terrified, she tried again and again to escape the grasping dreams crowding around her and pulling her backwards. With every push to wake she found herself clawed back further, dragged deeper into herself only to struggle back upwards and then stumble again. Her eyes wouldn't open, her hands wouldn't move, her mind and her body impossibly separated and her core lacking the power to make a bridge between them. She fought for what might have been hours or years or seconds until her strength ran out, then sank back into the deepest depths of herself with nothing to show for it but a fading spark of fear that she would never emerge again.

Memories spun around her, wheeling and dragging at her like carrion birds tugging at her guts. She dug through rock and soil to find hidden ruins, spent long nights in caves copying down ancient writings, challenged the Scourge Sisters and celebrated survival with her friend Tavros. She kissed Sollux on the cheek and ran off laughing, spent days with him cuddling and coloring pictures, messaged him from under blankets during the dark seasons. Highbloods mocked her and were chased away by her lusus, or attacked her and were shattered by her psionic defenses. She was small and Tavros held her while she cried for the dead, but later she was too strong to cry for them and when she did cry it was her matesprit who was there- not because Tavros wouldn't but because Sollux would. She knelt by Tavros as he lay barely-breathing in his hive and fed him water and soup and illegal painkillers that she'd had to trade most of her collected artifacts to get. She talked to Terezi, her newest hatefriend, and planned vengeance on Vriska that filled her with dark joy to enact.

Slowly, after another age, the dreams faded and she became aware that she was once again floating upwards and had been for some time. She forced herself to stay calm as hope blossomed, relaxing rather than fighting and falling back. The tide of awareness lifted her close to the surface before it began to ebb, close enough to hear faraway voices if she strained herself. The girl wanted to reach for them, to wake up and slip away from the shifting dreamworld all around her, but the instant she pushed forwards she felt herself slipping back. She stopped and forced herself to be patient, letting the currents push her back to her former position. She hovered there, floating, letting the dreams come and go and anchoring herself more and more strongly to that strange place of almost-waking. Then, instead of trying to open her eyes, she opened her mind.

A brief flash of kaleidoscopic chaos almost drowned her again; there were nine minds nearby now, the new ones as harsh and fierce as the four they had joined and the final, fearful one no different than before. She immediately pulled back from the cacophony and focused on a memory that lingered after many repeats; a person she remembered in bright colors and dark rooms, technology and bony hugs and shy kisses that made tears go away.

She had to fly very far to find him, leaving her own mind and body and following a trace that was so faint it was hardly there. At the edges of her focus she felt others, thousands upon thousands of minds and too many of them wrong, so wrong. Ahead was a reassuring glimmer of blue-red-yellow and, forgetting to be patient, she reached out to touch it.

For a moment she saw him. He was standing over a small personal grooming basin in the strangest public ablution chamber she had ever seen, and he stared straight back at her. His face was haggard and dripped with a mixture of yellow tears and clear water.

 _He looks old,_ she thought, the first clear words she had outside of memory. Then the pull of over-reaching grew too hard to fight, and she lost her grip; she blew back to her body like a leaf caught in a hurricane, whisked away back into the dreamless shadows.

This time, though, she had a little more of herself about her. The girl held her mind together enough to think a little about what she had seen while she drifted. She knew that boy, and she didn't, but her memories weren't hers to command. All she knew was that whoever he was, he wasn't supposed to look like that. He was smaller, younger, with a layer of grub-fat. Not all gangly teenage skin and bone.

She needed to know more. It was more than just a deduction; it was a hunger. There was too much she didn't have, and she needed it. The girl waited until she rose up again, anchored herself, and started to reach out. Not for anyone she knew, but for someone nearby.

The minds she felt hadn't changed from before, and she ruled out the cold ones after brushing across them. They were adults, she thought, and that in itself sent a shiver of fear through her. Adults weren't supposed to be here- they couldn't possibly be up to anything good! The last one though, he was a wiggler like her, maybe four or five sweeps old, and mostly he was scared. She stretched herself out to him, wondering if this ability was something he could sense or stop, or whether he would be wrong like so many of the other minds She was relieved to find that she just slipped in through the cracks of his thoughts and settled herself into his head with no fuss.

Sensation flooded back in and the girl nearly fell out of the boy's mind again with the rush of awful knowledge that came with it. He was in so much pain! She could feel the bruises all over him and a nasty, dull ache in the deep parts of his left arm. He was sitting on the floor with his back to a wall, knees tucked up to try and push the hollowness out of his digestion bladder. One hand, the good one, was sifting through a pile of small objects. The other hand was above his head, resting on something soft and padded.

His lips were moving, and although he was hardly making any noise she could hear his thoughts singing something in the funny burbling language that she didn't know. The song was forming a layer over a nasty, bubbling pit of fear; he blinked, and she could feel that his face was wet with tears.

“Power cell, converter, focusing element,” he muttered in the break between verses. The girl noticed that his speech was oddly accented, and the words in his thoughts carried an echo of that strange language again. The break in the song caused the barrier to his fear to waver, and for a moment Aradia could taste it, sharp and urgent and bitter. Without thinking she reached out to him, the desire to comfort him becoming a rush of pitying emotion from her to him. From the way he dropped the component he was holding, she was pretty sure he felt it.

“Huh?” He glanced up to the thing he was resting his hand on; the girl studied the strange piece of furniture, a sort of cross between a low meal consumption slab and a backless couch, and noted the limp hand and arm just within his field of vision. There was someone up there- either an adult or close to it, guessing by the size. She almost panicked again before she realized that the boy wasn't at all nervous or afraid of whoever it was, and no surprise either. They weren't moving.

A door across the room thudded loudly, and the boy jerked. A new wave of silent terror washed over him, and the sudden immersion was too much for the girl. Losing her grip on his mind, she was sent reeling back into herself and plummeted back into the depths.

 _Don't panic,_ she told herself, repeating the mantra over and over as she let herself rise higher and higher once again. _Relax, stay calm, be patient._

Being patient was just so _boring._ She wasn't even sure how she could be fidgety without a body, but by the time she was able to reach back out she was exactly that. She didn't wait a moment longer than she had to before rocketing back out to find her new companion again.

The boy had moved since she was last with him. He was curled up in the far corner of the room, lying under a cloth and pretending to sleep. The girl knew he was only pretending because she could see his thoughts and none of them were dreams. Some of them were worrying about dreams, though; weirdly, although he was properly worried about nightmares, he didn't seem to be thinking about sopor at all. The girl thought she would be frantic if someone wanted her to sleep dry like that- but then, that was what she was doing, wasn't it? Or was she? She hadn't seen herself yet, after all, but she knew she had to be close. She could tell that much.

The questions were uncomfortable, so instead she focused on the boy. There were a few new bruises there from the feel of things, and when he wasn't worrying about nightmares he was trying not to think about whoever was in the other room. The girl sat patiently in the back of his mind and watched him run a finger around the bowl that he had nestled himself around. The finger went in his mouth and the girl nearly gagged; whatever the food was, it tasted as strange as it looked, pureed and brown and bitter-salty. Not right, _again._

Eventually the bowl was fully cleaned, and the boy pushed it away and started to drift off. As soon as she started to smell blood the girl retreated from his thoughts. She didn't want to see what he dreamed about without sopor.

Unfortunately, now that she was thinking mostly clearly, being stuck in her own head was boring. Her memories danced just out of reach, trying to lure her back down, and in frustration she cast herself outwards again. She was going to try and find him again, her red-blue-yellow boy, but before she could find a trace of him she found herself caught on another familiar trace, this one sour and a source of bitter anger. It trapped her like a hook, dragging the girl down despite her struggles, and before she could work out what was happening the world plunged into darkness.

The girl was latched onto thoughts that were swirling with a recent betrayal and tried to pull her already-scattering mind together. Her new host was somewhere outside, but very dark. A flashing beam of light showed her trees- small trees, weirdly shaped and funny colors. The girl tugged to escape and shot forward, projecting herself uncontrollably through the shadows.

Her host sensed something; a flare of shock was accompanied by the beam of light spinning. The girl managed to stop her careening flight and to her surprise settled in a spot only a short distance from where her host was standing. The world turned gray-brown, misty and washed out; it was a strange sensation, because she could clearly tell that she was anchored in the other's mind, but at the same time she was standing outside of her host's body, the edges of her essence drifting away in the air like smoke.

She looked over at her host and locked eyes with her for less than a second. In that second, the girl was certain that she had been seen as clearly as she saw. Whoever the other person was, she knew her; old memories stirred under the surface before she lost concentration completely. The fraying wisps of her mind unraveled along with the self she had been holding together and she snapped back into herself, falling into a deeper darkness and being dragged away from waking.

Her dreams this time were as frightening as they were endless. The girl ran down endless corridors, chasing flashes of red and blue light, running from a flickering radiance that cackled and reached out to grasp her with spindly spider-legs.

"SOLLUX!" she screamed, but the distant figure didn't stop or turn and the monster chasing her was only spurred on. Part of her knew it wasn't real, but a deeper portion of her was just as certain it was.

Someone cried out, and despite her fear of the burning fog on her heels Aradia turned towards the sound. Knowing that there was someone here, someone who needed protecting, made her braver. The light was fast but she was faster, holding back the greedy mist with her own force of will even as it pushed more forcefully towards her. Aradia listened, heard sobbing, and turned again, diving forwards at the last instant to avoid a vicious swipe from a tendril of radiance. Heart pounding she chased through the brightening caves and tunnels of her mind, until she found him huddled in a single patch of shrinking shadow- the maroon-blooded boy, curled up and crying.

She was in his head before she even realized she was trying to get there, just in time to feel the blow fall. The boy went flying- of course he did, he was tiny compared to the adult who hit him- and fell back with a stifled sob.

“Stop your fucking sniveling,” the adult snapped, stepping closer and looming over the boy. “And show some gratitude to your betters, you spineless grub. We got you for a reason and if you aren't up to it you can go in the dumpster with the rest of the worthless trash. That what you want?”

The boy shook his head. “N-no, s-sir,” he stammered, and the girl heard the echo of another language on his words again. “Sorry, sir. I'll try harder.”

The girl jumped with him as a hand slammed into the wall over their head and left a dent in it. “We don't want you to fucking try, brat, we want what we paid for. You going to do that?”

Jaw stiffened shut, the boy nodded, his head bobbing up and down fast enough to hurt his neck. The girl stared out through his eyes, watching as the older troll studied him for a moment. He didn't seem to like what he saw.

“Clean this shithole up,” he said eventually, pushing off the wall and storming back through the door to the other room. It slammed shut behind him; the instant it was closed, the boy slumped back against the wall and started shaking. He was whispering something again, in that language the girl didn't know, but she could feel everything tumbling through his mind and it was awful. Not really knowing what else she could do, she reached out and tried to send happy, comforting feelings to the boy.

She knew it was working, at least a little, when he unfolded and scrambled over the flat backless couch-platform thing; this time he was standing up, and the girl could see the person lying on it clearly. A jolt of familiarity went through her, coupled with a sense of panic and wrongness. She _knew_ the teenager lying there, but not like this.

The sleeping girl was awfully still, she thought, especially since she still couldn't see any sopor. Shouldn't she be having nightmares? She looked awfully pale, almost dead, but someone had tried to make her comfortable- her large, curling horns were supported with the rest of the head by a pair of rectangular cushions, and there were covers pulled up over her body to keep her warm. So she couldn't be dead, but she wasn't sleeping either?

To the girl's surprise, the boy crawled up onto the platform and carefully curled himself up next to the sleeping teenager, wrapping both of his arms around one of hers as if she were his lusus.

“I don't know what to do,” he whispered in his odd, echoing Alternian. “They're getting mad at me for not finishing, but all the technology here is really different.” He paused, chewing on his lower lip for a while before admitting. “This world is really backward. I keep needing stuff that doesn't exist, and then I have to make it, and then it takes longer.” He wriggled closer. “They don't really need me,” he added, so quietly that if she hadn't been in his head she wouldn't have heard a thing. “I heard them talking. There's other stuff they could do instead. I hope they don't get rid of me, though, because then they'd prob'ly kill me, and I don't wanna die.”

The girl sent him a burst of sympathy. She could see the maroon scabs on his arms, and the flashes of leg through the holes in the knees of his over-large blue pants. It could have been her in his place if she hadn't been careful and lucky. Every lowblood heard the stories and knew not to go out alone and unarmed, but that wouldn't make much difference if someone really wanted to snatch you. Not unless you had the sort of powers that were good for that.

“'S not too bad here, anyway,” the boy was saying, still curled up around the sleeping girl. “They don't really understand what I can do, not like it was on the ship.” The girl felt a shiver run through him. “Were you awake on the ship? I guess it was pretty bad for everyone, but then they all say Alternia was worse. I dunno 'cos I don't remember being there, but I bet you do.” He sighed and snuggled closer. “I bet you wouldn't even like me if you were awake,” he added.

 _I really would!_ the girl thought, before remembering that he wasn't talking to her. The boy reacted instantly, dropping the arm of the sleeper and shooting off the bed; his eyes scanned the room wildly, and taken by a sudden idea the girl pushed in the same way that she had done earlier.

The world faded and was covered by colorless mist; for the second time, the girl was struck with the sensation of being in two places at once. She stood on the opposite side of the bed and looked at the boy; he looked straight back at her, and his eyes widened in silent shock.

She managed to hold it for nearly five seconds this time before the pull became too much for her and she dropped back into the chasm. But this time, things were different; this time, when the dreams and memories swarmed her, she knew what they were.

 _Remember,_ she told herself, as her life swam before her eyes again. _I will remember!_ This time when the burning light receded, she clung to them; her friend Tavros, her matesprit Sollux, her enemy Vriska. It wasn't much, but it was something and it gave her new strength.

When she touched the surface again, she was intending to reach out to the boy again, but instead she found herself drawn to one of the nearby adults. This mind burned brighter than the rest, so fierce in conviction that nothing else could survive. The girl brushed against it and recoiled, but in that moment felt something else- another person, far away but near by at once. Energy pulsed between them, and the girl plunged into it.

It was like diving into a river full of ice and she nearly fell back out again, but then the girl threw out an anchor in both directions- one to the burning hatred of the adult, the other to the mind on the far end of the line. The distant stranger was older than her but still young, afraid and desperate to do- something. The girl couldn't quite tell what. She could just barely make out words in the current around her, and was straining to pick up what they said when the line went dead.

The girl sensed it coming just in time and pulled back, but it made her wonder what she might be able to do with that connection. She didn't have to wonder for long; the adult did something, and suddenly the line of energy was back, although this time the other end was silent.

She dived into it- it was easier the second time- and began to search for someone on the far end. She didn't know for sure that there was someone who would help, but she couldn't just sit back and do nothing. She clung to the icy line of energy, feeling the distant thud of a blood-pusher that had to be her own calling her back. She refused to listen. There was going to be someone there, someone she needed to talk to, she was certain of it.

When the line cut off, she ignored the warning, drawing on her own energy to keep herself in place. Immediately she felt herself starting to drift apart, and she screamed silently, pushing herself further to make a connection. In her panic she sensed someone, the same someone as before, right next to her- but she didn't dare let go of her anchor, didn't dare drop the connection that would take her back. She didn't know what would happen if she couldn't find her way back to the sleeping body, but something told her it wouldn't be good.

“Hello?” she shouted, putting as much of her own power as she dared into the word. “Hello? Is someone there?”

She felt surprise, sensed words coming to her in an unfamiliar form. Pieces of her self were flaking off, flowing back to their source. She didn't have long.

“I need your help!” she told the stranger, close to desperate. There was no way to tell who she was talking to, no way to be sure if they would help, no way to even know if they could even hear her. Oh, by the Mother Grub, please let them hear her!

 _...old are you?_ A fragment of a question, but proof that someone was listening.

“Four sweeps,” she told the stranger, feeling the truth of it. “Please, you have to find us! They're doing something bad, and I can't do anything!” She could feel her distant body trying to drag her back, a fierce pull hauling her away from this lifeline. She needed this stranger, needed her lusus, needed Sollux, needed someone to come and save her because _she couldn't save herself._

More curiosity from the other, and her head was starting to ache with keeping everything together and working. “I don't know where I am!” she screamed, and the flare of her own power disrupted the connection, causing a flash of pained confusion. On the other end of the line she felt reassurance, kindness, desire to help.

“I'll be okay!” she yelled, trying to make herself heard over the wind rushing past her and the forces tearing her back. “It's not me you need to help! There's a boy here, they're forcing him to make something and they won't let him go! They're hurting him and everything's wrong here, I need you to help us!”

She lost her grip on the last word, plummeting back to herself, falling apart until only the deepest core of her was left to land in the welcoming shade of her sleep. But the girl was ready for this, was growing used to it; before the dreams could swallow her again she bounced, throwing herself back out. She didn't go far, but she didn't have to.

The boy was sitting by the feet of the sleeping girl when she joined him, and exhausted as she was she could feel that he had been waiting. This time he sensed her the moment she slipped into his thoughts.

“Are you a ghost?” he asked, in quiet Alternian. “I heard stories about ghosts.”

Remembering how it had felt to talk, the girl concentrated carefully on her words. _I don't know,_ she thought to him. _But I don't think so. You have to be dead to be a ghost, and I don't feel dead. I feel trapped._

“You're not dead,” he whispered, and his eyes moved up to the face of the sleeping girl. “That's you there, and you're alive. That's what they keep saying.”

The girl looked at the teenager on the bed. _That is not me!_ she replied. _She's too old!_

“She's got the same horns as you,” the boy whispered. “And the same face and everything, just older. I saw when you appeared.”

The girl considered this, remembering how she had seen Sollux and Vriska, and how both of them had looked older. It made sense that she would too. She studied the sleeping girl, and the idea that it was her seemed far too easy to accept. _I don't remember,_ she thought sadly. _How can I grow up and not remember?_

“Maybe you were asleep the whole time?” the boy whispered.

_I would've been culled, though._

“Well, maybe that's why you were on the ship,” he said. “Do you remember the ship?”

 _No,_ the girl replied. _But I don't remember lots of things. You talked about it before._

“You heard?”

_Yes. And I don't hate you._

“Oh.” He seemed surprised, and ducked his head, taking his gaze off the sleeping girl. “Thanks, then.” He paused for a minute. “So you really don't know anything about the ship?”

 _No,_ the girl replied. The memory came to her of minds that seemed wrong, trees that were strange, a language unlike anything she'd heard before, and something clicked into place. _This isn't Alternia, is it?_

“No,” the boy whispered. “This is Earth.”

_And there are aliens here?_

“Yeah. They're called humans.” The boy seemed to consider this for a moment, before adding; “They're alright, but I've gotta be careful around them so as they don't notice me too much. They don't like it when people hurt wigglers 'cos of some kind of weird lusus instinct they got. 'S probably why they didn't just cull us all when we crashed.”

Humans. The girl filed the knowledge away for later. _So we ran away from Alternia?_ she asked, remembering his comment about why she hadn't been culled. _Why did you come?_

“My lusus said,” he whispered. “I dunno why. I hardly even remember him now. Mostly just feelings and stuff. And the smell. He smelled like wet fur, even when it hadn't rained in days." He scratched behind one ear. “I think maybe he was scared that if I stayed on Alternia I might get in trouble, but I guess that didn't work out so good.”

 _What are you making?_ the girl asked.

The boy shook his head. “Something bad,” he whispered. “People always want me to make bad things for them.” He paused. “I finished it,” he whispered. “ _She_ took it.”

She could feel the shame and pain and fear messed up in his words, and sent him a flush of comfort and forgiveness. Whatever he'd done it wasn't his fault.

 _I'll see if there's anything I can do,_ she told him, already starting to search for the impression of _Her_ that she had got from his mind. It was the same one from earlier, and she shuddered at the thought of trying to touch that mind again- and while tired, too! But she didn't see another way around it.

“Thanks,” the boy whispered, lying down on the padded platform next to the sleeping teenager that was, apparently, her. “What's your name?”

The girl hesitated, years of memories flickering past. _Aradia,_ she told him slowly, letting him feel her wonder at finding the name. _Aradia Megido._

“I'm Zuskon,” he whispered.

 _It was nice to meet you, Zuskon,_ said Aradia, and left. The shape of her target's mind was familiar to her, and not far away. Aradia latched onto her lightly, afraid to disturb the bright burn in the woman's mind, and let herself be led away from wherever she had been. She couldn't see, couldn't sense anything like this but the bright flare of nearby minds, most of them alien and strange.

Somehow she wasn't surprised when she sensed Sollux nearby. The way he'd looked when she saw him- she wasn't the only one in trouble, and she was sure that her captors had something to do with it. There were other trolls nearby, ones that felt familiar. She couldn't put faces to them, but as they drew closer to their destination Aradia became more and more certain that she was somewhere she had been before.

Taking a chance, she reached out for Sollux, but recoiled when she touched nothing but distress and pain. Another mind welcomed her, a spike of pity and concern to match her own, and she found herself looking out through eyes that saw clearly in the deeper darkness of this strange world. She had fins, and gills, and a deep longing for a place that was cooler and heavier than this dry gravity-bound land.

Aradia swallowed her immediate reaction, not wanting the seadweller to hear her hiding. But although she was a teenager too, her host felt young, and homesick, and so very worried about Sollux. Aradia thought of her target, brushed against the hostile presence nearby, and came to a decision.

The moment she pushed, the seadweller seemed to respond, turning to look for her. Not what Aradia expected, but she could work with it. Another push and the seadweller turned; Aradia fled ahead of her and inside her, leading her towards the distant presence of the adult full of passion and anger.

When the seadweller stopped, Aradia overshot, flying out past her. Frantic she grabbed back, but missed, and this time she didn't have the energy left to save herself. Her self flew apart and dropped back into the bottomless depths of the chasm, and the last conscious thought she could muster was a hope that her efforts had achieved something worthwhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. It's not exactly action-packed, but I'd say it's more exciting, right? :)
> 
> Trying to find a good balance between Ghost!Aradia and Alive!Aradia while compensating for her basically being a little kid and also largely detached from reality is _hard_ , though.


	18. ==> Be The Blameful Brother

### CHAPTER SEVENTEEN ==> Be The Blameful Brother

Gamzee Makara had been in trouble before, but never like this. He hunched over on himself in the chair, sinking lower and lower in a weak-as-shit attempt to look small and harmless. Beside him Karkat studied the surface of the kitchen table; on the other side, John couldn't look away from the looming figure of his father. The elder Egbert was imposing when he wanted to be and right now Gamzee figured he didn't have reason to be otherwise.

"Five hours," the man was saying, leaning forward with his fists planted on the tabletop. "For five hours I thought you boys were over at a friend's house. For five hours I had no idea where you were or what you were doing, and then I get a call from Crockercorp security!" He paused, looking between three shame-filled faces. Gamzee ducked his head to avoid meeting the adult's eyes.

"Those guards carry guns," Egbert said, his voice dangerously soft. "What if they had shot first and asked questions later? What if they had decided to call the police instead of your guardian? What if there had been an accident- if one of you had been caught in some machinery and nobody had come along in time? We could be having this conversation in the police station, or the hospital. We could be not having this conversation _at all."_

"Sorry, Dad," muttered John. Gamzee could see his human friend turning slowly red; John was shifting his feet under the table as well, a funny little shuffle-dance that weren't really funny at all. "We didn't mean to..." His voice trailed off.

"Didn't mean to what?" Egbert turned the full force of his furrowed brow on his son. "Didn't mean to break the law, or didn't mean to get caught?"

John flinched. "Make you worry," he finished.

His father stared at him for a moment, lips tightening. "Don't you think it would be better if you gave me nothing to worry about?" He looked back towards Gamzee and Karkat. "What about you boys; do you have anything you want to say for yourselves?"

Gamzee glanced at his moirail, but without raising his head Karkat shook it, one quick turn each way.

"Ain't nothin'," Gamzee whispered, his mouth and throat dry like someone snuck down there and stole the moisture clean out of him when he wasn't looking. He didn't dare look back at Egbert, instead copying Karkat and tracing the wood grain with his eyes. There was another long pause.

"Well, then," said Egbert. "Fortunately for you, since no harm was done to their property, Crockercorp has agreed not to press charges. Gamzee, John, I've spoken to your therapist and she says that after the events of this summer unusual behavior is to be expected. Possibly even certain, once we factor in any further difficulties that Gamzee and Karkat might be facing given all you’ve had to live with.” The man sighed and shook his head. “Nonetheless, I am deeply disappointed in you boys. I expected better of all three of you; your actions were reckless, dangerous, and entirely unacceptable, and I will not have behavior like that under my roof.” 

Something in Gamzee’s upper thorax ached like it was trying to snap in half, and he wished that Karkat’s hands weren’t in full view because he could really have gone for a reassuring secret hand-squeeze right about then.

"You are grounded until further notice," said the elder Egbert, stepping back from the table and keeping his gaze level on John. "There will be no television, no internet, and no leaving the house unless it's for school, therapy, or groceries. Since I clearly cannot trust you, I will be asking some of our friends and neighbors to drop you off at school in the mornings and pick you up in the evenings, and to escort you to the store while I am at work. I sincerely hope that you can appreciate the sacrifice they are making for us."

Gamzee peeked across at his brothers, only twitching his neck a little so that his horns wouldn't flail about too far. John was nodding, head flapping up and down fit to fall off. Next to him Karkat was frozen solid, a silent statue of a troll staring down fixedly at his very own hands.

"You will also be writing a letter to Crockercorp apologizing for your actions," Egbert said, setting his hands on his hips. "And you are expressly forbidden from associating with that girl- Haley Morgan, wasn't it?"

John's head snapped up. "But Dad..."

"No buts, young man!"

Despite the emotional chill in the air, some half-rotted neuron in Gamzee's thinkpan fired off and got to reminding him that _butt_ was another word meaning _ass._ He couldn't help the snort that grabbed control of his own voice away from him and sounded itself out.

"Is something amusing, Gamzee?" asked Egbert, in a voice fit to chill a motherfucker's horns into breaking brittle.

"No sir," said Karkat, still staring at the table. Gamzee narrowly avoided grunting when his moirail's foot kicked him in the ankle, hard.

"Good, because from what Mister Fallow was saying last night, it sounds as though young Miss Morgan was, if not the instigator, then at the very least the guiding hand behind last night's escapade." The human leaned forwards again, this time placing his palms down on the table. "She sounds like a particularly bad influence and I do not trust her."

John's chair scraped along the floor, pushed back by his abrupt standing. "That's not fair!" he yelled, slamming his own hands down and looking in that moment so like his lusus that Gamzee had trouble recalling how John's ancestor was someone else entirely.

"John! You are already in a world of trouble, young man, and you will do me the courtesy of keeping a civil tongue in your head!"

Slowly, quietly, John dropped back into his seat. The elder Egbert nodded and breathed deeply. When he turned to look at the trolls, Gamzee learned that he hadn't been as hunched and huddled as he could have been.

"You two go to your room and think about what you've done," the man said. Karkat moved so fast that his chair didn't scrape, it tumbled; Gamzee managed to catch it and set it upright, but was caught for a moment staring at Egbert and John before he found his feet again and fled after his moirail. The door to their block was only just outside the kitchen and he slammed it behind him, fingers already fumbling for the lock as it closed. As soon as it had clicked Gamzee ran for the pile in the center of the room, diving headfirst into the heap of soft bedding and cozy worn clothes and burrowing himself in as deep as possible.

He was expecting Karkat to fall into the pile too, so when no comforting weight landed beside him Gamzee raised his face out of a fold of comforter to look around. Curiosity got replaced with confusion when he saw his moirail dragging his rucksack out of the bottom of the closet.

"Best friend?" asked Gamzee, voice wavering more than was usual. Karkat glanced his way, a brief flicker behind his bangs, then dragged over the still half-packed suitcase from under his desk and started examining the contents. Gamzee saw tears etching red trails down his moirail's cheeks.

"You should get your bag," said Karkat. He wasn't whispering exactly, but he wasn't talking up at his usual volume either, his voice becoming a scratchy rasp that sounded like he was growling his words. Gamzee recognized the tone. He'd heard it on the ship, in their old foster home, on the streets- every time they were meant to be hiding or scared, Karkat started talking like that. He ducked his chin down and silently watched what Karkat shoved in his rucksack. Spare hoodie. Three pairs of socks. Folded blanket. Half-empty water bottle. Leftover chocolate bars.

Gamzee started shaking. Karkat was there in moments.

"Shoosh, it's okay," he whispered, running a hand up and down Gamzee's spine. It felt good, square and stubby like the rest of him but with just the right amount of firmness behind it. Gamzee's head dropped back down into the warm dark nest he had made. The pile shifted as Karkat lay down next to him, compact and warm; the rubbing didn't stop, but now it encompassed a tight hug too. Gamzee burrowed closer to his moirail, squashing his cartilage nub up against his brother's thorax just as his ganderbulbs started leaking.

"I don't wanna be all up and motherfucking leaving," he whispered, hardly even breathing so that his words would get caught in the space between them and never, ever leave. "I don't, I don't wanna."

The hand on his back didn't stop moving. "You heard Egbert," said Karkat, and Gamzee could tell from his voice that his palebro was leaking all his motherfucking sadness out just as bad. "We let him down, and he knows we'll do it again." Karkat paused; pressed against his chest, Gamzee could feel the gurgle as his moirail swallowed. "Reckless, dangerous, unacceptable, and not under his roof, remember?"

Gamzee shook his head, careful not to bump Karkat with his horns, and grasped at the same thoughts he'd been hanging on to all of the restless, fearful night. "But that ain't what he's been saying before, and he was all up and being there through that whole motherfucking court case and saying all those good things, and he came to get us last night..."

"John," said Karkat dully. "He came to get John. We just happened to fucking be there. Same with everything else; we saved his kid so he gave us a chance, and we just blew it. What do you think the two of them are talking about out there?" The soothing hand on Gamzee's back stilled, and the fingers of the other hand came to push his chin up, surprisingly delicate for how rough they were. Gamzee's eyes met Karkat's, both pair of ganderbulbs glistening wet in two different shades of grief.

"Sorry I got us to fuck it all up," Karkat said. Gamzee reached up and pulled his moirail close again, winding round him so tight that it was like they were really one troll that had four arms and four legs and an extra head and horns.

"What we gonna do?" he asked, refusing to push past the blank wall of nothing that was building across the middle of his thoughts.

Karkat huffed into his shoulder. "Well, given that the choice is to leave ourselves, or wait until we get our asses kicked out, I vote leaving as the option less likely to result in painful injury." He shivered, and Gamzee made a protective rumble, wrapping a little closer around him.

"Gettin' our motherfuckin' asses all kicked the fuck out don't sound like any kind of felicitous happening," Gamzee agreed, mumbling into the thick tangle of hair between his moirail's nubby little horns. The back of his mind chittered and snickered and offered up some imaginings that Gamzee didn't want on how such a thing could go down, mostly based around how their last human lusus had felt about people doing things he didn't want them doing.

"No shit, grubmunch," Karkat grumbled. "I figure it'll be fine. We'll just crawl back to LA like the pair of hatch-damaged idiots we are and hammer on Sollux's door until he lets us in. That spark-panned asshole owes me big time for dragging me into this whole world-hopping mess in the first place, and if he tries to weasel out now I swear I will flip my shit so hard that the planet will flip right back around on its axis to compensate and smack him right in his swollen head."

"Sounds to me like that's to being a righteous miracle of a plan," said Gamzee, carefully not thinking on how far they were from LA or how they were going to get there on their own two amblepods and no money. Or on how much he'd liked it here, how he'd been making friends and maybe even quadrants, how there had been schoolfeeding with art classes and actual food-type feeding and a block of their very own to come back to at night and John to hang out and be human brothers with. How there had been a lusus here to look after them.

Nope, Gamzee wasn't thinking about none of that. He was thinking about- his pills, actually, because he needed to bring those and the prescription, but that bit of wicked miracle paper was kept in the special cabinet upstairs and from what Egbert had said he didn't think the two of them were allowed to leave their room.

"How are we gonna be to getting my motherfucking meds?" he asked aloud.

"You've still got the pills in your bag, right?" Karkat asked. When Gamzee nodded, he sighed in relief. "I'll grab the prescription in a minute," he said, going back to rubbing Gamzee's spine. "Unless Egbert desperately wants us to defecate in the corner, I should be able to make it to the ablution block and back. You focus on packing anything that might be remotely useful."

Gamzee nodded, knowing what his moirail meant. "Think we can be all to getting ourselves into the kitchen, take us some eating things from out of that motherfucker for the road?"

Karkat glanced briefly towards the dividing wall, chewing his lower lip as he thought about it, but then shook his head. "Too risky. What if he caught us stealing from him?"

Remembering how he'd seen the elder Egbert shifting heavy furniture about like it was nothing, Gamzee agreed. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on chilling with his moirail, and for a few peaceful minutes Karkat indulged him. Stupid motherfucking impulses didn't shut up in the back of his pan, though; Gamzee supposed he was going to have to get used to that again. Medicine was some expensive shit and there were other things that had to be paid for first. The thought left him oddly light with relief- at least he wasn't going to be losing half his meals down the load gaper any more, and the world was a sight more full of miracles when he wasn't on his pills, even if they were the dark and scary kind.

When Karkat finally did stand up, Gamzee folded himself around the warm spot on the pile where his moirail had been. A foot prodded him in the side, right under the lower grubstump, and he made a noise of protest.

"I'm not leaving you lying there," Karkat hissed, kick-prodding Gamzee again. "You won't fucking move and then I'll be stuck trying to turf you out of the pile instead of attending to actual, serious, useful business like getting us out of here and on the way to Sollux's place sometime before this planet spirals into its own sun. Now stop lazing before you melt into a puddle of sopor. I figure you're halfway there to begin with anyway."

Knowing that Karkat had a point, Gamzee unfolded upwards from the pile and gave his palebro one last hug. Karkat spluttered, but Gamzee was hugged back briefly before being shoved towards the bed with the indigo sheets. He caught himself on the metal frame and turned back to Karkat. The other troll looked like he wanted to say something, but before Gamzee could ask what Karkat's mouth slammed shut and he darted out of the door.

Gamzee sighed and turned his attention to the bed. The top of it was covered in heaps of stuff, things that he'd somehow gathered over the last couple of weeks and never bothered putting away. Didn't make any manner of sense to him, the idea of putting things in a closet or a drawer when there was all this space right here asking to be used, and he could see it and everything. Still, hanging off a ladder with one hand while trying to root through a heap with the other wasn't the best way to look for things. Gamzee was mostly sure he'd left his rucksack up here; he liked to leave it at head height so he didn't bump his horns looking for it by the desk. Looked like there had been a pileslide since then, though.

Some of the other things on the bed dropped onto the floor when Gamzee tugged the rucksack out, and he crouched to snatch up some socks. A couple of them even matched, although that had more to do with Egbert's insistence on buying all those black ones rather than any attempt to pair them on Gamzee's part. He stopped halfway to dropping them in the rucksack, staring at the thick fabric and the worn patches where the less-trimmed claws on his feet were already starting to break through, and felt his eyes burn again.

He was probably moving too jerkily when he did shove them into the bag, and he definitely put a small tear in the large sweater that followed them. He just hadn't expected, hadn't wanted, to be doing this. At least this time he got to pack, though. And they knew what they were doing, and they even had somewhere to go. It wasn't like before. It wasn't going to be like before.

Gamzee tensed and almost dropped his rucksack when the door opened, but it was only Karkat. His moirail closed and relocked the door before pulling a folded piece of paper out of his sleeve.

"How many pills do you have left?" Karkat asked, tucking the prescription into his trouser pocket. The paper slip would get all messed up in there, Gamzee knew, but rucksacks were easier to steal and messed up was better than gone. He hunted through the side pocket of his rucksack and, with only a small bit more difficulty than usual, opened the bottle to check.

"It's all up and looking like I'm to being motherfucking fine for a month or something like," he said, doing a brief check on the pills.

Karkat let out a puff of relief. "Okay, good." He wandered over and dumped an armful of stuff into Gamzee's pack, then scowled. "For fuck's sake, will you fold shit?" Gamzee watched as his palebro pulled out the tight, balled sweater out and started shaking it out, continuing to grumble about uncivilized semi-feral clowns.

With Karkat helping him, it didn't take long for both rucksacks to be packed and zipped up tight. Gamzee shrugged his on and took a last look around the room; it didn't look like anything had been taken from it at all.

"Don't stare too long, you'll wear out the paint," Karkat said, walking over to the window and pushing it open. With the curtains shoved back, the sunlight that poured in was bright; it was cooler here than in LA, the air carrying a bite as winter came closer, but it was the light that was hard to handle. Karkat looked back over his shoulder and held out a hand, which Gamzee took and squeezed briefly before letting go. Then the small mutant threw his leg over the windowsill and ducked out of the house.

Gamzee studied the rectangular hole he had to follow through. He wasn't great at math and spaces and stuff, but he was pretty sure that between his horns and his height he wasn't getting out exactly the same way as Karkat. He backed up a step, waited just long enough for Karkat's eyes to go wide, then ran and dived through the window.

Landing was an interesting and miraculous adventure. Gamzee had watched a whole load of TV over summer, and he'd seen humans really motherfucking move in real life in LA, and if there was one thing he truly envied the other species it was that whole flippy-roll landing thing they could do if they were practiced. His choices were limited to landing on his arms or landing on his face, and somehow he managed to do both then skid a few extra yards on top of that. Fortunately it was just grass he'd landed on, so it was quiet and no real harm done, but his clothes got all greened up and would never be the same again.

Karkat helped him up with a glare that promised yelling later. Gamzee followed his moirail off down the street, rubbing his cartilage nub to check that it wasn't bleeding or anything. It was, but only slightly.

It being a Saturday morning there were a few humans out and about round their hives. Gamzee made sure to smile and wave like they were just off on a normal trip; some people even waved back, which made him go a little achy inside again. He'd not really ever had neighbors before, at least not of the sort that didn't try and cull a motherfucker from time to time, and it was something of a shame to be leaving these ones.

They walked in silence, Gamzee's loping strides keeping easy pace with Karkat's determined stomping. They probably could have kept walking like that for hours if Gamzee's moirail hadn't gone and walked right into someone coming the other way.

"Hey, watch where you're going, you..." Karkat's voice trailed off.

"Hello, there," said the human girl he had walked into. She looked vaguely familiar; Gamzee squinted at her, but he still wasn't great at figuring out which humans were which outside of the ones they spent most of their time around.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" asked Karkat. The girl smiled and shrugged, tangling the fingers of one hand in her hair; it was chopped short, curly, and such a pale shade of golden-yellow that Gamzee was sure he couldn't have seen it on too many people.

"I just thought I'd come by for a visit and see how my new chums were doing," she said, turning her smile on to Gamzee. He couldn't help but to grin back; it was a motherfucking sweet smile she had, gentle enough to soothe all the loudest aches and pains. "You do remember me, don't you? John's friend?"

"Oh, yeah!" Gamzee brightened, remembering the crying chica he had ditched his moirail on at the party. "Shit, sister, you all came by to see us?"

Her smile appeared again, the most genuine good thing Gamzee had ever seen on a face. "Well, of course I did! I heard about what happened and I wanted to make sure you weren't in too much trouble after all that fuss and bother!”

"At which point did you start entertaining the delusion that we are friends?" Gamzee and the girl looked round at Karkat, who folded his arms. "Actually, I don't care. We've got shit to do that doesn't involve you. Come on, Gamzee."

Reluctantly Gamzee started to follow his grouchy moirail, but before he could get more than a few steps away the girl called after them; "Actually, I was rather hoping to return this!"

Looking back, Gamzee saw her holding out a cellphone that looked just like the one John had lost the night before. Her smile had vanished, replaced by a look so earnestly wide-eyed that he couldn't imagine anyone seeming less motherfucking threatening than she did right then.

Karkat still flinched. "Where the fuck did you get that?"

The girl turned pink. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you knew. My dad's the factory manager- John didn't say? I would have thought it would have come up, given what you were planning."

Gamzee looked over at Karkat, who shook his head. The girl sighed; one of her feet scuffed at the sidewalk, and she stared off to the side rather than look straight at them.

“I suppose it was rather silly of me to hope,” she said softly. “I just thought- it's always just been me and John, really, ever since elementary school. I suppose I just presumed that since you're friends with him...” She shrugged and lifted her head, smile returning. "Oh, well. At least I managed to pay you back for helping me with Tyler at the party!"

"By returning a cellphone that isn't even mine," said Karkat. "Yes, thank you, we will have to raise a gogdamned statue of you for this. Future generations of wigglers, human and troll alike, will gather at the feet of a humungous granite monstrosity carved in your vacant image and prostrate themselves on the ground to pray for your benevolent salvation from the unfathomable horror of not being immediately and constantly annoyed by every asshole they know."

The girl's face crinkled in a sort of baffled misery that made Gamzee think maybe he should be applying some concussive maintenance to his moirail's skull at some point soon. "Actually I saw the email from turntechGodhead and sent him the files you were looking for." She held out the phone. "I really was just trying to help, you know."

Karkat took the device and stared at it, mostly so he wouldn't have to look at her. "Oh."

Gamzee rolled his eyes, and came to the rescue of his dumbass moirail. "That was up and being all kinds of motherfucking thoughtful, sister," he said, smiling at her because she did still look some kinds of worried. "It's a motherfucking miracle is what it is, you delivering us outta the barren void what is being failure and all turning that shit around to be worth for something in the end."

"Yeah, thanks for making it so we're just regular fuckups instead of the worthless dumbshit kind," Karkat added. He was grumbling, but Gamzee thought he could hear something sincere behind the words, and he patted his moirail on the shoulder for saying something nice on purpose.

The girl, however, frowned at them both. "When you say fuckups, what..."

She was interrupted by the grumble of an engine from behind and a voice calling: "Karkat! Gamzee!" Looking around, Gamzee saw John hanging out the window of a familiar battered truck, waving to the three of them on the sidewalk. Karkat groaned as the truck pulled up next to them.

"You guys escaped too, huh?" said John, leaning out the passenger-side window. On the other side of the truck the door slammed. 

"Uh, yeah," said Gamzee, trying to keep an eye on his moirail as Haley stomped around the front of the truck. Karkat was distracted right now, but Gamzee was pretty sure they weren't telling people all about running away just now. "Thought we wasn't all up and being keen on waiting around in there," he said, trying to keep his voice fluctuations as normal as possible.

John snickered. "I know, right? Haley busted me out like five minutes after Dad sent me to my room," he said. "Didn't you, Haley?"

Ignoring John, the girl lunged towards Karkat. "YOU GRAY-SKINNED FUCKER!"

Karkat danced back from her furious grab. "What the fuck is your problem?" he yelled.

"My problem? MY FUCKING PROBLEM?" the girl screamed, making another attempt to capture him. "You fucking turned me in, you piece of shit! Do you have any idea how much trouble I'm in? I'm grounded until I fucking _die!"_

Gamzee intercepted her next grab, hand closing around her wrist and holding onto it as gentle as he could ever be. "How about you be cooling your motherfucking tits there, sister," he said, smiling to cover the bubbling pit of rage that was building in his thoracic cavity.

"Fuck you!" Haley yelled. John jumped out of the truck and tried to maneuver between her and the trolls, but she ducked to look over his shoulder and glare at Karkat again. "You fucking ruined my life on purpose, you asshole!"

Karkat lunged and Gamzee barely managed to drop the girl in time, catching his moirail and leaving Haley to John. Karkat struggled in his grip, trying to break out of the wicked calming hug that Gamzee was laying on him.

"Ruined your life?" he screamed. "Ruined YOUR fucking life? I'm on probation, you stupid shit, if they'd called the cops I would have spent _years_ in your human prison! I knew I shouldn't have listened to you but like a panless moron I did anyway, and what do you know, me and my quadrant are back out on the fucking street! Like I give a flying fuck if you're fucking grounded, you ambulatory hogwailing shitstink!"

"Shh," murmured Gamzee, his mouth right next to Karkat's ear. "Shh. I motherfuckin' got you, palebro, it's gonna be okay."

John was looking at the two of them with a face that was all written over with a sort of confused horror. "Wait, what do you mean, Karkat, back out on the street?"

"You're on probation?" the sweet-smiling sister was saying at the same time, green eyes wide as she hovered closer. Karkat looked between the two of them, mouth working in furious silence, exchanging brief glares with Haley. Gamzee was about to try and say something to cover up what his best friend had blurted, when his ganderbulbs happened to light on a sight that made his insides start churning.

"Aw, shit," he said, staring at Egbert as the adult approached from the house they had just left. Everyone else's heads turned as the man walked up, came to a stop, and folded his arms.

"Whilst I do not condone the language, I believe Gamzee has at least grasped the essentials of the situation," he said, glaring at them. "When I said you boys were grounded, I did not mean until you managed to exit the house through a window!" He turned to the girl who had returned John's cellphone. "Callie, it's been a while. Were you coming to visit John?"

John raised his hand in an abortive attempt to gain his father's attention, and the girl's mouth twitched into a small hint of a smile. "Actually, I was sort of coming to see Karkat and Gamzee as well," she said, her hand wandering to play with her hair again. "But I suppose it's a bad time at present?"

"I'm afraid so," said Egbert. "You're welcome to stop in for some tea, and I have some muffins fresh out the oven if you'd like one, but I can assure you that none of the boys will be available for several weeks at the very least."

"D-" John started, and was silenced by a glare from his father.

"It's quite alright, Mister Egbert," said Callie, smiling fully now. "I understand that you have some private family issues to work out at the moment." Her eyes flickered to Karkat. "I don't want to cause trouble for anyone."

Gamzee figured that was her way of saying she wasn't thinking of telling any soul about what she knew, and gave her a small nod when Karkat didn't. He could have sworn in front of the messiahs themselves that her smile widened, just for him.

"Do you need a lift home, then?" asked Egbert. Callie shook her head.

"I'll be fine, but thank you for the offer," she said. Her head turned to face Karkat directly. "I'll just let you head home, and I'll see you in school on Monday."

Gamzee was still puzzling on that one long after she had waved goodbye and left them standing there. Egbert frowned slightly too, before turning to John and Haley.

"Miss Morgan, isn't it?"

"What's it to you?" Haley demanded, folding her arms. Egbert sighed.

"While I am sure you have many sterling qualities, I am afraid that you are too much of a disruptive influence on my son at this time. He is currently grounded, and I would appreciate it if you would leave him in the house."

"Dad," said John. He was ignored.

"Why should I do anything you say?" Haley demanded.

"Because I happen to know your home number, and I spoke to your mother earlier," Egbert replied. "As I recall, you are also grounded, young lady."

"Don't stick, though," Haley said smugly.

“Really, Dad,” said John, looking almost like he wanted to start tugging on his lusus' sleeve.

"Did I mention I am also good friends with your school's principal?" Egbert added, still talking to Haley. "And if you manage to avoid your mother and your school, I also happen to be acquainted with several members of the local constabulary."

Gamzee remembered that all too clear; Karkat had freaked out almost as bad as the cops when Egbert had introduced them to his buddies. Haley didn't seem much more keen, going pale and backing up towards her truck.

Egbert nodded and turned from John to Gamzee and Karkat. "Very well. Now those points are cleared up, I want all three of you back in the house _right now,_ do I make myself understood?"

"DAD!" yelled John, waving an arm at Karkat and Gamzee. "I know you're mad and don't want to listen to me, but they were running away!"

Egbert fell silent and looked at the two troll boys, his eyes flickering to their rucksacks and the way Karkat was staring fixedly at the pavement. Gamzee shifted his feet and tried not to look at anyone else, which was hard what with there being so many people about the place.

"Is this true?" asked the elder Egbert, his voice going all quiet like he was trying not to scare off a baby purrbeast. Gamzee looked down at Karkat, who glowered at the human man.

"Why? Does it make any fucking difference whether we leave now or wait until you throw us out?"

Egbert blinked. "Throw you out? Why on earth would you think I was planning to do that?"

"You all up and said it," Gamzee replied, holding his moirail a little closer. "You motherfucking laid it all out like the wicked revelations what you got from our actions as what we was choosing, that you didn't want us all up and to being under your roof no more."

There was silence, broken by Haley snorting. "Shit, Mr Egbert, you said that?" She sneered at Karkat. "Guess I can understand why."

Karkat growled and Gamzee caught him before he could lunge again, although he wasn't completely sure why. He was starting to get a feeling in his own blood-pusher that this girl needed some serious schoolfeeding in motherfucking manners, and his best friend seemed keen to provide the education.

"I said nothing of the sort!" Egbert snapped to Haley, before turning back to Karkat and Gamzee. His face softened. "Boys, I think there has been a terrible misunderstanding here, and for that I am truly sorry. I never intended to imply that you were unwelcome in my home; you are family now, and nothing you ever do could make me give up on you."

Karkat swallowed. "But- but you said-"

"That I would not have such behavior under my roof, and I assure you that I have no intention of allowing it in future." Egbert shook his head. "But you boys belong with me and John, and I would never dream of threatening you with abandonment, any more than I would violence." He met Karkat's eyes briefly, before looking up into Gamzee's face; he looked saddened, the same face he'd worn for parts of Karkat's trial. The parts where they'd been talking about life in their old foster home. "I think you've both had quite enough of that already."

Gamzee wasn't sure exactly when he made the decision to let go of Karkat and run up to the human man, but Egbert was there to catch him. Thick human arms, tough with muscle and sheathed in a jacket that smelled rich with pipe-smoke and baking, wrapped around him and cradled him close. Gamzee pressed his face into his human lusus' shoulder, head tilted to keep his horns safely away, and shook as the tears found their way out. A broad hand rubbed across his back, brisk and comforting, and he tried to explain but the words tumbled out all jumbled together and in the wrong language.

A second pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, and one of Egbert's arms shifted to encompass Karkat. Gamzee peeked at his palebro, who glared back with eyes that glittered with red-tinted tears. He didn't have to ask to know that Karkat was scared, desperate to believe and too afraid to trust just yet. His own head was crowded with memories of an empty beach and an empty hive, a silent ship and a house that was always too loud.

Another hand touched his arm, and he opened his eyes fully to see John standing just beside them, looking like the twin of some woolbeast that had got lost and wandered up to them all hopeful.

"I'm sorry," said his human brother, and that was some kind of miracle of its own. Gamzee unwound one of his own arms to drag John into the hug, not caring when he heard Haley snort and the door of the truck slam, or the engine starting up. He knew that when they stopped hugging, they were going back to the house, and that when they did Egbert was going to get real cross with them all for leaving after they were told not to.

Yes, Gamzee Makara had been in trouble before, but not like this. And that was what was so motherfucking miraculous about the whole deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and that wraps up this subplot nicely before the story dives headlong into the dramatic climax. Kudos to everyone who recognised Callie in advance (and thank you, fuck, I have been AGONISING over whether I characterised her well enough, and you have reassured me with your perception).
> 
> I totally forgot that I'd written this chapter, which from an emotional manipulation of my readers perspective is a bit like a groin shot. I apologise for nothing, though. *evil grins*


	19. ==> Be The Concerned Comrade

### CHAPTER EIGHTEEN ==> Be The Concerned Comrade

Equius Zahhak was attempting to assist Mrs Francisco with laying the table for lunch when someone began to hammer on the door. He paused in the middle of the kitchen, salad bowl resting in his hands, and started looking for a space on which to set it safely down.

"I've got it!" yelled Nepeta, the stairs clamoring raucously under her descent.

"Be careful!" Equius shouted to his moirail as she somehow avoided tumbling head-over-tail down the steps. "If you do not curb this excessive vigor you are going to injure yourself!"

Nepeta stuck her tongue out between her fangs as she darted past. "Shan't!" She straightened up at the door and pulled it open, beaming at whoever was stood on the doorstep. Equius followed Mrs Francisco's gestures and gingerly placed the salad bowl next to a pile of paper plates, then stepped out into the corridor to find Pyrope on the doorstep. Her manner was disconcertingly nervy, a fact that Equius barely had time to process before she sniffed the air- head turning towards Nitram and young Emily, watching from the top of the stairs- and broke into a grin worthy of a subjugglator.

"Great! You're all here!" She leaned across the threshold and stuck her head into the house. "Susan, Dave and I need to borrow your guests, and also Tavros!"

Mrs Francisco stepped out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. Equius felt a cold sweat start to prickle across him when she stopped by his shoulder; she was shorter and smaller than him, and more than close enough that he could snap bones with a thoughtless gesture.

 _Then it is my duty to remain thoughtful and restrain my strongness,_ he reminded himself, trying to steady his nerves with a long breath before he accidentally crippled the mother of his new ally.

"Whatever for?" Mrs Francisco asked Pyrope, a small frown playing across her features.

Pyrope shrugged, but her weight shifted from foot to foot. "Super-secret trollternian business," she replied. "We would tell you, but then we'd have to kill you. Dave only gets to join in by being an honorary member of our species." She leaned a little further into the house. "It's only for a couple of hours."

Mrs Francisco sighed. "It's nearly lunchtime. Why don't you and Dave come in and eat with us, then you can go and do your thing afterward?"

"Can't!" Pyrope replied. Her head turned until she seemed to be looking straight at Equius; he knew it had to be an illusion, but he was certain he could feel her eyes boring into him. "There's a time limit. We have to go now, if we're going at all."

The seconds seemed to slow as her meaning sunk in. Equius' blood-pusher pounded against his upper thoracic bone struts; his gaze drifted slowly over to Nepeta. His moirail was staring back at him, her eyes wide and glittering with flecks of green.

"I'm not really sure-" Mrs Francisco was saying.

"I'm going," said Nitram. Equius looked up and was surprised to see him maneuvering his way into a chair affixed to a rail by the stairs, settling himself in before reaching out to fold up the wheeled chair.

"Tavros," said Mrs Francisco, putting her hands on her hips. Nitram didn't turn his head- he couldn't, Equius supposed, not so close to the wall with his horns- but his eyes did slide sideways to meet his human mother's glare.

"It's, okay Mom," he said. "I think, um, I know what this is, and it is something, that I am interested in doing. With my friends." One finger of his free hand hovered over a button on the arm of the chair. "Please," he added.

Mrs Francisco's lips tightened, and for a moment Equius thought she was going to say no. Then she sighed, smiled, and shook her head.

"You kids have fun," she said. To Equius' surprise, she reached out and patted his arm. "Keep an eye on him?" she asked.

"I- yes?" Equius blinked, and the woman chuckled before walking back into the kitchen. He turned back just as Nepeta let out a purring laugh and bounded over; he held still as his petite moirail swarmed up to sit on his back. He tilted his head back to glare at her, attempting to convey that he disapproved thoroughly of her involvement and wished her to stay behind where it was safe.

Nepeta stuck her tongue out at him, and Equius started sweating again. He was barely distracted from his worry by the click of the chair arriving at the end of its rails.

"Which chair?" Pyrope asked, looking vaguely in Nitram's direction. The brown-blood set his folded wheeled chair back on the ground and started to unfold it.

"I don't think, the electric one, is a good idea," he said, starting to maneuver himself back. He was extremely deft in his motions and it suddenly occurred to Equius to wonder just how capable Nitram was. He opened his mouth and slammed it shut again, cracking several teeth, when a cane jabbed into his side.

"Let's get going, shall we?" said Pyrope, and belatedly Equius took her meaning. Mrs Francisco was still only in the next room.

"Me too!" called Emily, taking the steps two at a time in her haste to catch up. "I want to go as well!"

Three horrified glances and one horrified sniff turned towards one another, then Nitram reached out to grab his human sister's hand. "Um, you can't," he said, bluntly. "You're, not Alternian?"

"Neither's Dave, and he's going," said Emily, folding her arms and looking remarkably like her mother. "If he counts then so do I!"

Equius noticed Pyrope step back from the doorway, and started edging towards it.

"Sorry, but, you're not old enough," Nitram said.

Emily's face scrunched up in fury at the rejection. "Mo-om!" she yelled, racing for the kitchen.

"Let's go," Pyrope hissed, but Nitram was already wheeling himself over to the door. Equius hovered in case he needed to help the other boy with the step, but Nitram just kept going and bounced down it expertly. Equius was the last out, leaving the door open rather than risk damaging it. There was a familiar oversized car waiting at the end of the path, and with Pyrope and Nepeta to help him Nitram seemed to almost levitate out of his chair and into the back seat, followed in short order by the wheeled device. Equius had just reached the open back door of the car when a voice called from the house.

"Tavros!"

Mrs Francisco's shout made Equius hesitate for an instant before Nepeta's claws dug into his arm and dragged him after her into the vehicle. He nearly fell on top of Nitram, only just catching himself in time; his fingers tore into the padding of the seat he was gripping, and then through it entirely as the car lurched into motion. Months of Tai Chi and practice in control allowed Equius to restrain the reflex to throw out his other arm to catch the fall, and he landed squarely on top of Nitram. The smaller troll yelped in pain as his horns bashed against various parts of the car interior, but mercifully no further harm was done. At least, nothing on the scale Equius could have caused by slamming a hand into him.

There was a rush of air and a loud slam behind him as Nepeta closed the flapping door of the car. Equius closed his eyes and tried not to think too hard about the fact that his face was pressed into Nitram' shoulder, or that his hip was in danger of denting the frame of the wheelchair if he moved.

"Could somebody please extract me from this ludicrous position?" he asked, with all the patience he could muster. Given the near-growl that emerged alongside his words, that was not much.

Helpful hands grabbed his shoulders and yanked him back until he could shuffle his way safely onto his knees. Equius made sure that the danger of him damaging the vehicle or his companions was suitably limited, then checked on the others.

Pyrope was busy scrambling her way over Nitram's head and into the passenger seat. The brown-blood himself had lifted his arms up and was being maneuvered onto a seat by Nepeta; he grinned at Equius when he saw the other troll looking at him.

"That was, a pretty awesome, exit, right?" he said, sliding over to the window seat. "One might, even say, uh, that some sick burning, of rubber, is what happened here."

Equius fought to not dig his claws clean through the floor of the car and asked the most pressing question he could call to mind. "Explain to me how Strider is licensed to drive?"

"Licensed?" the human said from the front seat; Equius caught a glimpse of dark aviators in the rear-view mirror. "Shit, knew we'd forgotten something."

Pyrope cackled. "Dave's bro gave him Driver's Ed early."

Equius swallowed. "Is that entirely sensible?"

Strider snorted. "He also gave me fuckin' ninja reflexes, a fridge full of edged weapons, and an irrational phobia of all objects colorful and plush." The car jerked to a sudden halt at a red light, and the boy leaned back over the seat. "I'm gonna go with no, not sensible. Now buckle up and let Uncle Davey drive this clown car all the way to the big top."

Equius stilled, and Nepeta scowled at their driver. "That's not furryny!" she snapped.

"Why- oh, yeah, evil alien clown religion." Strider turned back to face the road as the light turned green, and the car set off at a slightly more reasonable acceleration. "Whatever. For all we know that just makes my metaphor even more accurate. I could be the fuckin' Seer of Clowns for all you know, trying to prepare your poor extraterrestrial thinkpans for the carnival of shitty horrors that awaits us at the far end of this little joy-ride party we got going on here."

"Um," said Nitram, pulling his legs a little closer in and putting his back towards the window so that Nepeta could scoot over and make room for Equius on the other side of the car. "Not that I want to be, making demands that are, in any way unreasonable, but what exactly are we doing?"

Pyrope turned round in her seat, resting her chin on the head support. "We are doing what you asked us to do, Mister Chocolate Syrup," she said, grinning far too widely for Equius' comfort.

"Rescuing your friend Aradia," Strider put in. "As in, we know where she is, and that's where we're headed right now."

Nitram went still, something dark gleaming behind his eyes. Nepeta squeaked and bounced.

"We're going to rescue someone!" she said, clapping her hands then turning about and latching them onto Equius' arm. "Equius! The cunning huntress is ready fur stalking her purrey!"

Equius frowned. "Should we not be considering a plan before we embark on such a foolhardy venture?"

"Probably, but we ain't got the time," said Strider. One brown human hand reached back, holding a slip of paper. Equius took it and unfolded it; he was familiar enough with human letters to read the note without trouble, Nepeta and Nitram both peering over his shoulder. It didn't take long to peruse the few short lines of text.

Li'l Bro,

Gone out to handle some hella important business. Back by two. If you ain't on the roof when I get in there'll be hell to pay.

DS

"I assume this has some hidden meaning?" Equius said. Delicate claws plucked the note away from him, and Pyrope tucked it into her pocket with a nod.

"Dirk followed Dave to the exchange, and saw us get the information," she said. "He was not impressed by our actions, but when we explained the reasons he agreed not to inform on me and covered for me sleeping over with Dave. He said that he would be sure to keep an eye on us.”

"Then at eleven I get woken up by a Hello Kitty alarm clock, presumably fueled by the damned souls of a hundred thousand tween idol worshipers, to find that he spent several productive minutes covering me in quivering dong-proboscis and writing shitty cryptic notes," Strider continued. "He'd also left behind a decent sword and the keys to this junk heap, so I figure that he's either had his brain surgically removed or he was expectin' me to make an attempt to uphold Strider family pride and was just faking a veneer of adult responsibility last night."

Equius kept his eyes on Pyrope while Strider was speaking, and noticed a flicker of something cross her face. It might well have been doubt or even disbelief, but not knowing more of the internal politics of the Strider family Equius did not think he was fit to comment.

"Very well," he said, feeling nothing of the sort was the case. "Since it seems we are on a tight time constraint, perhaps filling us in on what we do know and what we are planning would be the best approach?"

"Agreed," said Pyrope. "According to Dave's and my own assessment of the maps provided, the building we are approaching appears to be a normal residential house in one of the more chalky-tasting districts. Local residents are known for their involvement with various undesirable elements, thus enabling our kidnappers to blend in; according to our sources, we are looking at a gang of around seven to ten Alternians, blood colors and potential abilities unknown, who moved in some six months ago and have kept quiet unless disturbed ever since." She paused and licked her lips. "There is a delicious list of flagrant breaches of law they have been engaging in, including the acquisition of several unlicensed guns and several small convenience-store robberies, but the pattern of their behavior is atypical of a gang seeking only profit." Pyrope frowned. "They don't take enough risks."

Nepeta let out a small growl. "Rrr, we'll purrove that messing with us was risky!"

"Nepeta," said Equius, before returning his attention to Pyrope. "This information is insufficient. Even disregarding our own safety, there is the well being of their hostage to consider. We simply cannot stumble in blindly."

Pyrope tilted her head. "What's wrong, Mister Blueberry? Do you have a problem with blindness?"

Her lips pulled back to show every one of her teeth in something that Equius was extremely unwilling to describe as a grin; his cheeks flushed and a cold sweat prickled on his skin. "Ah, no," he said hurriedly. "That was not my intention- that is, I was not attempting-" With every word out of his mouth Pyrope's sightless gaze was getting more and more unsettling. "I am deeply impressed with how well you function despite your obvious disability, almost as well as could be expected of a normal member of your blood caste..."

"Almost?" Pyrope echoed, at the same moment as Nepeta's claws dug into him and she said; "Blood caste?" Equius' discomfort increased one-hundredfold in an instant.

"That was not- I did not mean to imply- oh, fiddlesticks."

He slumped down in the seat and tried to look small, a laughable effort but one that he felt necessary.

"Relax, man, she's just yanking your chain," said Strider, not looking around. "And as for recon, Tav's got that covered, don't you Tav?"

"I do?" Nitram started to turn his head and winced when one of his horns bashed against the side of the car. Equius saw him press a hand to his skull near the affected nerve cluster; moments later, the brown-blood's eyes went wide. "Oh, I see. Yes, I do in fact have, the recon covered. It is, um, so covered, that it might in fact, be suffocating, with the magnitude of the coverage, that we are discussing here."

"In what way..." Equius started to ask, but he was cut off when the car suddenly swerved and skidded to a halt by the sidewalk.

"You have reached your destination," said Strider, voice level but slightly nasal. "Please exit the vehicle in a chilled out and photogenic fashion before someone tries to steal it with us still inside."

Stepping out into the street, Equius could see why Strider had given the warning. The houses here were run-down and covered in graffiti; the occasional inhabitant had tried to improve the locale by painting their house and tidying their garden, but the occasional burst of flowers did not compensate for the proliferation of broken couches, crumpled cars, and gang markings. Equius hovered as Nepeta helped Nitram out of the car, fighting to keep his distaste off his face.

"Took you long enough."

All five of their heads snapped around to look at the lone figure leaning against the chain-link fence on the corner. Vriska Serket grinned at their collective surprise.

"What, you weren't expecting me?" she said, strolling towards them. She was dressed far less outrageously than she had been in the Felt Mansion; in fact, Equius thought she looked rather like she had back on Alternia, albeit older.

Strider held up a hand, palm outwards, as she got close. "Woah there, darlin'. We got a couple of questions for you, or the bouncers are gonna have to kick you out of this club." He tilted his head towards Terezi and Equius as he spoke, leaving no doubt as to whom he considered to be a bouncer in this scenario. Equius sighed inwardly and told himself that at least the human had the sense to pick two individuals who were largely immune to Serket's psionic influence.

Seeming for all the worlds not only relaxed, but a little bored, Strider turned his palm towards himself and started counting off fingers. "One, what the fuck are you doing here? Two, what the fuck do you want? And three, how the fuck did you know where to come to find us?"

Equius could have told him that his bludgeoning approach would achieve nothing. Serket merely folded her arms and smirked. "Face it, you losers need my help if you're going to pull this off. We can talk price later. And as for how I knew, I have all the sources." She leaned in, eye narrowing. "Aaaaaaaall of them."

Pyrope's cane tapped on the sidewalk. "She saw the map when you checked it at the drop, Dave." The stick swiveled up to point squarely at Serket. "And we don't need your help."

"Suuuuuuuure," said Serket, rolling her good eye. Nitram glanced uncertainly from her to Pyrope, and Dave opened his mouth to offer further objection. Equius spoke first, although he knew even before he formed the words that his deduction would not be popular.

"Serket is correct."

Everyone turned to look at him, and he mopped moisture from his face before clarifying. "We are entering into a potentially lethal encounter with armed criminals, who have at least one hostage. Her powers can expedite matters, and may well save our lives." He glanced over at Nepeta and for a moment remembered seeing her slumped, bloodied and broken against cold gray metal. No. Even if it meant working with Serket, he would not be seeing such a sight again. "We cannot afford to turn her offer of assistance down."

Pyrope's fingers tightened on her cane, but it was Nitram who spoke. "Okay," he said. He looked up from his wheeled chair at Serket, his expression grim in a manner Equius had not before encountered. "This, is not your plan," he said quietly. "I am going, to scout ahead, with, um, my powers. You, don't touch our minds.” The brown-blood glanced about, taking in each of his companions. “Any of us.”

“Booooooooring,” Serket grumbled. “But fine. I guess I can let you do your lame psionic thing on your own.” She waved a hand towards the far end of the street. “Lead on, since this is _your plan,”_ she added.

Nitram started to wheel forwards but was stopped by Pyrope's hand. “Wait,” she said. “We're close here. We should stay out of sight until you've done your recon.”

“How are you going to do that?” Nepeta asked, letting go of Equius' arm to bound over to Nitram' chair. “What powers do you have? Can you see things from far away?”

Equius broke a few teeth grinding his jaw when his moirail was given a dazzling grin. She was getting altogether too close to this trio of troublesome individuals. The fact that he himself was out here was hardly a settling thought either. Grave mistakes, it seemed, were a difficult habit to break.

“That is, one thing that I can do, sort of,” Nitram said, beaming. “But, perhaps it is better if I, show you?”

Despite himself, Equius was watching with fascination when Nitram closed his eyes and started to breathe evenly. One of his hands raised to press against his forehead, a gesture that Equius had seen other psionics make from time to time- although, he recalled, it was particularly common when their powers were being exercised over other minds. Immediately his gaze flicked to Serket, but she seemed supremely unconcerned. Equius started to look about for whoever Nitram might be contacting; the street was near deserted, the lingering bands of humans lounging in front of their houses having dispersed at the sight of them. His focus on the surroundings was so intense that he nearly missed the small brown blur that darted across the sidewalk and over to Nitram's feet.

Nepeta's eyes went wide. “Oh! Purrey!” She made as if to grab the rat, and Equius quickly interposed an arm in front of her.

“Nepeta, you are not to touch it! It is filthy!”

His moirail blew a rasp with her tongue at him. “The huntress thinks her meowrail is a big dummy for not knowing that she can't get sick from an Earth rat!” She pointed at Nitram. “Besides, he clawled it over, so it's purrfectly safe!”

Equius looked again at Nitram, his face still lined in fierce concentration. The rat seemed to almost be listening to something, its whiskers twitching, before it suddenly turned tail and scampered off around the corner.

“How'd it go?” asked Strider. Nitram nodded, his eyes open but still unfocused.

“She says, um, that, she'll help,” he whispered. “It would be hard, to control her, and have her be like, a normal rat, so I will just look out of her eyes, while she explores for us.”

Serket sneered and thumped a hand into the back of his chair. “C'mon, Pupa, I thought you were better than this. Why not have a whole army of rats? Or are Earth animals too strong-willed for you?”

“Please, don't bump my chair, as what I am trying to do right now, is watching, and I will get sick. Like motion-sick, not like strict, and unrelenting beats.”

“Pathetic,” Serket muttered.

“Lay the fuck off him,” Strider said, shooting a glare at Serket. “Ain't none of your business what he does with his life or his powers.”

“It's as much mine as it is yours!” Serket snapped, drawing herself up.

Strider snorted. “No, it ain't, for all sorts of reasons- the most pressing of which is that he's our friend. Not yours.”

Before Serket could respond and escalate the disagreement, Equius cleared his throat. “A word?” he said to his former neighbor, gesturing with his head to suggest that they step aside. Serket gave him a suspicious look, but as he had anticipated curiosity won out and she followed him to stand just out of earshot of everyone. Well, everyone but Pyrope, unless Equius missed his guess.

It looked to be a trying day, and Equius was in no mood to mince his words. “What do you want, Serket?” he asked, keeping his voice low and hoping they would not be overheard.

“What, I can’t just show up to help out some old friends?” Serket said, pouting. “Wow, that is so unfair. You’re being unfair to me, Equidork.”

Equius scowled. “I am not being unfair in the least,” he whispered back, aware that this was a conversation best kept private. “Even if I was unaware of the antagonistic relationship you share with everyone involved in this, do not think that I am foolish enough to forget my own observations of your nature.”

Serket leaned in closer. “People change, dumbass.”

“Not that much.” Equius folded his arms. “You want something, and I am not prepared to simply sit back and wait for the consequences of whatever ludicrous plot you have in motion. Whilst I concur that your help in this matter would be invaluable, I know better than to ignore your history.”

“Ugh, fine,” said Serket, rolling her eye again. “What if I promised you that my goal here has nothing to do with any of you losers, and that nobody you give a shit about is going to get hurt?”

“I would ask how I am to trust that promise,” Equius replied. Serket let out a small scream of frustration and stamped her foot.

“You just don’t want to believe me!” she yelled, and Equius winced as the rest of their group looked around. “You know what? I don’t need your permission to do anything!”

Something tickled behind Equius’ brows, a sense of pressure and a wash of vindictive triumph. He frowned and pushed back, corralling the mental presence in a corner of his thoughts.

“I would advise you cease that at once,” he murmured, so quiet that even he could barely hear himself. “Firstly, you will not be successful, and I think Pyrope would appreciate the excuse. Secondly, do not forget that I am the one who crafted that arm, and that I am crafting your device.” He almost spat the word, keen to have its unpleasantness away from his lips. “I am not seeking any enmity with you, only assurances.”

Serket hissed, and the touch of her psionics lifted from Equius’ mind. “I said nobody you cared about would get hurt, and I meant it,” she said, leaning in close. “Believe me or not, I don’t care what you think of me. But if you mess with me, don’t expect to get away with it.” Her eyes flickered over to the rest of the group, focusing briefly on Nitram and on Nepeta. “Don’t forget how his precious Aradia wound up in a coma in the first place.”

“Oh, I don’t intend to,” replied Equius, his hands tensing. He watched her walk back to the rest of the group, still smirking, and tried to work out how to quiet the misgivings that refused to give him peace. Unfortunately, the conclusion he kept drawing was that he really should have let Serket die when he’d had the opportunity, all those sweeps ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the people who were asking at the end of Dave's chapter about the scene where Bro was telling him off: NOW would be the time to request that on the timestamp meme.
> 
> To be honest, it's a wrench not to have it in the story, but there really wasn't a space for it. Which I know sounds a bit odd since this chapter doesn't seem to be doing all that much either but... this one belonged here, and that one didn't? I dunno how else to explain it. *shrugs*.
> 
> Definitely in the home stretch now!


	20. ==> Be The Snared Savant

### CHAPTER NINETEEN ==> Be The Snared Savant

Sollux Captor huddled over his cellphone in the back of the limo, making a few more last-minutes changes to the program he was writing and pretending no-one was going to die. He could feel the pressure building behind his eyes right alongside the wordless whispering of the soon-to-be-dead; from the way it stood out from the general background noise, he figured that it was someone nearby, but it was still too indistinct to be sure of anyone specific.

The gentle lurch as the car glided to a halt rattled his digestive sac and made him want to throw up. He hoped he wasn't going to. If anyone noticed, they would ask questions, make a fuss and worry about him being ill. Attention was the last thing he needed.

“Sollux.”

He looked up to see Feferi standing just outside the door, smiling and holding a hand out to him. Everyone else had gone inside already, and Sollux realized he must have been zoning out again. It took a moment for him to plaster a grin on his face and take her hand but she didn’t seem to notice, caught up in the moment.

“Isn’t this exciting!?” she squeaked, drawing him out into the flash of cameras and the roar of a crowd. Ahead he could see everyone else waiting, Roxy keeping the crowds distracted with a slightly rambling and totally uninformative speech about how great it was to be there. Next to her Kanaya looked more animated than she had since Halloween, but the relief Sollux felt became confusion when she glanced his way and a frown flickered across her face.

A light touch on his arm turned him back to Feferi. “Come on,” she said, sliding her hand around his arm and starting to lead him onwards. “We’ve got an of-fish-al announcement to make!”

Kanaya’s oddness was quickly forgotten in the gauntlet of press; Sollux ignored them, letting everyone else field questions while his mind raced over his plan, looking for any flaws. By this point he was getting used to finding them every time he looked and it had to be perfect. He couldn’t afford any mistakes.

A passing breeze sent a chill ran through him and the insistent whisper in his mind grew louder. Sollux’s hand twitched as he forced himself to not rub at his forehead. Normal, normal, he had to appear normal- it had become a mantra, something he kept on continuous loop in the back of his head. Thank fuck that normal for him was easy to fake under duress. A lifetime of not giving a shit or making an effort, finally paying off.

There were a few more sidelong glances as he followed the others up to the conference center, especially from Eridan. Sollux fought down the unwanted paranoia- everyone is looking at you and they know- and held his breath when he arrived at the door security check.

“Your backpack, sir?”

Sollux swallowed and dumped the bag in the scanner. He still had no idea what was in it, and he'd been hoping he could just walk through wearing it. Given that he had yet to see anyone else wearing a rucksack with a stiff, formal suit like the one Kanaya had forced him into, that had probably been a vain hope all along. The knowledge that he was a fucking idiot provided an undercurrent of resignation to the rising panic as he stepped through the metal detector, his eyes locked on the security guard. Time seemed to stretch out as the bag rolled out of the scanner and the man unzipped it to glance at the contents. This was it: he was about to be caught. Game over.

He didn't know whether it was a good or bad when the man rezipped the bag and handed it to him with a nod and a “Have a good day, sir.” Sollux's legs instantly went weak and floppy; he looked around the glass-windowed atrium then flopped down onto a well-cushioned leather couch. His feet, for once enclosed in shining black shoes, went up on a coffee table. Sollux could feel more than a few disapproving looks being directed his way, but fuck it. He didn't think he could stand right now even if he wanted to.

“Miss Peixes!”

The human approaching them was older than Roxy and male, his teeth shining too white under the bright lights of the lobby. A half-dozen other humans flurried about in his wake, all dressed in black suits and white shirts. Sollux thought that they looked like those penguin fish-bird things that Feferi had been cooing over last year.

“Senator!” Feferi said, welcoming the man with an outstretched hand. He took it, started to bend towards her, then hesitated. The entire lobby froze. With a chuckle, Feferi bobbed up and planted a small kiss on the man’s cheek. A few camera flashes went off and everyone started to breathe again.

Feferi grinned at the man. “I see you’ve done your research on Alternians.”

“Not enough for it to sink in, it seems,” the Senator replied, settling himself down on the couch opposite Sollux and shooting the boy an odd look when Feferi settled down beside him. Sollux scowled and pulled out his cellphone again, ignoring the exchange of pleasantries going on over his head. The virus he was coding was more important.

If the kidnappers knew what he was doing then Aradia wouldn’t survive five seconds, but Sollux had known since the initial shock wore off that there was no way he could just let them fucking win. They were good, but they weren’t all-powerful, and that meant that somewhere they had a blind spot he could exploit. That he had to exploit, if he was going to prove to this world that nobody got to fuck with him and his quadrants and get away with it.

Using anything they gave him against them was a shitty idea, and he had decided to operate on the assumption that they had a hacker who was decent enough to at least watch his internet activity. It was what he’d do if he was them, trying to blackmail him. That meant that he couldn’t just muscle his way into the police database to try and ID the teal-blood. Luckily enough, he’d had access to another database- one that he couldn’t access from any computer they would have watched, even if he’d been dumb enough to try.

The data cores from the ship had been fairly pathetic to begin with and were badly damaged in the crash, but more than half had been salvaged and released into the custody of Skaianet Laboratories. Kanaya and Roxy had been working on them as a side project, feeding them nutrients so they could regrow vital pathways and hopefully restore some of the lost data, but nobody had yet worked out how to interface with them properly. The entire pilot’s rig had gone missing somewhere between Sollux being disconnected for the last time and the official salvage crews moving in, and without it there wasn’t any model for a device to bridge the organic-electronic divide.

Sollux hadn’t told anyone that he didn’t need the rig to talk to the cores. He hated the reminder that there were still pieces of that technology irrevocably grown into his thinkpan, and besides, he didn’t want to end up spending his days data mining for Roxy. It had taken a couple of long nights, all of his concentration and a couple of killer migraines to dig out Eridan’s old security records, but they’d told him everything he needed to know.

Jornas Kyrane, teal-blood, ten sweeps old when they crashed and the undisputed leader of the Last Bastion Zoners before and after the Night of Blood. They’d started as a raider gang but had seized control of one of the food plants early in the journey, before Eridan had managed to pull his head out of his ass and stop random factions from pulling that kind of shit. There was a lot of corruption and missing data in the records, enough that Sollux couldn't get much of a read beyond the basics, but the file had also mentioned unprovable links between Kyrane and various plots and coup attempts, including one unsuccessful one that Sollux remembered as involving the attempted abduction of Aradia. Knowing Eridan and reading between the lines, Sollux figured that he’d tried to have Kyrane assassinated more than once. If there had been records of how that played out they were long gone, but she’d obviously survived. Sollux was happy to blame Eridan for the fuckup but from the looks of things, she was a hard one to cull.

He still wasn’t paying proper attention when both parties stood to leave the atrium; Feferi had to get him to his feet and give him a shove in the right direction. Sollux stumbled along after the others, still fiddling with the program on his cell. He wasn't a complete grubshitting idiot, and had figured out that Kyrane would almost certainly want him to do whatever the fuck it was she was planning before or during the press conference. That didn't leave him much time to get ready; the next time she called, he was going to use the virus he was writing to get her location and then dump it to the police along with everything else he had on her. Then he only had to seem to go along until Aradia was rescued.

It was risky- maybe there wouldn't be a computer for the virus to infect, maybe they'd see it coming, maybe Aradia would die before the police could get to her- but it was the best he had.

"Hey, sparkler," said Roxy, dropping into step beside him. "You all cool beans back here? Seeming a li'l distracted."

Sollux briefly glanced round at her, frowned, then went back to his coding. "What ith it, a crime to have more interethting thingth to be thinking about than trying not to drown in thith lake of horthe pith?" he grumbled, shrinking the file down before the human could see it. Roxy knew enough about coding to make some decent guesses if she glimpsed anything, and Rose definitely got her nosy meddling tendencies from her ancestor-lusus.

Roxy wrinkled her nose. "Weird. I thought you'd be all over helping Feffy stay afloat in the piss lake." She reached out with one hand, hesitating before it reached him and curling the fingers. "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything?"

"Thure," said Sollux, giving his adoptive lusus a strange look. She actually looked sober for a change, neatened up like she was at the hospital or in the lab, and the look she was giving him was full of concern. "I'm fine, though," he added, squashing another flare of paranoia as Rose glanced back over her shoulder to frown at him.

 _When I'm done here, I'm sleeping for a week,_ he told himself. He was pretty sure he wouldn't, but the lie helped a little.

Roxy looked like she was about to say something else, but she was distracted when a familiar man appeared at the corner up ahead, slouching against the corner.

"Hey there," said Detective Sikes. "Heard you kids wanted to discuss the security for this party."

Sollux nearly bit through his tongue. How was he meant to finish anything up with a pair of cops breathing down his neck? He looked around and sure enough, there was Detective Francisco, hovering behind his partner.

Fuck. Sollux started to fidget with the cuffs of his shirt. It was uncomfortable anyway, but mostly he just had to calm his nerves. Which had gone into overdrive.

“That's quite correct,” said Rose, smiling and stepping forwards with a hand outstretched. “I'm glad you could both make it.” She turned around to the Senator and smiled apologetically. “I'm sorry for any inconvenience.”

“Not at all,” the Senator said, with a wave of the hand. “I can understand that after, ah, recent events, you might want a little more assurance of your safety.” He looked around at the gaggle of people in the corridor, two entire entourages squashed in together. “Although perhaps not all of us need to hang back for this discussion?”

Rose shared a glance with Eridan and Jade, and Sollux noticed that both of them glanced at him before Jade nodded to the other human girl. What was going on? He tried to ignore the discomfort in his digestive tract, telling himself it was just the whispers in his head.

“That might be advisable,” she agreed. “If you wish to go ahead with Feferi, Eridan and Jade, I believe the rest of us would be amenable to remaining behind.”

Sollux pulled a face but didn't say anything. Eridan and Jade were fulfilling official bodyguard duties, and given the looks everyone was giving him he didn't want to start kicking up a fuss. Even if the thought of letting Feferi wander off- especially with Eridan- made him want to scream.

 _You know he won't do anything to hurt her,_ Sollux told himself as polite partings were made. _Fuck, you're probably the biggest danger to FF right now._

Which didn't make it any easier to watch her vanish around the corner and out of sight. Sollux sighed and slumped against one of the walls, not missing the fact that Kanaya hung back to keep an eye on him while Rose and her mother talked to Sikes and Francisco.

Whatever Rose was discussing with the detective, it was keeping them occupied. Sollux couldn't hear what they were saying, but he took note of a few glances cast his way. Shit, shit, shit, not good. Slowly, an inch at a time, Sollux crept away towards the nearest door.

“Is there somewhere you need to be?” asked Kanaya, an edge to her words. Sollux froze.

_They know._

They couldn't. He hadn't told anyone anything. He took a deep breath, and told the first lie to come to mind.

“I need to uthe the load gaper.”

A small party of looks passed between everyone who wasn't him before Detective Sikes shrugged and sauntered over. “How about I show you the way? It's too easy to get lost in this stupid maze of a building and I could use a trip myself, anyway.”

Sollux narrowed his eyes at the man. “Thure,” he said, blood roaring in his ears in a steady thud-thud pulse. One person was better than all of them, it was, he could do this...

He could have sworn he felt their eyes on the back of his neck as he was leaving, but when he glanced back nobody was watching.

The public ablution block was only a corridor over, and would have been a piece of piss to find from the signposts. Sollux stared at the one over the door, a big black boxy thing backlit in green. It didn't even have the advantage of duality, because there was a third door for disabled.

“After you,” said Detective Sikes. Sollux nodded, turned, and with a psychic yank threw the sign over the cop's head in a burst of sparks and psionic light. He was already running around the corner as Matt's shout of surprise died down, black and white spots at the edge of his vision nothing compared to what the human had to be seeing. He was only getting one shot at this and he was going to make it count.

 _Sure, you keep telling yourself that,_ he thought, over the growing whisper of whoever the poor doomed fuck was in his head. _And maybe AA's ghost will understand when you fuck up and get her killed!_

He got lucky. The first door he tried was unlocked; Sollux slipped inside, using his psionics to make the sound of footsteps fade away in the opposite direction. He closed the door gently, waiting until it clicked quietly shut, and took a few moments to rest his forehead against the wood. His blood-pusher was hammering, there was a tight knot in his thorax, and he felt sick again- literally, like he wanted to vomit. He vaguely remembered an insult Karkat had thrown at him once, something about making females turn into vomit volcanoes, and wished he had his best friend there with him to talk to.

Without even thinking, his fingers fumbled out his cellphone, and he started typing a message to Karkat.

–- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 13:07 –-   
TA: 2o ii thiink ii miight ju2t be the 2tupiidii2t piiece of 2hiit two ever crawl out of the broodiing cavern2   
TA: kk   
TA: you goiing two talk two me or are you two bu2y beiing an a22hole

While waiting for a possible answer he turned around to examine his sanctuary. A small snort escaped him when he saw the room he had settled in. Of fucking course. His eyes ran over banks of screens and equipment covered in toggles and switches. Everything was blacked out and switched off; Sollux guessed that wherever they were planning to broadcast the press conference from, they had better equipment than this small studio was offering. Still, it made him feel a little more comfortable to be surrounded by the machines, and the feeling of security only increased when he ducked under one of the desks and tucked himself into the small space.

He kind of had to wonder how fucked up it was that he was okay with this turn of events, but before he could devote much brainpower to the question his cellphone buzzed.

CG: OKAY, LISTEN UP, YOU PUSTULE-SOAKED WASTE OF TROLLFLESH.   
CG: I AM GROUNDED.   
CG: I AM SO GROUNDED THAT I AM DOWNRIGHT FUCKING SUBTERRANEAN AND STILL DIGGING.   
CG: CURRENT PROGNOSTICS ARE THAT WE WILL BREAK THROUGH TO WHATEVER BIZARRELY NAMED ACCIDENT OF CONTINENTAL DRIFT IS ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE PLANET TO THE EGBERT RESIDENCE BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK.   
CG: AND YET I AM ONCE AGAIN VIOLATING THE TRUST AND INSTRUCTIONS OF MY LUSUS TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND ENABLE YOUR PLATONICALLY PATHETIC BITCHFIT.   
CG: NOW SHOW SOME GRATITUDE TO YOUR DELIVERER BEFORE I DECIDE YOU'RE NOT WORTH THE SHITSTORM.

Seeing the wall of ornery gray text soothed something in Sollux's innards, although it couldn't do anything for the screaming in his thinkpan. The calming effect was so immediate that it almost made him regret that Karkat had a moirail already. _Almost._

TA: okay much a2 ii regret lo2iing the ble22ed 2iilence of your ab2en2e   
TA: ii wanted to a2k you 2omethiing   
TA: ii gue22 iit2 quandrant related whiich make2 you the expert

Sollux looked at what he'd just typed in mild surprise. He didn't actually know what he had been hoping to achieve, talking to Karkat. Maybe getting mad enough to spontaneously develop the power to kill kidnappers over a phone line?

CG: NO.   
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING COUNSELING YOU ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH AMPORA.   
CG: OR THAT CLUSTERFUCK YOU CALL A MOIRALLEGIANCE WITH THE HEIRESS.   
CG: AND GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I DON'T THINK YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHAT I THINK ABOUT OVERBLOWN ROMANTIC GESTURES AS THEY RELATE TO CRITICALLY INJURED WIGGLER MATESPRITS. AGAIN.   
CG: I AM ALSO NOT AUSPICING FOR YOU, WITH ANYONE. I THINK WE BOTH KNOW THE SHEER MAGNITUDE OF THE DISASTER THAT WOULD BE.   
CG: BASICALLY AS FAR AS YOUR QUADRANTS ARE CONCERNED, YOU FILLED THE RECUPERACOON WITH INCOMPREHENSIBLE SEWAGE, AND YOU CAN FUCKING WELL SLEEP IN IT.

Sollux swallowed and thought again over his plan. He'd been considering adding some code to the virus he was sending the kidnappers that would make every piece of electronic equipment in their near vicinity explode. Human computing technology wasn't as volatile as its Alternian equivalent and the execution had been giving him trouble, but he might be able to manage something that would let him electrocute each and every last one of them into crispy remains. They could run, but between the number of little calls they'd been making and the data on the ship cores, they sure as fuck couldn't hide from him any more.

There was only one flaw in his plan; the part where he could end up doing what they wanted before exacting bloody vengeance. And that was the part that he was, frankly, shitting himself about.

TA: what are you 2uppo2ed two do kk   
TA: iif you have two choose between two quadrant2

He could practically hear Karkat snorting as he replied.

CG: HER HIGHNESS FINALLY DELIVERED THE ULTIMATUM, DID SHE?   
CG: IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE FORCIBLY REMOVED YOUR HEAD FROM YOUR NOOK ABOUT THAT.   
CG: IT WAS ONLY OBVIOUS TO THOSE OF US WHO HAVE EYES.   
CG: AND ALSO TEREZI.

Sollux scowled at the screen. Like he hadn't had enough of Karkat trying to reorganize his quadrants over the summer! He was such a fucking meddler, he was worse than Kanaya. Although, Sollux reminded himself with a pang of guilt, Karkat's status as a couch-bound invalid had probably made him bored as all fuck. Movies and meddling were less stressful than hospitals and courtrooms.

TA: how about you pull your head out of your own nook and 2tart lii2teniing you 2tupiid bulgeliicker   
TA: thii2 ii2 nothiing two do wiith that   
TA: whiich ii2 ba2iically 2omethiing you made up anyway

He broke off, unsure of what to say next. He needed an excuse, something to hide his motives, something that Karkat would buy into... of course!

TA: we were talkiing about moviie2 we watched back on alterniia   
TA: and kanaya wa2 talkiing about one where the heroiine had to choo2e between 2aviing her mate2priit and 2aviing her moiiraiil   
TA: and ii wa2 ju2t wonderiing iif you knew of any anciient fragment2 of 2age adviice two do with 2iituatiion2 liike that   
TA: 2iince youre a driibliing moron for all tho2e dumba22 moviie2

Karkat's answer was as quick and indignant as expected.

CG: FUCK YOU CAPTOR, THOSE ARE WORKS OF FUCKING ART.   
CG: CLASSICS OF TROLL CINEMA WHICH ARE SADLY LOST TO US ON THIS WORLD, THANKS TO YOUR ENTIRE PLANNING TEAM AND MOST OF OUR FELLOW IDIOT REFUGEES BEING A HORDE OF SOULLESS PHILISTINES.   
TA: ehehe   
TA: 2ure they are kk   
TA: and iim her iimperiiou2 fuckiing conde2en2iion   
CG: FUCK OFF AND DIE.   
CG: ALSO   
CG: EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU SAVE THE MATESPRIT.   
CG: YOU'LL PROBABLY GO COMPLETELY SHITHIVE INSANE WITH A DEAD MOIRAIL BUT THAT'S MARGINALLY LESS LIKELY TO GET YOU CULLED THAN FAILURE TO FILL A CONCUPISCENT PAIL.   
CG: IT'S A BASIC LOGIC PUZZLE, YOU SHITFLIPPING ASSCAKE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD AT THOSE.

Sollux read the words and felt- what? Disappointed? Relieved? He groaned, realizing that the churning in his innards was back.

TA: real fuckiing tactful arent you   
TA: ii can defiinitely 2ee why you made 2o many friiend2 on thii2 world   
CG: OH, AND YOU'RE A REAL MODEL OF EARTH SOCIAL GRACES.   
CG: GO SUCK A DISEASED BULGE, CAPTOR. I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY HELP AND YOU CHOOSE TO SPURN IT LIKE A LUSUS SPURNING THE UGLIEST RUNT TO CRAWL BLINKING FROM PUPATION INTO THE MOONLIGHT.   
CG: IT MAKES ME   
CG: SHIT, EGBERT'S COMING. I GOTTA GO.   
CG: ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?   
TA: ye2 2tupiid   
CG: OKAY, GOOD. TALK LATER.   
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is offline! –-

Sollux sighed and lowered his head, letting his horns rest against his arms and hoping that after he did- whatever he was going to do- Karkat would still be his friend.

_How would I even fucking notice the difference?_

A buzzing vibration from his pants pocket interrupted his thoughts, and Sollux almost dropped his cellphone in shock as he fished for the one that Kyrane had given him.

“I'm here,” he said, before the device was even to his ear, using his other hand to compile the virus. No time to implement electrocutions now, but maybe the rest could work. _Come on, come on..._

“Punctual as ever,” said the teal-blood on the far end of the line. “I'm impressed. You've been very good since our early misunderstandings.”

Sollux's grip on the cellphone tightened; his fingers flickered across the screen of the other phone, connecting it to the one he was talking on. He'd spent some long hours adapting both devices to be able to do that, but he still felt a small burst of relief when it worked. “Look, can you jutht tell me what you want me to do? I athume that'th why you're ringing me; if not, you're fucking terrible at thocialithing.”

“Very perceptive,” purred Kyrane. “But don't worry. Your days of waiting and wondering are at an end. You have the case?”

Sollux nodded before realizing that the gesture was meaningless. “Yeth.” His eyes were locked on the progress bar; _sending._

“Open it and activate the contents. The rest of your instructions will appear when you do.”

“Wait, what if-” Sollux began, but he was talking to no-one. The line was gone. He stared at the screen of his other cellphone and the status bar. It was almost filled; almost, but not completely.

The virus hadn't made it.

He spent a couple of minutes wallowing in silence before he could bring himself to crawl out from under the desk and open the backpack. At first glance the contents looked like a laptop, which would explain why the security guard hadn't been bothered by it, but he knew it would be something far more sinister. Pulling it out, he could tell that his guess was right. It might have been a laptop once but he could feel that the weight was off.

It was okay. He didn't have to do anything if it was too bad. Sollux took a deep breath and, pushing the rucksack aside, he opened the “laptop”. The screen was still intact, but where the keyboard had been there was now a mess of circuit boards, converging on a metal plate. There was a crude outline of a hand drawn on the plate in shaky black marker.

Sollux realized what he had to do instantly, and was impressed despite himself. Whoever had made it was a fucking genius, they had to be. Everything in front of him was clearly Earth technology, but unless he missed his guess, he was looking at a non-invasive psionic interface. The whispering of the soon-to-die in his head was still indistinct, but as he reached a hand out towards the metal plate he could hear enough to tell that she was female. Sollux tried to ignore the sickening suspicion of who it was, put his hand on the plate, and sent a small jolt of power through it.

The device hummed and whirred into life, the screen lighting up with black words on a sickly sopor green background.

GO TO THE PRESS CONFERENCE. WHEN THE HEIRESS IS GIVING HER SPEECH, GET AS CLOSE TO HER AS YOU CAN AND START FEEDING POWER INTO THIS DEVICE. CONTINUE UNTIL IT ACTIVATES, AND WE WILL RELEASE ARADIA UNHARMED.

Sollux grew icy with sudden understanding. To the scanner that the bag had rolled through, there was nothing here but a pile of inert electronics, but there were plenty of things that you could power with psionics like his. Spaceships was one. Bombs, that was another.

The door slammed open so suddenly that he nearly slammed his horns on a desk. His head snapped up and he met a furious glare from Eridan. His kismesis stepped into the room and let the door swing shut behind him; Sollux had no fucking clue how he knew where to come looking, and couldn't ask. Eridan's appearance had somehow struck him dumb. His kismesis didn't seem to be suffering from any similar problems. Violet eyes flickered from Sollux, to the device he was holding, and the seadweller launched himself across the room at Sollux.

Sollux had never been in a fight using pure physical strength or reflexes, and as it turned out a mind plagued by guilt, doubt and too many sleepless nights was far from fast to kick into action. Eridan landed on him, knocking him away from the case and shoving him into the legs of the desk behind him. Sollux yelped in pain and tried to drag himself away, but a strong hand caught in his collar and claw-tips prickled against his neck as he was hauled upright.

“You stinkin',” Eridan snarled, slamming his head into the desk. “Treacherous,” another slam. “Cowardly,” a third slam, and Sollux's vision was starting to fill in black and yellow. “Murderin',” fourth slam, and Sollux let out a weak, involuntary groan. “Piece a _shit,”_ Eridan finished up, smashing his head against the desk one more time for good measure before dropping Sollux to the ground and planting a foot on his back.

“Just so you know,” he added, the gleaming edge of fury still burning under his words, “I ain't plannin' on wisitin' you in human prison.”

Sollux felt something warm and wet smearing across his face as Eridan pressed it into the floor, and his throat filled with the acidic taste of blood. His head fuzzed in pain and the panic and the whispers of the doomed; part of him wondered what Karkat would say, part of him wanted to apologize to Roxy, and part of him was trying to work out if he knew anything at all about human prison.

 _You save the matesprit,_ he remembered muzzily. His matesprit was Aradia. He had to save Aradia.

_He had to save Aradia!_

Bludgeoning a psionic in the head was usually a good way to stop them from using any powers for a while. Eridan hadn't made a tactical error, but what he hadn't understood was that Sollux was used to nightmares where he was helpless. Where his powers weren't under his own control, where he railed to strike out and save someone he loved.

Confused and semi-conscious, Sollux reacted on instinct, blasting the threat into the nearest wall. Eridan hit the far wall with the force of a speeding truck and passed out, slumping to the ground as Sollux fumbled for the edge of the desk and pulled himself, still weaving, to his feet. The psionic blinked blearily around the room, taking in scattered furniture and the unconscious form of the other boy.

 _Have to save Aradia,_ he thought, staring at the psychic bomb for a few long seconds. His head was clearing rapidly, but he clung to the daze where things were simple. He spared one last look for Eridan before he left, relieved to see the seadweller's chest still rising and falling. He was pretty sure Eridan would be fine- not even Gl'bgolyb had been able to finish him off- so he took the few seconds and the splitting headache it took once outside to push the door's mechanisms to “locked”.

One hand pressed against the wall, a weapon clutched to his chest, and the voice of a woman who would die soon whispering in his thinkpan, Sollux stumbled off to kill one of the two people he pitied- and himself- for the sake of the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're definitely in the end game now, eh? Finally, my evil plot starts to come together!
> 
> ... Kyrane's plot. Not my plot. Nnnope.


	21. ==> Be The Fearless Friend

### CHAPTER TWENTY ==> Be The Fearless Friend

Tavros Nitram ignored the sound of voices around him, focusing his attention on the rat. She was smarter than most of the animals he was used to, but so alien that he was having trouble interpreting what she sensed. He'd managed to convey his own faint memories of Aradia's scent, but her sense of smell was far more sensitive than his and he was already noticing that things were different through her nose.

A particularly loud burst of voices almost dragged him entirely back into his own body. Teeth gritting with the effort of retaining his focus, Tavros turned his head towards the commotion.

“Can you please, be quiet?” he snapped. “As this, is not a very easy thing, and you are really, not helping!”

The noise died down and Tavros returned his attention to the rat, filling their connection with his memories of Aradia in the hope that something would seem familiar to her. The rat stopped to wash her whiskers, and Tavros got the distinct impression that she would be smiling at him fondly if that was a thing she was physically able to do. A small brush of reassurance touched his thoughts, then she settled back down onto all fours and scurried off to examine her surroundings.

Tavros nearly fell out of his chair when she smelled the burst of acid-sweet-unright that was the one he had shown her, the smell leading clearly to a nearby house. _That one!_ he thought, but the rat was scuttling towards it before the words had even finished forming. His intent was what she understood anyway. Tavros had to reign himself in to keep being a passive rider as she found a gap in the foundations near a window and squeezed in under the floor. Her whiskers twitched, brushing against rough concrete and long grains of wood. It wasn't too dissimilar from the sort of sense Tavros might get from his horns, except it was so much stronger that he couldn't do much more than hang on and trust his rodent guide.

She took him up a ramp that was splintered and covered in soil, pausing to sniff at some urine marks that Tavros could actually see as darker blurs in her vision. Her eyesight wasn't good by troll standards, but Tavros had figured out that she could see in higher-spectrum wavelengths than Alternians even if he could hardly make out any colors at all. 

No other rats appeared, and she carried on to squeeze through a crack in a thin wall and into a room that reeked of metal and dropped food and dust and Aradia.

 _Go find her!_ The rat took Tavros across a carpet that badly needed vacuuming to some sort of square, wooden pillar; she was climbing the leg of the bed before he worked out what it was, and then they were crossing a soft desert of cloth that caught their claws. There was someone lying in the bed and Tavros knew it was her, because nobody else would smell that way, but part of him still needed to see and the rat was willing to oblige. She led him up the crest of an arm, around a smooth plastic tube, and perched up on a waiting shoulder.

The lack of color didn't have much effect on her appearance, and even with the blurring and the strange perspective there was no doubting that this was Aradia. Tavros let the rat feel his relief, then pushed her to look for anyone else. Her nose twitched in the air and he felt her consider the other smell that saturated the place. It was similar enough to Aradia and the rat's perceptions of his small group that Tavros was sure it was another troll. He followed her nose to a far corner, trying to gather as much as he could from her senses while she shot back down the other leg of the bed and and towards the smell.

Close to, he saw a hulking shape curled up in the corner under a blanket. A few more sniffs and some deduction later Tavros concluded that it was smaller than Aradia; a wiggler. His breath caught as he wondered how many other hostages the kidnappers had.

The rat's nose twitched in response to his curiosity, picking up eight other Alternian scents in varying strengths. She followed them out into the next room, where a big bright box made noise, and into a room that was wet and smelled strongly of soap and something that she thought was acid and Tavros identified as Alternian urine. No shadows moved, nothing large and terrifying moved about. The house was empty apart from Aradia and the wiggler.

 _Thank you,_ Tavros told his guide. She gave him the rat equivalent of _you're welcome_ and pattered off to press her nose against the wall, sniffing more scent trails.

Coming back to his own body was a strange sensation; his hearing and smell both dimmed immediately, and the soft thrum from his own horns replaced the constant shifting of whiskers. He blinked and was almost overwhelmed by color, the run-down houses rooted in concrete and tarmac home to a wealth of vibrancy he hadn't noticed before.

“Finally!” Vriska said. Her hands slammed down onto the arms of his wheelchair and he pulled back to stop her nose from bumping into his. “Well? What did you see?”

“It's, um, not really seeing...” his voice trailed off as he noticed everyone staring at him, expectant. They wouldn't get it. “She's in there,” he said quietly. “And, in the same room as her also, is a wiggler. But that's it.” He frowned briefly at Vriska, who was still hovering well inside his personal space. “Do you think, maybe, you could get any closer to me, and also sit on my lap?”

“The huntress wants to know what Pupa mewns, when he says 'that's it',” said Nepeta, leaning in as Vriska snorted and pushed away. “She is confursed beclaws she thought the kitnappers would stay close to their den?”

“Maybe they all had tickets to the big game,” Dave suggested. “Or they ate bad tacos. Or...”

“Or this is a trap,” said Terezi, lifting her cane to hold it like a weapon and turning to face the opposite side of the street. Tavros' head spun to follow her, and something sharp and cold gripped him as he saw the empty street, the bare yards and closed doors all around.

It made it easy to see the gang of trolls as they strode out from behind houses. Tavros shrunk back down in his chair as he counted them coming out. They weren't wearing symbols, but they were old enough to judge from the eyes. There were two green-bloods and a yellow-blood in front of them, and a jade-blood and two brown-bloods walking up from behind. That made seven.

 _Where's the eighth?_ he wondered, trying to keep his eyes on all the potential opponents as they spread out, the ones behind them blocking off their retreat to the car. Technically odds of seven versus six didn't sound bad, but all of the Alternians facing them were either adults or close enough to make no difference and Tavros could see that they were carrying guns. Only the green-bloods and the yellow-blooded girl had bothered to draw them, but that didn't mean things wouldn't turn nasty fast.

“Took you long enough,” said one of the brown-bloods, in Alternian. He folded his arms, looking almost bored. “We've been watching you and your pet tert piss about on the sidewalk for ages. I was starting to worry you'd leave before we got to have any fun!”

“Yeah, that was pretty dumb of us,” Terezi agreed, stepping forwards. “Wasn't it, Dave?”

“Probably the most retarded thing I've ever done,” Dave agreed. “I mean, I thought that time I shoved a firecracker up my nose was pretty fucking dumb, but this is definitely the one that takes the Darwin award.”

"You're pretty funny," said the brown-blood, fingering the pommel of his gun. "For a tert kid, anyway."

Tavros swallowed, and took another look around the now-deserted street. He caught Nepeta doing the same thing and they shared a brief, fearful look. "Um," he said, turning back to the brown-blood. "I don't suppose, that you might consider, maybe, letting us just, get in the car and go?"

The other troll cocked his head. "Hmm. Why? Because you aren't really much of a threat, or because you and me got something in common?" His mouth quirked into a small grin as he tapped the side of his eye with one finger.

"Um, both?" Tavros said.

"Nah," said the brown-blood, and in one smooth motion he drew his gun and fired at Tavros.

The world filled with a sharp, acrid smell and a crack so loud Tavros thought the sky must have split; everything spun around as his chair toppled. He hit the floor half a breath behind it and grunted as the air was knocked out of him. The force bounced him and on the second landing he cracked his head and his right horn against the sidewalk. Pain fired through his head and it took him several long, brown-tinted seconds to realize that none of it was from a hole in his body.

He opened his eyes to see Vriska leaning over him, one of her hands still wrapped around the handle of his wheelchair. She was saying something, her lips obviously moving, but Tavros couldn't hear a thing. He was about to tell her that, but then she scrambled to her feet and started running. Everything sounded like it was underwater but Tavros clearly heard more gunshots crack, muted by their passage through his dazed ears.

Before he could start to panic, a face framed by blond hair and masked by large aviators appeared over his own. Dave grabbed his arms and hauled, dragging him over his shoulders and stumbling off. It was hardly graceful, but it was fast, and Tavros clung onto his friend with everything he could summon. His head bobbing out of control, he caught a glimpse of Equius grabbing what looked like a whole couch out of a nearby yard and hurling it past them.

"Shit, dude!" yelled Dave, and Tavros was relieved to hear it because that meant his ears were mostly working again. He turned his head enough to see that they were running after Vriska and the others, Equius covering their retreat with a barrage of whatever he managed to tear up. So far that included a kicked-down lamppost and a heavily graffiti-covered mailbox in addition to the couch. Tavros was glad he wasn't the one fighting the blueblood, although he would have preferred a little more firepower on their side.

They ran around the corner and Tavros immediately started scanning for the house. It took him a few precious moments to work out which one it was, because they looked nothing like they did to a rat and that meant he had to count. Counting was hard while being carried away from armed criminals at a dead run.

"That one!" he yelled, pointing as soon as he thought he had it. "That's, the house, where Aradia is!"

His words were punctuated by more gunfire, and Dave stumbled in an attempt to weave. Under Tavros' weight he overbalanced and the two of them went sprawling across the concrete. Tavros ducked his head down, trying to stay clear of the loud crashing from behind as Equius returned fire with whatever he could grab and throw.

"I've got mew!" shouted a voice, and Tavros almost flew through the air as a sharp-clawed hand grabbed his wrist and wrenched him up onto Nepeta's back. He wrapped his arms around her neck tight enough to nearly throttle her, but she didn't seem to notice, supporting his legs and running fast and low to the ground. He caught sight of a flash of red and teal as Terezi helped Dave up, and then the four of them were chasing up to the door of the house after Vriska.

Rather than kicking the door open as Tavros expected, Vriska pulled something small and metallic out of her pocket and with minimal cursing and rattling used it to jimmy the door open and slip inside just as the rest of them ran up the porch steps. It turned out this was just enough of a head start to slam the door in their faces.

"HEY!" yelled Dave, hammering a hand into the closed door.

"Don't bother," said Terezi, her voice falling into the clipped, authoritative patterns Tavros remembered from disasters and dangers long past. "Get down!"

They all hit the deck as more gunfire passed overhead. Equius, still in the yard, ducked behind an abandoned wreck of a car, and let out a hiss of pain. Tavros' eyes widened when he saw something thick and blue that didn't look like sweat start to stain through Equius' vest.

"Equius!" yelled Nepeta. Tavros grabbed her before she could make a mad dash across the yard and pulled her back down.

"They're not shootin' us," Dave said, between gasping breaths. "Not that I want to complain or anythin', but why are they not shootin' us?"

Terezi sniffed the air. "Reloading," she said. "Maybe taking their time to get close, since they've got us pretty well pinned."

Dave groaned and slumped, pressing his nose against the porch. "Well, fuck. It was nice knowin' y'all. If anyone happens to bump into my Bro in the afterlife, tell him thanks for all his hard work bein' a respectable guardian of my sorry ass. Not that I expect you to see him. Troll afterlife is probably full of glowing bugs and shit..."

Tavros closed his eyes, tuning out Dave's voice until it became a distant fluting hum, and stretched his senses outward. There was a small flare of pain where he'd bumped his horn earlier, but he ignored it, reaching out for everything he could grasp. Unlike the ship, the seemingly deserted neighborhood was bursting with life. Tavros swallowed; he didn't like to push too hard, to make demands, to put anyone in danger. That was too much like what Vriska did to sit well with him. But right now, at this exact moment, he didn't think there was any choice. Tavros reached out, and with everything he had, he pulled.

Dogs in yards threw themselves against their chains, barking madly.

Cats pulled themselves out of trash cans and from under cars, heads all turning to face the same direction.

Rats streamed out from their holes and hideaways, a gray-brown tide erupting across the road.

Seagulls wheeled in their flight and started to descend.

There were others, too- birds and snakes and guinea pigs and a thousand and one other creatures, wild and domestic. Tavros gritted his teeth against the sudden roar in his head, dimly aware of his claws biting into wood as he anchored his mind, and tugged again.

He was lost in a burst of motion, in the snap of leashes and collars, in the fear of the open ground and the light, in the territorial confusion. He was in the head and behind the eyes of the animals of the neighborhood as they ran and crawled and flew towards a signal they could barely hear, barely understand, but needed to reach. Adrenaline, alien and exhilarating, drove them across tarmac and concrete, over wires and tiles and rusted metal.

Dimly he heard voices, and felt someone tugging him. There were three loud cracks but he couldn't tell if he heard those with his own ears, or through the senses of his army.

The first to make contact was a cat, a battle-scarred tom who had won many fights, had many mates. He saw the tall ones who smelled of ants and rain and was about to run past them when something flipped a switch in his head and he knew that these ones were a threat- not danger-threats but challenge-threats. The tom knew what to do with those and he never broke stride, gathering himself smoothly into a leap that brought him claws-first into the nearest foe.

The other yelled and flailed but the tom was wily and fast, and moments later he had allies in the form of little moving food-creatures running across the enemy's feet and trying to trip him and great flapping-flying things that hurtled out of the sky with sharp beaks and talons. The rats poured past and into the rest of the band, attacking without fear of the great predators who ran with them. One large dog bounded onto one of the bad-creatures and knocked it down, where its screams were muffled by the swarm.

"...get his feet..."

The idea struck the tomcat that he should bat at the base of the long horns his enemy had, and ever eager for a game he did so. His paws weren't heavy and he lacked the instincts that would have guided him to do real damage, but the patting was enough to make his foe stumble and weave like it had been chewing the silly-plants.

"...totally fucking out of it..."

There were more loud cracks, met with yelps and yowls and brief flares of agony that faded into unconsciousness or abruptly broke away. Those shattered connections let Tavros gather enough of himself inside his own head to realize that he was being carried, two hands under his arms and two more holding up his feet. He opened his eyes, felt his digestive sac flip over with the disorientation of being an entire ravening mob of animals while also being somewhere completely different, and closed them again.

"Tavros!" He heard Terezi's voice, and felt her leaning over his face. "Tavros, can you hear me?"

Tavros tried to reply and managed something close to: "mnmh."

"I believe... that he is... closer to consciousness," gasped another familiar voice. Equius. "We should... hurry, before he loses control... over his... creatures."

"Ghn," Tavros agreed, managing to wobble his head in a hint of a nod. He could already feel his control slipping; he had never tried to use his powers on so many animals at once before, let alone alien ones, and the last time he'd ever used them for more than one or two at a time was back on Alternia. He could already feel the ache spreading from the base of his horns into the rest of his head; something that tasted suspiciously like blood ran down from the inside of his nose into his throat. "Naaaargh."

"Yeah, that's real informative, there," said Dave. "Maybe next time you want to try the Pied Piper act we should get you a flute. Doesn't look like this X-Men shit is going too well for you."

"Nrrr," Tavros agreed, jerking involuntarily in his friend's arms as another dog was shot.

 _At least it isn't us,_ he reminded himself, fighting to stay connected and not wall himself off from the bursts of pain and silence.

"We're here!" yelled Nepeta, and there was a loud splintering sound. They rushed forwards and from behind closed eyes, Tavros noticed things get darker as they crossed a threshold. He was dropped to the ground and heard something heavy being moved nearby. The last few points of connection to his animal friends slipped away and he was left with a vague impression of the impromptu army starting to scatter- which was only natural, without him to hold them together.

Deciding that it was probably safe and also smart to open his eyes, Tavros did so. He was lying on carpet in a house that he definitely recognized from this vantage point; he couldn’t turn his head while it was flat against the floor, so he pushed himself up on his elbows and ignored the throbbing in his skull. His friends were hauling a couch towards a door that hung loose in its frame, the remains of a lock drooping from a splintered hole.

“I apologize… for causing such… extreme damage,” rumbled Equius’ voice, interspersed with long, jagged breaths. Tavros looked the other way to see him slumped against a wall, Nepeta fussing over his side with a sleeve torn from her own jacket, wadded up and soaked blue. “I did not… consider that… a barricade-“

“Shoosh,” ordered Nepeta, putting her fingers across his lips and smiling when Equius flipped his lip over her claw-tips. A clatter drew Tavros’ attention back to Terezi and Dave, who had shoved a set of shelves over onto the couch without bothering to take the assorted data grubs and human external hard drives off them first.

"There, safe as houses," said Dave, stepping back from the clumsy barricade. "And by houses, I mean crack houses. That are being raided. By a different gang of drug dealers. While on fire."

Terezi pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and sniffed it. "The authorities should be on their way by now," she said. "With this many gunshots fired, someone will have reported the fracas, even in this neighborhood."

"No offense, 'Rezi, but I'm not exactly eager to explain my presence at a shootout to the cops," said Dave, swallowing and starting to pace up and down the room. "Shit, we are so fucked. Why did I agree to do this again?"

"Aradia," Tavros said.

Terezi nodded. "Yes, Dave, you agreed to help Tavros save Aradia!"

"No, that is not, what I meant," said Tavros, twisting his head round to face the inside door. "Aradia, should be through there. Could someone, please, help me, to get to her?"

There was a moment where the other four all shared a look, then they all did different things. Nepeta's mouth made a little round "O" and she blushed green, Equius's head dropped into his hand, Terezi burst out laughing, and Dave shook his head and walked over.

"C'mon, buddy, let's drop you off with your fair damsel," he said, crouching down and picking Tavros up. "Now remember, this is your fairy tale, so keep this shit suitable for the under-tens in the audience. I'm talking chaste kisses and ensemble songs with the local wildlife here. Us loyal companions totally got this fort locked up and tied down."

"I'm coming too," said Terezi. "Vriska is still in here somewhere, and I don't trust her." She looked over at Nepeta. "If anything happens though here, shout."

Nepeta nodded solemnly. "I'll roar."

Terezi stepped out into the corridor guarding with her cane, while Dave followed carrying Tavros. It was only a small hall, leading to the bedroom and bathroom, and Terezi sniffed up and down it with a frown.

Tavros took a moment to smile at his human friend. "Thanks, Dave," he said.

"Eh, no problem. We're the idiots who left your chair behind." Dave was watching Terezi pace; she had just licked a patch of wallpaper.

"I meant, for coming to help, even though you didn't think, this is a very good idea, and we are all in trouble, now, so you were probably right." Tavros kept watching Dave's face and was sure he saw the expression change, although to what was unclear. "From the moment, you heard about Vriska, and her psionics, you haven't wanted to be here. So thank you. For, being here, anyway."

Dave shrugged and Tavros felt the motion through the human's arms. "Yeah, well, I'm trained with swords, and they ain't much use against psychic powers. Or guns, actually." He paused for a second, and quietly said. "Plus mind control is freaky as shit, Tav. It's my fucking mind and I don't want anyone else in there."

Tavros nodded to Terezi as she ambled back over. "Terezi, is better at getting people to do, what she wants, than Vriska."

"Terezi's different," Dave said, and his mouth twitched in a fond smile. "She uses headgames, which the Lalonde branch of the family has long since taught me to accept as a sign of affection."

"Besides, it's more fun to help people do what _they_ want," Terezi added. She nodded along the corridor. "Vriska was in here, but I can't hear her in either of the rooms."

"Huh. I guess she did have time to slip out the back- but then why would she come this way?" Dave nodded to the bedroom door. "You'd better get that, sweetcheeks."

"My pleasure, Mister Cherry Candy," said Terezi, and with her cane at the ready opened the door.

Inside was an ordinary bedroom, save for two things. First was the machinery beside the bed- a slightly bluish drip, a steadily beeping tower, and a monitor showing a green line pulse. Second was the sleeping girl, still and silent, her face pale and serene between the two large, looping horns. For a moment Tavros was certain she was dead, but then he remembered that the beeping meant otherwise.

"She was in here, too," said Terezi, yanking the closet door open and prodding at the clothes hanging there as if they would reveal the answers to all her questions. "But now she's gone."

"There was, someone else," Tavros said, remembering what he'd smelled with the rat. "A wiggler. In here with Aradia."

"Well, he's gone too now," said Dave, looking around the room. "Guess he ran off when he saw her coming."

"Or she took him with her," Terezi said, giving the room a dark look. Tavros was about to wonder why Vriska would take a wiggler anywhere unless Snowman also happened to eat children, but was cut off by the sound of gunfire from outside.

"Oop," said Dave, dropping Tavros non-too-gently onto the bed next to Aradia. "That's our song they're playing. See you, buddy." In a flash he had drawn his sword and was gone from the room, Terezi after him. Tavros sighed and started trying to get comfortable on the bed, grabbing his legs and dragging them around into better positions. Lying down was out of the question- his horns would smack Aradia in the face- so he sat beside her, looking down at a face that was so familiar and so different from how he remembered it.

"Hello, Aradia," he said softly, trying to ignore the loud crashing from the other room. "I guess, I never did level up enough, to really fight the boss battles, did I?"

A flash of movement across the room caught his eye, and he looked up to see a strange sight. A patch of the wall opposite was fizzing, the flat white surface looking absolutely stationary and in wild motion. As Tavros watched, a patch of gray appeared on the wall and bulged out, resolving into a hand. An arm followed, and a face, coming out of the wall as if there was nothing there at all. The interface between skin and plaster was a bizarre, fused, hissing mess that didn't seem to impede the flesh-and-blood person coming through in the least. Tavros stared as a familiar Alternian- one of the brown-bloods that had ambushed them outside- stepped into the room and smirked at him.

“Well, whaddya know?” the man said. He was more of a boy, really, hardly older than Tavros although he was much bulkier. His eyes would have made his blood color obvious even if he hadn't been bleeding from dozens of bites and scratches. He was listing to one side, favoring a leg that was soaked brown, and his eyes were glazed in a way Tavros had seen before on people who were in pain but still functional.

“Guess some power out there must like me,” the other Alternian muttered. “Because you know, I was just thinking, I could really fucking use an advantage right about now. A hostage works.”

Tavros got a sinking feeling and the man's hand rose up, the muzzle of the gun pointing directly at Tavros' head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, I owe you an apology. It has been brought to my attention (with a much-needed metaphorical boot to the backside) that I have been acting like an assbucket for a while now.
> 
> I'm sorry to everyone that I've lost my temper with, and I'm sorry to everyone who has been witness to those displays. None of you deserved it, and I give you my word that I will be working hard on never displaying such awful behaviour again. I don't want to be horrible to you guys. You guys are fuckin' ace, I want to be friends with all of you, and I intend to prove this through my future actions.
> 
> Thanks for your patience this far. You are the best readers, it is you. :)
> 
> [This message has been repeated on both currently updating fics.]
> 
> So in other news, this chapter is action-packed! And also involved looking up rats, which was interesting. :) The things I learn writing fanfic, it is astonishing.
> 
> Also, I have an opportunity for audience participation (sort of). See, for reasons of Why The Hell Not I've been idly considering what all the main characters' favourite Earth Music might be in Alternian Nation, and it occurred to me that my options for such speculation are limited to my own musical taste/breadth of experience. It also occurred to me that you guys may well have (probably have) different musical tastes to me, which allows for a much wider pool of reference!
> 
> So for the sake of completely pointless random characterisation, if you have any thoughts on what particular music one of the kids or trolls might enjoy (specific tracks or genres), throw it out there! I'll mix it up with what thoughts I got already and maybe at some point y'all will get to see how it falls out. ;)
> 
> (This is legit such bullshit but what the fuck ever, it's for giggles).


	22. ==> Be The Bedeviled Bodyguard

### CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE ==> Be The Bedeviled Bodyguard

Eridan Ampora had in his short life experienced a full and rich variety of uncomfortable awakenings. From stealthy ambushes in long FLARP campaigns to unexpected storms trying to sink his hive while the sun was high to frightened crew members shaking him awake to deal with the latest ship-ending catastrophe, he knew every panicked, irritating or premature way to re-enter the waking world. Lying face-down in the fragments of furniture left by his rampaging kismesis wasn't, unfortunately, a brand new experience.

Eridan glubbed and rolled over, peeling a piece of table off his face and trying to think through the pounding of his own vascular pump. Sol had traveled the length of the known universe for Aradia. Sol was being blackmailed with Aradia’s safety. Sol was following instructions from a person or persons unknown. Sol was willing to trap Kanaya in a lift on those instructions. Sol had been hiding in here with a mysterious device masquerading as a laptop…

Eridan’s blood had been pounding, but it all froze still and solid as he remembered the crackle of Sollux's psionics on the device.

 _He’s gonna kill her,_ Eridan realized, and right on its heels came a second thought- _nobody’s gonna believe me._

Hell, if he hadn’t known Sol as well as he did, he wouldn’t believe it either. The pissblooded mutant doted on Fef in his own socially stunted, common land-dwelling scummy way. But Eridan knew his soft points and his triggers like only a kismesis could. A jibe about Fef would make Sollux fight; the same jibe about Aradia would make him go for the kill. A difference he had learned the hard way, and still occasionally forgot when he was being stupid.

No time to be stupid now, Ampora, he told himself, picking himself up off the floor. He did a quick scan of the room, checking for any other surprises Sol might have left, and grabbed a cellphone that was lying on the floor. Walls of gray and yellow text told him that mutant freaks apparently stick together. Although it didn't look like Kar knew what Sol was up to. Somewhere under the swiftly intertwining layers of panic and calm, he was sort of glad to see that. Kar had been pretty decent to him, under all that loud bluster and the sickening lowblood manners. Eridan would have hated to have to hunt him down and rip his spine out.

He wasn't exactly shocked when he tried the door and found it locked, but he was surprised by Sollux's fine control. Maybe the scrawny asshole had a key? It wasn't an electronic lock, so he couldn't have hacked it.

 _Whatever. It'll take more than a locked door to keep me trapped,_ Eridan thought grimly, taking a step back and sizing up roughly where he thought the bolt would be. Muscles rippled under his skin as he tensed; according to every doctor he'd had on this planet, he and Fef- like all the other seadwellers- weighed about twice as much as a human of their height and girth would be expected to. Some of that was the layer of almost unseen blubber under their skin. The rest was densely packed muscle fiber.

Eridan kicked. The sole of his well-polished dress shoe slammed into metal and gave; something blunt jabbed into his foot in the moment before the force pushed it back. The door around the lock didn't break so much as explode, the entire mechanism shooting out of the surrounding metal and plastic and crashing into the far wall with a loud clatter. Eridan didn't stop to contemplate the mess he had made of the door, pushing it open and running out into the corridor. He didn't know how long he had been out, but it couldn't be that long. He had to find the others, had to warn them that Sollux was armed and that Feferi was in danger.

He could have kicked himself for being so desperate to protect her from bad news. So what if she would have been hurt to know Sollux might be betraying her trust? Alive and hurt was better than dead!

He turned a corner and almost ran into a small crowd. A few humans with cameras- and one or two Alternians- turned around and started to point and jabber at him. Eridan didn't give a flying finned fuck what they were saying.

"Let me past, you stupid fuckin tert idiots!" he yelled, trying to push himself through the gap between two humans towards the door in the far wall. He shook off grasping hands. "Next one a you to touch me is gettin a broken hand!" He waved towards one of the suited security figures by the walls- far away, too far to reach him. "I GOTTA GET A MESSAGE TO FEF!" he yelled over the noise in the room. The man looked at him in confusion, then glanced away. Eridan looked around to see the focal point of the gathering- a large TV screen, featuring the human senator standing behind a polished wooden podium.

"...is my pleasure to introduce someone I'm sure you all recognize- Miss Feferi Peixes!" he said, and alarm bubbled out of Eridan in a single panicked glub as a smiling Fef walked up to take the Senator's place to a round of polite applause. No, it couldn't be that late already- he had to get to the others. He had to warn them!

"Hello everyone, and thank you for your wonderful welcome," Fef said. Eridan hissed and shoved a human aside; the man stumbled into someone else and a brief scuffle ensued. It was mostly verbal but Eridan took advantage of the distraction to push on towards the door.

"...planet has welcomed all of us, given us the home and the hopeful future that we left in search of..."

The door swung open as Eridan approached it, missing his face by a fraction of an inch. He jumped back, ready to snarl retribution at whoever was behind it, but the words died when he saw Jade standing there.

“Come on!” he snapped, grabbing her arm and dragging her back through the door. Behind him, he could dimly hear Fef informing the entire fucking population of Earth that she wanted to “make our future together offishal!” He winced when he heard the pun. Three cod-damned revisions of her speech and he’d still missed one.

“Eridan!” Jade yelled, clearly annoyed by the way he was hauling her after him. Like he gave a shit.

“He’s got a fuckin' bomb,” Eridan said. “I think Fef might be in real fuckin’ danger, here.” He kept his voice low, not wanting to be overheard by any of the panic-prone monkey people.

Jade gave him a squinty-eyed look. “From Sollux?” Her voice suggested that she might have heard crazier things, but not very often. Eridan paused briefly in his forward-driven march to turn and glare at her, and Jade’s eyes went wide. “Oh, shit.”

Eridan felt a momentary flicker of relief that she seemed to believe him, and that she knew how to react sensibly; Jade stopped trying to shake off his hand and picked up speed, accelerating past him down the corridor. Eridan chafed a little at giving up the lead but followed her through the bright, twisty maze of passages.

“So what happened?” asked Jade, not turning her head, and Eridan winced.

“I found him hidin’ in one a the side rooms we passed on the way up, pourin' power into that fuckin' laptop a his. Only it ain't a laptop,” he said. Jade's determined pace faltered for a moment.

“How do you know it's a bomb?”

“What else is gonna eat his psionics like that?” Eridan snapped. “You might be all kinds a brain deficient, enough to think that enough power for a spaceship engine is perfectly safe, but I ain’t.”

“I’m not brain deficient, asshole,” Jade replied, twisting her hand to grip back on Eridan’s arm and digging her fingers in for good measure. It didn’t really hurt. “This is awful! That room is full of people!” She scowled. “If he was powering a bomb why did it take you so long to come and find someone?”

Eridan’s gills flared in embarrassment. “None a your business,” he muttered. Jade glanced back and rolled her eyes.

“Let me guess, you two had a fight and he kicked your ass.”

“He did not!” Eridan said, glubbing slightly. “Like that whiny piece a weed could ewer leawe a mark on me.”

The next look was filled with something that was almost pity. “Eridan, he always kicks your ass when you fight for real. That’s so obvious, it’s not even a thing anyone has to notice any more!”

“That’s a fuckin’ lie, Har, you take that back,” Eridan said, but his mind was already racing through every fight he’d ever had with Sol. The flirtatious ones were close to fifty-fifty, but the others- the ones where he’d pushed too far, or Sol had just been in a shitty mood- they barely even qualified as fights. A bitter shock ran through Eridan when he came to the obvious conclusion; his supposed kismesis could turn him into fish paste with a thought. Sol had been going easy on him the whole time, and that meant...

Eridan took a deep breath and shook his head to clear it. This was no time to dwell on anything; after he saved Fef, then he could find someplace quiet and fall to pieces over his broken spade. He let Jade lead him around another corner and down some steps without a word; he could still feel Fef’s voice through the walls, distorted beyond being truly audible, and other than their footsteps it was the only sound he could hear.

At the bottom of the steps, a burly human wearing a suit and an earpiece was guarding a set of double doors. He looked them over as they ran towards him; Jade fumbled in her blouse and pulled out a pass. As soon as she flashed it at him the man stepped aside and pushed one of the doors open for them.

“Thanks!” Jade said, breathless as they ran in. Eridan ignored him, focusing instead on the dressing room beyond. It was windowless, lit by bright yellow-white panels in the ceiling, and furnished in the brown-leather-and-wood style that humans considered classy. It looked like it had been hastily re-purposed for a group to sit around in comfort, but the only person there was Kanaya.

The jade-blooded girl looked up at their noisy arrival. “I see you have found one of our wayward acquaintances,” she said calmly. “Eridan, it was most inconsiderate of you to disappear. We tried to contact you when we could not locate Sollux, but-”

“Shut up, you flighty bitch,” Eridan said, resting his arms on the back of one of the armchairs so that he wouldn’t be tempted just to fall over into it. “We got a not inconsiderable problem here, and we ain’t got time for you to be giwin’ me shit on what I hawe or hawen’t been doin’.”

He didn’t miss the way Kanaya’s gaze flickered over to Jade, or the human’s nod.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was so completely fuckin’ unreliable,” he snapped, unable to stop himself.

“Not unreliable,” Kanaya said gently. “But certainly overly dramatic when such gestures might not be appropriate.”

Eridan couldn’t help it; he snarled at her. “Look, I got the fuckin’ Harley seal a approwal, so you gonna listen to me or are we gonna stand around arguin’ until Fef gets blown to bits?”

Kanaya said nothing, but her eyebrows shot up and she made a gesture that was easily interpreted as _by all means, continue._

“Sol's got a psionic bomb,” Eridan said bluntly. “I don’t know how long he's been loose with it, on account a how I was out cold when he left, but I can tell you that he’s a fuckin’ mess, Kan. I know the kidnappers want Fef dead and I’m gettin’ real sure Sol will do it and take himself out a the equation right along with her.”

Kanaya’s mouth narrowed. “I find it hard to conceive of the notion that Sollux would participate in a plot to assassinate his moirail, even under such extreme duress as…”

Eridan cut her off with an impatient noise and thrust the cellphone he had recovered under her nose. “Oh, you find it hard to conceiwe of, huh? Look what he’s sayin’ to Kar!”

Kanaya's eyes flickered as she read the screen, and her skin paled to a chalky gray. "Oh," she said quietly.

"Yeah, great, now you beliewe me, can we get on with savin' Fef's life or hawe I gotta present some more ewidence a my credibility?" Eridan snapped, shoving the cellphone back in his pocket.

"No, I concur, this is clearly a matter of great urgency," Kan said, pulling out her own cell. "Hold on..." several button presses followed, and Eridan paced impatiently as the sound of ringing filled the room.

The ringing stopped. "Hello, Kanaya," said the voice of Rose Lalonde. "Am I to assume one or both of our wayward companions just joined you?"

"Eridan and Jade are here," said Kanaya. "With disturbing news. They have brought convincing evidence that Sollux is both armed and intending to harm or kill Feferi, along with himself and an unknown number of bystanders."

"I see." The human's voice was perfectly calm, as if they were merely discussing the weather or what to have for dinner. Eridan flexed his jaw. Sometimes he longed to know just what would get a reaction out of Rose, besides her mother. If he hadn't been with Sollux-

 _Except you're not with Sollux, not really,_ his treacherous thoughts reminded him. _Because you're too weak for him. What kind of kismesis isn't even a challenge to their partner?_

"Look, will you quit your pointless wafflin' and do somethin' to help Fef?" he said in a low growl, slamming his hands into a wall. "That's fuckin' it, I am goin' to find that overgrown battery pack and smash his head in."

"Eridan," said Jade, her hand brushing his arm as he passed. Eridan paused, and she gave him a small, worried smile. "We need to coordinate, so we aren't just rushing around and getting in each others' way. That's what Kanaya's doing here- she's mission control!"

Eridan blushed, because he really should have thought of that on his own. He felt even dumber a moment later when a different voice emerged from the phone.

"You got any more information for us, kid?"

It was one of the detectives. Eridan hadn't bothered learning which was which, but he thought it was the one with the longer hair and the leather jacket.

"Not much," he said, feeling better now that he knew the whole operation wasn't in the hands of Rose Grimdark Lalonde. "Except that he reely don't wanna be doin' this, but that ain't nothin' we didn't already know." He thought on it for a moment, then added; "And I wouldn't count on bein' able to knock him cold any a the usual ways that work on psionics. That's what made him flip out and punch me through a fuckin' wall."

"Great," the Detective muttered, before returning to a more normal tone of voice. "Alright, here's what's going to happen. I'm gonna call George and get him the situation, then we're gonna call for backup and start clearing people out. You kids and the Doc are going to get your asses outside and sit tight where we know you're safe."

"No way!" said Jade, leaning over the cellphone. "Feferi's our friend, and so is Sollux! We're not just going to sit here and wait for- for anything!"

"Miss Harley," said the Detective, and Eridan was amazed at the patience in his tone. "Me and George, we're professionals. It's our job to make sure none of you get hurt, and if I have to handcuff you to a damn radiator that is what I will do. Right now, your friend Sollux isn't thinking straight, and the last thing we want is for him to hurt anyone."

"So what? We're supposed to just wait in here while you go and shoot him?" Jade waved her hand in a wild gesture, as if she could be seen from the other end of the phone line.

"No, but that's not gonna happen," said the Detective. "Look, kid, if I shoot the freaking Helmsman then if nothing else my Captain would jam my shield up my ass for the bad PR. We want both of your friends to be okay as much as you do, but we want everyone else to be safe as well. Now can we stop arguing about this so I can actually get on with talking to George and organize some sort of evacuation?"

Jade snorted and stepped back from the phone. Kanaya leaned in. "I believe she is amenable," Kanaya said.

"I will be with you shortly," said Rose's voice. "I suspect Mother will be delivered soon thereafter." She paused for a moment. "I do hope your behavior will be in line with my expectations."

The line went dead, and Eridan turned on his heel and headed for the door.

"What are you doing?" Kanaya asked. "We were to stay here! Rose and Detective Sikes said-"

"Like I'm gonna listen to that," Eridan said. "And Rose wouldn't expect anythin' different. Wasn't ewen worth arguin' ower." He paused at the door and looked back. "You comin', Har?"

Jade smirked and walked up beside him. "Well, duh!"

"You two are incorrigible," Kanaya said. Eridan gave her a tight nod, and held the door like a gentleman for Jade to step through first. As a gesture it had the added benefit of letting her get shot instead of him by any rampaging psionics who happened to be in the corridor. That total was none, so he followed her out and walked with her past the guard and up the steps to the T-junction, where they hesitated.

"Split up?" Jade asked. Eridan nodded, and she turned away.

He watched her for a second, something unnameable flipping strangely in the pit of his guts.

"Hey, Har?" he said, swallowing as she turned back.

"Yeah?" she asked, green eyes glittering and serious.

"Don't get blown up," he said, and kicked himself a moment later for saying something so fucking retarded.

Jade gave him a weird little half-grin. "You either, asshole." Then she turned and started to run; Eridan knew that it wasn't worth worrying about her. She might not be armed, but she'd survived worse than Sollux. Besides, it wasn't like he cared what happened to some stupid human.

He turned down his own corridor and strode off at a brisk pace, making the most of long legs to keep up speed. He wasn't even sure what he was going to do if he found Sollux; he didn't exactly feel like calling for help like a lost little wiggler, but he'd already proved there wasn't much he could do to stop Sol on his own.

_Okay, think about this logically, Ampora. If you were going to assassinate Fef, how would you do it?_

Publicly, was the first thought that sprung to mind. Feferi was a public figure, the Heiress and the symbolic leader of Alternians on Earth. Symbols aren't killed quietly behind closed doors. He paused and looked around, cursing the stupid human floor plan, then honed in on a colorful map of the center that was framed on the wall behind a sheet of plastic.

Keeping one eye open for possible interference, Eridan walked over to study the map. It didn't take long to find the floor they were on, or the main auditorium- there was the dressing room they had been in, leading out to backstage- and there was the room with the big TV where all those people had been watching. He looked at the map, a frown growing on his face. There was something bugging him about this; there was no way that the kidnappers could be sure Sollux would go through with it, and they needed to be certain. There had to be a backup plan- not another bomber, though, not with all the trouble to get one explosive this close. A shooter would make sense. They would need a clear shot, somewhere far enough from any security that you could take a second if the first one failed, clear lines of escape for afterward, far enough out of the blast radius if Sollux succeeded...

His eyes fell on the second floor map, and the balconies that they'd locked off for the event. Feferi and the Senator didn't want anyone looking down from on high for their speech, but that wouldn't keep someone determined out.

Eridan took just long enough to note the way to the nearest staircase then took off again at a dead run, heart pounding. How much time had he wasted being unconscious and chatting to Jade and Kanaya? Shit, it was an outright fucking miracle that nothing had happened yet, even if that did make him sound like that Faygo-swilling idiot Makara. Although from what he knew of the Mirthful Messiahs and their cult, he didn't think they were the sort of gods to put off a chaotic public assassination.

When he reached the foot of the stairs he found the human who was supposed to be standing guard crumpled in a heap, which answered any lingering doubts he might have had about heading this way. Not bothering to check if the man was breathing, Eridan stepped over him and took the stairs two at a time. He was starting to heave for breath; he hadn't even realized he was so out of shape. It was fucking disgraceful, was what it was. He was a seadweller, one of the elite nobility of the Alternian Empire. He wasn't supposed to be turned into a physical wreck by a brief jog up some stairs.

At the top of the stairs he found a long corridor that led to a T-junction. There was a door just ahead and to the left, and Eridan tried it. He wasn't surprised when it opened, even though it was meant to be locked. The door led onto a long balcony and Eridan stepped out into a darkened auditorium.

On a large screen over the podium, there was a video playing that featured that human actor Karkat had gone nuts for over the summer. It was the video message, the one they had recorded to start putting out on the TV once they'd shown it here.

"Now, as y'all know, I know a thing or two about aliens," the human actor was saying to the camera, smiling at the camera like the smug asshole he probably was. Eridan snorted; he'd seen most of the guy's work keeping Karkat company over the course of the trial, and knew exactly what movies were being referred to. They bore about as much resemblance to actual interstellar reality as they did to an academic documentary on fine dining.

"Ever since we first got smart enough to really be called humans, we've been looking to the sky and asking the same question; are we alone?" the man continued, but Eridan's attention was on the figure at the far end of the balcony. The other person's back was to him, but without the ridiculously bright human lights blinding him he could see the silhouette of her horns. There was something familiar about her, although he wasn't sure exactly where they had met.

"Well, we don't have to wonder any more," the actor said, stepping back as the shot panned out to introduce an entire rainbow fellowship special sparkle society of Alternian kids. Eridan wished he had his gun- stupid human rules- and took a few more steps forward, treading softly to try and get as close as he could to the woman. Whoever she was, she couldn't be up to anything good. Not with the unconscious guard, and the unlocked door.

"It's all on us now," the actor was saying, holding hands with one kid on each side and walking past a background that changed from happy suburbs to grimy urban wastelands. "Because we've made first contact. We are not alone. And how we deal with that says a whole lot about what our species is gonna become."

"He's got that right, at least."

Eridan stopped walking as the woman turned to face him. She was smiling, but there was a dangerous glint in her eyes. Her irises were fully teal; a full-grown adult. She must have been near conscription when she got on the ship.

"First impressions are everything," she said in Alternian, and her eyes flashed. A tingle ran through Eridan, a shock like static, and he tried to twitch. His muscles refused to respond.

"You know what my first impression of you was, Mister Ampora?" she said, switching from Alternian for the last two words to drawl them in English so perfect and cultured that it mocked the human form of address. Eridan tried to pull away as she walked close and leaned in to whisper, conspiratorially, in his ear. "A seadweller."

Eridan's face twitched in surprise as behind the teal-blood the human actor implored his fellow humans to "become the people we always hoped we would meet among the stars." The woman laughed and switched back to Alternian.

"I know what you're thinking; obvious, isn't it! But not to everyone." She stepped back, and something ugly twisted her face. "All those idiots on the ship. They thought we were escaping, but I saw it. Our own little Condesce, with her own little psionic Helmsman and her own pet seadweller general. Our own replica Empire, just like the one we were running from, except this one doesn't even have the guts to do what is necessary!"

Eridan recognized her then; she was older, more neatly groomed, and lacking a crowd of cheering supporters, but that speech was familiar enough. "Kyrane," he hissed, managing to push through the psionic paralysis enough to regain control of his jaw. He remembered that power, too; she was a strong psionic, almost as insanely strong as Sollux, and it had made her impossible to eliminate. Rumor had it that she was some sort of mutant herself, although with her extreme politics Eridan didn't think she needed any more reasons to leave Alternia. Hatred between seadwellers and land-dwellers was nothing new, but Kyrane took it to dangerous levels.

"You remember me. I'm flattered." She didn't sound it, turning away from him to face the screen again. The human actor was standing next to Feferi now, the pair of them surrounded by smiling Alternian kids. From what Eridan understood of the human concept of "cute", the wigglers were pretty much the epitome of that.

"Support the Sophont Equivalency Proposition," said the human actor, smiling for the camera. "And we can face the future- and the stars- together."

The video cut to a sickeningly cheerful song, and Kyrane shook her head. "How does it feel, betraying your own people?" she asked, glaring back at Eridan. "Are you having fun going to parties and premieres, living in your mansions and private islands while the wigglers you tricked into following you here starve in the streets?"

It was still an effort to speak, and Eridan couldn't raise his voice far, but he tried. "Don't you try tellin' me Fef don't care about that," he said, forcing the words out between gritted teeth. "That's what this whole fuckin' proposition is about, gettin' it so as we got all the same rights as humans in law, so as we can lay foundations for bein' citizens and gettin' laws what protect us too!"

He saw the strike coming, but couldn't move away, and pain blossomed across his cheek as her claws drew blood. "Don't lie to me!" she hissed, teal sparks crawling across his skin and dancing in her eyes. For a few terrifying seconds, Eridan couldn't even breathe. "I know what this is. You're selling us out, enslaving us to them, just so you can keep your luxuries!"

Eridan stared back at her, into eyes that bored back through his skull, and said in perfect clarity: "You're fuckin' insane."

Kyrane snorted. "I am a hero," she said, lifting her chin in defiance. "And I'm about to bring our people- my people- to freedom." She held her hands up. "Or are you forgetting who you came up here to save?"

Eridan's vascular pump stalled of its own accord, none of her doing. "Sollux," he said. "Where is he, you crazy bitch?" He started to push at the psionic control, but his usual resistance wasn't serving him as well as it should have done. Partly because from what little he knew of psionics, this felt more like a physical effect than a mental one- a sort of limited telekinesis rather than mind control, which made it harder to break. Mostly because his determination, his pity, his hate, everything he had in him to throw at her wasn't even close to equivalent to her single-minded fanaticism.

"Come see for yourself," Kyrane said, grabbing his collar and dragging him over to the edge of the balcony. "See, the mistake you made was that you thought like a competent assassin. Not surprising, given how hard you tried to silence me in the past."

Eridan found himself dangling over a dizzying drop, watching a crowd of press and special guests- human and Alternian- mill about below him. From this vantage point, he could see the movements of the crowd, the way that it ebbed and flowed and shifted about like water.

Driving a path through the mass of people, cutting a wake through the natural waves like the prow of a boat, he could make out a skinny figure topped with short dark hair and two sets of horns.

"Sollux, poor thing, isn't a competent assassin," Kyrane said, her voice dripping with mock sympathy and glee. "He has until the end of Feferi's speech to save his little matesprit."

"He won't do it," Eridan said, fighting for the breath and the control to speak although he wasn't sure he believed his own words.

Kyrane laughed and tugged him back, spinning Eridan round so he could see the pistol she was holding in her other hand. His thoughts flashed to the guard downstairs and the empty holster, briefly glimpsed under his jacket. Eridan hadn't considered it at the time, in his hurry to find the assassin.

“I suppose I could have just done this from the start,” Kyrane said quietly. “But it's not easy to make a shot with these human pistols at this distance, and besides, it makes a better statement if it's our dear Helmsman who commits the act.” She smiled, a victorious smirk, and Eridan struggled to break free of her psionic paralysis. One of his arms twitched less than half an inch, and Kyrane laughed again.

"Go ahead, struggle all you like," she said, the sparks dancing in her eyes, "One way or another, Feferi Peixes dies tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehe, MOAR HOSTAGES!
> 
> While I'm generally pretty happy with this chapter, I am vaguely disappointed with Kyrane. I never really had the time in the story to let her properly set out her views, and I can't help but feel it all falls a little flat and two-dimensional here. :/ Oh, well. I think she has served her purpose well enough.
> 
> Thanks go out to everyone who responded to my music question last week! You've certainly given me plenty to think about, and if any more ideas occur, feel free to share them! :)


	23. ==> Be The Surfacing Sleeper

### CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO ==> Be The Surfacing Sleeper

Aradia Megido was far away and floating when she felt something tugging her back. At first she tried to ignore the insistent summons, curling into an even tighter knot in the center of her cool, dark, comforting world. Up there was cold and hot and harsh and exhausting; she remembered that much. But whatever the thing trying to move her was, it grew louder, pulled harder. Groggy and confused, Aradia let it wrap around her and pull her upwards, away from the place where she had been- resting? Waiting? Lost?

Up there was just as she remembered, and the closer to it she got the more she could recall. Her own name came first, followed by faces and feelings, people she had known who were now older, strange creatures she didn't recognize, a wiggler who needed someone to help him. She remembered Sollux, and that he was in danger, and trying to help him, and her blood-pusher started to beat again with frantic rhythm. She would ask how she could have forgotten, but she already knew the answer. The dark place kept her safe from everything, even her own fears.

She broke the surface and flowed over without pause, reaching out to feel for whoever was around. A familiar mind brushed past her, one that might have been beautiful once but which was too broken now, too full of sharp edges and cruel fragments of wiggler dreams. In the formless sense of place that Aradia had while in this state she could tell that Vriska was close by, leaning over her. She dimly felt a distant breath touch her skin.

"I'm not sorry," said Vriska's voice quietly, talking to Aradia. "I was just defending myself. You weren't going to leave me alone otherwise."

That was true. Aradia hadn't planned to leave Vriska alone until she was insane or dead. Preferably both. It was what she had deserved.

"Snowman says that you should try to keep your responses proportional, unless you're trying to make a statement." There was a pause. "With the number of people trying to mess with me and ruin everything back then, I wasn't wrong to make a statement."

Aradia knew Terezi had been planning something too; she wondered how many more enemies Vriska had managed to make. Dozens at least, she was willing to bet, and every one of them well-earned. Shame none of them had been able to make her pay.

"So anyway. I did what I had to do. But now you're not important, so I'm going to let those losers rescue you." Vriska snorted; Aradia felt her breath brush against her cheek distantly, as if through a shroud. "If they can."

Aradia wondered what she was there for, if not revenge or forgiveness, and pushed a little harder. She didn't dare touch Vriska's mind- the other girl's powers were strong enough that she might well be noticed, and that would be a disaster. She barely brushed against the surface of Vriska, but that was enough to sense her powers at work, a thread of psionic energy leading across the room and into Zuskon. She could feel the emotions pouring off her fellow captive, sickening fear and hope that he struggled against.

She was more sensitive than she had ever been when awake, alive. The urge to reach out to him was almost overwhelming, but she knew she couldn't. Vriska would sense Aradia in his mind even more easily than in her own. Aradia retreated and wished she could still move, or at least cry, as her enemy took the boy who had been her only friend here and led him away.

Following them out of the house expanded her range and it was with another jolt that she discovered other minds nearby, filled with a mixture of fear and exhilaration and pain. One was scattered, spread out, and it wasn't until the group had moved around the back of the house and he had started to come back to himself that she recognized Tavros. He was different now, the strength that she had sensed in him as a wiggler closer to the surface. Aradia forgot everything else to follow him, afraid for his safety but proud of everything else. Her best friend, her partner, was closer to the troll she had seen in him than he had ever been when she had stood at his side.

She followed him, along with Terezi and the alien and the other two trolls she didn't know, into the other room. She hovered over him as they threw up barricades, certain of help coming; Aradia waited until the scattered fragments of her friend drew themselves back together, then sank in to sit behind his eyes.

His first thought was of her, and if she could have cried out she would have. She did the next best thing, staying with him as his friends brought him to sit next to her. When Terezi and the alien with her were startled by a noise outside, Aradia decided to investigate. With one last brush against Tavros, she let her consciousness expand, searching for their enemies- her captors- outside.

She was more than a little surprised to find most of them dead. They hadn't been, a moment ago. The only beings nearby were four aliens, ones she didn't know, and after a moment's thought she decided that her need to know just what had happened outweighed her uncertainty. Choosing the most focused of the four minds, she dove in.

To her shock, the alien noticed her immediately.

 _And what the fuck is this?_ he thought, in such a tight band that there was no doubt he was "talking" to her. _Which one of you little gray fuckers is this? Thought we killed you all._

Aradia concentrated on making her next thoughts as clear and as strong as she possibly could. _Sorry, mister! I didn't mean to surprise you- I was just trying to see what was going on out here!_

She was delighted to feel the sense of recognition, confirmation that the alien had heard her. His mind was working right in front of her, an interlocking set of steel wheels that turned together. _You're not one of the idiots we just put down,_ he thought. Dimly, through eyes that saw colors a little off, Aradia experienced him turning to look at the houses. _So where the fuck are you, kid, and what the hell do you think you're doing in my head?_

He felt hostile, but there was a lot of hostile in his thinkpan so Aradia dismissed it as normal for him. The curiosity alongside it wasn't. _I'm not awake,_ she told him. _And I can't wake up, so if I want to know what's going on I have to peek through other people! I didn't think you'd notice me, though,_ she added, a small flare of embarrassment and excitement escaping with the words.

Alien as it was, there was no mistaking the surprise that poured back to her. _Shitting hell, you're her. The kidnapped broad!_

 _I suppose?_ Aradia thought back. _Something like that must have happened. I don't really know._ She let the issue slip off her again, questions of where and who seeming unimportant. _What about you? Why are you here?_

There was a brief flicker of irritation before the alien replied. _Favor to a friend,_ he thought. _And by friend, I mean some arrogant shades-wearing asshole Spades knows. And by favor, I mean he..._

"Droog!"

Aradia heard it through her new host's ears, and saw as his head spun around to face a pale alien in rumpled, bloody clothes. Spades Slick, whispered the foreign knowledge in her ear, with faint and untrollish echoes of Friend, The Boss and Fucking Disgrace, What Is He Wearing.

"Get your ass out of LaLa Land and help us get those kids out of here before the fuzz shows up!" the other alien was yelling, and with a thrill of delight Aradia understood every word of the alien speech.

 _You couldn't before?_ her host- Droog- asked.

 _No!_ Aradia replied.

 _Well, good for you,_ Droog said, before turning to the Boss and speaking aloud. "Hang on, Slick, I got some little troll brat who's just wandered into my head for a chat."

The other three aliens all gave him a look that, through the new filter on her perceptions, Aradia knew was concern.

"Did Droog just go nuts?" said the little one.

"How the fuck should I know?" snapped the Boss. Spades. "Droog, have you lost your fucking marbles?"

Droog shrugged, a gesture that felt decidedly weird. There was something different in how his shoulders fit together, Aradia figured, and her own mind couldn't quite follow the motion. "Shut the hell up, Spades, you know these fuckers do that psychic shit."

Spades scowled. "You're gonna let some little psionic bitch loose in your head? You forgetting that brat of Snowman's?"

An impression of Vriska filled Droog's mind, and Aradia all but snarled. _That is not me!_

 _Didn't think it was,_ Droog thought back. "It ain't her, dumbass," he snapped aloud. " Pretty sure this is actually the little doll all the fuss is about, the one that got snatched."

The Boss alien nodded and stepped closer, looking through Droog's eyes and straight at Aradia. "You pull any shit in there and we are knocking him clean out and coming after you," he said.

 _Like I would,_ Aradia thought.

"She gets it, Slick," said Droog, brushing an invisible speck off the arm of his jacket.

Aradia was about to add more when she felt something tug at her, even harder than the last time.

 _Sorry!_ she thought. _But I have to go!_

 _What?_ Droog thought. _No, get back here, you little brat..._

She ignored him, loosing her grip out of his mind and falling back towards her own body. Just before the end of the fall, she caught herself on Tavros again, and glimpsed the room through his eyes. Even so, she felt the intruder before she saw him; the mind was familiar, one of the ones that had been guarding her and Zuskon. Her sense of place still hazy, Aradia saw through her friend's eyes the stranger arrive through the wall and raise a gun at Tavros.

She didn't want to abandon her friend, but she knew that he needed more than comforting. Leaving him to his own courage, she fled back to Droog.

 _Help!_ she screamed, crashing into his mind. He was crouched beside one of the bodies in the street, seemingly going through the pockets. _You have to help, he's going to kill Tavros!_

"Calm down!" Droog said, aloud and in his mind. The other aliens looked around as he spoke, and kept watching him get to his feet. "Tell me what's happening."

 _One of them,_ said Aradia, encompassing the mental image of the sprawled bodies around them. _He's a psionic- he walked in through the wall, and now he's taken my friend hostage!_

"Great," the alien muttered, then he looked back over to his Boss. "Slick, she says one of the kidnappers managed to dodge us and get back inside. He's taken one of the kids for a shield."

Slicks response was a burst of profanity; Aradia had the distinct sense of a pair of hands being placed over her ears.

 _You're really good at this,_ she thought to the alien. _Are you psionic too?_

 _Humans don't come with freaky mind powers,_ he replied. _I just don't keep my head in a mess. What more can you tell me about the situation in there?_

Aradia let her consciousness drift. _Four in the main block,_ she thought, hearing Droog echo her aloud. _Three trolls and one- like you. One of the trolls is injured but the others are okay. My friend is in the respite block with me, and they don't know he's in trouble yet- oh, no, wait!_ She felt the wave of shock and panic as the kidnapper dragged Tavros out with him. _Now they do. The kidnapper wants them to take down the barricades on the doors._

 _Are there any others?_ Droog asked her, looking at the bodies on the ground.

 _I don't know, I never really saw them!_ Aradia tried to say. _But I felt eight minds._

"One in there, six out here," Droog muttered, and Aradia went cold. One missing could only mean one thing; _She_ was visiting Sollux. But it was unthinkable to go somewhere else, not while Tavros was in danger! For a moment her concentration flickered, almost dragging her back to herself.

_I wonder..._

"What are you doing?" Droog asked, feeling her draw in on herself.

 _Helping a friend,_ Aradia told him, grabbing onto him with one "hand" and flinging herself out towards the other mind that was calling to hers like a beacon, bright and brilliant and full of raw power.

_Sollux._

The world faded as the two halves of her self flew apart, one clinging to Droog in the street outside the house where Tavros was hostage, the other hurtling towards her protector and the tormentor of them all. She heard ringing from inside herself, a splitting pain down the middle of her thoughts as she tore herself in two, and then she was standing in a crowd watching Sollux fight his way towards a stage.

He wasn't a telepath, like her, but she could feel the anguish boiling off him along with a fairly large amount of confusion. She skimmed his mind and felt the daze in there- it felt like her own head, when she'd done too much, and an ache blossoming across the front of his skull told her what was wrong. A concussion was a nasty thing in a psionic. His eyes were fixed on a girl up on the stage, a pretty seadweller who looked as old as he did.

She was important, Aradia knew. He pitied her. He trusted her. But he also felt- guilty? About her, and Aradia.

He was clutching something to his chest, something that he was thinking of as a weapon, and he was going to kill her, and that would be a terrible thing, and he knew it.

 _STOP!_ Aradia screamed. _SOLLUX, STOP! I'M FINE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS! TAVROS CAME TO SAVE ME!_

He didn't hear her. Sollux had never heard anything from outside his own head except the voices of those who would die soon, and right now his own thoughts were choking on one another. From inside his head, everything seemed gray and fuzzy, the world beyond the stage indistinct.

 _Can that walk-through-walls power be used on bullets?_ Droog asked, his mental voice a weird double-echo of close by and far away. Aradia's anchor in Sollux wavered, and she frantically tightened her grasp while sending wordless uncertainty back to Droog. She'd never met someone with a power like that.

"Okay, so our friend in there might be bullet-proof," she heard Droog saying. "But I'm willing to test it. Repeatedly, if necessary."

 _Shoot my friend and I'll kill you!_ Aradia thought, with the part of herself anchored with him. Her other half drifted up from Sollux, searching for other minds that were alert to the danger, that were aware of what was happening.

Far away, Slick snorted. "Don't shoot the hostage, Droog, or that asshole of a porn film reject will flip his shit and fuck ours straight up."

A familiar mind jumped out, clear-cut and fiercely bright. The leader of her kidnappers, and beside her- Aradia didn't recognize the boy, but she felt his fears for Sollux, for the seadweller girl, for himself.

"So the fuck what?" Droog was asking his boss.

 _He's my friend!_ Aradia yelled, her attention drawn back to the four aliens in the street.

_Shut up, kid._

"Yeah, boss," said one of the other aliens- the big one, Aradia thought. "Since when do we care 'bout anyone who ain't a member of the Crew?"

"Don't give me that shit," Spades snapped. "You started it with that Gamgee kid."

"Gamzee," Droog corrected, an image of a troll- lanky kid, long horns, scars, crazy, sopor, homeless, indigo, fucking moron- falling piecemeal into place.

"Besides, he's useful," Spades added. "Droog, take the shot, and don't hit the fucking kid."

"Right," said Droog, taking up a position facing the door. Okay, kid, what's going on now?

 _Hang on!_ Aradia yelled, flipping back to the stranger who knew Sollux and switching her second anchor to him. She wasn't trying to be subtle; she dove right in, gathered as much energy as she could, and threw it behind her mental voice.

_HELLO THERE!_

His shock was almost as powerful as a blow. _Get the fuck outta my head!_

 _Don't you want some help breaking this paralysis?_ Aradia asked, feeling out the extent of the power.

Suspicion and hope warred together. _I don't know who the fuck you are. You could be workin' with this bitch. Why should I trust you?_

 _I'm the girl she kidnapped,_ Aradia told him, and felt the sheer disbelief.

 _KID!_ shouted Droog, and Aradia's attention snapped back.

 _I'm busy!_ she told him, letting her own panic and irritation show. Droog replied with a flash of his own anger.

 _I need you to help me not shoot your friend,_ he told her, eyes narrowing to focus on the door of the hive. _Now tell me what's happening in there._

Aradia sent her own anger back, but obediently checked the people inside the hive and noted the barricades being disassembled. She also noted one of the strange trolls, the green-blooded girl, trying to get into a position to jump on the guy holding Tavros. Terezi and the alien boy could see what was happening and were deliberately taking their time dismantling the barricade. She relayed the information to Droog.

 _Shit, that's no good,_ he thought, the steel wheels turning again. _Too much chance they'll get hurt. Talk them out of it._

_How?_

_Same way you keep bugging me, sunshine,_ he replied, and she almost felt the shove that propelled her back towards the house.

It was easy for him to say, but Aradia felt her nerves rising as she reached out to touch the four minds in the house. She took a fraction of a second to gather her strength, pulling everything she was into a single, focused thought.

_**We have a plan. Let them get outside. Everything will be okay.** _

Five minds responded with surprise, but Aradia felt a burst of amazed joy from Tavros and agreement from Terezi, who made a deliberate fumble so that the clatter of furniture would cover Tavros' gasp. Aradia saw her give a slight nod to the green-blooded girl, who retreated to hover protectively around the injured boy. The kidnapper pressed the gun closer to Tavros' head and started shouting, but Aradia knew he wouldn't pull the trigger while surrounded by enemies. The alien boy kept shooting glances at a long, gleaming blade lying across the room.

 _I did it,_ Aradia told Droog, splitting her attention again. She could already feel pain throbbing in her head and the pull of the void, a punishment for overextending her powers. She forced herself to ignore it, made herself keep track of the people in the building even as she focused on the other part of herself.

The boy near Sollux hadn't been quiet while she was doing other things. _...fuckin' typical spacy broads I gotta deal with, comin' in and natterin' at me before leavin' me and my kismesis (not kismesis) at the not-so-tender mercies a this fanatic..._

 _I'm back!_ Aradia told him, her words clipped and terse with the strain. She could feel the last of the barricade being disassembled. _Are you ready? You'll only have a moment!_

 _Ready when you are, Sleepin' Beauty,_ the boy replied. She felt something grim lurking under there, a plan that she was sure she wouldn't like, but at least he had one. Her head was splitting three ways, she didn't have time for a plan!

 _Hey, kid!_ Droog thought. _Can you show me what's going on in the house? This would be a damn sight easier if I could see for myself._

Aradia wanted to say no, not possible, but Tavros' life was hanging on his shot. Girding herself against a splitting headache, she delved deeper into Droog's thinkpan, until she was seeing what he saw and hearing what he heard. The street was quiet, the silence broken only by the distant sound of traffic, the increasingly less distant sound of sirens, and the concerned whispers of the other aliens behind Droog-Aradia.

Aradia frowned, and tried to imagine the locations of the people she could sense in the house glowing red, bringing it to the front of her mind and concentrating on it like she was trying to speak.

"Mother of fucking God," Droog whispered, and his grip on the gun tightened. "Which one?"

Aradia altered the image in her head to show Tavros and his friends in green and the kidnapper in red. If she had been in her body, she was sure she would have been panting for breath or sweating profusely. As it was, she was forced into silence, staring down a bullet-pocked wall and tracking people through a wall. Forcing herself to concentrate on her other anchor was raw agony. She did it anyway.

 _I'm going now,_ she told the seadweller boy, and with the last of her strength pushed her way into the mind of her kidnapper.

 _BOO!_ she screamed, her head leaking the mental picture of a dismantling barricade.

_What the..._

Startled, the woman lost concentration on her own psionics. It was only for a second, but a second was all her new ally needed; Aradia felt him throw himself sideways, spinning the kidnapper over the rail with him. They hung in the air for the longest pulse of time Aradia had ever felt, and the moment was so breathless that she hardly registered a different kidnapper moving round to open a door, Tavros still in his grip.

Droog raised his pistol.

Gravity took hold.

The door opened.

A shout echoed through the auditorium.

A shot rang out.

Four bodies fell.

Aradia threw both her anchors into Sollux, and in the last few instants before her thoughts were absorbed back into the endless abyss of silence and darkness, told him the truth.

_It's over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ==>


	24. ==> Be The Merciful Matriarch

### EPILOGUE ==> Be The Merciful Matriarch

She didn't turn around when she heard the crash above her, but instead blew a kiss to the man on the other end of the video call.

“Gotta go, Harley,” she said. Her employer- and oldest friend- nodded, his mustache wiggling like an overgrown caterpillar.

“Right-ho, then,” he said. “I'll be there to pick up the youngsters in a week or so.” He dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief, belying the calm humor on his face. “Do try to keep them from killing each other before then, won't you?”

“Might be tricky,” she said, making the words into a lie with a small smile that said it was no problem at all. It only took a second to end the call, her free hand grabbing the small round token she had left by the monitor, and then she swiveled her chair around and strode up out of the basement lab.

She almost ran into Eridan in the hallway; he was picking his way around the remains of the TV, maneuvering carefully on one leg and a crutch towards the kitchen. He looked up at her from a face that was still purple with bruises, and she put a finger to her lips. Nodding in understanding, he limped on past, and Roxy made a note to go and find him later. The hollowness in his eyes didn't have anything to do with physical injuries, and she didn't have to understand how quadrants worked to hear what he'd been saying to her at the hospital. When it came down to the wire, both of them with everything to fight for, Sollux had beaten him without breaking a sweat. It would have taken a very different kismessitude and a very different teenage boy to survive that kind of humiliation unscathed.

Yes, later she would talk to Eridan. For now she tiptoed around the wreck of glass and electronics- wowzers, but a house full of trolls was hard on the tech- and paused in the doorway, not wanting to step in and interrupt the scene playing out before her.

Feferi looked terrible, she thought, but not as bad as Sollux. He was sitting on the couch, feet curled up under his body while Feferi paced back and forth in front of him. Roxy was put in mind of a shark, cruising the water because it couldn't afford to stay still.

“You _kissed_ me,” she was saying. Roxy was glad her own Alternian was excellent, because Feferi was talking too fast and with too heavy an accent to be understood otherwise. “I tried to ask you water was blowfering you and you _kissed_ me, and then you abandoned me so I couldn't help you get betta, and then you tried to _blow me up!”_

Sollux's head was slowly bowing under the weight of her words, and that unnerved Roxy. She'd never quite worked out how his brain was put together, never quite understood what triggered the see-saw between boundless cackling confidence and silent, guilt-wracked depression, but she could tell which one she was looking at now.

Feferi seemed to see it too, because she stopped pacing and dropped to her knees in front of Sollux. Her arms raised slightly as if to rest on his knees, then dropped to her lap where she folded her hands together. “Sole-lux,” said the Alternian Heiress, quietly. “I pity you. You are shore of that, aren't you? Becod it's the truth.”

Sollux nodded, once. “You thouldn't,” he added, voice little more than a mutter.

“I shoald,” said Feferi. “ _Everyone_ shoald. You're pitibubble.” Gently, she rocked forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, holding it for a few seconds before pulling back. Roxy could see Tyrian tears dripping down her cheeks.

“I'm shoally,” she said. Sollux's head snapped up, and Feferi met his gaze steadily. “I have so much to do for our people, and you- you need so much _more_ than I have left over for you. It's exhausting me and I'm still not enough, and reely, you're such a _blowfish_ sometimes!”

Sollux stared at her blankly, not saying anything. Feferi searched his face for a few seconds, then stood up to her full height. Horns included, she towered over him, and Roxy was struck by just how regal she looked in that moment.

“You didn't tell me what was wrong or let me help you,” Feferi said quietly. “And I didn't know what to do. I know why you did it but I'm still so glubbing _angry!_ How am I supposed to trust you, Sollux? How can I be your moray eel if you're going to lock me out and hurt me when you _need_ someone to be pale for you?”

Still staring at his knees, Sollux wordlessly shook his head.

“I'm shoally, Sole-lux,” said Feferi, a single moist glub breaking her icy facade. “But I can't do this. I pity you so _glubbing much,_ but I can't be your moray eel any more.”

One silent nod from Sollux and she was gone, running out of the room and choking on tears. She didn't even notice Roxy as she ran past, and the human woman made a mental note to find her as soon as possible, too. She could remember a few times in her past that she'd hit the same wall, loving someone that she knew she couldn't keep up a relationship with, and it was impossibly, heart-shatteringly hard every single time. Feferi was going to need some serious mothering, pronto, and probably all the chocolate that Eridan hadn't already eaten or drunk.

First, though, she had another wayward child to see too. Sollux glanced up as she approached, and close too he was in a worse state than she had thought. He obviously hadn't been sleeping, he didn't smell like he had washed in a while, and the glow of his eyes was dulled to the point where she could almost see the irises and pupils underneath. This was the first time in a few days he had left his room- that they had seen, at least, because she suspected he had emerged to eat a couple of times after everyone else was in bed and asleep. At any rate, the sight of him curled up on the couch, hesitant and miserable, was enough to make her act on instinct.

"C'mere," said Roxy, dropping onto the couch next to him and opening her arms. It was probably another sign of how bad he was that Sollux fell into them without thinking, hanging on to her like a drowning man clinging to driftwood. Roxy wrapped him up in a warm hug, rubbing a hand along his back and resisting the urge to pet his hair. He wasn't going to be trusting anyone that much for a while yet.

When the quiet sobs had died off a little and the yellow stain had started to dry on her lab coat, Roxy let him pull back, and produced a fancifully embroidered handkerchief to fuss at his face.

"Feeling better?" she asked, smiling when he shoved her hand away.

Sollux glared at the floor, cheeks gaining a yellowish tint. "No."

Roxy nodded and kept patting his back, counting slowly in her head. He would talk when he was ready.

She'd barely managed to get to a hundred before Sollux spoke again. "Everyone hateth me."

Roxy looked down over her shoulder at him, huddled up against her and hunched over himself. Her thumb rubbed against the token she had carried up from the lab nestled in her palm; she fought the urge to press her cheek into the vulnerable spot between his horns. "I don't," she said.

"You thould," Sollux muttered.

Roxy twisted the token around her fingers, feeling the plastic warm up. "Why would you even think that?"

"Becauthe I thcrewed up," Sollux said, staring at the place where his fingers rested on his bony knees. "FF hateth me. And ED hateth me becauthe he thinkth I dumped him, and he won't talk to me at all. And KN hateth me becauthe of the elevator, and RL hateth me becauthe of KN, and JD hateth me becauthe everyone elthe doeth..."

Roxy squeezed his shoulder, interrupting the tirade. "That's absolutely not how it went down," she said. "I heard Feffy; she broke up with you because she's hurt, and she can't be be the moirail you need- she'll stop being mad eventually, and then you can be friends again. Or maybe more, you mack-daddy, you!” She wiggled her eyebrows, grinning at the boy as he huffed and tried to sulk while still getting cuddles. She hadn't had a kid doing that since Rose and Dave were tiny, and it turned out that she had missed it something wicked.

“Jus' 'cos she's mad right now and doesn't want to be all pales doesn't mean Feffy doesn't care about you,” she told Sollux, letting her smile fade into something gentler. “And Eridan is way more upset with himself than you; he's being a poopy-head and he'll work it out soon enough. Kannie and Rosie will forgive you, and I totally don't think Jade even cares. She's just upset 'cos she misses her Gramps." She winked at him. "Trust me, I'm like, way older than you and have special super-duper Mom instincts."

Sollux continued to watch his fingers, flexing them into the cushion. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he managed to get the words out. "Aradia. Thee wath- TV thayth he heard her, and tho doeth ED." He looked up and even with their strange monochrome light Roxy could see the pain in his eyes. "Thee didn't talk to me. Or I wathn't thithtening. And now thee'th quiet again, and I might not ever have the chanthe..."

Roxy pressed a finger across his lips, silencing him. “Shh,” she said. “And come with me. I got something you gotta see.”

Mystery was clearly the right approach, because he let her take his hand and lead him down the corridor to the lab entrance. Roxy gave some silent thanks that neither Eridan nor Feferi were in the kitchen as they passed through it; some splashing from outside told her that they'd taken to the pool instead, but that at least kept them out the way of a potentially ugly encounter.

Sollux hovered awkwardly on the stairs as she unlocked the lab door, and he had to be prodded across to the nearest swivel chair. Once he was settled Roxy pushed him over to her computer, then hooked another chair and settled into it herself. With a couple of clicks she pulled up her latest project, the waveform analysis springing into colourful detail on the screen.

"Check this out," she said, beckoning to Sollux. Sollux wheeled his chair closer, and Roxy pointed to the report on the screen. "You know what this is?"

Sollux shook his head. "Thomething to do with the Matriorb?"

"Nope," said Roxy, grinning at him. "These are a pic of Aradia's brainwaves, which I am right now comparing to her brainwaves before she she was kidnapped, and over the last few months." She paused, and looked back at Sollux. "Before she was hurt, exactly what psionic powers did Aradia have?"

Sollux frowned. "Thee wath telekinetic like me, but not ath powerful. And I gueth thee had thome telepathic thtuff, long range but pretty bathic." He snickered. "Thee uthed it to bug people who annoyed her. Pretended to be ghothtth, haunting them."

Roxy nodded, turning back to the screen and tapping a red line that stood out above the others.

"This is a brainwave frequency band that humans don't have," she said, glancing back at Sollux to see his reaction. He got it straight away.

"Pthionicth?"

Roxy nodded. "'S what I figure," she agreed. "Didn't work it out at first; I had it all mixed in with the Gamma band on account of it being way high frequency. Always thought that was weird as shit 'cos she shouldn't have mucha that, being asleep and all." She shook her head with a wry smile. "I'm the leading expert in the world on Alternian physiology and I never thought to look into psionics until now. Feeling all kinds of dumb about that."

Sollux's chair scooted closer and he peered at the screen. "Tho how did you figure it out?"

"Because Aradia had to've been at least kind of awake and in control of her powers, and it explained what looked like rising Gamma activity over the last few months," Roxy replied, turning back to the screen and changing a few more settings. "I went back and isolated the band here- I got a few volunteers to help me figure it out, since you were all indisposed." Sollux glanced at her sharply, and she giggled. "Tavvy was happy to get out've being grounded for a day to help me take some readings."

Sollux's eyes were flickering across the months of data. "It'th been getting thtronger thinthe you thtarted the treatmentth," he said.

Roxy nodded. "Yup." She traced one of the other lines, a blue one, with her finger. "See, this is the Beta line, and this here's the Gamma- they're what I was really watching, and they're improving, but slower than I thought. Her psionics, though- they're like, way high." She sighed. "Wish I had a baseline for what her brain is meant to look like. I got some suspicions, but no way to test them."

"Thuthpithionth?"

"Yeah." Roxy grinned at Sollux. "You said telekinetic and weak telepathic, but that's not what she was doing, was it? In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say that she was real strong telepathic and almost no telekinetic."

She loved seeing the moment it all came together in Sollux's head; not that she didn't love all her kids, but she liked the way this one thought.

"Her powerth changed? They can do that?" he asked, eyes wide and their glow growing behind the bicolored shades.

Roxy nodded, looking back at the screen. "Think so. Prob'ly a combination of the head injury, the treatment, and survival necessity, but I gotta do more study." She looked at him out of the side of her eye, a sly smile growing. "Wanna help?"

"You mean, do I want you to hook me up to electrodeth and thtudy my brain," Sollux replied, smirking right back at her. "I gueth I could lend you a hand. Not like I'm buthy with my quadrantth," he added, a bitter tone seeping into his voice.

"Hey!" Roxy leaned over and looked direct into his eyes; he was tall enough that they were about the same height, and it wasn't any kind of a stretch. "You're still family, an' everyone knows that," she said. "Look on the bright side; maybe Aradia will be glad you were so worried about her when she comes back around."

Sollux's eyes widened. "She'th going to wake up?"

"Pretty sure she will eventually," Roxy told him, leaning back and smiling. "But before then, I think she's gonna be around anyway." She nodded back towards the screen. "Her psionics took a hit, but she's getting back up there. You really think she's gonna wait around in bed when her thoughts can go walking off on their own?"

The look of hope on Sollux's face was so blinding that she silently prayed her educated guesses weren't too wild. Rubbing the plastic token between her fingers, she was struck with the sudden urge to make something else right.

"I'm sorry," she said. Sollux looked at her in surprise.

"For what?" he asked.

"For bein' a bad guardian," she said gently, forcing herself to keep meeting his gaze. "I've been an awful mother to you. Well, to everyone, really, but I figure I gotta start apologising somewhere."

"What are you talking about?" Sollux asked, face creasing in a puzzled frown. "You gave uth a plathe to live, you feed uth, you're helping with the Matriorb, you're helping with Aradia." He flushed yellow again. "You never even hethitated, when thee wath kidnapped. You jutht got the ranthom."

"I also got totally smashed," Roxy said gently. "Which is what I've done every time there's a problem I don't wanna face." She shook her head. "Being a Mom is about more than just feeding you and giving you a place to stay. I'm meant to be your caretaker and I didn't make sure Aradia was safe enough; I didn't even see what was wrong with you until you were in real trouble!"

"That'th not your fault!" Sollux said, and it hurt to see him scowl at her in defence of her own indefensible behavior. "I wath trying to hide it!"

"Yeah, so?" Roxy folded her arms. "I'm a Mom. We're s'posed to know everything. And maybe, if I hadn't been a dumb old lush..."

"You're not dumb," Sollux snapped. "You're the thmartetht human I know."

"I'm sorry anyway," Roxy told him.

"Yeah, whatever," said Sollux. Roxy sighed, guiltily relieved. It wasn't exactly the forgiveness she had been hoping for- but if Sollux didn't see what she had done wrong, she was willing to take lack of resentment for now.

She wasn't sure exactly what made her look up until she did so and saw the small form standing on the lab steps. She couldn't help the delighted smile that spread across her face.

"Look!"

Sollux turned, letting out a gasp when he saw the girl. She was Alternian, wearing a tattered skirt and a black shirt with a deep red symbol. She might have been any normal but strangely-dressed child if it wasn't for two things. Firstly, hardly any Alternian children on the planet were as young as she was- only eight or nine years old, Roxy guessed. And secondly, her eyes were blank white, without any sign of pupil or iris.

"A-Aradia?" asked Sollux, his eyes flickering to the distinctive, ram-like horns that framed the girl's head.

The girl smiled. _Sollux,_ she said, and Roxy could feel the words shaping straight into her brain. _I don't- where am I? Why do you look so big?_

Sollux's head turned back to Roxy, who waved a hand towards the girl. "Go talk to her," she said. "Up in her room." She looked at the tiny Aradia, and was met with a stare from blank eyes that managed to be curious. "You'll find it easier there, kiddo," she told the little girl.

Aradia nodded, and flickered out of view to reappear at the top of the lab stairs. _Come on, Sollux!_ she said, a hint of laughter in the words, and went shimmering out of view again.

Sollux jumped up and was gone, his chair spinning as he raced after the image of his friend. Roxy watched as the door closed behind him, playing with the plastic token between her fingers again. It was better if he explained to his friend everything that she had missed, at least at first. It was possible that Aradia would have to be told things a few times before she could really remember them; Roxy was acutely aware that despite the miracle of her psychic presence, the girl's physical body was still badly damaged.

Roxy smiled as she turned back to the computer screen, feeling hope rising in her chest, hard enough to make her heart ache. Another little girl, and one she hadn't yet had the chance to disappoint, or mess up with. Maybe this time things could be different, she thought to herself, setting her plastic token back down on the desk. Maybe this time, she could be a better mother.

From upstairs she heard the sound of her children laughing, and her eyes fell on the token again. _One week, clean and sober. I can do this._

Smiling, she opened Pesterchum to tell Tavros that the friend he had risked his life for would be able to talk to him real soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all, folks!
> 
> I know this story ends on something of a glum note, but after all that I didn't think it fit at all for an immediate switch to back-patting and congratulations. Sollux made choices- bad ones, because bad ones were all he had- and there are consequences to that.
> 
> But fear not, dear readers, for the story does not end here! I have been working diligently on the next part of Alternian Nation, and Blood Is Thicker Than Water is mostly complete. I anticipate a couple of months of delays as I finish writing and editing, and then I shall throw it out here for your consumption. :) As the titles of these last two have reflected their contents, I think it is safe to point out that there is much less terrible betrayal of loved ones involved.
> 
> For updates on my writing progress, check my [Tumblr](http://celynbrum.tumblr.com/), but be warned that I also reblog any old crap I feel like so you might be best off hitting the "search" button at the top and typing in _story status_ for my writing update tag. :)
> 
> It has been a pleasure and an honour sharing my work with you all, and I hope to do so again in the near future! Au revoir!


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